Ugh, definately not a good day to wake up. If I can hear the garage opening at 5:00 in the morning as well as the school bus braking at the corner, I know I'm not going to have a pleasent day. Most of my days that do go smoothly start with me waking up close to 10:00, 9:30 if I feel like getting up.

I had a dream about crap. Not crap as in stuff that you don't care about. Actual crap. They said that's a symbol of wealth in your subconsious. Where did they get that comparison? In the dream, I couldn't flush the crap away. It just wouldn't go down the toilet. If the symbol really means what they say it does, I guess this means I'm going to become rich against my will. I laughed when I realised that. I'll never be much of anything. Sad that I think about it that way, yeah, but me being rich is something I can't see myself at being in any point in time.

Listening to No Reply this morning off JazzMess.com for some depressing reason. I guess I'm not truely over what happened prior to starting this blog. How can I be? I lost my only friend. Some may say that he really wasn't a friend cause I haven't actually met him. I don't like techinalities like that. It's the whole Catholic-but-not-Christian bull that makes me see the world is more screwed up than I am. You worship the same God, so what's so different? Same thing goes for online friends for me. If I get to know them and is able to talk to them on that level that friends phyically can, then I consider then friends. Maybe that's why I'm listening to this song.

No Reply
Composed and Arranged by Yoko Kanno
Words by Tim Jensen
Vocals by Steve Conte

Like the perfect ending
It's won't be too long
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you'll forgive
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?

I fall
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me

With every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I've become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you

I call
And there's no reply
Like some phantom cry
On ears too far away

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt that real to me

You'll always mean so much to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you mean to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you mean to me

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you

You in my life
It all meant so much more to me

Yup, a song for every time I screw up.