Remember when I said my mind was dry? Of course, it was in the last post. And yeah, it's technically tomorrow in my time zone. Well, guess what?

It's not.

I don't know where to start with this one. Someone I used to know said once to just "tell it from the heart. Say what you need to say and say it honestly." If I could say it, then I would. Sadly this kind of place is where I can't endulge on that kind of information. I could get in some major trouble that way.

Then again, I've always been in trouble. I've always said the wrong thing and the wrong time. I never truely got through to many people that saw my views. The ones I try to befirend end up hating me and the ones that try to befriend me I end up keeping. I don't get it. These are all online deals. I never see their faces and they never see mine. They only see my words. They never see what I'm doing, how I react, what my body language is saying. All I am to them is words for their interppritation, which sometimes ends up being the wrong kind of message. I come off as smug when I'm not or depressed when I'm actually laughing at the problem. Wish I could laugh now. I don't really seem to be all that upset over what just happened.

I screwed up. End of most stories right there. Every day I do something that is either the right way or not. Normally I end up getting the bad end of the deal fixing it only with a good night sleep if what has happened hasn't killed that ability. Provided I can sleep without crying, things normally work themselves out. Not this time around. I really screwed up. I thought I had plenty of time to make amends with him (notice how I'm not saying his name), but something came up. I acted as if nothing had happened, which prior to tonight, something major did happen.

He openly said he doesn't understand me.

Not many people do. Some try to make a living trying to crack down these kinds of walls. I applaude their effort, but is it really worth it? Kids are still going to find them weird, and this time will have a reason. ADD is all over the place, and parents and teachers are trying all kinds of stuff! My disorder is something no pill can really fix. It's a confidence and fear thing. No pill can make me brave forever for ever kind of social event. On top of that, there is no set cure for it. It's not like chicken pox. I have to live with this for the rest of my life! And it won't be easy. I see people come out and say that they had it too and wonder to myself, "How? How can I become that? I don't see myself doing that kind of stuff!" That's only the surface of it.

There are still deeper stuff down inside me that just make you want to say, "Zeek, you're weird."