Okay, I might as well post this since I'll be gone for next week. I'll be in Florida on my last family outing before I FINALLY got back up to Seattle to try to get a life.

Anyway, I turned on my auto delete on the Hotamil account (I wish AOL had that with spam) and put my NeoPets in the day care center. Now all I need to do is post something up here to entertain those that actually visit!

Hence, WRATH II!

The person that made this game has secured his place in Hell. In it, you play God. You're people have angered you due to their stupidity, and now you have to show them who is boss. Personally, I knew this game would offend a large number of people of the faith, but damn is it addicting to play.

If you want to just skip all the levels, type in the password Prize.

Oh man, is this game going to rock!!

Disney & SquareSoft's Kingdom Hearts! You play a kid traveling with Goofy and Donald to find out who is stealing all the hearts in the kingdom! Throughout the journey, you travel through various Disney movies and change out your sidekicks depending on the environment and the character's individual strengths and weaknesses. (Example: Tarzan would help you out best in his level since you are in a jungle setting, and who knows the jungle better than him?) To make the game even more interesting, there are Final Fantasy summons with a Disney twist. Tinker Bell replaces Moogle in the basic healing spell.

I so want in on this game.

Well now, looks like I found a new toy. Brendan's On-Line Anagram Generator can make your name into another word or even an entire different phrase! For example, my name produced the phrase RED SEEK LIZ .... now who Red and Liz are, I don't know.

Okay, so I'm a geek. So sue me.

From AMVC Video Sales:

Certain laws and community standards across America and throughout the World require that we restrict access to this web site and refuse to accept product orders, including, but not limited to, gay, straight, bi, and transsexual XXX videos, from persons residing in certain locations. If you are located in one of the areas shown below, or if you know that the laws or standards of your community restrict the electronic or physical delivery of XXX material, then you may not order products from this online catalog.

LEAVE NOW IF YOU ARE IN A RESTRICTED AREA

Prohibited Areas In America
ALABAMA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with: 366.
FLORIDA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with: 323 and 325.
KENTUCKY - Entire State Prohibited
MINNESOTA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with 557 and 558.
MISSISSIPPI - Entire State Prohibited
MONTANA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with: 591.
NEBRASKA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with: 681 and 685.
NEW YORK -Prohibited in zip codes beginning with:103.
NORTH CAROLINA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with 282.
OHIO - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with: 452.
OKLAHOMA - Entire State Prohibited
TENNESSEE - Entire State Prohibited
UTAH - Entire State Prohibited
VIRGINIA - Prohibited in zip codes beginning with 223.

Damn, and I just HAD to live in one of those restriction zones. Thank God I'm moving soon...

From Google Search: "Austin Gordon" video:

AMVC New Video Release Schedule
... August 23rd, New Video Producer. World Premier Video. World Premier Video. SSS35,
Best Of Austin Gordon. New Video Release For AMVC To Review. New Video Release For ...
www.amvc.com/producers/producers/schedule.shtml

I thought he died. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I was told right. Guess this is the studios way of making it up to his soul for a supposible "bad" movie in his memory.

I wonder though...

Oh my freaking GOD!! Troy Baker got a hair cut!!

Not to meantion that his pecs are developing nicely too.

God, I'm a sucker for lean and cute wreslters... but I'm even more of a sucker for cute blonde boys.

I have to remember about MUSICMATCH in the future. It's a cool MP3 maker.

I must be truely blessed. Or lucky to know Chris. I don't know how it's possible! How is it possible for me to be in so much shit that I should be dead to being back on the yellow brick road? I don't know. Even that answer escapes me.

All that's important to me now is that I have my friends back. They are the only thing that are important to me. I'm so happy that I have them back now. They are my world. Call me stupid, but that's how I feel. They are more important to me than my own life!

I didn't want to wake up today. I really didn't. I was hoping that God would strike me down or I'd die peacefully in my sleep. I guess when I saw the light, the morning light, I knew that I had to face another day.

Why bother blogging? The question still bothers me. This blog in a way to get into my head. I'm more open here than a $2 slut on Printer's Ally! I guess I should start posting porn so people could read this.

So what's on my mind right now? Nothing. I'm blogging out of depression over what happened last night. Once again, I've lost everything that's so important to me. More important than my own life. How did I lose it? My own stupidity. Sometimes I wonder if all I'm good for is screwing up.

I really should be dead right now. No one this stupid like me should be alive. That's just a waste of human life.

From Everything but the Parks, by Sue Holland:

If you've got an arcade game fanatic in your family, DisneyQuest is definitely worth a trip, although you might have trouble getting him out of there and into the other parks!

Can I go mom? Please please please PLEEEEEEEEEEASE?!

Okay, now that was going a bit too far back into my childhood. Still, I want to go!

Well, to make myself feel better, I decided to regress into my childhood. That's right, it's another Disney day for me. Can't you tell?

Anyway, to make a long story short, I stumbled upon something rather smart at MousePlanet.com. The link is to an article that I think is rather interesting. Why can't Disney come up with something this creative? Hell, I'd go! I missed out when the Main Street Electrical Parade made it's final run. To do what they listed for the 50th birthday of Disney would be an awsome event that will do doubt be talked about for years afterwards.

Damn, if only the Disney executives could get off their high horses and read this. That would be so cool!

You are the Coffin Ghost! Sometimes people call you Jamie Padgett. Other times they call you 'the guy in the coffin.' Whoever you are, you sure seem to get yourself stuck in some odd spots. Maybe it's because you're too nice. Maybe it's because you're a dork. Whichever the case, you seem to get picked on a lot...and then forgotten. Maybe it would help if you'd stop whining.

Well, that's comforting... I think...

A very late night blog. Maybe the only time I'll actually post something worth reading since... Hell, if I know since when.

The past few nights' IMs have all turned sour one way or the other. In both cases, I've done nothing but pissed off James by frustrating him. Tonight was a double header. Not only did I end up pissing off James, but I pissed off Bill too. Just when everything was looking to be on the up and up too.

Why is it that all I ever do is something stupid? All I do is frustrate people. Then, as if by some kind of unwritten law, I try to drag them down with me unknowingly. Why is it I do the things I don't mean to do? They said it's cause I don't think before I speeck. Well, The way I closed my conversation tonight with Bill involved thinking. I scratched off every possible question I could ask him to keep a conversation going and ended up using a comment about how sour the night turned just to see if that would stir up even a slight conversation. It didn't and I ended up saying that I ran out of things to talk about that could keep what little conversation we had going. Way to go, Zeek. You screwed up again.

Right now, I should be e-mailing Andrew and Aaron, but what's the point? I mean, yeah, they'll read it, but I'm still in the wrong. I've always been. They'll try to defend me, which I have to say I appreciate more than I can really express, but I'm still wrong here. I've always been wrong. In everything. From life choices to how I say things to even something as what video game to play. I rarely make any good choices... or at least any that are worthwhile. I don't know. I'm just useless.

I write this blog with heavy eyes and an even heavier heart. Maybe fatigue made me stupid; maybe I'm just saying that for a way out. I don't even know why I'm blogging this. No one reads this anyway. There's no point to read this. I mean, who wants to get into my head? Who really cares? I have my e-mail address up there for how long and all I've gotten is spam and a few e-mails from people that more than likely read this damn thing once and aren't even coming back.

So do I blog this now? Why am I typing the first thing that comes to my mind instead of sleeping the rest of this nightmare away? Simple. Cause I can't say what I want when I want to. Not without frustrating anyone.

That's always the thing with me. The moment I try to intimitely share something about myself, no one really acts like they are listening or care. It's as if I'm nothing but a broken record. True, I bet that if you go through the archives, you can see that I've pissed off someone at least once a week. And it's always my fault too.

Maybe I should just forget about all this and just get over it like they keep telling me to. Why can't I? Why is it I always end up taking things to heart? I mean, in some views, I'm such a big baby. I still like cute plushie animals; I watch cartoons; Hell, I still live with my mother! I'm nothing but a lost cause. A failure to all those that saw something in me that I have yet to see in myself.

What was that spark they saw in me anyway? What was it that made me worth something to them? It can't be my intelligance. I'm not smart enough to even talk to someone on a computer screen without offending them. Hell, I'm not even a good liar! I just wish I knew what was it that made me seem worth more than I will ever know to people that know something I don't.

If I'm lucky enough to catch the attention of a theropist, please e-mail me some kind of diagnosis. Depression is the only thing I can come up with that's logical for why I keep doing this. That and stupidity.

<bgsound src="http://www.doneinthedark.com/bears/mp3/JAMBOREE/JAM11.MP3" controls="smallconsole">
"All the guys that turn me on turn me down" by The Sun Bonnets (Bunny, Bubbles, and Beulah) of The Country Bears

Don't ask why, but I was feeling like that this morning. Yeah, I know, no one is really reading this, but I need to get this off my chest before it makes my day as horrible as ever!

I tried to sleep the entire day away if I could, but my damn body wouldn't let me. Yup, for those of you that are even reading this, I screwed up again. Go figure. that's all I'm good for it seems. I mean well, I really do, but I can't even do something simple like keep a conversation going right. I don't know, I'm starting to think the less I talk, the less damage I do. Hell, maybe the less I communicate, the less likely I'll do any real harm to anything good I've gotten myself into.

Who knows? I don't.

You know what? I'm not going to put up any Flash animation unless I know that I'm not going to post anything for a long long LONG time.

In other news, we went to Opry Mills again today. No, no DDR session this round. I didn't want to break into my $100 bill I had. Sadly, though, I saw a NeoPet plushie in the window of Claire's. It was a Doglefox, and it was so CUTE. I ended up breaking into my unwanted $100 bill. It kind of sucked, really. But, hey, at least I got a cute little pulshie for my room!

Okay, now I'm scared. When I was on the Jungle Cruise when I was little, I wasn't able to understand the jokes. When I went back in 1997, they closed it for rehab (slang for referbishing and upgrading the rides technology) and didn't get a chance to see it. Now according toYoda's List of Jungle Cruise Jokes, the place is nothing more but a comedic rompt through one of the parks oldest and seemingly stupidest attraction.

There are some good ones, some bad ones, some that will make you laugh, some that will make you groan, and some that will make you stare blankly at the person that said them. Riding this will be interesting if I get to do it, to say the least.

Hey, of all the sites I surfed onto, I think this one is going to grow on me as far as music goes. The Country Bear Playhouse Website has a set of MP3s and RealAudio from the Country Bear attraction (Yes, I said attraction. I'm not that stupid to think that the movie was first than the ride.) from Disneyland. They say that on Yesterland the Disneyland one is caputskie, but the one in Disney World is still up and running.

Hey, that's good news to me! I love this attraction.

I bet you are wondering why I haven't been blogging in a while. Then again, I'm wondering if anyone is still reading this. That's partially why I've seemingly stopped. Either I don't really think anyone is reading this on a regular basis waiting for the next "chapter" of my life or I have nothing worth recording anymore.

All in all, all this thing is now is just a diary for me to go back to. Maybe even a Flash scrap book of some kind. I doubt that my original use of this will be of any actual reason to continue blogging.

Actually, you know what? Screw all that shit I just said. The reason I haven't blogged is because I don't have anything worth blogging about as far as a daily life goes.

Applaudes go to my sister tonight. She kind of got over herself and whatever sissy excuse it was for not trying to cook the burgers herself and actually did it! Good for her!

I got a calming e-mail from Aaron about what happened to Bill. It seems that he is alergic to Arugula. This is a first since BIll will eat almost anything!! Guess that means he can't now.

In other news, I watched a rather interesting movie tonight. If I can ever find it, I need to get Stigmata on video. I don't know why, but movies like that intrest me. The movie is about The Bible Commission where three priests from New York, the Vatican, and Brazil were charged with traslating a scroll found in Jerusulem. They were shut up and the commission dropped when it was discovered that the scrolls could distroy the church. Ironically, the scrolls are said to be the writings of Jesus himself and that they are the instructions said from Jesus on how to carry on his teachings. Hollywood or history? Well, the movie claims that the scrolls where indeed found and translated, but said that the Vatican took them as herasy towards the church. On the pluse side, however, the film did point out something I always thought about. "The Kingdom of God is within you and around you. Split a peice of wood and you will find me; lift a stone and I am there." You don't need a church to be in the presence of God. He's already there with you. But like my mother said, "Sometimes we need to be reminded of that."

Sonic vs. Mario

Okay, so I didn't really delay it as long as I should have.

This one is for my favorite gamer, Bill. I love you, dude!

I'm going to be delaying today's Flash animation for a while.

I was talking to Bill last night, and half way through our IMs he said he couldn't breathe and passed out. I'm scared and worried for him. I haven't heard anything about his condition as of this blog post, but I hope he is fine.

This sucks. Blogger won't let me publish all day today!!!

The fourth was something else.

For starters, it was just another day in my end, but over at Bill's and James's... Well, let's just say I wish I was there than where I am now.

It was going so well overthere too. Then the alcohol started to play in. Everyone was getting drunk or buzzy. I got worried for everyone's welfare. Especially when they said that they were going to take a drive. They wanted to talk to me on the way there, but it was bad enough that the driver was buzzing. Do you think I'd like to join that crew and become a death factor by having them talk to me online while trying to drive? I didn't want to be a distraction or a causing factor to a crash.

I really hope they are alright this morning...

From A Walk in the Park: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Part 1): Page 3:

Walt said about a theme park:

• “The important thing is the family. If you can keep the family together - and that's the backbone of our whole business, catering to families - that's what we hope to do.”
• “I think what I want … is a happy place - a place where adults and children can experience some of the wonders of life, of adventure, and feel better because of it.” (1955)
• “… like Alice stepping through the Looking Glass, to step through the portals of Disneyland will be like entering another world.”
• “I wanted something alive, something that could grow, the Park is that. Not only can I add things but even the trees will keep growing. The things will get more beautiful each year.”
• “Disneyland is a work of love. We didn't go into Disneyland just with the idea of making money.”
• “Fantasy, if it's really convincing, can't become dated, for the simple reason that it represents a flight into a dimension that lies beyond the reach of time.”
“It has that thing - the imagination, and the feeling of happy excitement - I knew when I was a kid.”
• “I love the nostalgic myself. I hope we never lose some of the things of the past.”
• “People sort of live in the dark about things. A lot of young people think the future is closed to them, that everything has been done. This is not so. There are still plenty of avenues to be explored.”
• “Why do we have to grow up? I know more adults who have the children's approach to life. They're people who don't give a hang what the Joneses do. You see them at Disneyland every time you go there. They are not afraid to be delighted with simple pleasures, and they have a degree of contentment with what life has brought - sometimes it isn't much, either.”

There are at least ten points that I think we can gain from what Walt said to use as a guide for hunting down the best Disney park:

1. A place for families catering to families
2. A happy place
3. A place to experience the wonders and adventures of life
4. A place where upon entering you feel like you are in another world
5. A place that is alive and growing
6. A place that represents a work of love
7. A place of imagination with a feeling of excitement
8. A place that nostalgically remembers the past
9. A place to dream about future possibilities
10. A place for the child with you or within you to enjoy the simple pleasures of life

Words of wisdom to live by when planing a vacation to anywhere Disney. Kind of said how this article is right about how Disney is more about money now than it is about fantasy, dreams, and making magical memories.

Today must be Cute Boy Watching Day or something. All I've been doing today besides my usual routine is look at cute boys on the net, thinking about Bill and James, spying on the buff blonde working on the garden across the street, and watching The NeverEnding Story.

Thing is, I thought I knew who played Atreyu in the movie, but it turns out I was wrong! Guess I really should stick around during the credits so I know who plays who, huh? The first one is the best of the trilogy, mostly cause of Noah Hathaway. Hey, what can I say? He's cute in this movie. Still, I wonder what he looks like now... and if he is still cute.

I'm such a dork about cute boys.

From Neopets - Plushie Tycoon:

You just went broke and lost the game. Better luck next time big spender!

Sorry but you didn't manage your business very well. Try again next month.

Told you I would last in that game....

From New Features on NeoPets:

We are looking for Beta Testers for our new plushie manufacturing simulation game, Plushie Tycoon. You have 50,000 Neopoints to manage your own store, and try and become the best plushie company in the whole of Neopia! If you want to try it out, please click here. However, we will clear all the scores after a couple of weeks when the testing period ends.

Sounds like someone is jelous of the Roller Coster Tycoon games. Good thing they are clearing scores, cause I just went bankrupt trying to get more workers to produce more plushies faster.

See, this is why I don't really play SimGames unless I know the cheat code for infinate money.

Blogger seems to be screwing up again. This time I don't know how to fix it. My signature just disappeared for some reason. I'm going with what Bill said about using this free service. It just sucks. Go figure that you have to pay to get the best service. Nothing free is worth the price anymore.

From Google Search::

- Williams Street will no longer be editing shows for CN, and it will be up to
the distributors from now on. However, they will make an exception if they feel
they can do much better than the distributor will (this shouldn't happen
though).

Yes!! Unedited anime for all!! Go Williams Street!

- The Toonami/AS producers wonder what's wrong with this country too.

Who doesn't? It was bad enough that someone is trying to take away DDR, a good game to keep kids in shape, cause they saw some sex and drugs in the background (like people pay attention to the background when they are playing). Why can't they show a scene in Cowboy Bebop where Faye barges in on two gay guys in the middle of having sex? Cause some idiot would get upset. Please, the WB showed two guys kiss, and don't get me started on all the gay jokes on Who's Line?

From CaliforniaScotty's post on Picture thread.. at GaySimsClub:

Zeek, she isnt talking about the quality of the picture, she is talking about you. You are very cute. You cant see it? I sure can. I also see from your postings that you are a very nice and sweet guy. I read your blog Zeek, and you are DEFINATELY worth something. I'm sorry if I am embarrassing you by saying it, but it's true.

You and I are alot alike in many ways,. I have some of the same feelings and thoughts as you do. If you want to email me, please do. My email is CaliforniaScotty@aol.com It's an open invitation. I may not have the best advice, but I do have a good ear, and I will listen, and I will talk to you.

Okay sorry to babble like that, but I mean what I say. You can email me and tell me anything you feel comfortable with, okay?

He sent me a more detailed and alot sweeter e-mail to both my e-mail accounts. I kept one of them as new to read back again. You know, so that I don't feel like I'm alone or the only screwed up one here.

He asked if I had depression. The short answer is yes. The long answer is that this depression has been with me since I moved to this Hell on earth for me. I don't think I can get rid of it now. Not after having so many... "tramatic" events happen to me. Fourth grade's constant teasing, 5th grade Valentine's Day, the fact I was the only one with leg hair in the 6th grade, the confusion about my sexuality in the 7th and 8th grade. All the while while I was trying to make friends, grow up, and find something about me that was good. I don't think it's a chemical depression. I think it's my environment that's making me this way.

I wonder how much he has read in my blog. Then again, I wonder if he checked out all the multimedia and links and stuff.

<bgsound src="http://rfblues.aaanime.net/Seatbelts/M214.ram" controls="smallconsole">

No Reply
Composed and Arranged by Yoko Kanno
Words by Tim Jensen
Vocals by Steve Conte

Like the perfect ending
It's won't be too long
Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you'll forgive
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?

I fall
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me

With every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I've become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you

I call
And there's no reply
Like some phantom cry
On ears too far away

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt that real to me

You'll always mean so much to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you mean to me
And there's no reply
And there's no reply
You'll never know how much you mean to me

If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be
For that, I say thank you
I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side
I say thank you

You in my life
It all meant so much more to me

Why do I keep posting this? No one reads this. No one will listen to the RealAudio I have embeded. No one cares to get inside my head. No one wants to. Yet it seems ironic that everyone wants to know where my head is at. The want to know what's going on inside, as if I could blurt out the answer like it like asking what my name is. I can't. That's the whole point of this blog! The purpose of this blog was to maybe, just maybe, give the people that gave me something I could never have a chance to answer that question. To know what is going on inside my head. But do they take the time to know? They want to know, but what is the point of reading this? It's boring! It's nothing but rants and raves that have no content whatsoever. I even started posting Flash animations that I liked, something that is in the inner workings of my brain, so Bill would come back at least once a week and notice some of the blogs. Nope. I got nothing out of this blog. All I got were about three months of rants, raves, shit, and overall, boring content. I've been as open, moreso, than most would be on the internet! And what has it gained me? Has it helped me? Did it do anything for me? No. Why? 'Cause no one took the time to read this. No one took the time to sit down, read this over and over, find what I was trying to say, and then say to themselves "Oh, I get it. He's like this cause this is all he knows and this and that and this" and maybe learn something about me besides the fact that I'm so stupid I had to be in a Special Education class for the half of high school! What am I trying to prove with this blog? What am I trying to do? I'm trying to figure myself out! I'm trying to see if those that know me can really get to know me! I'm trying to find out what's wrong with me without having to spend my life looking for a $900 an hour doctor to go see 3 times a day for 5 days a week! Most of all, what I'm trying to do is communicate that which I can't even begin to say. I'm trying to get across the ideas, the thoughts, the interests, the views, anything that is in my mind out there as best I can to where people will understand. But I'm a failure at doing that. I'm no good at anything. I mean, I burned something in the washer for crying out loud!! I should be shot and killed and displayed like some kind of wild animal with a plaque that says This is the head of Zeek Slider, the stupidest human alive. I would end it myself, but that would be a mortal sin. On top of that, I don't want to be turned into a tree in Hell to have harpes use me as a scratching post. What am I saying? I'm just ranting again. I never get what I want, even if it's death. I'll never get out of here, I'll never find a boyfriend, I'll never have any cool friends to hang out with, I'll never have someone I can be proud to call momma, I'll never have anyone to spoil untill they hate me for doing it, and on top of all that, I'll never be happy ever again! I can see it now. I'll be stuck at some dead end job in an apartment that would be no bigger than a monk's cell, barely anything to live off of, stuck with a shit load of bills and angry neighbors never ever to be able to do what I want to do. I'll never get into college. I'll never amount to anything in life! I'm just that plan worthless. I really doubt anyone has the patients to even talk to me let alone help me. I don't think anyone wants to help out anyways. I mean, what's the point? I'm just a lost cause. That's all I am.