It looks like my old habits are back in full force thanks to the trampling of my will power by stress and social detachment.
I found myself yesterday from about 05:00 to 21:00 straight in front of the computer trying to figure out the fireworks customization feature on RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 (which I bought the day before when I was out getting supplies for my classes). That's about 16 hours straight of nothing by me looking at a bunch of pixels.
Unfortunately, I didn't realize this until dinner when the system frustrated me to the ends where I was taken out of the game. But by then, the damage was done. Obsessed with trying to figure it out, I ended up not eating or even accomplishing any of my homework assignments! What little work I did before yesterday needs to be proof read and printed, but that's all I did.
I know something is wrong. I haven't had this long of a gaming binge in over a year. I thought I was about to quit this, but much like every other person's vice, it's a hell of a lot harder than I thought.
Something is bothering me. I don't just play a newly bought game for 16 hours straight if nothing is bothering me. I at least make an effort to eat if nothing is bothering me.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Resigned
With everyone running into each other in the hallways, everyone is greeting each other with the standard phrases. "How are you doing?" Good. "How was your summer?" Good. "How is your first week so far?" Good.
I can't say that I'm not guilty of doing this myself, but someone more observant than myself saw something outside of the standard answer.
Apparently, my mind has resigned itself from the idea of college if not the environment of Watkins to begin with. Why this is the case is beyond me at the moment. It's only been a week and already I want to quit? How can this be?
I'm going to go back to sleep to see if those answers can't come to me in a dream.
I can't say that I'm not guilty of doing this myself, but someone more observant than myself saw something outside of the standard answer.
Apparently, my mind has resigned itself from the idea of college if not the environment of Watkins to begin with. Why this is the case is beyond me at the moment. It's only been a week and already I want to quit? How can this be?
I'm going to go back to sleep to see if those answers can't come to me in a dream.
Monday, August 21, 2006
I got money. Now what?
This past weekend, there was an emergency in Virginia. My sister was sick. For those of you that don't already know, when my sister gets sick, she's practically dying. Or so she claims. It upsets me how often she gets sick knowing her diet and how small she is. Then again, I have my own characteristics that frustrate the hell out of people, so I guess it's only fair.
In that state of panic, Mom left with Dad to help cure her like it was life and death. I don't know why, but it struck a cord with me. Granted I don't get sick as often as her and I'm far from fragile physically. Emotionally is another story, but certainly not physically. But still, I can't remember the last time they bent over backwards for me like they did for my sister just this past weekend.
With them out of the picture for two days, I began to think about financial purchases. I don't know why, but it's been starting to be a new habit of mine ever since I got that summer job (soon to be Seasonal Job until I finally grow up). So, what did I want to buy now that I have money in my pocket to throw away? What else? Games. Specifically games that allow me to create things like Roller Coaster Tycoon. I had my eye on the third game in the series ever since I saw it from a Watkins alumni who disappeared off the face of the earth (but I found his MySpace, much to my surprise, when I was looking at a friend's profile).
However, as much as I would like to finally get that game before I'm another year behind everyone else, the smarter thing to purchase would be a shell for my no-longer-external hard drive from one of the eMachines that blew up on us this past summer. I want to turn it into an external hard drive for MP3s and the various extras and patches for those said games. The best part? If I shop around, it would only cost about 10% of what an iPod of the same size would. Granted I can't play it when I'm away from the computer or anything, but at least I won't lose the music like I have the last three times any of the computers I use decided it didn't like me.
Which leads me to the next problem! Since QuickTime is now being coupled with iTunes, I'm already half way to becoming one of the many people who have an iPod. Well, two-thirds technically because of the growing collection of MP3s from OCRemix.org. And while it is cheaper to just get the hard drive shell, I won't be able to enjoy the music when I'm working in class on those long projects where we have several class periods of work days or when I'm just hanging out in the student cafe.
I think of the stupidest things when the parents are away. I wonder if I'll ever grow up and be able to leave the nest without something horrible bad happening to me because of my indecision.
In that state of panic, Mom left with Dad to help cure her like it was life and death. I don't know why, but it struck a cord with me. Granted I don't get sick as often as her and I'm far from fragile physically. Emotionally is another story, but certainly not physically. But still, I can't remember the last time they bent over backwards for me like they did for my sister just this past weekend.
With them out of the picture for two days, I began to think about financial purchases. I don't know why, but it's been starting to be a new habit of mine ever since I got that summer job (soon to be Seasonal Job until I finally grow up). So, what did I want to buy now that I have money in my pocket to throw away? What else? Games. Specifically games that allow me to create things like Roller Coaster Tycoon. I had my eye on the third game in the series ever since I saw it from a Watkins alumni who disappeared off the face of the earth (but I found his MySpace, much to my surprise, when I was looking at a friend's profile).
However, as much as I would like to finally get that game before I'm another year behind everyone else, the smarter thing to purchase would be a shell for my no-longer-external hard drive from one of the eMachines that blew up on us this past summer. I want to turn it into an external hard drive for MP3s and the various extras and patches for those said games. The best part? If I shop around, it would only cost about 10% of what an iPod of the same size would. Granted I can't play it when I'm away from the computer or anything, but at least I won't lose the music like I have the last three times any of the computers I use decided it didn't like me.
Which leads me to the next problem! Since QuickTime is now being coupled with iTunes, I'm already half way to becoming one of the many people who have an iPod. Well, two-thirds technically because of the growing collection of MP3s from OCRemix.org. And while it is cheaper to just get the hard drive shell, I won't be able to enjoy the music when I'm working in class on those long projects where we have several class periods of work days or when I'm just hanging out in the student cafe.
I think of the stupidest things when the parents are away. I wonder if I'll ever grow up and be able to leave the nest without something horrible bad happening to me because of my indecision.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Final Summer Thoughts
My last day at work was 48 hours or so ago, and with that, these last two days have been nothing but a complete and utter reminder as to how pathetic my life was (and probably still is) before I had a regular and steady pay check.
My last few days at work were nothing really to report back on. Hence why I didn't blog anything about it. One oddity, however, I should have wrote on was the fact that I stopped a teenage couple from having sex in a theatre with a good size crowd. Upon further thinking, I should have left them alone. There's a side of me that must be sick to death that I can't get laid and is out to make sure nobody else does. As evil as that sounds, it's probably the reason why I stopped them.
I also find it ironic that the area I was suppose to work my last days there for the summer was closed due to lack of staff and lack of working equipment. A transfer employee told me that the popcorn poppers are old models. The new models wouldn't cause the fire that shut down the lower concession. Or so I'm told. Still, it's a bit ironic given the whole opening that concession stand was the General Manager's idea, and a lot of the ideas he's had have been back firing on him.
But that's all behind me until December.
These last few days have been a different story. Sitting in front of the computer playing online games and other habits that are responsible for my social solitude and other geek-like quirks has done nothing but remind me as to what my summer could have been like. Painful on the eyes and just as bad on whatever skills I had prior. Humans evolved into specialty creatures. That's why we have jobs like athlete and teacher and artists. But special talents can degrade without proper upkeep. Needless to say, with my first class being Drawing IV, my cartooning and even my sense of observation are completely shot thanks to the lack of practice over the summer. Then again, can you blame me given the fact I was pulling 40 hours at least at a job that requires no thinking at all?
Porn has come back into my life yet again, but this time it came out of being bored with the games I play during their slow times. With school slowly starting up for the country, the online games I play are starting to show their seasonal peak and slow hours. Interaction with other players means waiting until the schools let out or the college classes end.
That being said, I've been sitting on the idea of if I should continue with the current degree program I'm in or just transfer over to video game design like I originally wanted (but was rejected over due to my lack of a portfolio). It's a real interest, and I've talked to most people about what I should do. Some are saying to transfer, as a degree in the arts isn't going to help my chances. It will look good on my application, yes, but it won't help me get into the school. Others are saying just stay put. And others still are doing the research for me or telling me to go visit this site and that site.
Of the sites that everyone has pointed me to, most of them make me wonder if I should have gone to a technical college. The sites look professional and appear to be guarded by a language and lingo that is common to those in the field and in the know as to what this program does and how to use that tool. They are intimidating to say the least, but none the less informative about the use of technique and tools. Unfortunately for me, I won't understand a word of what they are saying until I actually get my feet wet in that field.
Still, after rediscovering my passion (or addiction) for video games in general, this idea is just something I've been sitting on for a while now. It's a scary thought, realizing that what you are studying probably isn't want you want to be doing. Then there's the debt and all the things that come with it.
We'll see what I end up doing after I talk it out with Terry and all my other teachers at Watkins. In the meantime, I need to figure out my new sleeping pattern. I got too used to not having to get out of bed before 07:00 thanks to my work schedule.
My last few days at work were nothing really to report back on. Hence why I didn't blog anything about it. One oddity, however, I should have wrote on was the fact that I stopped a teenage couple from having sex in a theatre with a good size crowd. Upon further thinking, I should have left them alone. There's a side of me that must be sick to death that I can't get laid and is out to make sure nobody else does. As evil as that sounds, it's probably the reason why I stopped them.
I also find it ironic that the area I was suppose to work my last days there for the summer was closed due to lack of staff and lack of working equipment. A transfer employee told me that the popcorn poppers are old models. The new models wouldn't cause the fire that shut down the lower concession. Or so I'm told. Still, it's a bit ironic given the whole opening that concession stand was the General Manager's idea, and a lot of the ideas he's had have been back firing on him.
But that's all behind me until December.
These last few days have been a different story. Sitting in front of the computer playing online games and other habits that are responsible for my social solitude and other geek-like quirks has done nothing but remind me as to what my summer could have been like. Painful on the eyes and just as bad on whatever skills I had prior. Humans evolved into specialty creatures. That's why we have jobs like athlete and teacher and artists. But special talents can degrade without proper upkeep. Needless to say, with my first class being Drawing IV, my cartooning and even my sense of observation are completely shot thanks to the lack of practice over the summer. Then again, can you blame me given the fact I was pulling 40 hours at least at a job that requires no thinking at all?
Porn has come back into my life yet again, but this time it came out of being bored with the games I play during their slow times. With school slowly starting up for the country, the online games I play are starting to show their seasonal peak and slow hours. Interaction with other players means waiting until the schools let out or the college classes end.
That being said, I've been sitting on the idea of if I should continue with the current degree program I'm in or just transfer over to video game design like I originally wanted (but was rejected over due to my lack of a portfolio). It's a real interest, and I've talked to most people about what I should do. Some are saying to transfer, as a degree in the arts isn't going to help my chances. It will look good on my application, yes, but it won't help me get into the school. Others are saying just stay put. And others still are doing the research for me or telling me to go visit this site and that site.
Of the sites that everyone has pointed me to, most of them make me wonder if I should have gone to a technical college. The sites look professional and appear to be guarded by a language and lingo that is common to those in the field and in the know as to what this program does and how to use that tool. They are intimidating to say the least, but none the less informative about the use of technique and tools. Unfortunately for me, I won't understand a word of what they are saying until I actually get my feet wet in that field.
Still, after rediscovering my passion (or addiction) for video games in general, this idea is just something I've been sitting on for a while now. It's a scary thought, realizing that what you are studying probably isn't want you want to be doing. Then there's the debt and all the things that come with it.
We'll see what I end up doing after I talk it out with Terry and all my other teachers at Watkins. In the meantime, I need to figure out my new sleeping pattern. I got too used to not having to get out of bed before 07:00 thanks to my work schedule.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Fire in the Hold
Today, we had an electrical fire at work.
The plug to the popcorn machine in lower concession apparently had oil all over it. As a result, the moment I turned it on, the oil started to heat up and burn through the wires, the rubber protecting us from the electrical current, and even started to melt the metal in the plug itself.
From my point of view, things were going as normal as they could have for opening up concession. However, upon bringing out some of the food, I noticed the popper was smoking. I then noticed it started to smell of burning rubber when I rounded the corner. My manager was there, and she told me to turn it off. I turned everything off, but the plug was still smoking. I went back around to where the plug would be visible only to see sparks. I then saw a puff of black smoke.
I knew what was going to happen next, so I ran like hell.
For the rest of my shift, I helped the managers clean up after the fire department. Cleaning up the dried up chemicals that were all over the food, candy bags, and floor. After about three hours of being down there, I went on my break wondering what I was going to do next.
After my break, I was told to clean up the second popcorn machine. Not arguing with the General Manager, I did what I was asked even though I had a feeling we were doing something we weren't suppose to. After the other employees and myself wrestled with trying to get the second popper working, the General Manager ultimately sent us home due to health concerns.
What kind of health concerns? The people that came in for the evening shift were complaining about having headaches from the fumes that couldn't leave the building for one reason or the other. (My thought on this is because we turned off the circuit that controls the exhaust fans due to safety concerns. As a result, we couldn't properly vent the area.) Because I was down there cleaning up for three hours makes me wonder what kind of affect that may have on my lungs and other internal organs.
So, as a precaution, I and the others working with me at the time got to go home early. I then found out that several people were told to go home as soon as they clocked in due to the overstaffing issue now that we are down a concession stand.
Makes me wonder what I'll be doing tomorrow, since I was scheduled to work in the place where the fire took place for the next few days. I'm sure they will put me somewhere.
The plug to the popcorn machine in lower concession apparently had oil all over it. As a result, the moment I turned it on, the oil started to heat up and burn through the wires, the rubber protecting us from the electrical current, and even started to melt the metal in the plug itself.
From my point of view, things were going as normal as they could have for opening up concession. However, upon bringing out some of the food, I noticed the popper was smoking. I then noticed it started to smell of burning rubber when I rounded the corner. My manager was there, and she told me to turn it off. I turned everything off, but the plug was still smoking. I went back around to where the plug would be visible only to see sparks. I then saw a puff of black smoke.
I knew what was going to happen next, so I ran like hell.
For the rest of my shift, I helped the managers clean up after the fire department. Cleaning up the dried up chemicals that were all over the food, candy bags, and floor. After about three hours of being down there, I went on my break wondering what I was going to do next.
After my break, I was told to clean up the second popcorn machine. Not arguing with the General Manager, I did what I was asked even though I had a feeling we were doing something we weren't suppose to. After the other employees and myself wrestled with trying to get the second popper working, the General Manager ultimately sent us home due to health concerns.
What kind of health concerns? The people that came in for the evening shift were complaining about having headaches from the fumes that couldn't leave the building for one reason or the other. (My thought on this is because we turned off the circuit that controls the exhaust fans due to safety concerns. As a result, we couldn't properly vent the area.) Because I was down there cleaning up for three hours makes me wonder what kind of affect that may have on my lungs and other internal organs.
So, as a precaution, I and the others working with me at the time got to go home early. I then found out that several people were told to go home as soon as they clocked in due to the overstaffing issue now that we are down a concession stand.
Makes me wonder what I'll be doing tomorrow, since I was scheduled to work in the place where the fire took place for the next few days. I'm sure they will put me somewhere.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Debt, Debt, and More Debt
After my last entry, we went to Best Buy to figure out what to do about the computer that just refuses to function properly. We then found out that we shot the motherboard in that model yet again! This means yet another six weeks without a computer.
Or did it?
Apparently, when we were told this news, my mom said to go look at the computers they had on the floor. I didn't argue with her, but I knew what was going to happen. An impulse purchase on the scale I haven't seen before.
While it is justified in the sense that I need a computer for school work, it felt rather uncomfortable looking at computers that I knew we were going to drop the full price on then and there.
In the end, I ended up picking a Gateway computer with a 2.4GHz Dual-Core processor, 2GB of DDR RAM, and a nVIDA GeForce 6100 TV card. The price? Just under $1200.
The best part? Tennessee was having a Back-To-School Tax Free Shopping Spree Holiday (say that five times fast), which means I didn't have to pay for tax on the computer when we bought it.
So why am I in debt again? Or rather still, as the case may be? My mom says I now owe her the price tag. I won't have to pay her immediately since school is starting soon, but when I start working again, a portion of my pay check is going towards her for the computer.
Or did it?
Apparently, when we were told this news, my mom said to go look at the computers they had on the floor. I didn't argue with her, but I knew what was going to happen. An impulse purchase on the scale I haven't seen before.
While it is justified in the sense that I need a computer for school work, it felt rather uncomfortable looking at computers that I knew we were going to drop the full price on then and there.
In the end, I ended up picking a Gateway computer with a 2.4GHz Dual-Core processor, 2GB of DDR RAM, and a nVIDA GeForce 6100 TV card. The price? Just under $1200.
The best part? Tennessee was having a Back-To-School Tax Free Shopping Spree Holiday (say that five times fast), which means I didn't have to pay for tax on the computer when we bought it.
So why am I in debt again? Or rather still, as the case may be? My mom says I now owe her the price tag. I won't have to pay her immediately since school is starting soon, but when I start working again, a portion of my pay check is going towards her for the computer.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Summer Trauma: The Overdue Update About Working and Technology But Not About Working Technology
06-12-2006
How many of you saw this coming? Good. Curious as to what I was up since the last post? No? Too bad. It's rather interesting.
Some short time after my last post, I finally got a job. On my own (relatively) and the first official one I can put on my resume of employment. Where am I working? At a movie theatre in the part of town most of the New Money live in. Yeah, I get to serve popcorn and clean up after rich people that are so pretty you can't fuck them.
As excited as I was going into it, the first day was hell. They just shoved me behind the concession register and said "follow this guy." My trainer was kind of an idiot. He just showed me the register and that was it. I somehow was able to weasel my way into ushering for the rest of the night.
The next few days proved that the whole "team" aspect of the job I was told about doesn't exist. I was closing concession, and nobody wanted to do their duties the first night. The second night I was closing, there was an employee working with me that all the managers trusted with their life. Probably was going to be a manager if he wanted to. We got out late because someone didn't tell the ushers that day they had to break down boxes. As such, I had to along with the only team leader that night. Everyone else left, outside of the managers.
Over the course of my first week, I got the hang of things. Kids movies that open are a nightmare, both concessioning and cleaning up after them. Kids don't know how to eat at the movies. I see now why in day cares, lunch and TV time are separate from each other. I also learned how to tell the difference between a popular movie and an unpopular movie simply by how much trash is left behind and which theatre they are playing the movie in. Generally, the smaller the theatre, the smaller the crowd, the less trash. I also learned we show several "art" films, most of which never generate any trash as at all. If they do, it's not much.
Interesting stories? A few.
My first day I got searched. I was helping my trainer turn in a travel bag into Lost and Found, but apparently all the credit cards disappeared, as well as some cash. It was policy to search the ushers because they don't trust us any more than they trust their customers. So why me? Why the new guy? Because I also handled the bag. After that, the movie theatre where this all went down had to be search and left unclean when the movie ended. Just in case someone left them in their by accident after their robbery attempt. In any event, that alone probably set myself up for a fall.
A few days after that, I was sent on the center register in concession. I had two customers snap at me and one family spill their soda. I closed my register as ordered by the manager. Apparently, after those events, my body language changed. With concern for myself, the manager put me on clean up for about an hour just to cool down. I don't remember taking any of those events personally; I come from a rather indifferent stance when it comes to people biting my head off for reasons I can't control. But apparently, the manager read it as such. After that, I was put back on the register for the rest of my shift with only the last minute movie patrons to serve.
My first official day ushering (Day 4), I was left alone after 15:00. One usher had to go to the place where you get your tickets torn, another had to cover for someone in concession. Unfortunately, for me, that day was a holiday weekend, and a big movie just came out into our theatres. As I was trying to clean the theatres, I panicked and radioed for help. No response. I was already late as it was, so I stormed up there and asked a manager in person for help. My help came in the form of a pair of lazy employees who would rather make easy money than work. I can't say I didn't want to be in their shoes, but then again even I know (as foolish and inexperienced as I was then) that work means work. Needless to say, I got nothing done and I stayed 20 minutes over my shift. The Shift Manager at the time was the only one that apologized for that. I left angry that day to the point where I took it out on my family.
After getting the hang of everything, I had to open the concession stand by myself. Unfortunately, for me, the day I did it was the day the popcorn maker breaks on me. Not only did I have to wait for the kettle to cool down so I can put back on a screw that was missing, but I also apparently forgot to put the nozzles on the soda until my first set of customers came in. When I saw another employee come in getting a soda for her cup, I asked in a panic for her to put the rest of the nozzles back on. This was the start of my over use of thanking people. It used to be that I said "I'm sorry" a lot. I now find myself saying "Thank you" to nearly everyone at work for things that are probably minor. Thankfully, my line had more patient people who were there just as soon as the theatre opened for shows that didn't start for another hour.
On a more positive note, I talked to a father and 11-year-old girl as they were getting their popcorn from me. Standard question is "what movie are you here to see?" They were going to watch Poseidon. Well, that movie is kind of a horror movie, and I expressed my discomfort in such a young girl seeing such a graphic movie. The father assured me that she's a horror movie fan. So, I asked, "What's your favorite scary movie so far?" Her answer? Amnyville. Yeah, she was going to be fine with Poseidon.
When Cars opened, I was in concession that Friday. Center register, which meant I would get a lot of impatient parents and bratty kids. Or so I thought. The most interesting even that day? A woman with blond hair and a tan that was obviously fake comes in and says "I need 12 kids meals." I jaw it hit floor. She explained that they are having a birthday party, so I rang up the 12 meals. I then turned around to four new employees who were shadowing and running food for us that day and announced that I need 12 kids meals ASAP. My line as getting longer as I asked what drink she wanted for the kids meals. After counting off a dozen cups and handing them to another runner, she gave me yet another food order. She was bringing her older sons, so she got two medium popcorns, and for the parents, four small popcorns and drinks. The order got so big that we had to use the counter space normally used for advertisements and post cards about in-theatre promotions. We even had to bring out a few trays just for them to carry everything to the theatre. All the while, my line just got longer and longer, with only two other registers open to get relieve traffic flow. After she paid (her total was $103, if you are wondering), I apologized to the next person in line. He said that it was quite alright, and that he was impressed with how I handled the situation given both the line, the time, and the extra help. From there on out, it was business as usual.
So what did I buy with my first pay check? Nothing. You would think that it would be porn, but all the sites I went to apparently don't ship to Tennessee. I wonder why? (Okay, I know why. It's because I live in a town that has a porn shop near a bar across the street from a church. Furthermore, gay porn isn't allowed here unless it features lesbians that are generally hot.) I also can't find anything on Amazon or eBay because, apparently, they stopped or pulled off any adult content short of the stuff that isn't porn like the documentaries of the porn industries I found. So what did I do with it? I owed my sister some money, so I cashed it in and gave her what I owed. I'm probably going to do the same thing with my mother and everyone else. Which generally means at this rate I won't be able to buy my computer for my art.
Which brings me to this next point in this long post from beyond the grave! Over the course of my first week of working, I've lost interest in my art work. It was a fear of mine that actually prevented me from getting a job in the first place. The whole "selling your soul to the all mighty dollar" scenario that all my art connection say isn't as bad as I thought it was. Unfortunately, now that I am working 40 hours a week (even if it is just cleaning up after the popcorn I help dish out) my creativity has taken a dive. And a sharp one at that. Any creative project I started before I got this job is pretty much dead, even on my days off. Instead of working them, I opt to sleep or figuring out how much my next pay check will be. My family has even started up talks of getting me to learn how to drive again during my days off simply because my work schedule doesn't fit as nicely as my class schedule did with their driving/work schedule.
It's like my biggest fear came true. The only reason I was able to type this is because I'm doing the laundry and thought "You know, I probably should tell more than just my family what kind of stories I'm experiencing at work." No creative thought has popped into my head, not even thought that involve the projects I had planned before I got a job. It's as if I have joined that 95% of art school graduates who don't do anything afterwards with their knowledge a year and a half earlier than expected.
06-14-2006
I used my employee benefit to go see Cars. What kind of benefit got me to see that movie? I get to see any movie I want for free (provided it's not opening weekend, because of the General Manager can sell the seat, he will).
The movie was a fun ride, but I think I was the only one that was enjoying it with all of their characters and personality. I'll spare the movie review, not because it was a bad movie. Far from it. It's just right now I don't feel like talking about it.
It seems that movies only provide an escape for my family that lasts only during the two hours that they are in the theatre. Nothing before, nothing after. In fact, after the movie, it's back to business.
Seems like a rather strange "thanks for a free movie," you know? But that's the way they are.
There's talk about what the next movie we will see for free is going to be. Chances are it's going to be Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. At the earliest, Di Vinci Code. X3 looks to be out of the question at this point.
06-17-2006
I am slowly losing respect for my fellow co-workers.
Friday, during the premiere night of four movies, I had the morning shift as well as the first evening rush. I was paired with people who obviously did not want to work at all. As soon as I was cashed in (I was in concession), they pretty much left to gossip in the break room. I did most of the selling and restocking, what little there was to restock. Once I had a dead period, I asked to go on my break from a manager. They said it was alright, so I went. Five minutes into it, I had to get back on the clock because apparently they didn't remember that my co-worker was on her break, and the person that was out in front wasn't cashed in to a register. What the hell?! Managers should know these kind of things before approving breaks! To top it off, I found out later that the person that was on her break was there for four years now. You would think that someone who was there would be at least responsible enough to tell me that they are going on break and to cover for her, but apparently she isn't that responsible.
Today? I was ushering and had two no-shows with my co-workers. The first no-show I can't complain about because I never worked with the guy, so I wouldn't know anything about how he works. The second no-show I'm a bit surprised by. This was the guy that was on top of things when I was closing concession that second night I had to stay until midnight. He even broke down boxes with me long after we were suppose to clock out. For him to not show up to usher seems a bit odd. Again, excusable since I know he's on top of nearly everything else.
For the morning shift, however, I was stuck with a fellow that was hired around the same time I was. Apparently, he was trained differently. He was also taken advantage of. His ushering experience has been strictly books. He never cleaned. So, I put him on it while I did walks. I helped clean the bigger movies like Cars and Nacho Libre when I wasn't doing the books. That's when I lost respect for him entirely. We had a spill, a massive one, and I told him to get a mop while I got the rest of the trash out of the cup holders and floor. It would be quicker if we divide and conquer. He insisted to just use napkins since he didn't want to get a mop. I told him that since he's going to get napkins at the concession anyway to just go ahead and get the mop. Then he told me to get the mop instead while he picked up the trash. I gave in and let him have the easy job. Needless to say, I was the last one out of the theatre because we wasted five minutes arguing over using napkins to clean a spill from a large drink (and those of you that know theatre concessions, those napkins can't absorb anything).
The only thing that help made today bearable was the fact that one of the new employees is a former Teamster. As a member of that union, he knows what it means to be part of a work team and how to work as a team. Seeing how every time I get put into a team setting I end up the leader (since, apparently, nobody likes to take charge), I know I can count on him. I also got help from the girl that I shadowed my first day on the job, who even volunteered to take over my walking duties for me without even asking!
It's nice to know that there are at least some competent workers at my job. I just wish we were paired up more often.
I'm at the point where I want to fire a letter off to the District Manager. I would take this to the Gen. Manager, but he doesn't come off as approachable in these kind of matters. Plus, I have issues with him and the rest of the management staff. He over hired from the looks of it, but he also spread us out way to thin in areas that are more important than the jobs that he claims are the most important. What do I mean by that? Rumor has it we will soon have to be signing books saying that we've checked the bathrooms every 25 minutes as part of our usher duties. As of right now, it's impossible for the ushers to check the bathrooms that often due to things like the new walk system and cleaning up after a show. An Assistant Manager said that we may end up putting someone on the clock strictly for bathroom checks. That's it. He said that was his job before at another theatre, so it's very well possible.
I'm planning a little social experiment on Wednesday, my day off. I'm going to think it through over the night and over my shift tomorrow, then run it by the Gen. Manager if I see him. If not, I won't tell anyone and just do it. The later being the better option so far. It will test the managers as well as the employees.
06-18-2006
It didn't even take 24 hours, and I'm already a broken spirit wanting to quit so badly. I would too if I didn't already know first hand how difficult it is for me to find a job. However, if I quit, how do you think the manager of the place I would be applying for would take it?
What brought this thought into my head?
I was the only usher today from opening until about 16:46 when my mandatory break happened. Mandatory by law, that is. In all honesty, I would have liked to have worked well into my fifth hour, thereby getting the management in trouble for not being the responsible ones in finding me some help from one of the other employees. Granted we were thin already, but seriously. We have an employee roster of about 40 people! Couldn't someone get called in last minute?!
So there I was, all day, trying to keep to the schedule and make sure theatres were clean and walks where done by myself. Again, let me remind you that I'm the only usher working. Well, after I get a lot of these books signed to show that I did my walks, the manager asks if I checked the bathrooms. I told her that I don't have the time to do that and still keep all the theatres clean on time. She started asking me why, and another manager noticed a look of pain on my face. I was already overworked as it was, and only that manager new it. The other manager that knew was busy helping the other group of kids over in concession.
Towards the final leg of my time before my break, the fact that I was behind on nearly everything was starting to take its toll. I began throwing the bottle water and child booster seats towards the wall near the trash cans at the risk of having them break into a million pieces. I called for help twice for our big theatres, and this time someone listened. The last time I called for help, nobody replied until I went up there myself and asked for it in person instead of over the radio. In this panic, several guests noticed that I wasn't the usual happy and productive Regal Employee that they saw when they bought their tickets or popcorn. They asked if I was alright, to which I responded an honest 'No' as I rushed to the next theatre to be clean.
I cannot say that I handled everything as well as I could have, or that the managers gave me a big congratulations and thank you for a job well done. By the time I was able to take my break, I was about ready to cry with stress. Not only did I miss cleaning two shows after they let out, but I didn't do my walks for nearly every show that started after 13:30. I spent the entire 35 minutes huddled over trying to lower my body heat with an Icee, only to be told that I can't have those unless I bring a cup of my own now. I was using one of those free wax cups we are suppose to give the customers when they request for some. After finishing what I had, I spent the rest of the time huddled over myself in an upright fetal position. I got a pat of pity from a manager that walked by that knew my plight. That was about it outside of a conversation with someone that was clocking in as to why I looked like I've been through hell.
About that time the thought of just quitting came into my head. Since I started working there, I haven't had a single good experience that I can remember. Every time, something bad happens in one fashion or another. This entry is a testimonial to that. Where else would I log something like that?
As my break was about to end, another usher came in. She got updated as to what happened. About how I missed doing nearly all my walks because I was stuck cleaning three kids movies by myself, and about how stressed I was about trying to just be on time. Hell, I didn't even once check the bathrooms because I was that behind!
But the damage was done. Once I was out on the floor, my spirit was broken and I didn't care if we did anything on time any more. I did my job at the pass of a pack mule with a heavy load trying to carry it up the canyon hill. Not even the fact I had to take the trash out in the rain affected me. If anything, I was hoping a manager would see me soaked as I was pulling a trash can back to a theatre and just have more pity on me knowing that I'm doing the best I can now that they broke my will.
It's times like these I wish I knew how to get in contact with the District Manager. Then again, I wish the District Manager of Regal Cinema for Nashville was there today and saw me during both these states--the panic state of the morning and the dead state of the evening. I'm only one employee and very expendable, but still. This should have happened. The Shift Manager should have known that today being Father's Day, that the after church crowd would go to the movies.
06-19-2006
"But I know, it's my damn fault" echoes in my head. Partly because Margaritaville is playing over while I type this.
Some time after my blog ended for the second time, Jason chorused me into getting a MySpace. (Notice I'm not linking to it.) I'm rather ashamed that I ended up getting one, as I'm not social to begin with.
Well, recently, my boredom and screwed up psyche found myself on the site surfing through the degrees of separation and what things I had in common with some people. I found a few people from high school and several from Watkins on there. All of which are more socially connected if not more evolved than I am in one aspect or another.
While I know better than to judge a person by the profile they present themselves (after all, how many of those are as honest as my blog?), my already damaged mentality of how real life works made me over react inside. I realized how little social interaction I get, both online and in real life.
And yet, as depressing as that is to me, I don't have any desire to be social. While I would like to have more friends and a close group of people I can call and count on, I have no want to go out, party, or whatever it is people do these days to be social.
Combine this with that death of the hopeless romantic in me that indirectly resulted in my lack of interest in the gay dating scene or wanting to date anyone period, and I think we have the beginnings of some kind of Lone Wolf Syndrome (LWS). I doubt something like this exists, but it wouldn't surprise me if it did. After all, we did have isolationists back during the days of World War II if not farther back.
It's odd being depressed about something you know you could care less about. Maybe that means I really do care about being social. Then why is it that I don't care about making friends anymore, especially knowing how the real world works now after a month at a real job?
06-22-2006
I think I may have done something that I know I don't remember doing before.
Apparently, I offended or was rude to a customer on Sunday when I was ushering alone. Rumor has it that the lady was African-American and was asking for the General Manager's number to directly report me.
I have no recollection of being rude to any guests that day. What guest interaction I had was mostly concerned guests asking if I was okay as I rushed from one theatre to the next and the usual "is there a movie playing in here?" guest that comes in while I'm still cleaning a theatre.
The only time I remember being even remotely rude was during my last leg of panic attacks for being late with a co-worker. She wanted to know what time the movies were starting and I told her I that I had no clue. The tone I used was more along of the lines of a frustrated and depressed "why are you asking me this?" instead of a rude or offensive tone. At least in my head. There is a chance (and a big one apparently) that she may have taken it as me being rude or taking out my frustrations on her for a bad day.
In any event, the pebble thrown into the river Sunday is making ripples that nearly everyone that knows me has been asking about. And unfortunately, I don't know if they mean a guest or if they mean a co-worker. Everyone is saying 'guest.' I'm saying that I don't know and that I don't remember.
06-23-2006
Al Gore Visits for 'An Inconvenient Truth' Premiere
I probably don't need to say much of anything given the title, but seeing how this is probably as close as I'll ever really get to someone of any power or money, it does warrant at least some attention.
That and it was the only time work was fun, so I need to log this to balance out some of the bad.
I opened the upstairs concession pretty much by myself. When help came around, the only things left were popcorn and nachos to make. The manager working that afternoon said to stock for a thousand, so I did. Ironically, we only served about 30 people, all of which were handing big bills in one fashion or another.
The premiere itself is not what you would expect. At least from a theatre worker's point of view. From the outside, it looks like a bunch of glits and glamour. From the employee side, it's just another day at work. The only difference is the clientele. Instead of serving the new money of Green Hills, we were serving the old and political money of the greater Nashville area. (Which, coincidently, included a fellow classmate of mine who I did not know was of money.)
Al and Tipper Gore were there. Their entrance was signaled by applause and cheers, as well as their exit as they left the lobby to go into the theatre. Their assistants went to the concession stands where I was to get their food for them.
And guess who got to fill their order? That's right. Me. I ran for bottle waters (two for Tipper, two for Al) and a medium popcorn with butter for the Gores. Well, their assistance, but you get the idea.
After the premiere rush, it was closing duty. The concession was only open for the Gores and their friends. Every other movie patron that night had to use the downstairs concession. Which was a mad house from what I was told after we were sent home from cleaning.
A security officer friend of mine said Al and Tipper only stayed for about 20 minutes max into the movie before leaving. Every other VIP there stayed for the whole thing. That's politics for you.
Much to my surprise, everything went off with little to no problems. At least nothing major like a popcorn machine breaking down or even running low on cups. I think I had something to do with that, because we were overstocked when all the clean up was said and done. And for an evening when there was press in the building as well as people that most of us will never shake hands with, I can honestly say that I had fun.
The only downer? No premiere goodie bags for the employees. Just a congratulatory "good job" from the General Manager. Weak, huh?
07-01-2006
A week before this post date, my computer died. Kind of a mystery, but I won't go into it. Basically, the motherboard is fried beyond repair. Mom had the bright idea of just transferring the data over to the desktop computer that my sister originally got for college but ended up not using because of the new wireless campus set up (READS: Because the college forced her to get a laptop). Turns out that motherboard is also on the brink of blowing up.
Thankfully, that computer can be repaired. But, as with most things in life, it comes at a price. Mainly, my first three pay checks.
Yes, I know, given how much money I spent on just repairs so far (estimated at $600), I am better off getting a new computer. The thing is, I wasn't expecting to buy one this soon. And certainly not one designed strictly for internet and play until SPORE came out.
In any event, I'm back to where I started six weeks ago. Trying to save for a computer that I can use for my digital art work. I guess that's how the pennies roll in the real world. Sucks, don't it?
07-07-2006
It hasn't even been two weeks completely, and my addiction to the internet couldn't be more apparent. Unfortunately, it's been compensated with another form of technology I haven't touched since high school.
Nearly immediately after checking the computers in for repairs, I found myself playing video games again. Namely, LUNAR: Silver Star Story Complete in a vain attempt of getting my lost save game back. Apparently I screwed up somewhere, because I couldn't find the third Healing Ring in the Grindery. Trivial, I know, but my OCD kicked in when I realized this and I deleted the saved game I had seeing as how I couldn't go back in the game due to how they programmed it.
This impulsive reaction to not having a computer worries me.
Recent studies from British scientists show that the internet is reducing the amount of real face time humans get when communicating with others. Places like MySpace and even my own blog offer a way to communicate in a way not seen anywhere else before in history! We are now a global neighborhood, but it isn't as great as Epcot's Spaceship Earth ride made it out to be. Yes, we are communicating with each other, but at the same time we are distancing ourselves from real world interaction. I've known this for a while now, but it didn't become as apparent until after I heard about this report.
With work comes a new social scene. And with this new scene comes more new observations from this fool who is writing this. Basically, the blunt truth of the matter is this. It doesn't matter if I drive. The damage from my past has been done and there is no way (or personal interest at this point) for me to get a social life that everyone wants me to. Oh, sure, there's the whole going out to just hang out with friends angle I could use. That in itself is harmless. But I work with a bunch of teenagers, most of which are looking forward to turning 18 or 21. Most of whom already have an established social life I never had in high school.
And the more things stay the same with the more changes I experience. I still talk to people. I'm social, but not in the way most people are. I bring out the meaning of association to its most literal form apparently.
Combine this with the amount of time I spend on the internet, and you have a good nut case on your hands. Probably one for the text books if I can give myself too much credit with this problem.
But these past two weeks or so have shown me a side of myself that is starting to become all too normal for me. Over the course of the days, with work and playing video games, I lost interest in my art. I lost interest in generally everything. I just want to get money and waste it on technology so I can keep up with the internet (and maybe play SPORE when it comes out). Nothing more, nothing less.
A friend of mine (if you can call him that given what I said above) told me in an e-mail that a job would help me find purpose in the boring day-to-day routine of this thing we call life. While it gave me a sense that someone actually needed me in a strange way, it didn't give me that sense of purpose he was talking about. In fact, I think it did the opposite. I think the repair costs of the computers had something to do with it. I'm not sure.
The addiction to the internet is apparently too great for me to bare. My sister left me her laptop in my trust over the weekend as she goes out of town. Probably to still my addiction by giving me what I miss the most so that I'm not so tortured over the weekend when the video game I can't seem to complete in its entirety can't distract me any better than going to work for a movie theatre full of Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom/Keira Knightly/Pirates fans.
While a part of me wants to go back on to all my online games I invested so many months and lost hours to, this new part of me is asking "why bother? Sure, you may have wasted about six months total on a cheesy online game based around Disneyland, but you wasted how many years sitting in front of the computer?" The answer is ever since AOL first came out and I thought it was the best thing ever. It was around the same time when Animaniacs and the first wave of Power Rangers were popular. That being said, I probably with just stick to message boards and find out what, if anything, that I missed and if said missed events were the kind that would send my collection habit into overdrive. I'm hoping that won't be the case and that it will just be like when Pokemon came out with another 150 creatures to catch. In other words, I'm hoping that I missed so much that I would be better off to just drop the game cold.
But online games are one thing. The message boards, e-mails, and even this blog are probably the root of my addiction. It's the not knowing what's going on that's killing me. How so? With these things, I feel a connection to a social scene that I don't have in real life. I feel like I'm in "the know" or some social circle similar to what I observe in real life and wish I could be a part of.
The only thing that makes my social scene pathetic is how the media portrays it. Unfortunately, if science can prove anything, it proves that the media was right in how they may my present socializing techniques.
And yet, this is probably the most honest form of communication anyone that will ever get to know me will ever have from me.
07-14-2006
Not having a computer and paying for its repairs from my own pay checks, which was originally designed for just socking away money if I could, has put into a very interesting perspective my thoughts on being a consumer now. Just try and keep up with me, as this train of logic is more irrational than most of my rants.
Last weekend, with the "fuzzy math" done in my head, I pretty much threw out all hope of ever getting enough money to support my art. At that point, my interest in art and in college was set at 'Get it done and then go into something you would like to do for the rest of your life. Something financially viable and with some amount of security.' The only thing I came up with is character design for video games. After I get my BFA (at least at this point in my mind), I'll see about submitting a portfolio again to the Seattle game design schools that rejected me the first time.
With that in place in my head, I threw all concern for saving for my computer to the wind and tried in a vain attempt at finding an online shop that would ship porn to my area. I found nothing every place I tried to order from, canceling one order in the process which caused that money to float in limbo for the next two months until it defaults back to me per bank agreement. Or so I'm told in the fine print of my Debit Card. It seemed like a lost cause until I found a site that ships via UPS Ground. Fast forward to yesterday, and I'm the proud owner of my first porn DVD that I've wanted since God-knows-when.
However, I can't say that I'm a 'proud' owner without feeling a bit unlike myself. Yes, I'm a gay guy in his mid-20's (Geez, already?), and yes, like most guys, sex and getting off are on my mind a good chunk of the time. But how the hell did buying and getting that DVD shipped to a region most won't ship to make me feel unlike myself?
To be perfectly honest, I started to feel like I was becoming like Dan. A black trunk full of porn and adult toys kept under lock and key? That was him when I was with him. And while my trunk has mostly traumatic items I don't want to look at with only two pieces of porn, a handful of dirty magazines, and some other 'tools,' It's still slowly becoming more like his trunk.
When I came to this realization, I remembered what Jason said about Dan given all that I've blogged and told to him in private about. And I didn't like the fact that I could be headed down that way simply out of being beaten up by life in general due to my own mistakes.
That being said, I hope that this was the first and last porn that I buy online in any form. I'm not one for being noble nor am I one to try my damnest not to go down a path I will ultimately take, but I hope to God I don't end up like Dan or do what Dan did to me.
So with nothing really to purchase and my original summer goal out of reach due to technical difficulties of the most annoying kind, where does this leave my summer job money? Tuition? School supplies? The monthly donation to Gaia Online? Maybe finally go on that trip to Disneyland by myself?
Who knows?
Work is starting to become less of something to complain and rant about. In fact, it's starting to become more of 'just a thing you do' kind of aspect that is a part of nearly everyone's life. The only thing that is making it enjoyable is the internal drama. Let me share at the risk of getting fired.
Several managers have quit or left for better jobs. Supposable, it has something to do with the General Manager and how he is running things. As of this entry, we are hiring for managers. As far as us underlings go? We are pretty much just going about the job as usual. No new faces in a while, but surprisingly a lot of the people we hired at the start of the summer are gone. Futhermore, several of the older employees are leaving as well. If I had to guess, they probably got better jobs.
So, yeah, in short, work has just become something to do.
The computer, as of this typing, is still out. I can't go on VMK and escape to my virtual Disneyland where I can design rooms and other places with little frustration that the real world offers (like friction and gravity when moving furniture). My sister's laptop is for messages checking use unless allowed otherwise. Naturally, because it's her laptop, she's gets mad every time I look at it with a gaze that reads like I'm wanting to make love to it longingly.
But my time without a personal computer has put into perspective yet another thing about my daily life that I didn't think about until I lost the computer and got the job. I spend too much time playing really crappy games for free thinking that they are the best things ever. Exceptions going to Gaia and VMK... albeit VMK does have some limited enjoyments as well.
07-15-2006
Well, this is interesting. Apparently, my work is in a bit of a bind. Somehow, we lost $2,000 of concession food in our inventory. Mostly candy, but there are some hot dogs and even soda cups.
Naturally, to find out who did it, the General Manager is talking to everyone about what is going on. If you confess to him when he talks to you, the punishment will be less brutal than if you lie and they catch you on the security cameras.
So far? Only one person has been suspended. Gossip with the co-workers is that he was just generally unliked by the other employees. I didn't like him because he didn't work, but other than that, I never saw him steal anything. Then again, I only worked with him once, so I don't know much of anything unlike the ones that work with him more often.
In other news that won't get me fired, I keep running into people from Watkins at work. Today, I ran into Coffey, who was standing outside the doors on his phone. He was probably going to see a movie. I also ran into Terry T., who is the head of the Fine Arts department. He was going to see Wordplay, and I ran into him while working concessions. Oddly enough, he said that he knew he'd run into me eventually at the theater I worked. I wonder what that means. Lastly, I ran into my ex-Dean as well. I kind of almost ran him over, as I was pulling trash cans out to dump. It's kind of freaky.
07-26-2006
The only thing interesting to point out today as far as work goes is the gross amount of misinformation involving the request for school leave. It got so bad that I had to just go to the General Manager to find out the proper way of doing it. Other than that, nothing really to report.
Why? Because my main concern right now is the computer.
See, it appears that even thought it came back repaired, it still doesn't work. I tried everything that was suggested to me and the more it refuses to work. At this point, we are better off getting a new computer, for which I'll be browsing for on my sister's laptop.
So what exactly is wrong with it? The motherboard for the model is apparently retired. Best Buy, to the best of their ability, put in a motherboard that is as close to the original as they can get. This, however, causes several system restoration problems. E-Machine has a chip in their motherboards that enables the restore CDs to work properly. Without it, we would have to buy Windows XP separately instead of using the system restore CDs.
Basically, without that chip, we are going to be out another couple hundred dollars or so just getting an operating system for the computer.
This could not come at a worst time than now. In a few weeks, my sister leaves for college yet again. This means that we will be officially without a computer. No computer means mom can't do her PowerPoint presentations. No computer means no internet as well. However, what I'm more concern about is that no computer means no way to write my papers on time and when I want to at home. (And as much as I would like to hand my teachers hand-written essays and whatever else they want, I know they won't accept them as college level professionalism at its finest.)
This pretty much falls back now on to my summer job. With the money I have, I can do one of several things.
The first option is to just get a laptop. The state is throwing a tax break holiday during the first weekend of August on all Back-to-School items. Of which, any computer under $1500 is eligible for the tax break. This means that by today's standards, I can get a computer that will run like a big type writer and can let me surf the internet without the 10% state sales tax. I can either pay it myself and own it or finance it off my mother.
Second, find a computer that I can use casually while giving access to the rest of the family. It's become evident that I have a problem sharing technology, especially when it works. Then again, so does my mom when it comes to gardening projects.
Third, I could just continue spending time and money trying to fix the desktop. Frustrating, yes, but who knows if the frustration will be rewarded. I'm hoping Best Buy will just hand me a new computer for free for all the trouble that has happened over the summer, but I doubt any retail company is that nice.
Finally, I could just do nothing. I could stop and just explain to my teachers that I am without technology. I could use the computers at school to the best of my ability, which would limit the quality of what written work is required of me. Same would probably apply to the research part of whatever paper I need to do this semester.
All in all, I was hoping for a nice and easy summer where all I would do is sock cash away while enduring what drama came out of having a job. I guess that's asking too much at my age.
07-29-2006
09:45
It seems that at work a lot of people are quitting. The water cooler and rumor mill are reporting that since the current General Manager started working, not only has the work environment become extremely strict, but people have been quitting left and right. A total of about ten people at the least have left for one reason or another. While some may not be directly connected to the General Manager, it still will not look very good on him should the higher up people review his preformance at our location. Then there is the missing merchindise mystery and the fact that we are loosing money and points on sales and quality check ups.
This leads to every work day being understaff. Recently, I had to usher the entire morning by myself. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it was on Father's Day.
To add to this employee crisis is the fact that the school year is starting up. While some people are still in high school, the majority of the kids working are going off to college. A memo in the break room said that management cannot give school leave to everyone. In fact, the rumor is that only the people they think will come back will get school leave requests granted to them. What does this mean? Some people may have to quit just so they can go to school. While this is not a big deal for the ones leaving, once again, this isn't going to look very nicely on the General Manager's resume.
Am I concerned about his overall performance? Not really. Hell, I've had dreams recently where the theatre shut down for one reason or another. (None of which will come true.) If anything should happen out of this, it could be that the old General Manager that everyone said they loved and liked to work under would return to her original post. At the very least a new manager would come along to pick the place back up to where it once was. At the worst? They shut down Regal Green Hill 16 due to loss in revinue.
07-29-2006
21:21
Today at work, I had a very anti-climatic event happen. After telling it to so many people, writing about it would be rather difficult to do, as most of the emotion is dead and gone. But here's what happen anyway.
Around 16:20, in the middle of our rush at concession, a man came in and ordered an unusual order. Basically, he wanted a combo but wanted water in the medium cup instead of the bottle water we sell. In such case, we had to charge him for the cup. It's an inventory thing. All was going well until the person next to me finished.
The man walked off with his food allegibly not paying for it. Well, this caused him to get pissed off and he started dropping curse words left and right. After about five F-bombs, the young black man next to me said he would call his manager about the ordeal. After rounding the corner, the customer, who is white, said (and I quote) "You better get to work instead of smoking crack back there." A racist comment at it's finest. Then after a few more F-bombs, the man then said (again, quoted) "Tell your fucking managers to go fucking find me!"
And with that, the angry white man made a rush to the theatre hallway.
Later, upon reviewing the video tape, it turned out that a mistake was made on the part of my co-worker. In the middle of the rush, he apparently forgot that the man did in fact pay for his food already. My guess is that due to the complicated nature of his order, my co-worker probably just lost track of what he was doing.
This on his fifth day at work. Can't say that I haven't had a similar thing happen to me.
08-01-2006
The Last Entry... For Now
This past Sunday, a manager offended me. The blunt end of the matter is that she blamed me for something that she did. But that's the short story. The long story goes like this.
I was opening the concession stand when she came out to open my till. She asked if there was two people behind the counter. I told her that there wasn't; it was only me so far. After getting my bank into my register, I went about taking stock. I then submitted to this same manager my list of things I need. She hands me the key to the stock room, to which I automatically assume that means she wants me to get the stuff myself. As luck would have it, I get lost in the stock room, having no idea where any of the items I need are located. Half an hour goes buy and apparently a few customers are wondering what the hell is going on. The concession stand is open, but there is nobody back there! Why? Because I'm trying to find the salt that they want for their popcorn by myself. Naturally, I had no clue this was going on until someone came banging on the door of the stock room. I look out the door just in time to see another door swing close. I go out into the main lobby only to have a co-worker tell me that my manager is over behind the counter. I look, and she commands me to get back there. So I go about my normal concession business, which at this point involves apologizing to the customer for lack of salt for them to use. In the middle of this, the very same manager comes up and says to me "Next time, tell me that you are the only one up here when you need something."
What the fuck?! No more than half an hour before she asked me! As a manager, she should have known that right off the bat and should have got my stock for me so that what happen didn't happen!
Well, needless to say, that burned me up for the rest of the day. I was brought back to the level where I was ready to quit then and there. Several rushes go by and even my lunch break came and went, but nothing cooled me down. In the end, I talked to the General Manager about this matter.
Turns out, according to the General Manager, that particular manager is on thin ice. Apparently, she's either doing things that are unneccissary or is generally pissing off the other employees. Either way, the General Manager didn't sound too happy when I reported my issue with her.
Now on to the computer. With Best Buy moving to a new location, it appears that my time is slowly coming to a head. My sister and her laptop will be leaving in about a week, and if the computer isn't fixed by then, I don't have to tell you what will happen after that.
Naturally, we are looking into newer models as a replacement. The gamer side of me, however, wants something that can at least run SPORE when it comes out with maybe the Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 series at a good speed as well. Mom just wants something that can run internet and TurboTax. We both want the computer for ourselves for one reason or another. At the same time, we both want a good deal.
Unfortunately, I'm still in the market for a Mac that runs the programs I discovered I was so good at over the last semester. My summer goal, one that I gave up, resurfacing again. Mom has been trying to bait me into a deal that my sister already has going for her with the laptop. Mom pays, I pay back Mom whenever I work. Simple plan for those that want immediate gradification.
Honestly, I would get more gradification from buying my own computer with that summer job money. It's kind of like when I bought the Playstation with the money I saved back in high school. There's just something that feels good about dropping big cash like that on a purchase that you've been looking forward to for one reason or another.
For now, however, this will probably be the last chance I get at recording my thoughts. As such, I've decided to publish this post. My sister's laptop (much like the computers at the school) don't really like how Blogger does it's spell checking for one reason or another, so apologies for all the spelling mistakes you had to endure getting here. It seems what little time I have on the computer after next week will be devoted to papers and research rather than e-mail and cyber socializing.
How many of you saw this coming? Good. Curious as to what I was up since the last post? No? Too bad. It's rather interesting.
Some short time after my last post, I finally got a job. On my own (relatively) and the first official one I can put on my resume of employment. Where am I working? At a movie theatre in the part of town most of the New Money live in. Yeah, I get to serve popcorn and clean up after rich people that are so pretty you can't fuck them.
As excited as I was going into it, the first day was hell. They just shoved me behind the concession register and said "follow this guy." My trainer was kind of an idiot. He just showed me the register and that was it. I somehow was able to weasel my way into ushering for the rest of the night.
The next few days proved that the whole "team" aspect of the job I was told about doesn't exist. I was closing concession, and nobody wanted to do their duties the first night. The second night I was closing, there was an employee working with me that all the managers trusted with their life. Probably was going to be a manager if he wanted to. We got out late because someone didn't tell the ushers that day they had to break down boxes. As such, I had to along with the only team leader that night. Everyone else left, outside of the managers.
Over the course of my first week, I got the hang of things. Kids movies that open are a nightmare, both concessioning and cleaning up after them. Kids don't know how to eat at the movies. I see now why in day cares, lunch and TV time are separate from each other. I also learned how to tell the difference between a popular movie and an unpopular movie simply by how much trash is left behind and which theatre they are playing the movie in. Generally, the smaller the theatre, the smaller the crowd, the less trash. I also learned we show several "art" films, most of which never generate any trash as at all. If they do, it's not much.
Interesting stories? A few.
My first day I got searched. I was helping my trainer turn in a travel bag into Lost and Found, but apparently all the credit cards disappeared, as well as some cash. It was policy to search the ushers because they don't trust us any more than they trust their customers. So why me? Why the new guy? Because I also handled the bag. After that, the movie theatre where this all went down had to be search and left unclean when the movie ended. Just in case someone left them in their by accident after their robbery attempt. In any event, that alone probably set myself up for a fall.
A few days after that, I was sent on the center register in concession. I had two customers snap at me and one family spill their soda. I closed my register as ordered by the manager. Apparently, after those events, my body language changed. With concern for myself, the manager put me on clean up for about an hour just to cool down. I don't remember taking any of those events personally; I come from a rather indifferent stance when it comes to people biting my head off for reasons I can't control. But apparently, the manager read it as such. After that, I was put back on the register for the rest of my shift with only the last minute movie patrons to serve.
My first official day ushering (Day 4), I was left alone after 15:00. One usher had to go to the place where you get your tickets torn, another had to cover for someone in concession. Unfortunately, for me, that day was a holiday weekend, and a big movie just came out into our theatres. As I was trying to clean the theatres, I panicked and radioed for help. No response. I was already late as it was, so I stormed up there and asked a manager in person for help. My help came in the form of a pair of lazy employees who would rather make easy money than work. I can't say I didn't want to be in their shoes, but then again even I know (as foolish and inexperienced as I was then) that work means work. Needless to say, I got nothing done and I stayed 20 minutes over my shift. The Shift Manager at the time was the only one that apologized for that. I left angry that day to the point where I took it out on my family.
After getting the hang of everything, I had to open the concession stand by myself. Unfortunately, for me, the day I did it was the day the popcorn maker breaks on me. Not only did I have to wait for the kettle to cool down so I can put back on a screw that was missing, but I also apparently forgot to put the nozzles on the soda until my first set of customers came in. When I saw another employee come in getting a soda for her cup, I asked in a panic for her to put the rest of the nozzles back on. This was the start of my over use of thanking people. It used to be that I said "I'm sorry" a lot. I now find myself saying "Thank you" to nearly everyone at work for things that are probably minor. Thankfully, my line had more patient people who were there just as soon as the theatre opened for shows that didn't start for another hour.
On a more positive note, I talked to a father and 11-year-old girl as they were getting their popcorn from me. Standard question is "what movie are you here to see?" They were going to watch Poseidon. Well, that movie is kind of a horror movie, and I expressed my discomfort in such a young girl seeing such a graphic movie. The father assured me that she's a horror movie fan. So, I asked, "What's your favorite scary movie so far?" Her answer? Amnyville. Yeah, she was going to be fine with Poseidon.
When Cars opened, I was in concession that Friday. Center register, which meant I would get a lot of impatient parents and bratty kids. Or so I thought. The most interesting even that day? A woman with blond hair and a tan that was obviously fake comes in and says "I need 12 kids meals." I jaw it hit floor. She explained that they are having a birthday party, so I rang up the 12 meals. I then turned around to four new employees who were shadowing and running food for us that day and announced that I need 12 kids meals ASAP. My line as getting longer as I asked what drink she wanted for the kids meals. After counting off a dozen cups and handing them to another runner, she gave me yet another food order. She was bringing her older sons, so she got two medium popcorns, and for the parents, four small popcorns and drinks. The order got so big that we had to use the counter space normally used for advertisements and post cards about in-theatre promotions. We even had to bring out a few trays just for them to carry everything to the theatre. All the while, my line just got longer and longer, with only two other registers open to get relieve traffic flow. After she paid (her total was $103, if you are wondering), I apologized to the next person in line. He said that it was quite alright, and that he was impressed with how I handled the situation given both the line, the time, and the extra help. From there on out, it was business as usual.
So what did I buy with my first pay check? Nothing. You would think that it would be porn, but all the sites I went to apparently don't ship to Tennessee. I wonder why? (Okay, I know why. It's because I live in a town that has a porn shop near a bar across the street from a church. Furthermore, gay porn isn't allowed here unless it features lesbians that are generally hot.) I also can't find anything on Amazon or eBay because, apparently, they stopped or pulled off any adult content short of the stuff that isn't porn like the documentaries of the porn industries I found. So what did I do with it? I owed my sister some money, so I cashed it in and gave her what I owed. I'm probably going to do the same thing with my mother and everyone else. Which generally means at this rate I won't be able to buy my computer for my art.
Which brings me to this next point in this long post from beyond the grave! Over the course of my first week of working, I've lost interest in my art work. It was a fear of mine that actually prevented me from getting a job in the first place. The whole "selling your soul to the all mighty dollar" scenario that all my art connection say isn't as bad as I thought it was. Unfortunately, now that I am working 40 hours a week (even if it is just cleaning up after the popcorn I help dish out) my creativity has taken a dive. And a sharp one at that. Any creative project I started before I got this job is pretty much dead, even on my days off. Instead of working them, I opt to sleep or figuring out how much my next pay check will be. My family has even started up talks of getting me to learn how to drive again during my days off simply because my work schedule doesn't fit as nicely as my class schedule did with their driving/work schedule.
It's like my biggest fear came true. The only reason I was able to type this is because I'm doing the laundry and thought "You know, I probably should tell more than just my family what kind of stories I'm experiencing at work." No creative thought has popped into my head, not even thought that involve the projects I had planned before I got a job. It's as if I have joined that 95% of art school graduates who don't do anything afterwards with their knowledge a year and a half earlier than expected.
06-14-2006
I used my employee benefit to go see Cars. What kind of benefit got me to see that movie? I get to see any movie I want for free (provided it's not opening weekend, because of the General Manager can sell the seat, he will).
The movie was a fun ride, but I think I was the only one that was enjoying it with all of their characters and personality. I'll spare the movie review, not because it was a bad movie. Far from it. It's just right now I don't feel like talking about it.
It seems that movies only provide an escape for my family that lasts only during the two hours that they are in the theatre. Nothing before, nothing after. In fact, after the movie, it's back to business.
Seems like a rather strange "thanks for a free movie," you know? But that's the way they are.
There's talk about what the next movie we will see for free is going to be. Chances are it's going to be Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. At the earliest, Di Vinci Code. X3 looks to be out of the question at this point.
06-17-2006
I am slowly losing respect for my fellow co-workers.
Friday, during the premiere night of four movies, I had the morning shift as well as the first evening rush. I was paired with people who obviously did not want to work at all. As soon as I was cashed in (I was in concession), they pretty much left to gossip in the break room. I did most of the selling and restocking, what little there was to restock. Once I had a dead period, I asked to go on my break from a manager. They said it was alright, so I went. Five minutes into it, I had to get back on the clock because apparently they didn't remember that my co-worker was on her break, and the person that was out in front wasn't cashed in to a register. What the hell?! Managers should know these kind of things before approving breaks! To top it off, I found out later that the person that was on her break was there for four years now. You would think that someone who was there would be at least responsible enough to tell me that they are going on break and to cover for her, but apparently she isn't that responsible.
Today? I was ushering and had two no-shows with my co-workers. The first no-show I can't complain about because I never worked with the guy, so I wouldn't know anything about how he works. The second no-show I'm a bit surprised by. This was the guy that was on top of things when I was closing concession that second night I had to stay until midnight. He even broke down boxes with me long after we were suppose to clock out. For him to not show up to usher seems a bit odd. Again, excusable since I know he's on top of nearly everything else.
For the morning shift, however, I was stuck with a fellow that was hired around the same time I was. Apparently, he was trained differently. He was also taken advantage of. His ushering experience has been strictly books. He never cleaned. So, I put him on it while I did walks. I helped clean the bigger movies like Cars and Nacho Libre when I wasn't doing the books. That's when I lost respect for him entirely. We had a spill, a massive one, and I told him to get a mop while I got the rest of the trash out of the cup holders and floor. It would be quicker if we divide and conquer. He insisted to just use napkins since he didn't want to get a mop. I told him that since he's going to get napkins at the concession anyway to just go ahead and get the mop. Then he told me to get the mop instead while he picked up the trash. I gave in and let him have the easy job. Needless to say, I was the last one out of the theatre because we wasted five minutes arguing over using napkins to clean a spill from a large drink (and those of you that know theatre concessions, those napkins can't absorb anything).
The only thing that help made today bearable was the fact that one of the new employees is a former Teamster. As a member of that union, he knows what it means to be part of a work team and how to work as a team. Seeing how every time I get put into a team setting I end up the leader (since, apparently, nobody likes to take charge), I know I can count on him. I also got help from the girl that I shadowed my first day on the job, who even volunteered to take over my walking duties for me without even asking!
It's nice to know that there are at least some competent workers at my job. I just wish we were paired up more often.
I'm at the point where I want to fire a letter off to the District Manager. I would take this to the Gen. Manager, but he doesn't come off as approachable in these kind of matters. Plus, I have issues with him and the rest of the management staff. He over hired from the looks of it, but he also spread us out way to thin in areas that are more important than the jobs that he claims are the most important. What do I mean by that? Rumor has it we will soon have to be signing books saying that we've checked the bathrooms every 25 minutes as part of our usher duties. As of right now, it's impossible for the ushers to check the bathrooms that often due to things like the new walk system and cleaning up after a show. An Assistant Manager said that we may end up putting someone on the clock strictly for bathroom checks. That's it. He said that was his job before at another theatre, so it's very well possible.
I'm planning a little social experiment on Wednesday, my day off. I'm going to think it through over the night and over my shift tomorrow, then run it by the Gen. Manager if I see him. If not, I won't tell anyone and just do it. The later being the better option so far. It will test the managers as well as the employees.
06-18-2006
It didn't even take 24 hours, and I'm already a broken spirit wanting to quit so badly. I would too if I didn't already know first hand how difficult it is for me to find a job. However, if I quit, how do you think the manager of the place I would be applying for would take it?
What brought this thought into my head?
I was the only usher today from opening until about 16:46 when my mandatory break happened. Mandatory by law, that is. In all honesty, I would have liked to have worked well into my fifth hour, thereby getting the management in trouble for not being the responsible ones in finding me some help from one of the other employees. Granted we were thin already, but seriously. We have an employee roster of about 40 people! Couldn't someone get called in last minute?!
So there I was, all day, trying to keep to the schedule and make sure theatres were clean and walks where done by myself. Again, let me remind you that I'm the only usher working. Well, after I get a lot of these books signed to show that I did my walks, the manager asks if I checked the bathrooms. I told her that I don't have the time to do that and still keep all the theatres clean on time. She started asking me why, and another manager noticed a look of pain on my face. I was already overworked as it was, and only that manager new it. The other manager that knew was busy helping the other group of kids over in concession.
Towards the final leg of my time before my break, the fact that I was behind on nearly everything was starting to take its toll. I began throwing the bottle water and child booster seats towards the wall near the trash cans at the risk of having them break into a million pieces. I called for help twice for our big theatres, and this time someone listened. The last time I called for help, nobody replied until I went up there myself and asked for it in person instead of over the radio. In this panic, several guests noticed that I wasn't the usual happy and productive Regal Employee that they saw when they bought their tickets or popcorn. They asked if I was alright, to which I responded an honest 'No' as I rushed to the next theatre to be clean.
I cannot say that I handled everything as well as I could have, or that the managers gave me a big congratulations and thank you for a job well done. By the time I was able to take my break, I was about ready to cry with stress. Not only did I miss cleaning two shows after they let out, but I didn't do my walks for nearly every show that started after 13:30. I spent the entire 35 minutes huddled over trying to lower my body heat with an Icee, only to be told that I can't have those unless I bring a cup of my own now. I was using one of those free wax cups we are suppose to give the customers when they request for some. After finishing what I had, I spent the rest of the time huddled over myself in an upright fetal position. I got a pat of pity from a manager that walked by that knew my plight. That was about it outside of a conversation with someone that was clocking in as to why I looked like I've been through hell.
About that time the thought of just quitting came into my head. Since I started working there, I haven't had a single good experience that I can remember. Every time, something bad happens in one fashion or another. This entry is a testimonial to that. Where else would I log something like that?
As my break was about to end, another usher came in. She got updated as to what happened. About how I missed doing nearly all my walks because I was stuck cleaning three kids movies by myself, and about how stressed I was about trying to just be on time. Hell, I didn't even once check the bathrooms because I was that behind!
But the damage was done. Once I was out on the floor, my spirit was broken and I didn't care if we did anything on time any more. I did my job at the pass of a pack mule with a heavy load trying to carry it up the canyon hill. Not even the fact I had to take the trash out in the rain affected me. If anything, I was hoping a manager would see me soaked as I was pulling a trash can back to a theatre and just have more pity on me knowing that I'm doing the best I can now that they broke my will.
It's times like these I wish I knew how to get in contact with the District Manager. Then again, I wish the District Manager of Regal Cinema for Nashville was there today and saw me during both these states--the panic state of the morning and the dead state of the evening. I'm only one employee and very expendable, but still. This should have happened. The Shift Manager should have known that today being Father's Day, that the after church crowd would go to the movies.
06-19-2006
"But I know, it's my damn fault" echoes in my head. Partly because Margaritaville is playing over while I type this.
Some time after my blog ended for the second time, Jason chorused me into getting a MySpace. (Notice I'm not linking to it.) I'm rather ashamed that I ended up getting one, as I'm not social to begin with.
Well, recently, my boredom and screwed up psyche found myself on the site surfing through the degrees of separation and what things I had in common with some people. I found a few people from high school and several from Watkins on there. All of which are more socially connected if not more evolved than I am in one aspect or another.
While I know better than to judge a person by the profile they present themselves (after all, how many of those are as honest as my blog?), my already damaged mentality of how real life works made me over react inside. I realized how little social interaction I get, both online and in real life.
And yet, as depressing as that is to me, I don't have any desire to be social. While I would like to have more friends and a close group of people I can call and count on, I have no want to go out, party, or whatever it is people do these days to be social.
Combine this with that death of the hopeless romantic in me that indirectly resulted in my lack of interest in the gay dating scene or wanting to date anyone period, and I think we have the beginnings of some kind of Lone Wolf Syndrome (LWS). I doubt something like this exists, but it wouldn't surprise me if it did. After all, we did have isolationists back during the days of World War II if not farther back.
It's odd being depressed about something you know you could care less about. Maybe that means I really do care about being social. Then why is it that I don't care about making friends anymore, especially knowing how the real world works now after a month at a real job?
06-22-2006
I think I may have done something that I know I don't remember doing before.
Apparently, I offended or was rude to a customer on Sunday when I was ushering alone. Rumor has it that the lady was African-American and was asking for the General Manager's number to directly report me.
I have no recollection of being rude to any guests that day. What guest interaction I had was mostly concerned guests asking if I was okay as I rushed from one theatre to the next and the usual "is there a movie playing in here?" guest that comes in while I'm still cleaning a theatre.
The only time I remember being even remotely rude was during my last leg of panic attacks for being late with a co-worker. She wanted to know what time the movies were starting and I told her I that I had no clue. The tone I used was more along of the lines of a frustrated and depressed "why are you asking me this?" instead of a rude or offensive tone. At least in my head. There is a chance (and a big one apparently) that she may have taken it as me being rude or taking out my frustrations on her for a bad day.
In any event, the pebble thrown into the river Sunday is making ripples that nearly everyone that knows me has been asking about. And unfortunately, I don't know if they mean a guest or if they mean a co-worker. Everyone is saying 'guest.' I'm saying that I don't know and that I don't remember.
06-23-2006
Al Gore Visits for 'An Inconvenient Truth' Premiere
I probably don't need to say much of anything given the title, but seeing how this is probably as close as I'll ever really get to someone of any power or money, it does warrant at least some attention.
That and it was the only time work was fun, so I need to log this to balance out some of the bad.
I opened the upstairs concession pretty much by myself. When help came around, the only things left were popcorn and nachos to make. The manager working that afternoon said to stock for a thousand, so I did. Ironically, we only served about 30 people, all of which were handing big bills in one fashion or another.
The premiere itself is not what you would expect. At least from a theatre worker's point of view. From the outside, it looks like a bunch of glits and glamour. From the employee side, it's just another day at work. The only difference is the clientele. Instead of serving the new money of Green Hills, we were serving the old and political money of the greater Nashville area. (Which, coincidently, included a fellow classmate of mine who I did not know was of money.)
Al and Tipper Gore were there. Their entrance was signaled by applause and cheers, as well as their exit as they left the lobby to go into the theatre. Their assistants went to the concession stands where I was to get their food for them.
And guess who got to fill their order? That's right. Me. I ran for bottle waters (two for Tipper, two for Al) and a medium popcorn with butter for the Gores. Well, their assistance, but you get the idea.
After the premiere rush, it was closing duty. The concession was only open for the Gores and their friends. Every other movie patron that night had to use the downstairs concession. Which was a mad house from what I was told after we were sent home from cleaning.
A security officer friend of mine said Al and Tipper only stayed for about 20 minutes max into the movie before leaving. Every other VIP there stayed for the whole thing. That's politics for you.
Much to my surprise, everything went off with little to no problems. At least nothing major like a popcorn machine breaking down or even running low on cups. I think I had something to do with that, because we were overstocked when all the clean up was said and done. And for an evening when there was press in the building as well as people that most of us will never shake hands with, I can honestly say that I had fun.
The only downer? No premiere goodie bags for the employees. Just a congratulatory "good job" from the General Manager. Weak, huh?
07-01-2006
A week before this post date, my computer died. Kind of a mystery, but I won't go into it. Basically, the motherboard is fried beyond repair. Mom had the bright idea of just transferring the data over to the desktop computer that my sister originally got for college but ended up not using because of the new wireless campus set up (READS: Because the college forced her to get a laptop). Turns out that motherboard is also on the brink of blowing up.
Thankfully, that computer can be repaired. But, as with most things in life, it comes at a price. Mainly, my first three pay checks.
Yes, I know, given how much money I spent on just repairs so far (estimated at $600), I am better off getting a new computer. The thing is, I wasn't expecting to buy one this soon. And certainly not one designed strictly for internet and play until SPORE came out.
In any event, I'm back to where I started six weeks ago. Trying to save for a computer that I can use for my digital art work. I guess that's how the pennies roll in the real world. Sucks, don't it?
07-07-2006
It hasn't even been two weeks completely, and my addiction to the internet couldn't be more apparent. Unfortunately, it's been compensated with another form of technology I haven't touched since high school.
Nearly immediately after checking the computers in for repairs, I found myself playing video games again. Namely, LUNAR: Silver Star Story Complete in a vain attempt of getting my lost save game back. Apparently I screwed up somewhere, because I couldn't find the third Healing Ring in the Grindery. Trivial, I know, but my OCD kicked in when I realized this and I deleted the saved game I had seeing as how I couldn't go back in the game due to how they programmed it.
This impulsive reaction to not having a computer worries me.
Recent studies from British scientists show that the internet is reducing the amount of real face time humans get when communicating with others. Places like MySpace and even my own blog offer a way to communicate in a way not seen anywhere else before in history! We are now a global neighborhood, but it isn't as great as Epcot's Spaceship Earth ride made it out to be. Yes, we are communicating with each other, but at the same time we are distancing ourselves from real world interaction. I've known this for a while now, but it didn't become as apparent until after I heard about this report.
With work comes a new social scene. And with this new scene comes more new observations from this fool who is writing this. Basically, the blunt truth of the matter is this. It doesn't matter if I drive. The damage from my past has been done and there is no way (or personal interest at this point) for me to get a social life that everyone wants me to. Oh, sure, there's the whole going out to just hang out with friends angle I could use. That in itself is harmless. But I work with a bunch of teenagers, most of which are looking forward to turning 18 or 21. Most of whom already have an established social life I never had in high school.
And the more things stay the same with the more changes I experience. I still talk to people. I'm social, but not in the way most people are. I bring out the meaning of association to its most literal form apparently.
Combine this with the amount of time I spend on the internet, and you have a good nut case on your hands. Probably one for the text books if I can give myself too much credit with this problem.
But these past two weeks or so have shown me a side of myself that is starting to become all too normal for me. Over the course of the days, with work and playing video games, I lost interest in my art. I lost interest in generally everything. I just want to get money and waste it on technology so I can keep up with the internet (and maybe play SPORE when it comes out). Nothing more, nothing less.
A friend of mine (if you can call him that given what I said above) told me in an e-mail that a job would help me find purpose in the boring day-to-day routine of this thing we call life. While it gave me a sense that someone actually needed me in a strange way, it didn't give me that sense of purpose he was talking about. In fact, I think it did the opposite. I think the repair costs of the computers had something to do with it. I'm not sure.
The addiction to the internet is apparently too great for me to bare. My sister left me her laptop in my trust over the weekend as she goes out of town. Probably to still my addiction by giving me what I miss the most so that I'm not so tortured over the weekend when the video game I can't seem to complete in its entirety can't distract me any better than going to work for a movie theatre full of Johnny Depp/Orlando Bloom/Keira Knightly/Pirates fans.
While a part of me wants to go back on to all my online games I invested so many months and lost hours to, this new part of me is asking "why bother? Sure, you may have wasted about six months total on a cheesy online game based around Disneyland, but you wasted how many years sitting in front of the computer?" The answer is ever since AOL first came out and I thought it was the best thing ever. It was around the same time when Animaniacs and the first wave of Power Rangers were popular. That being said, I probably with just stick to message boards and find out what, if anything, that I missed and if said missed events were the kind that would send my collection habit into overdrive. I'm hoping that won't be the case and that it will just be like when Pokemon came out with another 150 creatures to catch. In other words, I'm hoping that I missed so much that I would be better off to just drop the game cold.
But online games are one thing. The message boards, e-mails, and even this blog are probably the root of my addiction. It's the not knowing what's going on that's killing me. How so? With these things, I feel a connection to a social scene that I don't have in real life. I feel like I'm in "the know" or some social circle similar to what I observe in real life and wish I could be a part of.
The only thing that makes my social scene pathetic is how the media portrays it. Unfortunately, if science can prove anything, it proves that the media was right in how they may my present socializing techniques.
And yet, this is probably the most honest form of communication anyone that will ever get to know me will ever have from me.
07-14-2006
Not having a computer and paying for its repairs from my own pay checks, which was originally designed for just socking away money if I could, has put into a very interesting perspective my thoughts on being a consumer now. Just try and keep up with me, as this train of logic is more irrational than most of my rants.
Last weekend, with the "fuzzy math" done in my head, I pretty much threw out all hope of ever getting enough money to support my art. At that point, my interest in art and in college was set at 'Get it done and then go into something you would like to do for the rest of your life. Something financially viable and with some amount of security.' The only thing I came up with is character design for video games. After I get my BFA (at least at this point in my mind), I'll see about submitting a portfolio again to the Seattle game design schools that rejected me the first time.
With that in place in my head, I threw all concern for saving for my computer to the wind and tried in a vain attempt at finding an online shop that would ship porn to my area. I found nothing every place I tried to order from, canceling one order in the process which caused that money to float in limbo for the next two months until it defaults back to me per bank agreement. Or so I'm told in the fine print of my Debit Card. It seemed like a lost cause until I found a site that ships via UPS Ground. Fast forward to yesterday, and I'm the proud owner of my first porn DVD that I've wanted since God-knows-when.
However, I can't say that I'm a 'proud' owner without feeling a bit unlike myself. Yes, I'm a gay guy in his mid-20's (Geez, already?), and yes, like most guys, sex and getting off are on my mind a good chunk of the time. But how the hell did buying and getting that DVD shipped to a region most won't ship to make me feel unlike myself?
To be perfectly honest, I started to feel like I was becoming like Dan. A black trunk full of porn and adult toys kept under lock and key? That was him when I was with him. And while my trunk has mostly traumatic items I don't want to look at with only two pieces of porn, a handful of dirty magazines, and some other 'tools,' It's still slowly becoming more like his trunk.
When I came to this realization, I remembered what Jason said about Dan given all that I've blogged and told to him in private about. And I didn't like the fact that I could be headed down that way simply out of being beaten up by life in general due to my own mistakes.
That being said, I hope that this was the first and last porn that I buy online in any form. I'm not one for being noble nor am I one to try my damnest not to go down a path I will ultimately take, but I hope to God I don't end up like Dan or do what Dan did to me.
So with nothing really to purchase and my original summer goal out of reach due to technical difficulties of the most annoying kind, where does this leave my summer job money? Tuition? School supplies? The monthly donation to Gaia Online? Maybe finally go on that trip to Disneyland by myself?
Who knows?
Work is starting to become less of something to complain and rant about. In fact, it's starting to become more of 'just a thing you do' kind of aspect that is a part of nearly everyone's life. The only thing that is making it enjoyable is the internal drama. Let me share at the risk of getting fired.
Several managers have quit or left for better jobs. Supposable, it has something to do with the General Manager and how he is running things. As of this entry, we are hiring for managers. As far as us underlings go? We are pretty much just going about the job as usual. No new faces in a while, but surprisingly a lot of the people we hired at the start of the summer are gone. Futhermore, several of the older employees are leaving as well. If I had to guess, they probably got better jobs.
So, yeah, in short, work has just become something to do.
The computer, as of this typing, is still out. I can't go on VMK and escape to my virtual Disneyland where I can design rooms and other places with little frustration that the real world offers (like friction and gravity when moving furniture). My sister's laptop is for messages checking use unless allowed otherwise. Naturally, because it's her laptop, she's gets mad every time I look at it with a gaze that reads like I'm wanting to make love to it longingly.
But my time without a personal computer has put into perspective yet another thing about my daily life that I didn't think about until I lost the computer and got the job. I spend too much time playing really crappy games for free thinking that they are the best things ever. Exceptions going to Gaia and VMK... albeit VMK does have some limited enjoyments as well.
07-15-2006
Well, this is interesting. Apparently, my work is in a bit of a bind. Somehow, we lost $2,000 of concession food in our inventory. Mostly candy, but there are some hot dogs and even soda cups.
Naturally, to find out who did it, the General Manager is talking to everyone about what is going on. If you confess to him when he talks to you, the punishment will be less brutal than if you lie and they catch you on the security cameras.
So far? Only one person has been suspended. Gossip with the co-workers is that he was just generally unliked by the other employees. I didn't like him because he didn't work, but other than that, I never saw him steal anything. Then again, I only worked with him once, so I don't know much of anything unlike the ones that work with him more often.
In other news that won't get me fired, I keep running into people from Watkins at work. Today, I ran into Coffey, who was standing outside the doors on his phone. He was probably going to see a movie. I also ran into Terry T., who is the head of the Fine Arts department. He was going to see Wordplay, and I ran into him while working concessions. Oddly enough, he said that he knew he'd run into me eventually at the theater I worked. I wonder what that means. Lastly, I ran into my ex-Dean as well. I kind of almost ran him over, as I was pulling trash cans out to dump. It's kind of freaky.
07-26-2006
The only thing interesting to point out today as far as work goes is the gross amount of misinformation involving the request for school leave. It got so bad that I had to just go to the General Manager to find out the proper way of doing it. Other than that, nothing really to report.
Why? Because my main concern right now is the computer.
See, it appears that even thought it came back repaired, it still doesn't work. I tried everything that was suggested to me and the more it refuses to work. At this point, we are better off getting a new computer, for which I'll be browsing for on my sister's laptop.
So what exactly is wrong with it? The motherboard for the model is apparently retired. Best Buy, to the best of their ability, put in a motherboard that is as close to the original as they can get. This, however, causes several system restoration problems. E-Machine has a chip in their motherboards that enables the restore CDs to work properly. Without it, we would have to buy Windows XP separately instead of using the system restore CDs.
Basically, without that chip, we are going to be out another couple hundred dollars or so just getting an operating system for the computer.
This could not come at a worst time than now. In a few weeks, my sister leaves for college yet again. This means that we will be officially without a computer. No computer means mom can't do her PowerPoint presentations. No computer means no internet as well. However, what I'm more concern about is that no computer means no way to write my papers on time and when I want to at home. (And as much as I would like to hand my teachers hand-written essays and whatever else they want, I know they won't accept them as college level professionalism at its finest.)
This pretty much falls back now on to my summer job. With the money I have, I can do one of several things.
The first option is to just get a laptop. The state is throwing a tax break holiday during the first weekend of August on all Back-to-School items. Of which, any computer under $1500 is eligible for the tax break. This means that by today's standards, I can get a computer that will run like a big type writer and can let me surf the internet without the 10% state sales tax. I can either pay it myself and own it or finance it off my mother.
Second, find a computer that I can use casually while giving access to the rest of the family. It's become evident that I have a problem sharing technology, especially when it works. Then again, so does my mom when it comes to gardening projects.
Third, I could just continue spending time and money trying to fix the desktop. Frustrating, yes, but who knows if the frustration will be rewarded. I'm hoping Best Buy will just hand me a new computer for free for all the trouble that has happened over the summer, but I doubt any retail company is that nice.
Finally, I could just do nothing. I could stop and just explain to my teachers that I am without technology. I could use the computers at school to the best of my ability, which would limit the quality of what written work is required of me. Same would probably apply to the research part of whatever paper I need to do this semester.
All in all, I was hoping for a nice and easy summer where all I would do is sock cash away while enduring what drama came out of having a job. I guess that's asking too much at my age.
07-29-2006
09:45
It seems that at work a lot of people are quitting. The water cooler and rumor mill are reporting that since the current General Manager started working, not only has the work environment become extremely strict, but people have been quitting left and right. A total of about ten people at the least have left for one reason or another. While some may not be directly connected to the General Manager, it still will not look very good on him should the higher up people review his preformance at our location. Then there is the missing merchindise mystery and the fact that we are loosing money and points on sales and quality check ups.
This leads to every work day being understaff. Recently, I had to usher the entire morning by myself. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it was on Father's Day.
To add to this employee crisis is the fact that the school year is starting up. While some people are still in high school, the majority of the kids working are going off to college. A memo in the break room said that management cannot give school leave to everyone. In fact, the rumor is that only the people they think will come back will get school leave requests granted to them. What does this mean? Some people may have to quit just so they can go to school. While this is not a big deal for the ones leaving, once again, this isn't going to look very nicely on the General Manager's resume.
Am I concerned about his overall performance? Not really. Hell, I've had dreams recently where the theatre shut down for one reason or another. (None of which will come true.) If anything should happen out of this, it could be that the old General Manager that everyone said they loved and liked to work under would return to her original post. At the very least a new manager would come along to pick the place back up to where it once was. At the worst? They shut down Regal Green Hill 16 due to loss in revinue.
07-29-2006
21:21
Today at work, I had a very anti-climatic event happen. After telling it to so many people, writing about it would be rather difficult to do, as most of the emotion is dead and gone. But here's what happen anyway.
Around 16:20, in the middle of our rush at concession, a man came in and ordered an unusual order. Basically, he wanted a combo but wanted water in the medium cup instead of the bottle water we sell. In such case, we had to charge him for the cup. It's an inventory thing. All was going well until the person next to me finished.
The man walked off with his food allegibly not paying for it. Well, this caused him to get pissed off and he started dropping curse words left and right. After about five F-bombs, the young black man next to me said he would call his manager about the ordeal. After rounding the corner, the customer, who is white, said (and I quote) "You better get to work instead of smoking crack back there." A racist comment at it's finest. Then after a few more F-bombs, the man then said (again, quoted) "Tell your fucking managers to go fucking find me!"
And with that, the angry white man made a rush to the theatre hallway.
Later, upon reviewing the video tape, it turned out that a mistake was made on the part of my co-worker. In the middle of the rush, he apparently forgot that the man did in fact pay for his food already. My guess is that due to the complicated nature of his order, my co-worker probably just lost track of what he was doing.
This on his fifth day at work. Can't say that I haven't had a similar thing happen to me.
08-01-2006
The Last Entry... For Now
This past Sunday, a manager offended me. The blunt end of the matter is that she blamed me for something that she did. But that's the short story. The long story goes like this.
I was opening the concession stand when she came out to open my till. She asked if there was two people behind the counter. I told her that there wasn't; it was only me so far. After getting my bank into my register, I went about taking stock. I then submitted to this same manager my list of things I need. She hands me the key to the stock room, to which I automatically assume that means she wants me to get the stuff myself. As luck would have it, I get lost in the stock room, having no idea where any of the items I need are located. Half an hour goes buy and apparently a few customers are wondering what the hell is going on. The concession stand is open, but there is nobody back there! Why? Because I'm trying to find the salt that they want for their popcorn by myself. Naturally, I had no clue this was going on until someone came banging on the door of the stock room. I look out the door just in time to see another door swing close. I go out into the main lobby only to have a co-worker tell me that my manager is over behind the counter. I look, and she commands me to get back there. So I go about my normal concession business, which at this point involves apologizing to the customer for lack of salt for them to use. In the middle of this, the very same manager comes up and says to me "Next time, tell me that you are the only one up here when you need something."
What the fuck?! No more than half an hour before she asked me! As a manager, she should have known that right off the bat and should have got my stock for me so that what happen didn't happen!
Well, needless to say, that burned me up for the rest of the day. I was brought back to the level where I was ready to quit then and there. Several rushes go by and even my lunch break came and went, but nothing cooled me down. In the end, I talked to the General Manager about this matter.
Turns out, according to the General Manager, that particular manager is on thin ice. Apparently, she's either doing things that are unneccissary or is generally pissing off the other employees. Either way, the General Manager didn't sound too happy when I reported my issue with her.
Now on to the computer. With Best Buy moving to a new location, it appears that my time is slowly coming to a head. My sister and her laptop will be leaving in about a week, and if the computer isn't fixed by then, I don't have to tell you what will happen after that.
Naturally, we are looking into newer models as a replacement. The gamer side of me, however, wants something that can at least run SPORE when it comes out with maybe the Roller Coaster Tycoon 3 series at a good speed as well. Mom just wants something that can run internet and TurboTax. We both want the computer for ourselves for one reason or another. At the same time, we both want a good deal.
Unfortunately, I'm still in the market for a Mac that runs the programs I discovered I was so good at over the last semester. My summer goal, one that I gave up, resurfacing again. Mom has been trying to bait me into a deal that my sister already has going for her with the laptop. Mom pays, I pay back Mom whenever I work. Simple plan for those that want immediate gradification.
Honestly, I would get more gradification from buying my own computer with that summer job money. It's kind of like when I bought the Playstation with the money I saved back in high school. There's just something that feels good about dropping big cash like that on a purchase that you've been looking forward to for one reason or another.
For now, however, this will probably be the last chance I get at recording my thoughts. As such, I've decided to publish this post. My sister's laptop (much like the computers at the school) don't really like how Blogger does it's spell checking for one reason or another, so apologies for all the spelling mistakes you had to endure getting here. It seems what little time I have on the computer after next week will be devoted to papers and research rather than e-mail and cyber socializing.
