A dream about casting spells to open a gate in my home in my own funky language I made up, driving around town late at night with a friend I never had, seeing the neighborhood slut take in another male virgin, and singing from an old bar pirate?! The creative wildfire that seems to occationally fizzle out every so often only to be picked back up with a gental gust of wind to spread the embers has done nothing more but invaded my subconsious. Instead of dreamming dreams that may mean something that I think about too much about, they have now turned into little specks of ideals and wants created by the one desire to simply have fun.

To be free. Uncontrolled. No limits! I never really felt like that. They said that that time is in that time between when you can talk in full sentances and put together thoughts and right before Kindergarden. I never had that kind of luxury. I was stuck in a daycare downtown or off in the suburbs somewhere. What I can remember seemed like fun, but I was still bond by rules that were eventually stuck in my head. As time went on, more rules got thrown in and branded in my brain. Now I'm no better than my mom. Planing everything major. Sure, I try to act carefree because I want to so badly, but I just can't. Money, rules, or simply doubt prevents me sometimes. I've lost the inner child in my somewhere in the dark forest of rules. The only thing that's guiding him back are the things of today's youth. Pokemon, popular anime like DBZ and Cowboy Bebop, occationally even singing and music. Definately games though.

In games, I can be anything I want! I can be the best dancer on the stage or a turmpet playing puppet master off to save the world and find true love; a boy with a passion to be a Dragonmaster or someone capible of beating up hoards of baddies hand-to-hand and still look good doing it. I can live in their worlds for a change. I won't have to worry about anything but how many PokeBucks I have to get an UltraBall or what element type is this gargoyle so I know what spell works best against him from which of my female characters since he's a Libra and female Libras are stronger in the game when attacking their male counterpart. I can save the world, get the girl (or the guy in one game), and become the best in my little world! Sadly, I know, that once I'm all happy, I'll ultimately have to press the power button and turn it off and face the rule bound reality. No more dragons or wizards or little Woopers to follow me around. Just me, and my non-directional life.