Turning Down Two Guys in One Night

I started out my Bum Day for the first time in two weeks with going online and talking to Zero. We talked about various things like my blog, Neopets, and (of course) men.

While talking to her about the last subject, we somehow got on the topic of James. I told her a few things about James that really upsets me, some if not all of which I've blogged about. I told her these things because I knew that if I told James what I told her, James would be unphased by it. He's stubborn like that. He's also making me feel uncomfortable in this little affair of his. I mean, the freaking Adonis is taken! And not because of love, but because he was the last one to start dating in a house full of gay guys that were already dating and/or getting married somewhere other than in the US. For someone that preaches and leads the religious youth of America, it looks as if when he hooked up with who he is with now, that all he was doing was following the heard. This was confirmed later in the evening when I talked to him. More on that soon.

Zero told me that I don't need a guy like that and deserve better. She thinks I deserve a guy that isn't afraid to set foot in my school even if the last time we talked we had a fight. She thinks that I deserve someone that loves me and understands me and not some conformist. Someone that can be their own person.

Whether I meant to or not, I took that conversation to heart.

Later last night, Leo signs on under James's IM name. I talk to him, mess around with him, lead him on. Basically, I just played around with him online. Suddenly, I got so horny that I couldn't stand it. Apparently, Leo did too. For some bizarre reason, I told him that if he wants to get to my ass, he had to go through James. That turned him off, and he left.

James then popped in and we started to exchange IMs. The conversation was slow in itself. Nothing of real interest until later on when James offered his "services" to help me with my "problem." I told him that he would have to meet the folks.

See, the reason for that is because I made a promise to myself that the first person of those boys to come down to do whatever with me was going to be the little lab rat with my folks. My parents do not really like anyone I befriend unless they meet them in one form or another. It has always been like that, and it is the best way I can avoid playing the Twenty Questions game that they always play when I come home with someone they don't know or have not seen before. It is their biggest hang up, really. Not meeting a person that I befriend.

Anyway, this triggered off James's conformity ideas. He said all that he had in mind was a fling, something I don't need permission from my parents to do, especially since I'm 20. He said all the usual things that everyone else over there has told me at least once or twice before at some kind of situation that involves my parents. That's when I realized how much he really was following the heard instead of leading the pack.

I wanted to say this to his face. Hell, I just wanted him to know how I feel about him now. Before I left IMs, all I said to him was that I am ashamed that I thought so highly of him.

The stupid thing is, I should be more ashamed at the fact that I am worst than any conformist will ever be. After all, all I was doing this entire time was entertaining his IMs to make him happy since everyone and their daddy has told me that he isn't truly happy.