My Own Pleasure vs. My Priorities

One other thing I didn't mention that Ryan said to me the other night involved James's offer to help my sexual repression problem.

Apparently, from what I understand, had I played down my priorities, James would have been puddy in my hands. He would be here being all romantic and probably do whatever I wanted to.

But, naturally, I screwed that up due to my own sense of priority.

Ever since I found that out, I've been replaying that night in my head trying to figure out from a logical, if not completely fantasized, point of view. I saw what I should have said and how it would have played out. Then my imagination stopped. This rarely happens. The only reason it ever stops is because I am trying to imagine something that I know I cannot begin to fathom.

My imagination stopped just before James and I have sex.

More omens and signs of things that I know will probably never happen at this point.

All I know is that I just screwed myself over in getting screwed by the best thing to come into my life.