My Main Flaw

I talked to Ryan last night. Ryan is James's ex-ex-boyfriend's little brother. The kid is so mature for his age it makes me hopeful for the coming generation. I wish I had someone like him to hang around with while growing up.

Anyway, we started talking about various things and somehow got on to the subject about how I really do not like myself for one reason or another. Ryan believes that this is the main cause for people not being so... receptive to me. They can endure me, but I don't think they enjoy my company. He told me that before I go to bed to look at myself in the mirror and determine what it is that I do not like about myself. Then write it down, or something to that effect.

I did what he said, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was that I didn't like about myself. So I slept on it.

This morning, I found out what it was that makes me hate myself so much. My main flaw is that I keep comparing myself to other people! My sister, James, Ryan, anyone that I feel is better than me in one fashion or another. This is why I do not like myself as much as I should. Sure, I have insecurities and quirks, but that is normal for everyone. However, the one thing that I should not do is be so belittling when it comes to the fact that I will never be as hot and sexy as James, I will never be able to hold down a job as well as Zero, and I will never be as smart or as resourceful as my sister. I just have to accept it, move on, and stop comparing myself to them. I have to be myself and stop wishing I was someone else who I think is better than me in one area.

As easy as it is to say all this, I know the real battle is making myself do it. I should just stop comparing myself to everyone, but I know that I will need some kind of help to get into that habit.