Way Too Early To Think

Have you ever had moments where you wish you had the answers to the questions you were asking just so they wouldn't bug you anymore?

I've been waking up earlier and earlier since the start of school. It would seem that an alarm, at this point, would be pointless to have. I know better than to take that risk though.

I remember being told that our biological clocks can be programmed and altered through habit, and like any other habit, it would take two weeks of consistent work. It has been about two weeks since school started, but I doubt any real habits are forming. Then again, I'm wondering where the stress is that normally comes with my classes. I should be pulling my hair out by now.

Also, it would seem that due to the familiar and distance, I'm really losing friends and making my acquaintances more noticeable as far as my psyche goes. I know this is probably due to the whole paranoia of not wanting to be alone or my co-dependency on needing people around me. At least I'm able to still recognize the fact that I am this.

Sometimes I wonder if I am really God embodied only without the fancy powers of creation. I have this strong urge to just create something and then watch it live on its own. It is these moments that I have to remind myself that God would never come to Earth in the physical form of a gay 20-year-old Filipino art student. At least, not for long. Maybe just long enough to play ski-ball.