Useless

I haven't had the motivation to blog much about anything that is on my mind. Half of which that I want to blog no one would believe me.

Even though I've been depressed as hell, which is causing me to ignore my work like crazy, I know for a fact that I cannot talk to anyone but one person about what is bothering me. Unfortunately for me, I burned down that bridge with him. Smooth move, huh?

So here I am, sitting with a mask of happiness playing with my little NeoPets, watching TV, enjoying video games, not concerning myself with my art. All of these things are mistake, and I know it. I need to talk to someone about what is bothering me, I need to do my work. Neopets and TV can wait.

So why am I not doing these things? Maybe that is just the way that I am. I can't really talk to anyone about what is bothering me at this moment unless they are really close. I mean, really close. I've tried ignoring my problems, but then ads for 7th Heaven come on followed by my aunt announcing that she has bought and enjoyed The Man in the Iron Mask, and I cannot help but think of what could have been.

Crap, I've said too much.

Well, since I've already slipped...

I don't know what it was, but those two were so nice to me that I couldn't help but like them. I don't remember them ever treating me like dirt. They've been mad at me, and I cannot blame them, but I don't remember them giving me the shaft in the way the others have. Dare I say that they were the only ones that truly cared.

If they are in town for whatever reason, I hope they do what James never did and hunt me down. I don't understand how someone like James would be afraid of finding me just because I may end up making a scene. Looking back, probably to make me feel like the better person, the whole reason for the drama that happened over Christmas was because James didn't have the balls to seek me out in person while he was in town. If he did, who knows where we would be! This is all his fault.

I shouldn't point fingers. That would just make me look like they do. Too proud to admit their own mistakes unless it benefits them. Kind of ironic that I say that since I've admitted to all my mistakes. I may not have learned anything by them, but at least I admitted that I'm wrong. I seriously doubt they will ever do that.

So, let's see. If what Jaime said holds true, I just lost a month of getting over them with what happened over Christmas. Damn. This means I won't be truly over them until October 2008. Seriously.

I need to stop all this complaining to no one and actually sit down and talk to someone.

Too bad we don't have medical insurance anymore.