Ten Minute Blog

I'm on break, so I'll make this quick.

I found myself complaining during 2D about how I do not have a job and how I cannot get one even during the Christmas season. I then silently found myself scolding myself for being such a liar.

The reason I do not have a job is because I choose not to! The reason I complain about not having one is to make myself look normal! The reason that I praise not having a job is so I can relate to those that complain about having one!

And this is only the tip of the iceberg.

I have come to the realization that I really do need to get with the damn program, but my confidence level is so low right now, I can't even look at a job application without feeling like I do not have what it takes to even be considered for the job I am applying for! I am afraid of rejection. That is why I cannot apply for a job. That is why I refuse to look for one. That is probably why I am also afraid to find a boyfriend now. I've been rejected, and I fear that feeling of just thinking that you are nothing more than nothing of what people think of you, that you are not what people think you should be.

Self-confidence issues, fear of rejection, warped mind. I'm so messed in the head that I don't know what to do with myself! God knows what will happen if I have to be put out into this world alone with no one to fall back on by my own ass.