Had a feeling this would happen.

Last night as I was trying to be a porn pirate (which pretty much failed), Kevin IMed me out of the blue. We exchanged pleasentries and that was about it. Nothing too in depth as far as a conversation goes.

Ever since then, I've had this feeling that one or all of the guys were going to pop up and/or e-mail me.

Sure enough, one of them did. James.

Hey
What's up?
Getting ready for Christmas I was thinking about you. I know we have a mutual no contact policy but I don't care. You might cause I'm invading your space. I hope you don't for all I know this might not be an in correct mail Addy.any more it's been so long.

Jon disregard this if you don't want to hear from me. I Always thought I was above them I got dragged into it. Shit I'm sorry for looking back..... for what it's worth to me your very cool sweet regardless of what happened.


Merry Christmas

Always'

James

Something tells me he was nervous while typing this. Look at all the misspellings, grammar mistakes, and typos. He's normally perfect when he types, at least when he's sober.

I don't know. This e-mail did put a smile on my face, and I did e-mail him back despite the "no contact" thing that is up. I figured I owed him that much in some respect, you know? He probably used this blog to get in contact with me since I got the e-mail at my Hotmail account instead of my private address that everyone that knows me knows. If not, he has a better memory than what I remember him having before.

I guess it is because of the holiday season, but I gave him that second chance he wanted back when Leo contacted me eight weeks into the semester.

I wonder if he will read the blog I put in about how all these songs keep reminding me of him. I wonder what he would think about that. Then again, I fear that I may end up hurting him with a more recent blog of mine that I had to get out of my system before I did so in person... should the event occur, that is.

God, why am I like this again? I wasn't like this when I was typing him back the reply e-mail. I wasn't this... concern and curious. If anything, I was just being a friend and doing the right thing.

All of a sudden I'm starting to feel like the next few weeks or so will cause a lot of drama if things happen too fast. It's a good thing I told James to just take it slow and to get to know me again. Deep down, I don't want to mess this up, but I have this sickening feeling I will one way or another and somehow it will be my fault... or at least, I'll feel like it will be my fault.