A Queer Christmas

It was the same year after year. The same decorations would come out. The same music would be playing. The same mad men and women shopping for the latest and greatest gifts to give their children who have been practicing to be good all year long. The same Nativity. The same Santa Claus. The same debate over the real meaning of Christmas.

And year after year, it was the same ordeal for those out there that don't have a home, a family, or a love one. The same lonely feeling. The same wish of wanting this Christmas to be better than the last. The same need for some kind of love during the season that promises it. Unfortunately, year after year, the same thing happens. Those that wished these things over the years lose hope, and in turn lose their lives.

Still, there is one last item of Christmas that is never really talked about. During the time of love and acceptance, there is still one thing that happens year after year. At least, for one young adult.

Sitting silently in the corner of his family's home typing away on the computer, young Kit was lost in a world filled with dragons and knights and elves. All around him, color beamed and music cheerfully played. An image of Santa covered the door while a Nativity scene carefully placed in the window showed that his family knew both meanings of Christmas, the religious and the commercial. These decorations, however, did not speak for Kit. He was not like the rest of his family. It wasn't because he is still into comic books even after he turned twenty-one. It wasn't the fact that he still lives at home with his parents. It wasn't because he dressed all dark and tormented like every other kid rebelling against his or her family, a high school fashion statement that kind of stuck to him like glue, at least for the time being. It wasn't because he was the skinniest person in his immediate family. He got that trait from an uncle on his mother's side of the family. It could be due to the fact that he spends most of the time glued to the computer, but that wasn't the key characteristic that made him unlike his immediate family.

"Carry," called his mother.

"I told you," Kit snarled through this teeth. "My name is Kit. I want you to call me Kit!"

"What, like Safety Kit?" teased Samantha, his older sister.

"Shut up!"

"What's wrong with the name I gave you?" question his mother as she placed ornaments on their tree.

"It's girlie," Kit said as he continued to type some line of command into his game.

"I think Carry is an appropriate name for a little fag like you," Samantha said harshly. Kit glared at her out of the corner of his eye as if to say 'I'm going to kill you, you bitch!'

"Sam!" scolded their mother. "I will not get into this! Not during Christmas! So what if your brother is... different." Kit turned his attention back to his game. "Besides, after the new year comes in, Kit agreed to go to that mental illness counseling group at the church." Kit winced and cringed at the mention of a promise he agreed to only because it was the only way to get his mother off his back. His family, a typical, tax-paying, church-going, suburban family, never had a homosexual member in their family before. Convinced that, like his late father, Kit being gay was nothing more than something caused by the family's long line of depression, it seemed natural that the only course of action they could take is some kind of counseling. Kit knew better. Yes, he was the one to carry the family's hereditary depression, but he knew that his sexuality had nothing to do with it.

It's been several years since Kit came out to his family, and since then, every Christmas was like this. Every year, the church would hold the same counseling sessions for all the various mental illnesses, mostly for those whose New Years Resolution was to get over whatever it is that they feel won't get them into heaven and cannot afford (reads will not pay for, for some people) the doctors. Every year, Kit would drop out of the group around March or April because of how the priest would make him feel about not making any kind of "progress." Every year at his mother's company party, she would try to hook Kit up with some pretty girl praying and hoping that "this gay thing" is nothing more but a phase, that it is part of him being a "Goth rebel" as she would call it. Every year, his sister would call him out because she didn't like the fact that he gets better looking guys than she does. And every year, Kit would gather his gifts Christmas morning, not to open them, but to drop them off at Good Will. His logic? Gifts from a family that has done nothing but tease him and try to reprogram him doesn't deserve to have the pleasure of seeing him open presents Christmas morning as if he was ten again.

The holidays came and went, and like clockwork, everything that wasn't suppose to happen did. His mother tried to pair him up with a blond girl, obviously from a well-to-do family, at the company party. His sister would call him things like "Sugar Plum Fairy" and say things like "You're not allowed under the Mistletoe unless you have a girl to kiss." The day after Christmas, he went to Good Will and donated the presents. However, around this point is where the clock stopped working.

"Kit! I see you're donating your gifts again, like last year, huh?" smiled Judy. Judy always worked Good Will during the holidays when no one wanted to. She didn't have any family left, and Kit felt like he could relate to her somehow. He didn't lose all of his family during 9/11 like Judy, and to be honest, there were several days where he wishes he did. Still, he knows what it is like to be alone during the holidays. Judy was the closest thing to the sister that he always wanted.

"Yeah," Kit said as he got out of his car. "I have a few big ones." He then made his way to the trunk. "Can you help me out?" After about an hour, the two of them got all the wrapped boxes in the building. They then talked about their year, Kit complained about his family, and the usual thing they do every year.

"Hey, I have an idea," Judy said. "You know, I'm getting really tired of opening all of your presents for you." Kit was taken back by this. He was always told that Judy loved opening all his presents because it helped her feel better about working on a holiday no one works on! She also saw it as her paycheck for the day since she couldn't get paid for working on Christmas, which in itself is unheard of. "How about this year, you open your own presents?" Kit just sat there on the desk in the back room staring in shock.

"Why?"

"Well, for starters, you have two really big ones sitting over there that I bet were really expensive." She smiled that scheming smile of hers that made Kit excited. The kind of scheming smile that suggested whatever they were about to do could get them arrested. Kit was never one to take huge risks, but sometimes he just couldn't resist.

"They are probably things I don't need or something..."

"Gay?" Kit glared at Judy. "Hey, relax, I was just trying to get you to laugh." Kit smiled slightly. "Sorry. I guess you and your family still don't see eye-to-eye on your sexuality, huh?"

"Nope," Kit said staring at one of the larger boxes he brought in. "Wish they did. If they don't get it by the time I'm twenty-one, I'm going to kill those poor excuses for a fucking family." After about two seconds of silence, they both broke into laughter knowing full well that he would never get away with that kind of thing.

"So what do you say?" egged Judy. "Going to open them?"

"Do I have to?" playfully whined Kit.

"C'mon, you," she smiled.

"Alright," he smiled while rolling his eyes. Not knowing as to why he even agreed to this, Kit walked over to one of bigger presents. He stopped and turned to Judy. "I'll only open one, ok?" Judy rolled her eyes smiling in response as if to say 'Fine, be that way, silly boy.' Using one of the spikes on his wristbands to cut the tape, he opened the largest of the boxes he dropped off. After removing half of the wrapping, he discovered that his mother and sister had pooled most of their money together to give him a brand new computer.

"Whoa!" Judy gasped. "That's different!" Kit just stared at the present puzzled. "Normally, whenever you bring in something this big in, it always ends up being some king of bad joke present. You know, that kind where there is a really small present inside a really big box? Hey, Earth to Kit? You there?" Kit's smile and happy expression faded into a cold glare of anger. Judy just looked at him in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"I wanted this same computer five years ago," Kit growled. "Go figure that they would wait until this damn thing got cheaper than shit."

"But at least they got you it, right?"

"Judy, you don't get it!" Kit yelled angrily. "That was five years ago! Five fucking years! Do you know how much can change in that time?! This only proves to me that they do not know me anymore! They will never know me! They just want me to be the way I was before I came out to them! They don't want me to be now, nor do they want to know me!" Judy just stood there. She let him have his moment of ranting. She knew that he had to get things like this out, or else he really would kill his family. After all was said and done, Kit said an unneeded apology and left.

"See you next year," Judy said as she hugged him.

"You too."

The new year came, people got drunk at midnight, and the next day, while everyone was recovering from hangovers from Hell, Kit left for church to go, unwillingly, to the counseling session. Upon his arrival, he was greeted by the priest.

"I'm sorry, my child," said Father Brandon as soon as he saw Kit. "This group is only for those with mental illnesses. We just learned that homosexuality, however frowned upon by our Lord, is not a mental illness."

"You guys only figured it out only now?" Kit snidely said under his breath.

"I do pray that you repent your ways of living before you pass from this earth. Remember what happened at..." Kit didn't even let him finished. He just turned back to his car and drove home grateful that someone finally figured it out in the church. On the drive home, he actually thanked God for the first time since cursing Him and blaming Him for being gay.

Another year passed, and then the same thing happened. People began to shop, put up decorations, make wish lists, played music, and tried to have peace on earth for at least one month if not for one day. Kit found himself a new distraction, while his mother and sister put up the same decorations as last year. Everything, right down to Kit's weight of 130 pounds, seemed unchanged from last year.

"Kit?" called his mother. Kit looked up at her awkwardly from his GameBoy. 'Did she just call me correctly?' Kit thought. "Kit, can you help me? You're taller, and have a longer reach than I do." Kit paused his game and helped put the ornament in its place silently.

"Did you get all your Christmas shopping done?" asked Samantha. Kit glared at her as if to say 'Are you alluding to something, bitch?' "What?!" she replied to the look. "I was just asking a question! Sheesh!" Kit went back to his game thinking that today was just one of those rare days where things actually go right and nothing wrong could happen.

The company Christmas party came at the same time as it did last year. Expecting that his mother would try to pair him up again, Kit just stayed as close to the entrance as possible. He started to just observe people. He noticed that he was the only one not in some kind of traditional Christmas attire again this year. He overheard the same boring conversation about fishing trips, the stock market, and what everyone got their love ones after making sure they were not in ear shot. There wasn't any place to sit in the whole ballroom that was rented out where he could avoid an unwanted conversation, so he just leaned against the door like he did every year.

He felt someone tap him on his shoulder. He turned to find a young man smiling at him. He was about his height and his weight, wore a sweater that was obviously knit by a grandmother, and took Kit's breath away! A brunette with short, spiky hair, and a face fit for any modeling company. After a few long seconds of staring, Kit shook his shock off.

"I'm sorry, am I in your way?" The words came out of his mouth rather muddled. Kit was nervous.

"You look bored," smiled the young man. "Wanna bail?" Kit turned to find where the rest of his family disappeared to. His mother was busy talking to very important executives. His sister was hitting on some guy with glasses, obviously well-to-do.

"Sure, I guess." Kit became even more nervous. He didn't even know why he agreed so readily. The young man smiled and extended his hand.

"My name's Clint."

"Kit," he said shaking his hand.

"Kit, huh? You mean like that little bear from that Disney cartoon?"

"Yeah!" Kit said excitedly. "How did you know? Did you used to watch the show?"

"Still do," Clint smiled. Kit felt a smile start to form. He became even more uncomfortable and started to turn red. "Are you okay?" chuckled Clint.

"Uh, I just need some air." Kit then made his way for the exit of the hotel with Clint close behind. Once outside, they sat down on the curb used to park limos for special events. Kit turned to Clint. For some reason, every time he looked at him, Kit got nervous. Clint kept on smiling and chuckling.

"So," Kit said softly, "are you... I mean, is your family new to the company?"

"Yeah," answered Clint. "We just moved in this past summer."

"Really? Where do you live? I mean, like what street?"

"Rosewood."

"Cool, same here," Kit turned to Clint smiling, but quickly turned back as soon as he felt his face turn red again. Clint let out a big laugh this time. "What's so funny?" Kit asked, half nervous, half sounding like he wanted to start a fight.

"You," Clint chuckled.

"What about me?"

"You not being able to look at me since I tapped you on the shoulder no more than five minutes ago. It's cute." Kit's eyes widened in shock. He then slowly turned to look at Clint. He was able to look at him now without turning red or getting nervous.

"Did you just say what I thought you said?" he asked puzzled.

"I'm sorry if that offended you," Clint apologized, still smiling. "It's just, your mom was talking to my dad about you, and she said you were gay, so I just thought I'd..."

"Wait a second," Kit interrupted. "My mother said I'm gay?"

"Yup," Clint nodded. "I was there. That's when she pointed you out suggesting that I introduce myself to you."

"She did that?!" Kit said shocked.

"Yeah."

"That's not like her. She normally tries to introduce me to some girl. She's not the most accepting mother in the world, you know."

"At least she isn't like my mom," Clint said as his smile disappeared. "When I came out, she walked out. She couldn't handle having a gay son. She wouldn't even pay child support for me after she left. We eventually got her in the courts, but still. You're lucky you have a mom that at least tries to understand you."

After that, they just sat there silently, first looking at each other, then at the stars as if searching for an answer to an unasked question.

"There you are!" said a voice. They turned around to find Kit's mother and sister standing near the door with Clint's father. "Oh," said Kit's mother pleasantly, "I see you found each other alright." Kit and Clint exchanged glances and smiled. "Well? Go on! Exchange numbers or e-mail addresses or something!" Clint's father then pulled her aside giving her advice as to how to deal with raising a gay son. Kit and Clint just chuckled.

Christmas came and went, and out of habit, Kit brought wrapped presents to Good Will. Just like always, Judy was there waiting for him after church.

"Merry Christmas," Kit said as he hugged Judy.

"Well," she smiled, "this is new. What's up? Going to donate your presents again?"

"Nope," Kit smiled. Judy smiled back.

"You know, it's bad luck to lie on Christmas day. You're jynxing yourself." She then pointed to the boxes in the back seat of his car. "If those aren't your presents, then what are they?"

"Yours," he smiled as he pulled them out of the car. Judy looked at the presents all over as if inspecting it for impurities.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, mister," she smiled as they walked into the back room. Kit then went into an elaborate story about the Christmas party where he met Clint thanks to his mother. He explained that single action was enough for him to break down the wall of defense that he put up those many years ago. His sister didn't tease him; his mother didn't try to reprogram him. Everything was just like how Kit wanted it to be for so many years.

"It was the best Christmas gift that anyone could give me!" Kit said almost swooning.

"Speaking of your gifts, what happened to them?" Judy smiled.

"Guess." Kit smiled back.

"You didn't, did you?" Kit nodded like a ten-year-old boy. "You're kidding me! Mr. Hum-Bug actually opened his own Christmas presents and kept them?! This is fucking unbelievable!"

"Believe it!"

"But, why? What changed?"

"All I ever wanted was to be accepted by my own family," Kit explained. "What my mom did for me at that party proves that I finally am accepted by her. Even my sister has stopped making fun of me! The least I could do is give them the pleasure of opening my presents in front of them as if I was ten again." Judy and Kit both exchanged warm smiles with each other. Judy then hugged Kit as tears ran down her face.

"I'm happy you got your Christmas wish finally."

"That reminds me," he said pulling away. "You need to open your gifts." Kit then handed her the box she inspected earlier. She tore open the wrapping and opened the box to find only a piece of paper inside. She looked at Kit in a way that said 'Ha, ha, ha, very funny, jackass.' She picked up the paper and began to read it. She then looked up at Kit with tears in her eyes. "It's not much, I know, but I think it was long overdue."

"Thank you," she said hugging him harder than ever before. She then started crying in his arms as she let Kit's thank you letter drop to the floor. He signed it "Your brother." Judy had her family back, and she couldn't ask for a better brother than Kit.

The hug lasted what seemed to be an eternity. When Judy finally let go, Kit noticed the wall clock.

"Oh shit!" He confirmed the time on his wrist watch. "Fuck! I'm going to be late! Sorry, I have to go."

"Dinner date with Clint?" Judy asked as she wiped away her tears smiling.

"How did you know?" Kit asked.

"You never dress up like you are today."

"You know me too well," Kit smiled.

"So, are you going to spend New Years with him too?" Judy smiled.

"You know it!" Kit's smile got bigger.

"Gonna kiss him at midnight?" she winked.

"Gonna do more than that." Kit grinned a Grinch-like grin.

"You're so getting coal next year," Judy laughed.

This original short story was written by