The New James: A New Drama?

I found out what happened with James over the course of the last few months while I was stressing over assignments. He apparently got some tattoos and piercing. He has an arm band as well as a few other tattoos on him and his nipples are pierced. This is a complete 180 from what he used to be! I mean, complete! He used to be clean cut, almost preppie in nature. Practically Abercrombie & Fitch material!

Well, this whole thing about the tattoos and piercing just isn't for me. I liked him better before when he was all clean cut and shy and almost like a puppy dog in nature and attitude.

I told him this, and the next thing I knew I was greeted by a long silence on IMs. I felt the need to apologize, probably out of habit. James responded to me saying that he could easily say something right now but he won't because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. A red flag went up signaling that I had pissed him off. James said that I came off as thinking that I'm all that and that I can get any boy that I wanted. I defended myself by saying that I was just saying that the nipple piercing and the tattoos are not for me. He ended the subject by saying that he hopes I meet someone cool. I told him that I really doubt that I will.

After that, we went back to talking as if none of this happened. At least, for the most part.

I don't know if it is the fact that the last blog entry I drafted was deleted or if it because of what I'm feeling right now. I just have this odd feeling like this is going to cause a lot of unwanted drama. I have about two weeks left before the spring semester starts, and the last thing I need is drama and stress. Sure, it may help me with my art, but I seriously do not want anything bad to happen that will revert me back to how I was. I have done a lot of growing up since August, and I'd like to not be like how I was two years ago.

Still, I cannot help but feel as if something is going to happen to me that I know I caused. Like I said, maybe it is just habit since that kind of stuff always seems to happen when it involves James. I don't know.

I know I'm not all that. I know I cannot get any boy that I want, no matter how hard I wanted to. I know that I've done some growing since the start of the Fall semester. I know that what I've been doing is rather slow compared to the achievements of, say, Jaime or Ken. But at the very least they are better than where I was before. I don't brood as much anymore. I'm able to sense red flags quicker even if I cannot stop saying the things I know that set them off. I've become more honest and frank with things. I don't know how else I've improved, but I know I have.

But why is it that I still feel like something really big is going to happen that is going to cause a lot of drama that it should be on a daytime soap opera?