I can't believe what I did this evening. I just can't.

First off, I was talking to Aaron and James who were off in LA. James was at a vollyball game showing off his build and causing quite a flesh feast. Anyway, after the game, he talked to me about Bill and how he must be lonely over in Boston since he didn't join the party. I made the comment that I wish I was there.

That's when it happened.

James painted a scene for me so beautiful, I had to accept. Before I knew it, I had accepted to get on a plane tonight headed streight for Boston. You could say temptation got the better of me.

Well, word spread like wildfire and got to Dan. He didn't like what was about to happen. So, after calming himself down the only way he knows how to, he called me up. He painted a different picture. A realistic one. One where if I got on that plane, I may lose everything. I hate to say this, but I had to agree with him. Ultimately, the decision was mine. Dan didn't try to talk me out of it or anything. The choice was mine. And I chose not to go.

Temptation. It blinds all logic and fuels the human greed. How ironic that a student of God has become my serpent of Edan. The insanity that became and was born from this want, this desire, fueled nothing but the deepest and lowest part of myself I hoped never existed nor would surface. Only after did reality sit did it calm. The realization that that which what I want cannot and should not be had in the most immediate fashion. It is best to wait.

And so I wait. I wait back in my room, my cell of dry wall and carpet. I wait for the right time. For the hour, the day, the week, the very month where what I want can be gained with minimal or no conflict between the affected parties. Some may call that foolish. Who am I fooling? Everyone would call that foolish. Waiting for something, an ideal, that may never happen. They would want me to go out into the world and do something with my life. Waiting for that which would never come would be a fool's fate. So label me the fool! Crown me the court jester of the world, I say! I have fool's ideal, and so be it, I'll die a fool with it. Hard headed? Stupid? Any other labels you wish to put on my forehead I'd gladly wear it on my headstone.

I believe my ideals are what should happen. A world without conflict is a world of peace. That is what we are striving for, is it not?