I don't know why, but I can't seem to enjoy today.

Bored out of my mind, I ended up watching all eight hours of the Star Wars movies I have on tape. While it bedded the hunger to see Episode II, the commercials did nothing more but cause more want to see the movie. Maybe I could try this weekend or something. Weekend crowds are good sometimes.

Another thing plaguing my mind that I have failed to meantions is the result of the e-mails I sent to James and Bill. These past few days have been rough on myself. I tried to cover it up as best I could with this obsession with Star Wars, but I just can't mask it whenever I sign online as well. I can't help thinking of them.

The e-mails I sent to them was the first time I told them how important they really are to me. I still feel like they were a gift from God for all my suffering during the times most were able to make friends. I want to feel that way. Lately, however, I feel as if Fate is playing a sick game of poker with me with my future, my very life, on the table and me holding a bad hand. I dunno, maybe I'm just being depressed again, but I have been feeling guilty for the last few days.

I've also felt rather lonely too.