Guilt came and went as quick as the sun it seems. With the rage and anger gone, the dust settled, and I finally realized what has happened. The words from last night, the actions, the effects of them. I had hoped that they would never see me that mad, that pissed off to where I wasn't myself. Do I have any regrets? Not really. They have said the same things to me before about being 19 and not being able to move. Should I have any regrets for saying that being 15 and afraid of the dark is just as pathetic? Some may call it mean and cold hearted. Dare I say, some may even call that insulting. I say it's no different from what I keep getting about my age.

The guilt cause little sleep. Awake I was for hours on ends. Those breif moments I was asleep, I had more dreams of the future. Dreams that felt too real to be imaginative. A war is coming. I can feel it. And for some reason it will happen when I'm in high school for a second time. I really hope I'm not phycic. Several other dreams I had, each just weird and bizzare. One of an elevator to an airplane with a dining room in first class; another of being a Jedi Knight; blips of images of being what I've always wanted to be. Happy. Insecuraty, not wanting to live the day, and, among other things, just plan not wanted to leave the dreams behind kept me in my bed till the dreams stopped coming. The time I actually left bed and faced this world we call reality was 15:00, the lastest I've ever physically gotten out of bed.

A couple hours later, Mom left for San Antonio. On our way back from the airport, we picked up some items, one of which was the VHS version of Episode I. I tapped into my so-called emergancy money to pay for it. Better that than never getting a ticket for Episode II. My father tried to grasp why I wanted to watch the movie and what was so special about it. I was smiling slightly inside at this attempt to try to get to know me. Charming, but yet late.

Prior to blogging, I watched the tape. Once again, as with all the Star Wars tapes I have, I was thrown into a world of war and termoil and of heros. I didn't care about seeing the next one for those two hours I sat in my dark room lit only by the television. I felt like all was right in the world. A feeling I haven't felt since I left Dan's.

Now I'm left with only one thought and a feeling of suspision as to why she asked about the Housing Project at DigiPen...