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Trust me, you'll like it. It's hillarious!
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
Monday, December 30, 2002
Sunday, December 29, 2002
Nope, no DDR Workout stuff or wondering if I should pick back up Pokemon seeing how the only secrets I have left in Pokemon Stadium 1 is the Amniesa Pysduck outside of gaining another surfing Pikachu, Normal Box, and Lovely Box (or whatever it's called). No taking of tests to see what kind of Yu-Gi-Oh card I would be or how pick-up-able I am in the game of love. No, today's rant is different.
Today's rant comes from the heart, not from the mind like it used to.
Have you ever been in love with something or someone you could never have? Have you ever wish that just once you could wake up to see him or her or it waiting there for you? Do you wish with all your might that just for once in your life things could go your way? That things would be perfect? As selfish as that seems, most people wish for that almost everyday. I'm one of them. Everyday, every time I fall asleep and wake up, I just wish that for once I could wake up in a room that's not mine once again. Just once I wish I could wak up next to a person again instead of a pillow. And just once, to make it perfect, I wish the person sleeping next to me, holding me, breathing on me would be none other than James.
I don't know why it is like this. I know we agreed to go our different ways, but I still want him so badly! I can't have him. I know I can't. That's just impossible. As much as I love him, I know I can never have him again. I know that by the time I'll even have a chance to meet him, he would have found another. And it hurts me dearly. For he was the best in the world. He is the best in the world. No man or woman or anything can come close to shadowing him. Everything pales in comparison to him! Who needs anything when all you have is James? James is everything to me. And I lost everything.
Before I wrote this, I woke up from a nap hugging a pillow oh-so tightly. I wanted to feel his muscles and his big arms holding me. I knew that would never happen ever.
I know for a fact that I'll never find anyone like him ever again. I also know for a fact that there is someone out there that is much better than me.
Come the New Year, I'm quitting the sick little game of Love. If I can't have James, I might as well just die alone.
Today's rant comes from the heart, not from the mind like it used to.
Have you ever been in love with something or someone you could never have? Have you ever wish that just once you could wake up to see him or her or it waiting there for you? Do you wish with all your might that just for once in your life things could go your way? That things would be perfect? As selfish as that seems, most people wish for that almost everyday. I'm one of them. Everyday, every time I fall asleep and wake up, I just wish that for once I could wake up in a room that's not mine once again. Just once I wish I could wak up next to a person again instead of a pillow. And just once, to make it perfect, I wish the person sleeping next to me, holding me, breathing on me would be none other than James.
I don't know why it is like this. I know we agreed to go our different ways, but I still want him so badly! I can't have him. I know I can't. That's just impossible. As much as I love him, I know I can never have him again. I know that by the time I'll even have a chance to meet him, he would have found another. And it hurts me dearly. For he was the best in the world. He is the best in the world. No man or woman or anything can come close to shadowing him. Everything pales in comparison to him! Who needs anything when all you have is James? James is everything to me. And I lost everything.
Before I wrote this, I woke up from a nap hugging a pillow oh-so tightly. I wanted to feel his muscles and his big arms holding me. I knew that would never happen ever.
I know for a fact that I'll never find anyone like him ever again. I also know for a fact that there is someone out there that is much better than me.
Come the New Year, I'm quitting the sick little game of Love. If I can't have James, I might as well just die alone.
Saturday, December 28, 2002
What Kind Of Pokemon Are You?
Gah!! That's scary! And to think, I used to find this little balloon of a Pokemon cute!!
Friday, December 27, 2002
Well, since the Archives are fucking up again and there is nothing I can do about it, I might as well blog like normal and try again in the morning.
Anyway...
Look what NeoPets just mailed me about my Christmas Gift's Rare Item Code:
Hi,
Thanks for writing. The rare item codes for Grundo's warehouse were located on the merchandise originally available in the California stores on November 10th, 2001. They were not on the items from the online store. Neopets merchandise is now available in all Limited Too stores across America. Please click the link on the main page, www.neopets.com, or the news page, for more information. There was also one special day where NeoPets merchandise was available in Singapore. If you bought something at any of these locations, you will either see a sticker on the item that says secret code, or you received a card. You need to go to the grundos warehouse, located on the space station, and type in your code. If you bought a secret code from someone else, don't be surprised if the code doesn't work, or has already been claimed. Don't fall for anyone claiming to sell their 'secret code', it is usually a scam.
CLAIRE'S:
The RARE ITEM CODE ITEMS have now been released for the Claire's petpet merchandise, in the UK as well as in the US. :O) You can get anything from a Doglefox Marker to a super rare Baabackpack! The codes are only included on the stickers and notebooks etc., items that are sealed so no one else can see the code.
NOTE : If you are from Canada and redeeming a rare item code from a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, please visit this URL instead : http://www.neopets.com/bee . Thanks!
If your code doesn't work the first time, please try waiting a day, and trying again. Sometimes the codes are released a little bit early, and our system wasn't ready to accept those codes yet. :O)
If you are sure you have the right code, you got it directly from the store, and it doesn't work, please write back. Make sure you include your username, the code, when and where you got it, and this entire message. Please also put 'invalid code' in the subject line.
Thank you,
The NeoPets Team
Why do I have this feeling like this was typed by a machine? In any case, the last paragraph doesn't include me. I know my sister doesn't use NeoPets, but who knows who stole the code before me? I might as well just forget about that little Christmas "extra." Oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles I guess.
Anyway...
Look what NeoPets just mailed me about my Christmas Gift's Rare Item Code:
Hi,
Thanks for writing. The rare item codes for Grundo's warehouse were located on the merchandise originally available in the California stores on November 10th, 2001. They were not on the items from the online store. Neopets merchandise is now available in all Limited Too stores across America. Please click the link on the main page, www.neopets.com, or the news page, for more information. There was also one special day where NeoPets merchandise was available in Singapore. If you bought something at any of these locations, you will either see a sticker on the item that says secret code, or you received a card. You need to go to the grundos warehouse, located on the space station, and type in your code. If you bought a secret code from someone else, don't be surprised if the code doesn't work, or has already been claimed. Don't fall for anyone claiming to sell their 'secret code', it is usually a scam.
CLAIRE'S:
The RARE ITEM CODE ITEMS have now been released for the Claire's petpet merchandise, in the UK as well as in the US. :O) You can get anything from a Doglefox Marker to a super rare Baabackpack! The codes are only included on the stickers and notebooks etc., items that are sealed so no one else can see the code.
NOTE : If you are from Canada and redeeming a rare item code from a box of Honey Nut Cheerios, please visit this URL instead : http://www.neopets.com/bee . Thanks!
If your code doesn't work the first time, please try waiting a day, and trying again. Sometimes the codes are released a little bit early, and our system wasn't ready to accept those codes yet. :O)
If you are sure you have the right code, you got it directly from the store, and it doesn't work, please write back. Make sure you include your username, the code, when and where you got it, and this entire message. Please also put 'invalid code' in the subject line.
Thank you,
The NeoPets Team
Why do I have this feeling like this was typed by a machine? In any case, the last paragraph doesn't include me. I know my sister doesn't use NeoPets, but who knows who stole the code before me? I might as well just forget about that little Christmas "extra." Oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles I guess.
As I was resting and re-evaluating the plan about playing DDR to get back into shape, I couldn't help but go through some of my games. I didn't play many of them; I just looked at what I had.
A good portion of my games are all RPGs for some reason. They are all good RPGs in my opinion... well, except for Tomba! which doesn't make much sense to me to begin with (Oooo, evil pigs are going to destroy the earth... Whatever.), but they are all really good RPGs to play. The thing is, I don't know where I left off in most of them! Some of them I have a general idea of, like all my Pokemon ones, and others I can pick back up just by looking at where I am in the status page if they have one, like in... in... well, the only one that comes to mind is Pokemon Staduim, but I know there are others. The rest, like Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I don't have the slightest idea where I am in that game! If worst comes to worst, I might as well just start over again from the begining. Hey, most of these RPGs are all story based anyway. It's like reading a book. If you can't remember what happened, look back at the begining. There are a few games where going back to the start would be benifitial for me, like Zelda and Pokemon, while others like LUNAR aren't really unless I want to go through all that trouble of leveling up and finding this item here and there and looking up walkthrus on GameFAQs and so on because I've practically memorized the story like it was a movie I've seen a million times!
Another thing that crossed my mind when I went through my games is that no one really plays these games or these systems anymore. Hell, I have the old and extremely rare Sega CDX which was Sega's attempt to make their Sega CD system more portible!! Who still plays games on that? I do have some good ones for it... if you consider Sonic CD and Mickey Mouse's game through time good ones. If not, then play Sewer Shark. But still, not even I play those anymore! I looked at my unopened and unwraped Pokemon Gold game and still wonder as I'm typing this if I'll ever get a chance to play it if even on a casual basis.
That's when it hit me. I've become a casual gamer! It's not my fault. I've just evolved into it. Yes, games are fun, but believe it or not, I used to make it my life! In fact, there should be hints of it in early blog entries here. So, as a casual gamer, what can I do with these old games and systems? Play them at my lesuire of course. When will that be? Who knows? The only game I have set up is DDR and it feels odd to be playing that again. If that's the case, imagin how odd it will feel for me to pick back up Pokemon Red. In any event, I know the time will come when I'll end up setting back up the N64 and playing Pokemon Stadium with Red and/or Blue in the little GB64 attachment thingy, learning the game again and mastering it by myself.
That's another thing I noticed. Most of these games that I used to be into were social games. In a way, I'm still interested in social video games. There's just one problem. No friends. Sure, DDR is a social video game in the arcade. People come up to you and start asking how to play, how long have you been playing, and soon you get into a conversation that results in selling the game to them (or is that last part strickly for Best Buy personel?). But games that I used to be into like Soul Blade and even now with Animal Crossing are social games that involve playing with a buddy. Yes, it's fun sometimes to beat the snot out of the computer in, oh, let's say, Star Wars Fighters, but isn't the real challenge in fighting another person that has spent the same if not more time on the game as you have?
While games are a good escape for me, it's starting to become rather a drag again. I finally remembered why I ended up not playing them for so long. First off, I never really had anything that was considered cool. And second, I had no one to play them with let alone someone who was interested in the same games I was.
Heh, Pokemon... What a power trip that game is.
Gotta catch 'em all!
A good portion of my games are all RPGs for some reason. They are all good RPGs in my opinion... well, except for Tomba! which doesn't make much sense to me to begin with (Oooo, evil pigs are going to destroy the earth... Whatever.), but they are all really good RPGs to play. The thing is, I don't know where I left off in most of them! Some of them I have a general idea of, like all my Pokemon ones, and others I can pick back up just by looking at where I am in the status page if they have one, like in... in... well, the only one that comes to mind is Pokemon Staduim, but I know there are others. The rest, like Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I don't have the slightest idea where I am in that game! If worst comes to worst, I might as well just start over again from the begining. Hey, most of these RPGs are all story based anyway. It's like reading a book. If you can't remember what happened, look back at the begining. There are a few games where going back to the start would be benifitial for me, like Zelda and Pokemon, while others like LUNAR aren't really unless I want to go through all that trouble of leveling up and finding this item here and there and looking up walkthrus on GameFAQs and so on because I've practically memorized the story like it was a movie I've seen a million times!
Another thing that crossed my mind when I went through my games is that no one really plays these games or these systems anymore. Hell, I have the old and extremely rare Sega CDX which was Sega's attempt to make their Sega CD system more portible!! Who still plays games on that? I do have some good ones for it... if you consider Sonic CD and Mickey Mouse's game through time good ones. If not, then play Sewer Shark. But still, not even I play those anymore! I looked at my unopened and unwraped Pokemon Gold game and still wonder as I'm typing this if I'll ever get a chance to play it if even on a casual basis.
That's when it hit me. I've become a casual gamer! It's not my fault. I've just evolved into it. Yes, games are fun, but believe it or not, I used to make it my life! In fact, there should be hints of it in early blog entries here. So, as a casual gamer, what can I do with these old games and systems? Play them at my lesuire of course. When will that be? Who knows? The only game I have set up is DDR and it feels odd to be playing that again. If that's the case, imagin how odd it will feel for me to pick back up Pokemon Red. In any event, I know the time will come when I'll end up setting back up the N64 and playing Pokemon Stadium with Red and/or Blue in the little GB64 attachment thingy, learning the game again and mastering it by myself.
That's another thing I noticed. Most of these games that I used to be into were social games. In a way, I'm still interested in social video games. There's just one problem. No friends. Sure, DDR is a social video game in the arcade. People come up to you and start asking how to play, how long have you been playing, and soon you get into a conversation that results in selling the game to them (or is that last part strickly for Best Buy personel?). But games that I used to be into like Soul Blade and even now with Animal Crossing are social games that involve playing with a buddy. Yes, it's fun sometimes to beat the snot out of the computer in, oh, let's say, Star Wars Fighters, but isn't the real challenge in fighting another person that has spent the same if not more time on the game as you have?
While games are a good escape for me, it's starting to become rather a drag again. I finally remembered why I ended up not playing them for so long. First off, I never really had anything that was considered cool. And second, I had no one to play them with let alone someone who was interested in the same games I was.
Heh, Pokemon... What a power trip that game is.
Gotta catch 'em all!
It finally dawned on me today.
I just got off DDR in workout mode. I only burned off 57.714kcals. I'm asuming that the K in kcals means kilo as in thousand. I feel beat and weak. I remember a time when I used to be able to do that without getting tired, when I could do about twice that much before I would sweat.
The thing is, I was distracted. Whenever you play video games, you have to concentrait sometimes. Especially with this game. Concentration with DDR can mean the differance between winning and losing. But like I said, I was distracted. Playing DDR at home just felt alien to me. I've done it before, but for some reason, it just didn't feel right.
That's when it finally hit me. I got too used to playing it on the big arcade machine! I got too used to just shifting my weight to make the arrow register instead of having to stomp on the mat. I got too used to the flashing lights in a dark room. I got too used to not having to use my feet to guide through the menu. I got too used to playing this game with shoes and jeans instead of socks and sweatpants!! I got used to the shock absorbers in the metal stage instead of the sound of my floor creaking and the decoration atop the entertainment center shaking! I got too used to paying to play!! I GOT TOO USED TO THE ATTENTION I GOT PLAYING!
Man, who knew this would happen?
I just got off DDR in workout mode. I only burned off 57.714kcals. I'm asuming that the K in kcals means kilo as in thousand. I feel beat and weak. I remember a time when I used to be able to do that without getting tired, when I could do about twice that much before I would sweat.
The thing is, I was distracted. Whenever you play video games, you have to concentrait sometimes. Especially with this game. Concentration with DDR can mean the differance between winning and losing. But like I said, I was distracted. Playing DDR at home just felt alien to me. I've done it before, but for some reason, it just didn't feel right.
That's when it finally hit me. I got too used to playing it on the big arcade machine! I got too used to just shifting my weight to make the arrow register instead of having to stomp on the mat. I got too used to the flashing lights in a dark room. I got too used to not having to use my feet to guide through the menu. I got too used to playing this game with shoes and jeans instead of socks and sweatpants!! I got used to the shock absorbers in the metal stage instead of the sound of my floor creaking and the decoration atop the entertainment center shaking! I got too used to paying to play!! I GOT TOO USED TO THE ATTENTION I GOT PLAYING!
Man, who knew this would happen?
Thursday, December 26, 2002
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Yeah, I would like to spend time with friends away from the computer... but I don't have any.
Why the hell did I have a dream that I was having sex with AJ Trauth? On top of that, does he really have a dick that's about as big as my dildo I have?
I'm not looking for an answer to the second question. That was just to stupid to ask.
Okay, so I'm impatient too. I'm just a bad bad bad person. Ask anyone that knows me well enough, really!
I couldn't wait for the damn mat to deflate so I duct taped it down and tried out a few tracks to get used to the feel of the mat again. Let me tell you something, it's really really really strange feeling to be playing on that again. Hell, it feels strange playing a video game after so long!
Anyway, the normal trouble is that the back/down button responds kind of funny, but it's been like that to my memory. Give me about a week and I should be used to it again.
Now, I hope I remember to streach and bring plenty of water.
I couldn't wait for the damn mat to deflate so I duct taped it down and tried out a few tracks to get used to the feel of the mat again. Let me tell you something, it's really really really strange feeling to be playing on that again. Hell, it feels strange playing a video game after so long!
Anyway, the normal trouble is that the back/down button responds kind of funny, but it's been like that to my memory. Give me about a week and I should be used to it again.
Now, I hope I remember to streach and bring plenty of water.
I won't lie to you. Today I wanted to dildo myself, but instead I decided to get a head start on one of my resolutions. Namely the one that involves Dance Dance Revolution.
After doing my usual online routine of checking mail and grabbing all the freebies I can from NeoPets, I took the old but true pair of scissors and broke into the big iMac box I was using for my games. After cleaning it out, I figure I might as well keep the box as it is because of the fact that while I was gone, my "game drawer" got filled up. Oh well, I was only going to break out the PSX and DRR anyway.
Setting it up was no problem, I felt right at home with all the wires and stuff that was needed to hook it up. It was strange to see my old Playstation. It was even stranger to see my TV be used as a gaming machine again. That's a sign that tells me it's been too long since I last played a video game.
Right now, I'm trying to deflate the dance mat that came with my DDR game. I have four heavy storage tubs sitting over it. I'm thinking about letting it sit like that overnight before I duct tape it to the carpet.
Hey, that's how I got it to stop shifting the first time.
After doing my usual online routine of checking mail and grabbing all the freebies I can from NeoPets, I took the old but true pair of scissors and broke into the big iMac box I was using for my games. After cleaning it out, I figure I might as well keep the box as it is because of the fact that while I was gone, my "game drawer" got filled up. Oh well, I was only going to break out the PSX and DRR anyway.
Setting it up was no problem, I felt right at home with all the wires and stuff that was needed to hook it up. It was strange to see my old Playstation. It was even stranger to see my TV be used as a gaming machine again. That's a sign that tells me it's been too long since I last played a video game.
Right now, I'm trying to deflate the dance mat that came with my DDR game. I have four heavy storage tubs sitting over it. I'm thinking about letting it sit like that overnight before I duct tape it to the carpet.
Hey, that's how I got it to stop shifting the first time.
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
Boredom strikes, and this creative mind goes into overdrive? No, just hopes that come out of nowhere that I wish never made themselves known. What kind of hopes? Okay, so maybe the word "hopes" isn't the best word to describe these. More like impossible fantasies, dreams that will never come true. You know, those kind of things. The stuff you keep to yourself hoping that they happen? You know what I'm talking about. Everyone has one. If you don't have one, then you must be something not human.
So what is going through my mind that's making me blog yet again for the, what? Fifth time? What could possibly be going through my mind worth meantioning, worth the time it takes for me to type it up, worth your time to read it? What kind of rediculous dream is in my head this time?
I hope you have a snack with you right now.
Have you ever wished you could be cooler? I have. I've always dreamed that I was this uber-gamer like in that one 80s movie The Wiz Kid. The thing is, I wouldn't be this kid that knew the in's and out's of stupidly popular games of my generation. I'd be this kid that was like DJ 8Ball on DDRFreak.com that could freestyle at the drop of a hat. My little secret from society. So when would this secret come out? When it could gain me some attention. Dreams or not, I'm an attention hog. I want to be in the spotlight if I can for something I know I'm good at. Hell, I've had dreams where I was this member of the once-popular Real World/Road Rules Challenge. I say "once-popular" because Survivor took over the reality-TV market, it seems. Anyway, I would be on the Real World side with some girl member that I got all buddy-buddy with on the show, supposibly. The whole dream thing goes like this. The next mission/challenge we get shoots us up to either Seattle or Nashville. Either way, we end up in a GameWorks arcade. For example, if it was in Nashville, it would be at the grand opening at OpryMills or something to that effect. The reason we are at GameWorks is to have a Dance Dance Revolution dance off between the two teams. Go figure, huh? To make it fair, and so no one looks like a compleate dummy, they give us a day to train. Some point in the mission, the members of my team begin to get pissed at me for not trainning. Apparently, in my little fantasy, it gets to the point where someone pushes me onto the machine and forces me to pick a damn song. Up untill this point, everyone has been doing easy songs. Naturally, since I can't pass an oppurtunity to show off, I pick a song no one would touch because it's too hard... well, for them at least. Well, they are awed and as I compleate the whole three song set, I end up being labeled the winning card in the deck. From there, it gets predictable. At the major compitition, I show off and win it for Real World. And then I look like the big cool guy on campus that everyone would love to be around because his aura just expells coolness.
It will never happen.
Do you wish you could ever do something impossible? Do you wish you were good looking to the point where you'd be a modern day Adonis? Who doesn't?! Ever since my first experiance watching the martial arts in action, I've always wanted to be this second Bruce Lee. Yes, it is possible, but given my age, I wouldn't be able to reach the goal I wanted with this seemingly realistic dream. Maybe I'm setting my standards too high. I wanted to be able to do all the stuff that ninjas and samuris and assasins do. Climb walls just by running up them, draw swords in a flash, defend myself from a mob of attackers without breaking a sweat. The kind of stuff that would make you sit back and go "DAMN!" The kind of athletism that would cause a built so tight and lean it would be called perfect by any other description. The kind that every modeling agency scout would be looking for and would pay thousands of dollars for.
That will never happen.
Man, who knew that today alone would be so.... sucky for me as far as how my mind is at right now. I mean, it's Christmas for Christ's sake! He was born today! I should be all happy and celebrating!
I must be an alien.
So what is going through my mind that's making me blog yet again for the, what? Fifth time? What could possibly be going through my mind worth meantioning, worth the time it takes for me to type it up, worth your time to read it? What kind of rediculous dream is in my head this time?
I hope you have a snack with you right now.
Have you ever wished you could be cooler? I have. I've always dreamed that I was this uber-gamer like in that one 80s movie The Wiz Kid. The thing is, I wouldn't be this kid that knew the in's and out's of stupidly popular games of my generation. I'd be this kid that was like DJ 8Ball on DDRFreak.com that could freestyle at the drop of a hat. My little secret from society. So when would this secret come out? When it could gain me some attention. Dreams or not, I'm an attention hog. I want to be in the spotlight if I can for something I know I'm good at. Hell, I've had dreams where I was this member of the once-popular Real World/Road Rules Challenge. I say "once-popular" because Survivor took over the reality-TV market, it seems. Anyway, I would be on the Real World side with some girl member that I got all buddy-buddy with on the show, supposibly. The whole dream thing goes like this. The next mission/challenge we get shoots us up to either Seattle or Nashville. Either way, we end up in a GameWorks arcade. For example, if it was in Nashville, it would be at the grand opening at OpryMills or something to that effect. The reason we are at GameWorks is to have a Dance Dance Revolution dance off between the two teams. Go figure, huh? To make it fair, and so no one looks like a compleate dummy, they give us a day to train. Some point in the mission, the members of my team begin to get pissed at me for not trainning. Apparently, in my little fantasy, it gets to the point where someone pushes me onto the machine and forces me to pick a damn song. Up untill this point, everyone has been doing easy songs. Naturally, since I can't pass an oppurtunity to show off, I pick a song no one would touch because it's too hard... well, for them at least. Well, they are awed and as I compleate the whole three song set, I end up being labeled the winning card in the deck. From there, it gets predictable. At the major compitition, I show off and win it for Real World. And then I look like the big cool guy on campus that everyone would love to be around because his aura just expells coolness.
It will never happen.
Do you wish you could ever do something impossible? Do you wish you were good looking to the point where you'd be a modern day Adonis? Who doesn't?! Ever since my first experiance watching the martial arts in action, I've always wanted to be this second Bruce Lee. Yes, it is possible, but given my age, I wouldn't be able to reach the goal I wanted with this seemingly realistic dream. Maybe I'm setting my standards too high. I wanted to be able to do all the stuff that ninjas and samuris and assasins do. Climb walls just by running up them, draw swords in a flash, defend myself from a mob of attackers without breaking a sweat. The kind of stuff that would make you sit back and go "DAMN!" The kind of athletism that would cause a built so tight and lean it would be called perfect by any other description. The kind that every modeling agency scout would be looking for and would pay thousands of dollars for.
That will never happen.
Man, who knew that today alone would be so.... sucky for me as far as how my mind is at right now. I mean, it's Christmas for Christ's sake! He was born today! I should be all happy and celebrating!
I must be an alien.
(Hmm.. I was trying to find that little copyright site so I can copyright my blog. Oh well, so much for that.)
Having nothing better to do, I decided to watch Lilo & Stitch. I still cry every time Lilo or Stitch hurt like I did when I first saw it. Why? Because I can relate. I know the hurt of having nothing to revisit to make myself happy in a broken family. Well, this family is broken if you ask me.
After crying my eyes out, I started thinking about some things I have failed to blog. After debating about it in my head, I decided not to bother updating as to what I have failed to put here. Why? Cause it's not worth it. It's just the same tired story that you can find in every other update here.
Yes, those that have been keeping score. It happened again. This time for good.... I think... I hope... (Zeek, that was a bad thing to say just then.)
So what is there to write about while I'm here as I'm listening to the Linkin Park: Reanimation CD? Brace yourself.
Have you ever wanted to just start your life over? Have you ever wanted to just erase everything you ever regreted doing? Guess what? You can't. I've wanted to do that so many times, but the sad fact is that you just fucking can't. It's like the song goes. "I've tried so hard and gone so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter." It just doesn't matter what I do anymore. Add to my list of resolutions that I need to just live a life even if it's just pathetic. Why? Cause there is no reason to live anymore. You can't live a life you want without stepping on people's toes. Even if you are able to tip toe over them, you still can't avoid them compleately. So what's the point of this rant? What's the point to anything really? Why do I have this blog? Why do I play NeoPets? Why is it that come New Year's Eve that I'll break out my DDR game and mat in an attempt to get in shape? There isn't any. I could just bore you with excuses, and I have this feeling I have at several points in this blog. If I wanted to, I could point out where in the archives. Should I? No. Why? Cause it just doesn't matter.
Well, that was painless. Admitting that this whole life I have been trying to make for myself is nothing more but a delusion. So much for that. I was hoping that maybe I'd break down, cry, even go off on a tangent and rant about something seemingly unrelated (oops, too late). I wonder what that means.
Having nothing better to do, I decided to watch Lilo & Stitch. I still cry every time Lilo or Stitch hurt like I did when I first saw it. Why? Because I can relate. I know the hurt of having nothing to revisit to make myself happy in a broken family. Well, this family is broken if you ask me.
After crying my eyes out, I started thinking about some things I have failed to blog. After debating about it in my head, I decided not to bother updating as to what I have failed to put here. Why? Cause it's not worth it. It's just the same tired story that you can find in every other update here.
Yes, those that have been keeping score. It happened again. This time for good.... I think... I hope... (Zeek, that was a bad thing to say just then.)
So what is there to write about while I'm here as I'm listening to the Linkin Park: Reanimation CD? Brace yourself.
Have you ever wanted to just start your life over? Have you ever wanted to just erase everything you ever regreted doing? Guess what? You can't. I've wanted to do that so many times, but the sad fact is that you just fucking can't. It's like the song goes. "I've tried so hard and gone so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter." It just doesn't matter what I do anymore. Add to my list of resolutions that I need to just live a life even if it's just pathetic. Why? Cause there is no reason to live anymore. You can't live a life you want without stepping on people's toes. Even if you are able to tip toe over them, you still can't avoid them compleately. So what's the point of this rant? What's the point to anything really? Why do I have this blog? Why do I play NeoPets? Why is it that come New Year's Eve that I'll break out my DDR game and mat in an attempt to get in shape? There isn't any. I could just bore you with excuses, and I have this feeling I have at several points in this blog. If I wanted to, I could point out where in the archives. Should I? No. Why? Cause it just doesn't matter.
Well, that was painless. Admitting that this whole life I have been trying to make for myself is nothing more but a delusion. So much for that. I was hoping that maybe I'd break down, cry, even go off on a tangent and rant about something seemingly unrelated (oops, too late). I wonder what that means.
Okay, now that I'm not rushed to do anything and is alot more relaxed.
It's Christmas Day. Nothing to special or anything to me. It hasn't been since I can't remember when.
I've always wanted this day to be so perfect. Yes, maybe it's the commercialism getting to me, but still. The perfect Christmas for me would be like this.
There would be a tree near the fireplace in a cornor of the room all decked out as beautiful as we could make it. On the coffee table would be a nice, antique, yet simple Nativity. Along the fireplace would be cute little stocking holders with comical stocking hanging off of them while underneath in the fireplace a roaring fire burned. Come Christmas Day, it would be snowing outside and the presents would be piled almost as high as the tree itself! Everyone would open their gifts, and everyone would get what they wanted to get/give. Everyone would scream and shout and thank the giver for a wonderful gift. It would be a joyous and magical morning.
Unfortunately, that won't happen for a long long LONG time.
Well, since that is over for us here (as sad as it is for me to admit that Christmas is done for the day), I might as well start on my New Years Resolutions.
Resolutions for the Year 2003
1. Find a job!!
2. Try to lose some weight by breaking out DDR and starting it up again.
I wonder if I have room in my room still for that damn mat.
It's Christmas Day. Nothing to special or anything to me. It hasn't been since I can't remember when.
I've always wanted this day to be so perfect. Yes, maybe it's the commercialism getting to me, but still. The perfect Christmas for me would be like this.
There would be a tree near the fireplace in a cornor of the room all decked out as beautiful as we could make it. On the coffee table would be a nice, antique, yet simple Nativity. Along the fireplace would be cute little stocking holders with comical stocking hanging off of them while underneath in the fireplace a roaring fire burned. Come Christmas Day, it would be snowing outside and the presents would be piled almost as high as the tree itself! Everyone would open their gifts, and everyone would get what they wanted to get/give. Everyone would scream and shout and thank the giver for a wonderful gift. It would be a joyous and magical morning.
Unfortunately, that won't happen for a long long LONG time.
Well, since that is over for us here (as sad as it is for me to admit that Christmas is done for the day), I might as well start on my New Years Resolutions.
Resolutions for the Year 2003
1. Find a job!!
2. Try to lose some weight by breaking out DDR and starting it up again.
I wonder if I have room in my room still for that damn mat.
Well, it's Christmas Day.
What did I get today? Well, I got...
- about $80 or so. I haven't counted.
- Linkin Park: The Reanimation CD
- incense to burn
- Lilo & Stitch VHS
- a Kadoatie plushie
- a Rainbow Neopet notepad with a Rare Item Code. I have yet to enter it in.
- M&Ms
I'll post more later. Right now, I'm rushed to go to Christmas mass.
Friday, December 20, 2002
Which HP Kid Are You?
Oh God, no! Say it isn't so! I can't be like Harry Potter!! I demand a recount!
Thursday, December 19, 2002
You are the Dragon. In medieval Europe, dragons were considered mostly evil and a generally bad omin. Christianity linked the dragon with Satan because of the dragon's snake-like apperance. However, to the Orient cultures the dragon was a symbol of widom and roalty. It was a benign animal and the fifth creature of the Chinese zodiac. It resided over the east and the sunsrise. It was also said to bring rain and the springtime. The dragon is interesting because it combines all four elements: air, earth, fire, and water. It could fly, had the horns of a ox, breathed fire, and resided over the moon.
What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!
That's so cool! Dragons are cool! I love dragons!
Wednesday, December 18, 2002
Your magical style is Psychic.
What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox
Ha!! I wish I was that!
I'm a Ravenclaw!
You know, if I hadn't of watched Harry Potter while in Seattle, I would have never taken this test.
Monday, December 16, 2002
"Merry Christmas! You're laid-off!"
That was the blunt of it when my mom delivered the news over dinner.
All of a sudden, I'm feeling like Bob Cratchet's Tiny Tim only without the disablity. Christmas is going to suck now with this word.
Guess I have to play the good son now and help out once I get a job... if I can just grow some balls and get out there and look.
It's times like this I wish Dan was here to help me feel better.
That was the blunt of it when my mom delivered the news over dinner.
All of a sudden, I'm feeling like Bob Cratchet's Tiny Tim only without the disablity. Christmas is going to suck now with this word.
Guess I have to play the good son now and help out once I get a job... if I can just grow some balls and get out there and look.
It's times like this I wish Dan was here to help me feel better.
As a Dark Faerie, you are … well … dark. You can be very mean during times, not caring for anyone except yourself. You may not get along very well with others, and have a hard time connecting to them. You are very independent, and like it that way. You find yourself most happy when you are alone doing what you want, and you become a better person during those times.
As a Light Faerie, you are an all around good person. Friendship is very important to you, and you never take your friends for granted. You love to go out and just have fun with these people that are close to you. You are a very loveable person, who everyone finds cool. You are good at heart, and dislike those who are cruel and disrespectful.
Hey, look at it this way. I'm balanced. You know, Ying and Yang?
As a Fire Faerie, you are unique and different. You set your own styles, and don’t follow others. You are out going, and love to be the center of attention. You are also very comical, and can put a smile on anyone’s face. But sometimes you may go too far, and hurt others in the process of being funny.
You have no idea how inaccurate that is. I am not, in any way, comical. I'm just an idiot that does stupid things that makes people laugh.
As an Earth Faerie, you are shy around others. You may feel uncomfortable when talking to people you have just met, and feel most happy when you are out in nature. You love animals, and going out to relax in the sun. You are respectful, and look up to everyone around you. But if someone wrongs you, they will lose your trust and respect.
So lets see, according to these wacky personality test, I'm a tree of fire that burns black with a golden light radiating off it?? Nah, that's just to complicated. I'm just going to say that since I'm gay that should already make me a "faerie." What? Don't look at me like that! Isn't that what the close-minded straight gay bashers call us?
Click here to take the quiz!
I found out when my sister came home cause she had a headache that today there's a football game downtown. I guess it's a good thing I pussied out of going on the bus today, or else I wouldn't be able to come home. See, come near game time, the bus routes change so that almost every bus going from downtown goes to the stadium. Inconvinet, yes, but have you seen the parking downtown?!
God, I'm such a pussy.
Last night, I couldn't get any sleep despite my early retirement to the bed. You can tell I didn't get enough sleep simply by that last sentance. The reason was because I got really ansy. See, the plan was to originally wake up at around the same time I woke up before to catch the earliest bus I can to OpryMills. I ended up staying away up untill the alarms went off. I turned them off and said to myself that I just can't do it. I didn't feel comfortible about doing the bus thing. I mean, what if I don't have enough fare? What about what my aunt said about timing it so I'm not stuck in downtown too long? And what about missing the stops?
Okay, so they are really nothing, but I just didn't feel comfortable with them! It's bad enough I can't remember the times let alone have a decently printed time sheet for the other bus I have to catch. This whole thing just scares me alot. It's too new. Yeah, getting my ATM card was cool, and that was a new experiance for me too, but this is a different kind of new. This one I could botch up and end up on the wrong side of town like that one guy on 7th Heaven, only here, the wrong side of town could get me shot!
Damn, I really wish Dan was here. He'd help me out with this.
Last night, I couldn't get any sleep despite my early retirement to the bed. You can tell I didn't get enough sleep simply by that last sentance. The reason was because I got really ansy. See, the plan was to originally wake up at around the same time I woke up before to catch the earliest bus I can to OpryMills. I ended up staying away up untill the alarms went off. I turned them off and said to myself that I just can't do it. I didn't feel comfortible about doing the bus thing. I mean, what if I don't have enough fare? What about what my aunt said about timing it so I'm not stuck in downtown too long? And what about missing the stops?
Okay, so they are really nothing, but I just didn't feel comfortable with them! It's bad enough I can't remember the times let alone have a decently printed time sheet for the other bus I have to catch. This whole thing just scares me alot. It's too new. Yeah, getting my ATM card was cool, and that was a new experiance for me too, but this is a different kind of new. This one I could botch up and end up on the wrong side of town like that one guy on 7th Heaven, only here, the wrong side of town could get me shot!
Damn, I really wish Dan was here. He'd help me out with this.
Friday, December 13, 2002
Thursday, December 12, 2002
Depressing day today.
It all started last night. Dad said that he and Mom had to sign off on a home loan. My first thought was that we're poor for real this time, that they aren't just saying that to try to make me not spend money or something like that. Then, almost as fast I thought that line of thought up, I realized something. I was getting "volenteered" again. Dad wanted me to help out my Auntie at the store so that she isn't overwhelmed. My reaction to that request was nothing short of upset. They even offered to pay me! There's a first. I silently decided to sleep on it.
Fast forward to this morning around 09:00.
I woke up and groggily called the store. My aunt picked up the phone and I asked if they still need me overthere. It turned out that the customer flow was slow, so they didn't really need me. So much for that, I guess.
The rest of the day consisted of the usual going on the internet for substance (In cause you didn't know already, the internet and video games in general are like my "happy drug". Hey, it beats alcohol and marajuana.), eating raw Raman noodles, sleeping, and not really giving a damn any more as to where my future is going. Yup, that's right, I don't give a damn any more. I've screwed up too many times in my life for there to be a chance of me turning that around. I've tried to fixed to many of the potholes on the road of life. It's about time I just submit to them.
Fast forward to roughly 17:32.
I wanted to cook some mushroom quesodillas just to get rid of the mushrooms. No one that came home felt like going to Kroger, so I ended up using what we had in the fridge to make a kind of pasta cassarole thing. I don't know exactly what it was, but all I know is that it didn't come out the way I wanted it to.
I made the mistake of listening to the soundtrack to How the Grinch Stole Christmas from a few years ago. There are two songs on there that make me want to cry. "You Don't Have to be Alone" and "Where are you, Christmas?" Each has a different meaning to me. The most potent of them is the second song, mostly because I feel our family has lost its once prized bond between family members around this time of year. It used to be we'd be able to have this fun Christmas where we didn't care what we got and every day was a happy day. Now, it just sucks. We try to make it up to each other by giving presents, but you can tell just by the presents themselves that we've grown apart over the years. Sucks, huh?
When everyone came back from wherever they were, I single-handedly had set the table, cooked dinner for at least four, and was just waiting for the compliments. Not one came. Not a single one. I finally did something "out of character," and the only thing I got was a few compliments on how good the dish was. I was aiming for praises of how I did things I don't normally do. Guess I was aiming too high. After everyone finished eating, I also cleaned up after them. Dishes, table. The only thing I didn't do is put the stuff back in the cabinet.
Fast forward to 21:47.
James signed on to AIM. It surprised me that he was so happy when I was talking to him. Then it got ugly after he broke the ice. Due to recent events and actions on my part, all of which you can read in the last blog I did and other past blogs, James has come to the realization that I'm not the one for him and that we should just move on. Normally, most people would be upset about this, but I wasn't. Admittingly, I was actually expecting it. I mean, he's only human, right? Everyone has their limits and if I meant to or not, I crossed his. I could be wrong, and I bet I am, but normally after something like this, the ex'es become friends for a while. At least that's what happened with me and his cousin Andrew. Not the case here. Judging from the fact that James is who he is, he's not going to be online alot, I'll never meet him, and I seriously doubt he'll ever give me the time of day. Something tells me from this point on, things between me and the boys will just taper into compleate and utter deletion from the friendship folder.
Suddenly, as if getting dumped wasn't bad enough, I find out that Andrew got into a fight with Josh. You know, the one that hates me and wants to see me dead? Andrew was defending me, but it turned out that he was defending me with the wrong information. That pissed him off royally. I was verbally attacked and beaten up by him after the scuffle in which I couldn't say anything short of just submitting to Josh's aqusations about me. What else can I say? I've screwed up so many times that I really don't think anything I can say to Andrew could fix anything... no matter how well he can smooth things over with Josh and James. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate his help. Whenever the chips were ever down, Andrew was always there for me. But after this? He's not going to be there to defend me anymore. He's pissed at the things I've done recently and for not knowing the true facts. If I were him, I'd also be pissed that I was defending a loser that just sucks. I bet he feels that way too.
The last IM I got was Andrew telling me he has to cool down Josh since he said that all this was my fault and he has to act. Knowing Josh, that can't mean anything good. What exactly do I mean? Let's just say my family is going to need alot more than a home loan.
It all started last night. Dad said that he and Mom had to sign off on a home loan. My first thought was that we're poor for real this time, that they aren't just saying that to try to make me not spend money or something like that. Then, almost as fast I thought that line of thought up, I realized something. I was getting "volenteered" again. Dad wanted me to help out my Auntie at the store so that she isn't overwhelmed. My reaction to that request was nothing short of upset. They even offered to pay me! There's a first. I silently decided to sleep on it.
Fast forward to this morning around 09:00.
I woke up and groggily called the store. My aunt picked up the phone and I asked if they still need me overthere. It turned out that the customer flow was slow, so they didn't really need me. So much for that, I guess.
The rest of the day consisted of the usual going on the internet for substance (In cause you didn't know already, the internet and video games in general are like my "happy drug". Hey, it beats alcohol and marajuana.), eating raw Raman noodles, sleeping, and not really giving a damn any more as to where my future is going. Yup, that's right, I don't give a damn any more. I've screwed up too many times in my life for there to be a chance of me turning that around. I've tried to fixed to many of the potholes on the road of life. It's about time I just submit to them.
Fast forward to roughly 17:32.
I wanted to cook some mushroom quesodillas just to get rid of the mushrooms. No one that came home felt like going to Kroger, so I ended up using what we had in the fridge to make a kind of pasta cassarole thing. I don't know exactly what it was, but all I know is that it didn't come out the way I wanted it to.
I made the mistake of listening to the soundtrack to How the Grinch Stole Christmas from a few years ago. There are two songs on there that make me want to cry. "You Don't Have to be Alone" and "Where are you, Christmas?" Each has a different meaning to me. The most potent of them is the second song, mostly because I feel our family has lost its once prized bond between family members around this time of year. It used to be we'd be able to have this fun Christmas where we didn't care what we got and every day was a happy day. Now, it just sucks. We try to make it up to each other by giving presents, but you can tell just by the presents themselves that we've grown apart over the years. Sucks, huh?
When everyone came back from wherever they were, I single-handedly had set the table, cooked dinner for at least four, and was just waiting for the compliments. Not one came. Not a single one. I finally did something "out of character," and the only thing I got was a few compliments on how good the dish was. I was aiming for praises of how I did things I don't normally do. Guess I was aiming too high. After everyone finished eating, I also cleaned up after them. Dishes, table. The only thing I didn't do is put the stuff back in the cabinet.
Fast forward to 21:47.
James signed on to AIM. It surprised me that he was so happy when I was talking to him. Then it got ugly after he broke the ice. Due to recent events and actions on my part, all of which you can read in the last blog I did and other past blogs, James has come to the realization that I'm not the one for him and that we should just move on. Normally, most people would be upset about this, but I wasn't. Admittingly, I was actually expecting it. I mean, he's only human, right? Everyone has their limits and if I meant to or not, I crossed his. I could be wrong, and I bet I am, but normally after something like this, the ex'es become friends for a while. At least that's what happened with me and his cousin Andrew. Not the case here. Judging from the fact that James is who he is, he's not going to be online alot, I'll never meet him, and I seriously doubt he'll ever give me the time of day. Something tells me from this point on, things between me and the boys will just taper into compleate and utter deletion from the friendship folder.
Suddenly, as if getting dumped wasn't bad enough, I find out that Andrew got into a fight with Josh. You know, the one that hates me and wants to see me dead? Andrew was defending me, but it turned out that he was defending me with the wrong information. That pissed him off royally. I was verbally attacked and beaten up by him after the scuffle in which I couldn't say anything short of just submitting to Josh's aqusations about me. What else can I say? I've screwed up so many times that I really don't think anything I can say to Andrew could fix anything... no matter how well he can smooth things over with Josh and James. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate his help. Whenever the chips were ever down, Andrew was always there for me. But after this? He's not going to be there to defend me anymore. He's pissed at the things I've done recently and for not knowing the true facts. If I were him, I'd also be pissed that I was defending a loser that just sucks. I bet he feels that way too.
The last IM I got was Andrew telling me he has to cool down Josh since he said that all this was my fault and he has to act. Knowing Josh, that can't mean anything good. What exactly do I mean? Let's just say my family is going to need alot more than a home loan.
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
I really wish I knew how to start this particular blog. It's kind of hard to talk about things just out of the blue sometimes.
Last night, I had the pleasent surprise to be able to chat with David. He's a really cool guy. It's a good thing we talked, cause I really needed an ear to listen to me. Dan is probibly busy with James and Bill and Sam, so that made me think I wouldn't be able to unless he locked himself in his room while he and I chatted online. Anyway, the short of it is that I needed someone to talk to. Somewhere along the line, we started talking about how I ended up back here in Nashville which somehow lead to the boys' additude towards me.
David thinks I am totally out of luck ever getting back in their good graces ever again.
The straw that broke the camel's back is a combinations of misunderstandings on both my part and theirs. Well, I take that back, it's mostly my fault. I did some things that were unfavorible while I was up in Seattle that made the boys go into overprotective mode. Frankly, I think they hate me. They are tired of my rantting and wanting an ear to listen and a sholder to cry on. They don't like the way I do things. They think I am stupid.
Sometimes I wish I was better off not knowing them. But then it's times like these that I can't seem to get them out of my head.
I'm so pathetic.
Last night, I had the pleasent surprise to be able to chat with David. He's a really cool guy. It's a good thing we talked, cause I really needed an ear to listen to me. Dan is probibly busy with James and Bill and Sam, so that made me think I wouldn't be able to unless he locked himself in his room while he and I chatted online. Anyway, the short of it is that I needed someone to talk to. Somewhere along the line, we started talking about how I ended up back here in Nashville which somehow lead to the boys' additude towards me.
David thinks I am totally out of luck ever getting back in their good graces ever again.
The straw that broke the camel's back is a combinations of misunderstandings on both my part and theirs. Well, I take that back, it's mostly my fault. I did some things that were unfavorible while I was up in Seattle that made the boys go into overprotective mode. Frankly, I think they hate me. They are tired of my rantting and wanting an ear to listen and a sholder to cry on. They don't like the way I do things. They think I am stupid.
Sometimes I wish I was better off not knowing them. But then it's times like these that I can't seem to get them out of my head.
I'm so pathetic.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
It's amazing.
I've been feeling crappy for the last few days inside. For some reason, after I got done cooking up some really hot quesodillas, I'm all find and dandy.
I wonder if this new found outlet is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, I may have a potential future in the culinary arts and all, but it just seems too soon to tell.
Still, it can't hurt none... right?
I've been feeling crappy for the last few days inside. For some reason, after I got done cooking up some really hot quesodillas, I'm all find and dandy.
I wonder if this new found outlet is going to be a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, I may have a potential future in the culinary arts and all, but it just seems too soon to tell.
Still, it can't hurt none... right?
Monday, December 09, 2002
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Good thing I already have a Kougra in my NeoPet account.
Well, I did it. I finally did something that I was fearing would go over really badly.
I went to the local Walgreens and bought me four six-packs of KY Liquid personal lube. Hey, they were $3.49 each, and there were only four boxes left, so why not clean them out so I won't have to go back for awhile, right?
I went to the local Walgreens and bought me four six-packs of KY Liquid personal lube. Hey, they were $3.49 each, and there were only four boxes left, so why not clean them out so I won't have to go back for awhile, right?
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Here's a little story that someone posted on a NeoPets Guild that I happen to be a part of. It's so cute that I felt like sharing it here.
Kitten From Heaven
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about a pastor of his church.
He had a kitten that climbed up his tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitten would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a bit further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they had seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping" and went about his buisness.
A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members. He happened to look in her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her why she was buying cat food when you hate cats so much? She replied "You won't believe this" and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it!" She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees and asked God for a cat. And really, pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with his paws outspread and landed right in front of her."
Kind of gives you that warm fuzzy comfy feeling inside, doesn't it?
All together now... 3... 2... 1... AWWWWWwwwwwww.
Kitten From Heaven
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about a pastor of his church.
He had a kitten that climbed up his tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitten would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten. He did all this checking his progress in the car frequently, then figured if he went just a bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved a bit further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air out of sight.
The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they had seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping" and went about his buisness.
A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his church members. He happened to look in her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her why she was buying cat food when you hate cats so much? She replied "You won't believe this" and told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it!" She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees and asked God for a cat. And really, pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with his paws outspread and landed right in front of her."
Kind of gives you that warm fuzzy comfy feeling inside, doesn't it?
All together now... 3... 2... 1... AWWWWWwwwwwww.
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
That's it. I've hit another low.
I'm suppose to fill out many applications after finding what they wanted only to throw two of the three out. Why? Because I don't see the point anymore of trying. I just don't anymore. Everything I wanted is just so far out of reach. It's just hopeless. And you know what? I'm just going to end up being good for nothing. I already am.
I'm already hating life. I'm just living from day to day on nothing but the food that they have here. The only thing that keeps me so-called happy are cartoons, movies, and TV shows. Great, I'm back to were I was.
I need help so bad that I'd kill for it.
I'm suppose to fill out many applications after finding what they wanted only to throw two of the three out. Why? Because I don't see the point anymore of trying. I just don't anymore. Everything I wanted is just so far out of reach. It's just hopeless. And you know what? I'm just going to end up being good for nothing. I already am.
I'm already hating life. I'm just living from day to day on nothing but the food that they have here. The only thing that keeps me so-called happy are cartoons, movies, and TV shows. Great, I'm back to were I was.
I need help so bad that I'd kill for it.
Saturday, November 30, 2002
I decided not to bother walking to the other, much quiter commercial area close to where I live for two reasons. One, it was still sale weekend which means there still are people out there hoarding the deals before they go away. Two, my legs were hurting like the dickens! In fact, as I'm typing this, my upper left calf is pulsing. Probibly with pain or with the mission to get nutrients to the muscle fibers.
Anyway, I started to do what I normally do here in Nashville. Yeah, the whole "eat-sleep-online" shit. I got really upset that I had nothing to do and no one to really hang out with. That wouldn't be the case if I was in Seattle, but I digress. If I ranted here about it... wait, I do that anyway! Well, upset that I had nothing to do and no one to hang out with, I decided to hack open one of my two packed boxes. The box formally used for the iMac now houses all my video games and their respective systems. I debated on selling the older ones untill I remembered that I like to sometimes go back and play the old games since I know some of them still work. Thank God I threw out the malfunctioning Mario Paint game. That sucker wouldn't get me five dollars if I tried. So, leaving the video game box sealed, I opened my entertainment box which held mostly CDs and videos that I like. Upon looking for cooking music, I couldn't find my Paganini CD I bought back when I was into the violin. For some reason, ever since watching that one episode of Queer as Folk where Justin meets and then falls in love with Ethan I have been wanting to break out that CD and just listen to the violin. Sad, huh? I blame Queer as Folk for that.
As far as cooking goes? I think I can make a decend mushroom and swiss burger. Now if only I had swiss instead of cheader.
Anyway, I started to do what I normally do here in Nashville. Yeah, the whole "eat-sleep-online" shit. I got really upset that I had nothing to do and no one to really hang out with. That wouldn't be the case if I was in Seattle, but I digress. If I ranted here about it... wait, I do that anyway! Well, upset that I had nothing to do and no one to hang out with, I decided to hack open one of my two packed boxes. The box formally used for the iMac now houses all my video games and their respective systems. I debated on selling the older ones untill I remembered that I like to sometimes go back and play the old games since I know some of them still work. Thank God I threw out the malfunctioning Mario Paint game. That sucker wouldn't get me five dollars if I tried. So, leaving the video game box sealed, I opened my entertainment box which held mostly CDs and videos that I like. Upon looking for cooking music, I couldn't find my Paganini CD I bought back when I was into the violin. For some reason, ever since watching that one episode of Queer as Folk where Justin meets and then falls in love with Ethan I have been wanting to break out that CD and just listen to the violin. Sad, huh? I blame Queer as Folk for that.
As far as cooking goes? I think I can make a decend mushroom and swiss burger. Now if only I had swiss instead of cheader.
Friday, November 29, 2002
Man, Dan was right. Oh well, another lesson learned... and again the hard way.
Today is what is known in the Animal Crossing world and in the real world as SALE DAY when consumers go out for the last minute bargin and employers look for help desprately. Stupid me thought, HEY, I can maybe get a job today! I mean, they are all hard up for help, right? God, I'm an idiot. I walked down to the nearest commercial area and hit up the stores I wouldn't mind working. Blockbuster said they are accepting application, but I need to go to a location five miles away to apply. On a strange whim, I went into the Christian Store. It used to be another Christian store known as Kindred Spirit which was a book store, but now it looks like it's under new management. Anyway, I got an application. They told me that they don't hire for the holidays, which is a good thing really, so I may have a chance. I stopped my Gold's Gym to see if I can get anything there, but they are fully staffed. Go figure since everyone working there has a better built than me. Why would they hire a scrawny, out-of-shape kid like me? As I took the safe way to Wal-mart, I passed by the Dollar Tree. To my surprise, they had a "Now Hiring" sign right there in their window. I went it and applied in the store. They said they will call back for an interview. I also passed by a computer store. Being of a techie, I thought I'd get a good foot in. Nope. They only take resumes (which I do not have).
When I got to Wal-mart, it was a mad house. The employee I talked to told me I can get application at lay-away. I went back there to be greeted by a line that streached all the way back to the front of the store! I'm not joking. I was considering just cutting and picking one up and running off, but I decided not to. There were three angry black ladies, mothers no doubt, and a big burly black man. I have learned to never EVER piss off a black momma or a big black dude. And with a cart load of Christmas presents? You'd really need a death wish to cut in front of them.
On my way home I started beating myself up again. Dan was right, and I didn't really listen to him. Proves how much I need him in person. I bet if he was here with me I would not have done such a stupid thing! I really need his guidance. The walk home felt longer because of this.
I made the mistake of taking a nap. When I woke up, my legs were litterally immovalized. I sat there for about thirty minutes just waiting for my muscles to react. When they finally did, I got up and ate lunch. I somehow got to go to OpryMills with some suttle help from Dad. I began to think about the job hunt, but on the ride there, I figured to just throw that out the window as well and go see Treasure Planet like I originally planned. I mean, c'mon, if Wal-mart was that bad today... imagin a mall with everything from the preppy Old Navy to the childish Build-a-Bear to a classy store like Blacklion. Yeah, you get the picture.
So much for the job hunt. Now I know better.
GO SEE TREASURE PLANET ON IMAX IF YOU CAN! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!
Today is what is known in the Animal Crossing world and in the real world as SALE DAY when consumers go out for the last minute bargin and employers look for help desprately. Stupid me thought, HEY, I can maybe get a job today! I mean, they are all hard up for help, right? God, I'm an idiot. I walked down to the nearest commercial area and hit up the stores I wouldn't mind working. Blockbuster said they are accepting application, but I need to go to a location five miles away to apply. On a strange whim, I went into the Christian Store. It used to be another Christian store known as Kindred Spirit which was a book store, but now it looks like it's under new management. Anyway, I got an application. They told me that they don't hire for the holidays, which is a good thing really, so I may have a chance. I stopped my Gold's Gym to see if I can get anything there, but they are fully staffed. Go figure since everyone working there has a better built than me. Why would they hire a scrawny, out-of-shape kid like me? As I took the safe way to Wal-mart, I passed by the Dollar Tree. To my surprise, they had a "Now Hiring" sign right there in their window. I went it and applied in the store. They said they will call back for an interview. I also passed by a computer store. Being of a techie, I thought I'd get a good foot in. Nope. They only take resumes (which I do not have).
When I got to Wal-mart, it was a mad house. The employee I talked to told me I can get application at lay-away. I went back there to be greeted by a line that streached all the way back to the front of the store! I'm not joking. I was considering just cutting and picking one up and running off, but I decided not to. There were three angry black ladies, mothers no doubt, and a big burly black man. I have learned to never EVER piss off a black momma or a big black dude. And with a cart load of Christmas presents? You'd really need a death wish to cut in front of them.
On my way home I started beating myself up again. Dan was right, and I didn't really listen to him. Proves how much I need him in person. I bet if he was here with me I would not have done such a stupid thing! I really need his guidance. The walk home felt longer because of this.
I made the mistake of taking a nap. When I woke up, my legs were litterally immovalized. I sat there for about thirty minutes just waiting for my muscles to react. When they finally did, I got up and ate lunch. I somehow got to go to OpryMills with some suttle help from Dad. I began to think about the job hunt, but on the ride there, I figured to just throw that out the window as well and go see Treasure Planet like I originally planned. I mean, c'mon, if Wal-mart was that bad today... imagin a mall with everything from the preppy Old Navy to the childish Build-a-Bear to a classy store like Blacklion. Yeah, you get the picture.
So much for the job hunt. Now I know better.
GO SEE TREASURE PLANET ON IMAX IF YOU CAN! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Today just didn't feel right to me. I kept thinking about Dan and Jimmy and Bill and David and Andrew and everything I had going for me only to lose it because of something stupid. It sucked, really. I don't know why I keep brooding over things like this. I hate that part of me.
I hate being alone. I really do. I hate being the odd ball and not given enough attention or well known or whatever. I wish I was still there at Dan's. I wish I was able to meet Jimmy before I had to leave. Maybe that would have helpped me feel better or something. I wish that I could be there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hell, I wish that Andrew or David or even the both of them plus Jimmy would drop by and make my day so perfect.
I wish for alot of things I'll never get. Damn greed.
I hate being alone. I really do. I hate being the odd ball and not given enough attention or well known or whatever. I wish I was still there at Dan's. I wish I was able to meet Jimmy before I had to leave. Maybe that would have helpped me feel better or something. I wish that I could be there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hell, I wish that Andrew or David or even the both of them plus Jimmy would drop by and make my day so perfect.
I wish for alot of things I'll never get. Damn greed.
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Man, this sucks.
I took me this long to realize that three days after opening a bank account that I'm back to my old "eat-sleep-play" shit. When I realized it, I got so mad at myself I had to... cook.
Strange, yes, but whatever works, right?
I dug into my pockets and pulled out a recipe that Dan gave me. At first, I pictured it to be a kind of jumbolia dish or something. When I finished it, it looked more like gumbo. Maybe I need more rice. I didn't follow it to the letter. I took some creative licenses with with adding some choice spices and what have you. Apparently I didn't stir or blend the mix right because some parts are alot hotter than others. Consintrated chilli powder will do that to you sometimes. Well, now I know better.
I'm going to make it a point to see if I can't get a job after Thanksgiving. I don't know why I waited till then. I mean, I was in a freaking grocery store within walking distance of home! Why didn't I get an application? Cause as a first job it's not all that great? I don't know, maybe I'm too ambitious.
Speeking of which, as slow as I am, I came to a realization as to a part of my personality I never really gave much thought to.
For the longest time, myself and my well being, as well as most of my family's welfare, have been riding in the back seat. Why? Because I don't see why I should put myself higher than what I want to do. What I want to do is nothing short of change the world. Okay, maybe it is, but it's because of one big reason. Pride. I have none. I was never the star quarterback or track runner with the highest marks. I didn't even have a chance at Validictorian. Hell, I have nothing under my belt to be proud of!! Some would say my health since I don't drink or smoke, but overall, my health sucks in the nural quadrents. No, I'm not dumb; I just have some problems my brain isn't really good at forgetting or getting over. So that was the big realization. The reason I want to make a video game no one has seen before or change an abandon theater into an arcade for the masses instead of worrying about how much money I personally own in the bank and the fact I need to become another working cog of society is because I have nothing to be proud of. I have nothing that makes me feel good about myself, something I can always look back on and say "Hey, I did that and everyone loved it! It was the highlight of my life!"
If only I could have something like that. A sucess. Just one.
I took me this long to realize that three days after opening a bank account that I'm back to my old "eat-sleep-play" shit. When I realized it, I got so mad at myself I had to... cook.
Strange, yes, but whatever works, right?
I dug into my pockets and pulled out a recipe that Dan gave me. At first, I pictured it to be a kind of jumbolia dish or something. When I finished it, it looked more like gumbo. Maybe I need more rice. I didn't follow it to the letter. I took some creative licenses with with adding some choice spices and what have you. Apparently I didn't stir or blend the mix right because some parts are alot hotter than others. Consintrated chilli powder will do that to you sometimes. Well, now I know better.
I'm going to make it a point to see if I can't get a job after Thanksgiving. I don't know why I waited till then. I mean, I was in a freaking grocery store within walking distance of home! Why didn't I get an application? Cause as a first job it's not all that great? I don't know, maybe I'm too ambitious.
Speeking of which, as slow as I am, I came to a realization as to a part of my personality I never really gave much thought to.
For the longest time, myself and my well being, as well as most of my family's welfare, have been riding in the back seat. Why? Because I don't see why I should put myself higher than what I want to do. What I want to do is nothing short of change the world. Okay, maybe it is, but it's because of one big reason. Pride. I have none. I was never the star quarterback or track runner with the highest marks. I didn't even have a chance at Validictorian. Hell, I have nothing under my belt to be proud of!! Some would say my health since I don't drink or smoke, but overall, my health sucks in the nural quadrents. No, I'm not dumb; I just have some problems my brain isn't really good at forgetting or getting over. So that was the big realization. The reason I want to make a video game no one has seen before or change an abandon theater into an arcade for the masses instead of worrying about how much money I personally own in the bank and the fact I need to become another working cog of society is because I have nothing to be proud of. I have nothing that makes me feel good about myself, something I can always look back on and say "Hey, I did that and everyone loved it! It was the highlight of my life!"
If only I could have something like that. A sucess. Just one.
Thursday, November 21, 2002
Well, guess what?
I'm back in Nashville. Yup, that's right. It actually happened. Needless to say I'm not all that pleased about it, but as they say, "shit happens." You know what sucks the most out of this? The one person that I wanted to prove wrong was right. I screwed myself. Doesn't help much with the self-confidence issue I have, does it?
As you can see, I'm over it. The strange thing is, the fact that I screwed myself over fueled something. A weird kind of determination to at least try that which I did not learn while in Seattle. On top of that, it seems to have sped up what's going on with Jimmy and me. I blame Dan for that one. Actually, I can't blame him in a bad way. So far what's come out of this is really good. I'm serious! I know I have a reputation for being a pessamist, but so far alot of good things have come out of this mostly because of something Dan did.
Life's weird like that.
I'd like to close this blog with an e-mail I read today when I came home and finished eating dinner.
Zeke,
I found your blogger. It's fascinating. It will surely keep me from turning in my grad school applications on time. I've only read snatches so far....something about a guy with an 8-pack.....the stuff that happened on my birthday......your being told to get a job. Fantastic! Oye! Do not grow bored with it. I have so much catching up to do. Weird. I've never read a stranger's blogger before.
Ed
Wow!! That's new. Someone actually finds my bolg interesting and is reading the whole thing?! That's a welcome thing to come back to, I guess... even if Ed didn't spell my name right.
I'm back in Nashville. Yup, that's right. It actually happened. Needless to say I'm not all that pleased about it, but as they say, "shit happens." You know what sucks the most out of this? The one person that I wanted to prove wrong was right. I screwed myself. Doesn't help much with the self-confidence issue I have, does it?
As you can see, I'm over it. The strange thing is, the fact that I screwed myself over fueled something. A weird kind of determination to at least try that which I did not learn while in Seattle. On top of that, it seems to have sped up what's going on with Jimmy and me. I blame Dan for that one. Actually, I can't blame him in a bad way. So far what's come out of this is really good. I'm serious! I know I have a reputation for being a pessamist, but so far alot of good things have come out of this mostly because of something Dan did.
Life's weird like that.
I'd like to close this blog with an e-mail I read today when I came home and finished eating dinner.
Zeke,
I found your blogger. It's fascinating. It will surely keep me from turning in my grad school applications on time. I've only read snatches so far....something about a guy with an 8-pack.....the stuff that happened on my birthday......your being told to get a job. Fantastic! Oye! Do not grow bored with it. I have so much catching up to do. Weird. I've never read a stranger's blogger before.
Ed
Wow!! That's new. Someone actually finds my bolg interesting and is reading the whole thing?! That's a welcome thing to come back to, I guess... even if Ed didn't spell my name right.
Friday, November 15, 2002
Boredom strikes and look what it left behind!
Old Man Winter Baby
(Normal Ignored Functional Adult)
Brrrr. Your inner child is Old Man Winter Baby, or an NIFA, blowing cold winds in from the North and freezing all in your path. Your inner chillin' grew up a long time ago, before the sun came and warmed the planet. You are what is known in religious tracts as an "old soul."
Your little man in you tends to freeze at the wrong time-- just when what you need is hot buttered action. So try a little tenderness once in a while, huh? Lighten up. The good news is you don't need professional help. Pet a puppy, jazzercise or lick a ripe watermelon and you'll start to feel much, much better.
Well, at least I don't need theropy.
Old Man Winter Baby
(Normal Ignored Functional Adult)
Brrrr. Your inner child is Old Man Winter Baby, or an NIFA, blowing cold winds in from the North and freezing all in your path. Your inner chillin' grew up a long time ago, before the sun came and warmed the planet. You are what is known in religious tracts as an "old soul."
Your little man in you tends to freeze at the wrong time-- just when what you need is hot buttered action. So try a little tenderness once in a while, huh? Lighten up. The good news is you don't need professional help. Pet a puppy, jazzercise or lick a ripe watermelon and you'll start to feel much, much better.
Well, at least I don't need theropy.
Friday, November 08, 2002
Have you ever had the feeling that no matter how well you are preforming you are never up to par with what people think you should be doing? Ever tell them to just mind their own business? Sometimes I can do that because I know more than they do. Most of the time I can't cause I don't know squat about anything.
It's weird. The harder I try to do something, the less appealing or pleasing the outcome is. I mean, I'm doing my job and all that needs to be done. It's just the whole "you should do this and that" that's making me feel like I'm really not doing a good job.
Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way.
It's weird. The harder I try to do something, the less appealing or pleasing the outcome is. I mean, I'm doing my job and all that needs to be done. It's just the whole "you should do this and that" that's making me feel like I'm really not doing a good job.
Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way.
Thursday, November 07, 2002
I wonder how long it will last?
Recently, thanks in-part to AT&T's cable box in the Seattle area, I've gotten into a Showtime show known as Queer as Folk. It's fasinating, compelling, excellently executed, sexy...
Well, watch it for yourself and tell me what you think.
Recently, thanks in-part to AT&T's cable box in the Seattle area, I've gotten into a Showtime show known as Queer as Folk. It's fasinating, compelling, excellently executed, sexy...
Well, watch it for yourself and tell me what you think.
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
It seems kind of strange right now. My situation. I don't know what it is, really. I just have this feeling that I'm back at square one again. Mostly cause I'm bored and just waiting on Dan's next day off so I can help him pack again instead of cleaning up and all that. Partly cause I'm here to learn something that will help me get that jumpstart on life that I desprately need!
I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too much again.
I never should have jacked off today.
I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too much again.
I never should have jacked off today.
Friday, November 01, 2002
Even though last night was Halloween, I got scared for a different reason.
Dan and I were talking about shit when the subject about me getting a job came up. Well, that's the main reason I came up to Seattle anyway. To get a job and start a life I know I would hate to have down there. Still, the strange thing is that there was this part of me that kept saying over and over in my head that I've done something like this before. No, not get a job and start a new life. It was me willingly putting myself on my own in an environment that was somewhat alien because I knew deep down inside I needed this.
And, hell, did I needed to hear what was told to me last night!
I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but the speech that Dan gave me wasn't anything like what they could ever give me. There were two things that hit me when it happened. The first was the harsh hit of reality that everyone in one point of their life gets hit with and has to swallow. That was an immediate and lasting blow. The second was this feeling of great joy. It's strange, but for some reason I KNEW that I was going to be told something like this and was hoping to have it told to me to get me going.
After getting over the scare of what the real world is like, I have to say that it worked. That and a mix of boredom.
Dan and I were talking about shit when the subject about me getting a job came up. Well, that's the main reason I came up to Seattle anyway. To get a job and start a life I know I would hate to have down there. Still, the strange thing is that there was this part of me that kept saying over and over in my head that I've done something like this before. No, not get a job and start a new life. It was me willingly putting myself on my own in an environment that was somewhat alien because I knew deep down inside I needed this.
And, hell, did I needed to hear what was told to me last night!
I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but the speech that Dan gave me wasn't anything like what they could ever give me. There were two things that hit me when it happened. The first was the harsh hit of reality that everyone in one point of their life gets hit with and has to swallow. That was an immediate and lasting blow. The second was this feeling of great joy. It's strange, but for some reason I KNEW that I was going to be told something like this and was hoping to have it told to me to get me going.
After getting over the scare of what the real world is like, I have to say that it worked. That and a mix of boredom.
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
I got a strange e-mail today.
It was from someone that stumbled upon my blog through Google. It said something along the lines of how they don't have time to read the entire archive to find out the answers to some questions that I have neglected to answer here seeing how this is nothing more but a place of rants and raves.
This e-mail helped me proved two things. It proved to me that no one really truely reads this blog from start to end. It also proved me wrong in thinking that no one would find this blog at all.
It was from someone that stumbled upon my blog through Google. It said something along the lines of how they don't have time to read the entire archive to find out the answers to some questions that I have neglected to answer here seeing how this is nothing more but a place of rants and raves.
This e-mail helped me proved two things. It proved to me that no one really truely reads this blog from start to end. It also proved me wrong in thinking that no one would find this blog at all.
Saturday, October 26, 2002
How do I do it? How do I fucking do it?
If I was to sign up with a frat house, last night was my Hell Week. Well, sorta speeck. It all started when I was starting to be a big ass clutz doing several things wrong. Cheif among them was my "job" as well as the whole not-being-able-to-operate-when-cold thing. I don't know what the deal with that is. Maybe I'm part lizard. Anyway, time warp now all the way to just before dusk last night. Dan and I left to pick up a friend of his. His name is Kevin, and off the bat I could tell that this boy was probibly going to be like the ones that used to beat me up in gym class. Actually, I was dead wrong. Kevin is really cool. I like him and his company. He's really sexually agressive, and bisexual. All and all a very cool dude that I am happy to have met. After we got back to Dan's, everything was all cool and fun. We talked about alot of stuff and even carved the pumpkins that were long overdue for carving.
Then I made my first mistake of that night.
They were both drinking and having a good time like they always do when Kevin suggested that we take a cruise out on his caddilac. I've never been in one, so since it was an open invitation, I jumped in. Bad move. The ride freaked me out when we were on it. I wasn't used to seeing the driver down a few cans of beer while still being able to drive straight. Right now, I'm over it and see no problem with it since they drink responsibly, but since I never had any kind of exposer to that, I started fearing for my life during the whole 20 minutes or so ride. I blame all those damned car crash videos they show Driver's Ed students. They noticed I was scared and I even told them flat out. When we got back to the appartment, things too a turn for the worst. Dan said that this kind of stuff always happens with him and Jimmy and Bill, and if I can't handle it with Kevin--who is not as bad as them, but good enough to get a good flavoring as to how Jimmy and Bill are--then I am not ready to be even here in Seattle.
Talks about sending me back home started to come up. I started to worry. I dint' want to go back. One way or another, the converstation shifted yet again to my additude during the day and how unhelpful I was. All this was coming from Dan. Kevin was probibly feeling sorry for me or something, but in the end, because of their long history, he sided with Dan. After Kevin passed out on the sofa, Dan started yelling at me about how I didn't vacum the floor and other things that I was suppose to do, but didn't think about doing for one stupid reason or another. Everytime I tried to say something that I thought would help me, it only made me look stupider.
Then I said a stupid answer that got Dan so mad he hit me.
After that, he kept repeating the same thing over and over again about how stupid my answers were, about how lazy I am to not take it upon myself to do something I wasn't told to do, that he never wanted me up there in the first place, about how he felt used and how he doesn't need this from me. He wanted to send me home at that very moment. I didn't bother fighting him back, cause I knew there was nothing I could say to him that would make him believe me or like me again. I mean, what can I say to him that would help me out in defence? Nothing.
This morning, after Kevin left, I cleaned the entire appartment while Dan recovered from his hangover. The entire time I was doing it, I kept thinking to myself why am I even bothering? I'm being sent home! I'm packed and disappointed. Dan even called up my dad and Josh saying that he's had it with me and that it didn't work out. For some reason, I finished alot faster than I thought. After words, Dan came out to take a piss and noticed the cleaning.
I meantioned that he hit me last night just in case he forgot. He didn't.
Know what he said in reply?
"Well, someone was going to have to knock some sense into you."
I'm still dead, though. While I was putting glasses into the dishwasher, I accedently broke Kevin's favorite beer glass.
If I was to sign up with a frat house, last night was my Hell Week. Well, sorta speeck. It all started when I was starting to be a big ass clutz doing several things wrong. Cheif among them was my "job" as well as the whole not-being-able-to-operate-when-cold thing. I don't know what the deal with that is. Maybe I'm part lizard. Anyway, time warp now all the way to just before dusk last night. Dan and I left to pick up a friend of his. His name is Kevin, and off the bat I could tell that this boy was probibly going to be like the ones that used to beat me up in gym class. Actually, I was dead wrong. Kevin is really cool. I like him and his company. He's really sexually agressive, and bisexual. All and all a very cool dude that I am happy to have met. After we got back to Dan's, everything was all cool and fun. We talked about alot of stuff and even carved the pumpkins that were long overdue for carving.
Then I made my first mistake of that night.
They were both drinking and having a good time like they always do when Kevin suggested that we take a cruise out on his caddilac. I've never been in one, so since it was an open invitation, I jumped in. Bad move. The ride freaked me out when we were on it. I wasn't used to seeing the driver down a few cans of beer while still being able to drive straight. Right now, I'm over it and see no problem with it since they drink responsibly, but since I never had any kind of exposer to that, I started fearing for my life during the whole 20 minutes or so ride. I blame all those damned car crash videos they show Driver's Ed students. They noticed I was scared and I even told them flat out. When we got back to the appartment, things too a turn for the worst. Dan said that this kind of stuff always happens with him and Jimmy and Bill, and if I can't handle it with Kevin--who is not as bad as them, but good enough to get a good flavoring as to how Jimmy and Bill are--then I am not ready to be even here in Seattle.
Talks about sending me back home started to come up. I started to worry. I dint' want to go back. One way or another, the converstation shifted yet again to my additude during the day and how unhelpful I was. All this was coming from Dan. Kevin was probibly feeling sorry for me or something, but in the end, because of their long history, he sided with Dan. After Kevin passed out on the sofa, Dan started yelling at me about how I didn't vacum the floor and other things that I was suppose to do, but didn't think about doing for one stupid reason or another. Everytime I tried to say something that I thought would help me, it only made me look stupider.
Then I said a stupid answer that got Dan so mad he hit me.
After that, he kept repeating the same thing over and over again about how stupid my answers were, about how lazy I am to not take it upon myself to do something I wasn't told to do, that he never wanted me up there in the first place, about how he felt used and how he doesn't need this from me. He wanted to send me home at that very moment. I didn't bother fighting him back, cause I knew there was nothing I could say to him that would make him believe me or like me again. I mean, what can I say to him that would help me out in defence? Nothing.
This morning, after Kevin left, I cleaned the entire appartment while Dan recovered from his hangover. The entire time I was doing it, I kept thinking to myself why am I even bothering? I'm being sent home! I'm packed and disappointed. Dan even called up my dad and Josh saying that he's had it with me and that it didn't work out. For some reason, I finished alot faster than I thought. After words, Dan came out to take a piss and noticed the cleaning.
I meantioned that he hit me last night just in case he forgot. He didn't.
Know what he said in reply?
"Well, someone was going to have to knock some sense into you."
I'm still dead, though. While I was putting glasses into the dishwasher, I accedently broke Kevin's favorite beer glass.
Sunday, October 20, 2002
I guess I really did it this time. I blew the big one. Just when I thought all was good, it turns out I blew it. I never could do much of anything right.
There must be something wrong with me. There just has to be. I must be this screwed up person that will fail at everything that he sets his heart on. I must be cursed or damned or who knows what. Undeserving. Un worthy. The lowest form of human being possible short of primative and neandertholic. A failure to mankind as we know it. A failure to the human race. A failure to my family. A failure to me.
I'm just life's big loser.
How? How is it possible that I just keep screwing up at everything. How is it that everything I want to do ends up in a pile of white ash? How is it that I have become this failure? How is it possible for me to be so lost and torn and confused and stupid all the time? How is anything that I've done humanly possible?
What happened? Where did life, my life, go so wrong? Can it be fixed? Can anything be saved? Anything at all? Is there no hope left? Is there nothing left to believe in? Will I have to resort to spending countless amounts of money on video games to keep me happy even if that happiness is nothing more but false? Will I ever be truely happy? Will I ever be able to be able to try again at getting a life I want? Will I ever have any tried-and-true friends that would do anything for me? Will I ever have friends that I would do anything I could for them? Will I be able to love again? Is it even possible for someone to love me and take care of me the way I have only dreamed of? Will there be anything good for me in the future?
I wish I knew better. I wish I was more in tune with the world. I wish I wasn't this big mess of problems. I wish I was cooler. I wish I was more social. I wish I could do something good for a change in my life that would benifit and change what I have going for me. I wish I could bottle up happiness and keep it forever. I wish I could have someone to love me and to love back. I wish I was more cable. I wish I was better.
I wish too much.
What's the point of wishing these days? The moment you wish upon a star at my age is the moment all credibility is lost. No one takes you seriously when you still believe in childish things and fantasy and dreams that are impossible. It's okay to believe in those things, but who would take you serious if you do?
Sometimes I wonder about where I would be if I had never met Andrew that lonely August night on AOL. I still wonder where I would be if I never had kept up contact with him for so long and got to meet the rest of his family. Where would I be then if that had never happened? What would I be doing? Who would I be with? Would I be happy? Would I be better off? Or would I be back to where I am now? Hurt, confused, depressed, and utterly alone.
You know what? What's the point of this? No one reads this. No one cares. Everyone else has their own problems. Why would anyone want to know mine? Why would anyone want to read this shit? All these bubbles of feelings that no one word could describe. All these thoughts and interest that reside in my mind. No one cares about that. In fact, if I made this into an Animal Crossing diary, no one that doesn't have a clue about the game would even read it then! So what is it that makes me still do this? What is is that makes me just continue this stupid process of trying to transfer abstract feelings and real tears into digital text and data? What am I trying to do with all this? What is it I'm trying to acomplish? Why shouldn't I just stop right now and let what I've blogged be nothing more but wasted cyber space?
Life is nothing more but a big mystery that no one will understand. It is a hard journey for some and an easy cruise for others. For the rest of us, it's just one step away from death and the promise of eternal paradise for suffering so much... or so I've been told. For all I know I could be damned to Hell just for being gay and thinking perverted thoughts and who knows what else. I'm not worthy of eternal paradise. I'm probibly not even worthy enough for eternal damnation. All I know now is that I'm not worthy to be even living a life... if you can call what I've been through a life, that is. Moving away once you got established. Learning that you don't fit in at such a young age. Trying to do that while making good grades. Trying to get the attention of your family and other classmates for something that you think is cool only to be thrown to the way-side. Learning that you have a problem that's causing more problems. Finding out that the problem doesn't have a cure... or at least a definate one. Living in the shadows of the people you admire and wish you could be. Being part of that little group of social weirdos that no one wants to be a part of. Having little self worth or understanding why you should have some with an award or an honor that you take as stupid or granted so that the nerds like yourself doing feel like a total nerd after all the jocks get their trophies and pep rallies. Thinking you'll be able to start a new life and that you'll be able to do anyting only to find out you can't. Getting a taste of what you want but never being able to get the full plate. Wasting a year just waiting to get your hands back on what you once lost. And now. Now you realise that there is nothing you can truely do. There never was anything you could do. You were just part of the daily grind. Nothing more but background, and once you tried to go onto the main stage, you get pushed right back. Oh sure, there are some bright moments, but they are about as bright as a single fiber optic cable light in the vacum of space if you ask me. At least they are now.
I'll never be anything.
There must be something wrong with me. There just has to be. I must be this screwed up person that will fail at everything that he sets his heart on. I must be cursed or damned or who knows what. Undeserving. Un worthy. The lowest form of human being possible short of primative and neandertholic. A failure to mankind as we know it. A failure to the human race. A failure to my family. A failure to me.
I'm just life's big loser.
How? How is it possible that I just keep screwing up at everything. How is it that everything I want to do ends up in a pile of white ash? How is it that I have become this failure? How is it possible for me to be so lost and torn and confused and stupid all the time? How is anything that I've done humanly possible?
What happened? Where did life, my life, go so wrong? Can it be fixed? Can anything be saved? Anything at all? Is there no hope left? Is there nothing left to believe in? Will I have to resort to spending countless amounts of money on video games to keep me happy even if that happiness is nothing more but false? Will I ever be truely happy? Will I ever be able to be able to try again at getting a life I want? Will I ever have any tried-and-true friends that would do anything for me? Will I ever have friends that I would do anything I could for them? Will I be able to love again? Is it even possible for someone to love me and take care of me the way I have only dreamed of? Will there be anything good for me in the future?
I wish I knew better. I wish I was more in tune with the world. I wish I wasn't this big mess of problems. I wish I was cooler. I wish I was more social. I wish I could do something good for a change in my life that would benifit and change what I have going for me. I wish I could bottle up happiness and keep it forever. I wish I could have someone to love me and to love back. I wish I was more cable. I wish I was better.
I wish too much.
What's the point of wishing these days? The moment you wish upon a star at my age is the moment all credibility is lost. No one takes you seriously when you still believe in childish things and fantasy and dreams that are impossible. It's okay to believe in those things, but who would take you serious if you do?
Sometimes I wonder about where I would be if I had never met Andrew that lonely August night on AOL. I still wonder where I would be if I never had kept up contact with him for so long and got to meet the rest of his family. Where would I be then if that had never happened? What would I be doing? Who would I be with? Would I be happy? Would I be better off? Or would I be back to where I am now? Hurt, confused, depressed, and utterly alone.
You know what? What's the point of this? No one reads this. No one cares. Everyone else has their own problems. Why would anyone want to know mine? Why would anyone want to read this shit? All these bubbles of feelings that no one word could describe. All these thoughts and interest that reside in my mind. No one cares about that. In fact, if I made this into an Animal Crossing diary, no one that doesn't have a clue about the game would even read it then! So what is it that makes me still do this? What is is that makes me just continue this stupid process of trying to transfer abstract feelings and real tears into digital text and data? What am I trying to do with all this? What is it I'm trying to acomplish? Why shouldn't I just stop right now and let what I've blogged be nothing more but wasted cyber space?
Life is nothing more but a big mystery that no one will understand. It is a hard journey for some and an easy cruise for others. For the rest of us, it's just one step away from death and the promise of eternal paradise for suffering so much... or so I've been told. For all I know I could be damned to Hell just for being gay and thinking perverted thoughts and who knows what else. I'm not worthy of eternal paradise. I'm probibly not even worthy enough for eternal damnation. All I know now is that I'm not worthy to be even living a life... if you can call what I've been through a life, that is. Moving away once you got established. Learning that you don't fit in at such a young age. Trying to do that while making good grades. Trying to get the attention of your family and other classmates for something that you think is cool only to be thrown to the way-side. Learning that you have a problem that's causing more problems. Finding out that the problem doesn't have a cure... or at least a definate one. Living in the shadows of the people you admire and wish you could be. Being part of that little group of social weirdos that no one wants to be a part of. Having little self worth or understanding why you should have some with an award or an honor that you take as stupid or granted so that the nerds like yourself doing feel like a total nerd after all the jocks get their trophies and pep rallies. Thinking you'll be able to start a new life and that you'll be able to do anyting only to find out you can't. Getting a taste of what you want but never being able to get the full plate. Wasting a year just waiting to get your hands back on what you once lost. And now. Now you realise that there is nothing you can truely do. There never was anything you could do. You were just part of the daily grind. Nothing more but background, and once you tried to go onto the main stage, you get pushed right back. Oh sure, there are some bright moments, but they are about as bright as a single fiber optic cable light in the vacum of space if you ask me. At least they are now.
I'll never be anything.
Thursday, October 17, 2002
I hope this page I found off of Google holds out. Basically, I found a progress page on an action figure project that I have been keeping an eye on. Basically, it's an anotomically correct male action figure for the gay market. Yes, you read that right. Think Ken with an actual dick and gay. Oh, and did I fail to meantion about the nice bubble butt on him?
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
I have no one to blame but myself. I brought all this upon myself. All these problems that I'm facing now. All this is my fault.
I didn't sleep much last night. My mind kept tourturing me with thoughts and senarios I quickly forgot about yet was still deeply affected by. I learned that the phrase "I don't know" only means you are hiding something. I found out that lying also means that you can't deliver something you said you could even if the reason is beyound you. I learned that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. I wish I knew myself better. Hell, I wish alot of things. That doesn't mean I won't get it... if ever.
I've decided this morning after "waking up" that I should lower my expectations greatly. It's no used hoping in something you can't ever get. So now my expectations are this.
I'm expecting to get kicked out to make room for someone worthy of taking my place.
I'm expecting to go live in either a place I want to be or a place I have to be.
I'm expecting to fail at whatever I set out to do in life.
I'm expecting to not have anyone to talk to outside of online message board discussions about Disney.
I'm expecting to end up single and alone untill I'm either dead or at some pathetic age close to it.
I'm expecting to not ever in a million lifetimes find anyone that will be my lover.
I'm expecting not to have one.
I'm expecting that all the things I will expect to happen will not happen because something worst than what I expect will manifest itself sooner or later.
So now what do I do? What is there left for me to do? Fish out my laundry? Pack up what little I unpacked? Listen to the sad music box tune that is my life as I ball myself up in a cornor and cry in the back of my feeble and fragile mind? What do I do now? What can I do?
I don't want to go back to where I was. I don't want to go back to being miserable and not cared about. I don't want to go back to being alone. I don't want to go back to being isolated from everyon cause I don't know how to be like them. I don't want my heart to be broken like it is. I don't want to lose hope or throw out my dreams again.
But I can't!
I failed. It's hardly been a week and I already failed. I didn't even make it pass a week! I'm a failure. I'll always be a failure. At this point, it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up going back to Hell and getting a dead-end job for Satan and all his little shallow teenie boppers that think they can fit their fat asses into a size 2 pair of jeans. Hell, I'd be lucky if I can even get that.
I wish I could say "I don't know" right now, but I know now I can't say that. It doesn't mean that you are clueless like I thought it did. It means you are hiding something. I'm not hiding anything. I genuinely don't know what to do next, where to go from here, how to live my life. I'm so different it's pathetic! Had I been born twenty years earlier, I would have been okay with the way I am. But I'm not. In a day and age where gay boys now are out there doing what they do best, I'm still this liitle boy scared and timid and unsure about just about everything. Even straight boys will eat me up and then spit me right out with the way I am. I'll be lucky if I can make a friend after this.
I have nothing again. Nothing. I had nothing to begin with. Maybe that's because I am nothing. I'm no one important. I'm nothing special. I'm just life's big loser. A walking failure.
I didn't sleep much last night. My mind kept tourturing me with thoughts and senarios I quickly forgot about yet was still deeply affected by. I learned that the phrase "I don't know" only means you are hiding something. I found out that lying also means that you can't deliver something you said you could even if the reason is beyound you. I learned that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. I wish I knew myself better. Hell, I wish alot of things. That doesn't mean I won't get it... if ever.
I've decided this morning after "waking up" that I should lower my expectations greatly. It's no used hoping in something you can't ever get. So now my expectations are this.
I'm expecting to get kicked out to make room for someone worthy of taking my place.
I'm expecting to go live in either a place I want to be or a place I have to be.
I'm expecting to fail at whatever I set out to do in life.
I'm expecting to not have anyone to talk to outside of online message board discussions about Disney.
I'm expecting to end up single and alone untill I'm either dead or at some pathetic age close to it.
I'm expecting to not ever in a million lifetimes find anyone that will be my lover.
I'm expecting not to have one.
I'm expecting that all the things I will expect to happen will not happen because something worst than what I expect will manifest itself sooner or later.
So now what do I do? What is there left for me to do? Fish out my laundry? Pack up what little I unpacked? Listen to the sad music box tune that is my life as I ball myself up in a cornor and cry in the back of my feeble and fragile mind? What do I do now? What can I do?
I don't want to go back to where I was. I don't want to go back to being miserable and not cared about. I don't want to go back to being alone. I don't want to go back to being isolated from everyon cause I don't know how to be like them. I don't want my heart to be broken like it is. I don't want to lose hope or throw out my dreams again.
But I can't!
I failed. It's hardly been a week and I already failed. I didn't even make it pass a week! I'm a failure. I'll always be a failure. At this point, it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up going back to Hell and getting a dead-end job for Satan and all his little shallow teenie boppers that think they can fit their fat asses into a size 2 pair of jeans. Hell, I'd be lucky if I can even get that.
I wish I could say "I don't know" right now, but I know now I can't say that. It doesn't mean that you are clueless like I thought it did. It means you are hiding something. I'm not hiding anything. I genuinely don't know what to do next, where to go from here, how to live my life. I'm so different it's pathetic! Had I been born twenty years earlier, I would have been okay with the way I am. But I'm not. In a day and age where gay boys now are out there doing what they do best, I'm still this liitle boy scared and timid and unsure about just about everything. Even straight boys will eat me up and then spit me right out with the way I am. I'll be lucky if I can make a friend after this.
I have nothing again. Nothing. I had nothing to begin with. Maybe that's because I am nothing. I'm no one important. I'm nothing special. I'm just life's big loser. A walking failure.
Sunday, October 13, 2002
Man, it's only been three days and already something has happened that made me want to blog after finishing what needs to be done.
Well, in any event. There are a few things on my mind right now as you would have guessed. The obvious and mostly shallow portion of my mind is craving to get it's grimey little hands on Animal Crossing or Kingdom Hearts. Just beyound that is the little area of paranoia with fears of both past and present being its residents. Go on deeper pass that vault that contains all this useless knowledge of the supernatural that I've somehow built up and there you are. You're at the point in my mind where thoughts and dreams and processes are made as far as I'm concerned. In other words, its that well that doesn't look like it has water but does if you go deep enough.
So what's in my well right now? Just thoughts, really. Nothing all that special if you ask me. Mostly wondering thoughts about things like why I even fell in love with Jimmy so hard and what the future may hold. I'm actually quite fearful of the future. I think everyone is really. I mean, the unknown scares everyone. The not knowing about what's behind that cornor or who is hiding in the shadow or even who that missed call on your cell phone was. So what is it about the future that I"m so scared about right now? It's mostly how my preformance here will affect my life. This is my last chance to make myself something. To get what I want. And I'm scared at the fact that this could also end badly for me. Like all my work and effort and trying (or lack there of, if that turns out to be the case) was all for nothing. It's as if I finished doing step one and now I can't find out what step two is. I don't know.
You know, sometimes I wish I was able to do things better. You know, be smarter so I can think on my feet better or have more stamina to be more built. You know, just things that I'm lacking and probibly is too late to even learn about or how to do or anything.
Man, listen to me. I'm 19 and I'm sounding like I've retired from a dead-end factory job with enough time on my hands to try to do what I've always wanted to do when I was younger. You know the kind of person I'm talking about, don't you?
Well, in any event. There are a few things on my mind right now as you would have guessed. The obvious and mostly shallow portion of my mind is craving to get it's grimey little hands on Animal Crossing or Kingdom Hearts. Just beyound that is the little area of paranoia with fears of both past and present being its residents. Go on deeper pass that vault that contains all this useless knowledge of the supernatural that I've somehow built up and there you are. You're at the point in my mind where thoughts and dreams and processes are made as far as I'm concerned. In other words, its that well that doesn't look like it has water but does if you go deep enough.
So what's in my well right now? Just thoughts, really. Nothing all that special if you ask me. Mostly wondering thoughts about things like why I even fell in love with Jimmy so hard and what the future may hold. I'm actually quite fearful of the future. I think everyone is really. I mean, the unknown scares everyone. The not knowing about what's behind that cornor or who is hiding in the shadow or even who that missed call on your cell phone was. So what is it about the future that I"m so scared about right now? It's mostly how my preformance here will affect my life. This is my last chance to make myself something. To get what I want. And I'm scared at the fact that this could also end badly for me. Like all my work and effort and trying (or lack there of, if that turns out to be the case) was all for nothing. It's as if I finished doing step one and now I can't find out what step two is. I don't know.
You know, sometimes I wish I was able to do things better. You know, be smarter so I can think on my feet better or have more stamina to be more built. You know, just things that I'm lacking and probibly is too late to even learn about or how to do or anything.
Man, listen to me. I'm 19 and I'm sounding like I've retired from a dead-end factory job with enough time on my hands to try to do what I've always wanted to do when I was younger. You know the kind of person I'm talking about, don't you?
Thursday, October 10, 2002
Wednesday, October 09, 2002
I found out what was up with the cable that was so weird.
Apparently the Billing department and the Tech departement of the cable company we have don't talk to each other. They didn't get the notice that we paid the bill, however late, and still cut off the service.
But that's not important.
What's important is that tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I finally get to go back to Seattle!!!! I'm so excited! I got all my paperwork and things I need and clothes and mind-set and everything! I can't wait to get up there. I have so much I need to do, so much I need to prove to myself and to the others. I have to do this. I can't fail! I can't afford to. I must do this right. I have to succeed or else I have no future. As dramatic as that sounds, it's true. If I fail at this, the one thing I've been waiting a year for, then what do I have? I have nothing if I fail. I can't fail! I won't fail!
Apparently the Billing department and the Tech departement of the cable company we have don't talk to each other. They didn't get the notice that we paid the bill, however late, and still cut off the service.
But that's not important.
What's important is that tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I finally get to go back to Seattle!!!! I'm so excited! I got all my paperwork and things I need and clothes and mind-set and everything! I can't wait to get up there. I have so much I need to do, so much I need to prove to myself and to the others. I have to do this. I can't fail! I can't afford to. I must do this right. I have to succeed or else I have no future. As dramatic as that sounds, it's true. If I fail at this, the one thing I've been waiting a year for, then what do I have? I have nothing if I fail. I can't fail! I won't fail!
Tuesday, October 08, 2002
Well, this sucks.
Around noon today, the cable died. With that death came the death of the cable modem. If the cable doesn't work, the cable modem won't work. Kind of like how the phone lines are down you can't use a dial up modem or a modem that requires a phone jack.
It's been like since then!
I've been watching movies that I've either grown to nearly forget or otherwise feel will be the last time I'll get to view them on the surround sound system here.
Given all that's happened today technology wise, I'm glad I'm going to leave Thursday.
Around noon today, the cable died. With that death came the death of the cable modem. If the cable doesn't work, the cable modem won't work. Kind of like how the phone lines are down you can't use a dial up modem or a modem that requires a phone jack.
It's been like since then!
I've been watching movies that I've either grown to nearly forget or otherwise feel will be the last time I'll get to view them on the surround sound system here.
Given all that's happened today technology wise, I'm glad I'm going to leave Thursday.
Monday, October 07, 2002
You know what? I'm starting to wonder if this Blogger account is nothing more but a waste of cyberspace. I mean, The last time I blogged was about two days ago! And knowing how I operate on message boards, unless something pops up, I probibly won't have a use for this in the future.
Oh, thank God that this Thursday I'm finally leaving for Seattle!!
Oh, thank God that this Thursday I'm finally leaving for Seattle!!
Saturday, October 05, 2002
Friday, October 04, 2002
I can't seem to get it out of my head! It still is bothering me.
WHAT DID I DO WRONG LAST NIGHT?! What did I say wrong that pissed off Aaron? I can't think of what I possibly have said that would have pissed him off last night? What did I do wrong?
God, I wish I never packed up Pokemon. I need an escape from reality, like, now!
WHAT DID I DO WRONG LAST NIGHT?! What did I say wrong that pissed off Aaron? I can't think of what I possibly have said that would have pissed him off last night? What did I do wrong?
God, I wish I never packed up Pokemon. I need an escape from reality, like, now!
It's amazing how you can say something that you think is right turns out to be something wrong.
Yup, that's right, I screwed up again. Just under a week before I leave for Seattle and I went and done something stupid again. The thing is, I don't know what it was I did wrong. I thought I was saying and doing everything all right and all cool. Apparently, I wasn't, because I ended up pissing off Aaron when I was trying to explain my added modivation as to why I have to do what I need to do and why I'm so hell-bent in trying to make it work and not screw up.
Damn prefectionism.
In other news: I had the strangest dream. I think my wrestling fetish got a hold of the dream factory in my brain. I had a dream where I was the towel boy for a high school/college wrestling team. We were on a bus and had to stop by a hotel for the night. I ended up having sex with three of the members of the team! My mind loves to tease me.
Well, back to Animal Crossing Online for me. Hey, this is the only site that I've found about the game Animal Crossing that's decently made up and easy to navigate... of course, their screenshot area could use a lesson in thumbnails, but still a good site.
Yup, that's right, I screwed up again. Just under a week before I leave for Seattle and I went and done something stupid again. The thing is, I don't know what it was I did wrong. I thought I was saying and doing everything all right and all cool. Apparently, I wasn't, because I ended up pissing off Aaron when I was trying to explain my added modivation as to why I have to do what I need to do and why I'm so hell-bent in trying to make it work and not screw up.
Damn prefectionism.
In other news: I had the strangest dream. I think my wrestling fetish got a hold of the dream factory in my brain. I had a dream where I was the towel boy for a high school/college wrestling team. We were on a bus and had to stop by a hotel for the night. I ended up having sex with three of the members of the team! My mind loves to tease me.
Well, back to Animal Crossing Online for me. Hey, this is the only site that I've found about the game Animal Crossing that's decently made up and easy to navigate... of course, their screenshot area could use a lesson in thumbnails, but still a good site.
Thursday, October 03, 2002
I saw a commercial today that made me think really hard about something I have put off for a long time.
In the commercial, a homeless man is looking for change in the park. A young man comes up and drops some change in. The homeless man starts up a conversation asking if there's no school today. The young man says he dropped out. The homeless man then gives back the young man his change. They then flash a black screen with a statistic along the lines of 44% of college drop outs don't make enough money because they can't get a high level/degree job.
I'm starting to wonder if I will be able to go to college now. Granted, I haven't taken it as seriously as I should have. In fact, I've been half-assed about the whole deal. If it's not my grades that can't get me in, I know my wallet can't. I mean, I was told I had this great artistic skill by so many only to get turned down by a relitively new art school.
One step at a time, Zeek. First you need the money. Addmissions will understand... I hope.
In the commercial, a homeless man is looking for change in the park. A young man comes up and drops some change in. The homeless man starts up a conversation asking if there's no school today. The young man says he dropped out. The homeless man then gives back the young man his change. They then flash a black screen with a statistic along the lines of 44% of college drop outs don't make enough money because they can't get a high level/degree job.
I'm starting to wonder if I will be able to go to college now. Granted, I haven't taken it as seriously as I should have. In fact, I've been half-assed about the whole deal. If it's not my grades that can't get me in, I know my wallet can't. I mean, I was told I had this great artistic skill by so many only to get turned down by a relitively new art school.
One step at a time, Zeek. First you need the money. Addmissions will understand... I hope.
Tuesday, October 01, 2002
From Animal Crossing Review:
For anyone who has grown tired of the constant challenge in video games and just wants a pleasant diversion from real-world pressures, Animal Crossing does the job.
Sounds like I found the game for me now!
For anyone who has grown tired of the constant challenge in video games and just wants a pleasant diversion from real-world pressures, Animal Crossing does the job.
Sounds like I found the game for me now!
To see what Emeril was up to the last few months ago when he was down here, I watched Emeril Live: Emeril Salutes Nashville tonight.
Man, I have never drooled over southern food before like he made me do tonight! On his menue tonight was...
1. Smoked BBQ Ribs with Emeril's BBQ Sauce
2. Caramelized Sweet Potatoes
3. Slow Cooked Country Green Beans
4. Cheesy Corn Jalapeno Muffins
5. Nashville Fried Catfish
6. Fried Pickles
7. Hazel's Banana Pudding Parfait
I have to learn how to cook those. They sound good... even thought I'm not all that fond of ribs, but the Fried Catfish I just have to try now after avoiding it since I moved here!
Man, I have never drooled over southern food before like he made me do tonight! On his menue tonight was...
1. Smoked BBQ Ribs with Emeril's BBQ Sauce
2. Caramelized Sweet Potatoes
3. Slow Cooked Country Green Beans
4. Cheesy Corn Jalapeno Muffins
5. Nashville Fried Catfish
6. Fried Pickles
7. Hazel's Banana Pudding Parfait
I have to learn how to cook those. They sound good... even thought I'm not all that fond of ribs, but the Fried Catfish I just have to try now after avoiding it since I moved here!
Monday, September 30, 2002
Okay, since my last few blogs have been either long rants or just.... okay, they were all long rants, but anyway, I'm going to keep this breif.
This is the first time that I can remember waking up at 14:00!! Must have been the fact that I was up untill 03:00 talking to Jimmy. I'm so love him, but he doesn't love me. I feel like a teenie bopper all of a sudden.
This is the first time that I can remember waking up at 14:00!! Must have been the fact that I was up untill 03:00 talking to Jimmy. I'm so love him, but he doesn't love me. I feel like a teenie bopper all of a sudden.
Saturday, September 28, 2002
Simple and Clean
Written by: Utada Hikaru
You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said
Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don't think life is quite that simple"
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
The daily things that keep us all busy
Are confusing me
That's when you came to me and said,
Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Ragardless of warning that future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before
I got curious as to how this song sounded, so I spent a good part of my time on KaZaA looking for this MP3. I found both versions. The remix sounds really aggressive in contrast to the lyrics, if you ask me.
The original version that plays during the ending credits of Kingdom Hearts (I'm asuming) was what made me cry the more I listen. It's as if I found that once song in my life that's not really my theme, but the song from my heart. It's hard to explain. It's like this song was written from within from all my pain and loneliness. At one point, I pictured me singing this hugging Dan and James. It still brings to tears to my eyes as I'm typing this. No matter how hard I try to fight it, it's as if the song is saying for me to let it go. Quit trying to be on the defensive. Stop trying to be right even if you aren't. It's not like it was. It never will be. Ever. Every action you do, everything you say does something to change everything around you. The only thing that will ever remain the same is how you feel deep down inside about the people you know. The only thing that matters are the people you love. Those that walk away walk away by their free will. Don't lose the ones that love you. Don't lose the ones that you love. Show them you love them. You don't have to do much of anything or try as hard as you may think. Just show them.
Now if only I can show them. It sounds so simple. There is just one problem. I'm not there.
Written by: Utada Hikaru
You're giving me too many things
Lately you're all I need
You smiled at me and said
Don't get me wrong I love you
But does that mean I have to meet your father
When we are older you'll understand
What I meant when I said "No,
I don't think life is quite that simple"
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
The daily things that keep us all busy
Are confusing me
That's when you came to me and said,
Wish I could prove I love you
But does that mean I have to walk on water
When we are older you'll understand
It's enough when I say so
And maybe some things are that simple
When you walk away
You don't hear me say please
Oh baby, don't go
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go
Hold me
Whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Ragardless of warning that future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before
I got curious as to how this song sounded, so I spent a good part of my time on KaZaA looking for this MP3. I found both versions. The remix sounds really aggressive in contrast to the lyrics, if you ask me.
The original version that plays during the ending credits of Kingdom Hearts (I'm asuming) was what made me cry the more I listen. It's as if I found that once song in my life that's not really my theme, but the song from my heart. It's hard to explain. It's like this song was written from within from all my pain and loneliness. At one point, I pictured me singing this hugging Dan and James. It still brings to tears to my eyes as I'm typing this. No matter how hard I try to fight it, it's as if the song is saying for me to let it go. Quit trying to be on the defensive. Stop trying to be right even if you aren't. It's not like it was. It never will be. Ever. Every action you do, everything you say does something to change everything around you. The only thing that will ever remain the same is how you feel deep down inside about the people you know. The only thing that matters are the people you love. Those that walk away walk away by their free will. Don't lose the ones that love you. Don't lose the ones that you love. Show them you love them. You don't have to do much of anything or try as hard as you may think. Just show them.
Now if only I can show them. It sounds so simple. There is just one problem. I'm not there.
Wednesday, September 25, 2002
I would like to go on record and say the following:
Fighting is stupid. There is no reason to fight. Fighting solves nothing. Fighting only leads to suffering and suffering leads to more fighting. (Damn, I almost sounded like Yoda for a second.) I don't understand why most people as soon as they find a reason to do so go in with their fists balled, guns locked and loaded, and missles locked. There are other ways of solving a problem rather than fighting it straight out. That's like saying you shoot first before you ask questions to the bank robber as to who his accomplice was that escaped. It doesn't makes sense to go all gun-ho into situations that you don't like just because you have a problem with it. If people would just get past the rage of wanted to deck the shit out of someone, they would see there are other ways to solve the disargeement. On top of that, if they get past the rage, they may even see that what they are fighting for is stupid! Yes, there are good reasons to fight, but the majority of them are dumb ones. People think they can do anything and own everything. No one can do either, and those that think they can are only fooling themselves. These are the ones that are so itchy to push the big red war button. These are the ones that think fighting and wars will lead to peace. Peace must be earned! Wars will not lead to peace as they only lead to more wars. This peace that is gotten after a war is nothing more but a false illusion. True peace can never be gotten from fighting! Fighting solves nothing! Fighting is stupid. There are other ways to settle disputes.
Fighting is stupid. There is no reason to fight. Fighting solves nothing. Fighting only leads to suffering and suffering leads to more fighting. (Damn, I almost sounded like Yoda for a second.) I don't understand why most people as soon as they find a reason to do so go in with their fists balled, guns locked and loaded, and missles locked. There are other ways of solving a problem rather than fighting it straight out. That's like saying you shoot first before you ask questions to the bank robber as to who his accomplice was that escaped. It doesn't makes sense to go all gun-ho into situations that you don't like just because you have a problem with it. If people would just get past the rage of wanted to deck the shit out of someone, they would see there are other ways to solve the disargeement. On top of that, if they get past the rage, they may even see that what they are fighting for is stupid! Yes, there are good reasons to fight, but the majority of them are dumb ones. People think they can do anything and own everything. No one can do either, and those that think they can are only fooling themselves. These are the ones that are so itchy to push the big red war button. These are the ones that think fighting and wars will lead to peace. Peace must be earned! Wars will not lead to peace as they only lead to more wars. This peace that is gotten after a war is nothing more but a false illusion. True peace can never be gotten from fighting! Fighting solves nothing! Fighting is stupid. There are other ways to settle disputes.
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
The first thing I did was call my mom at work. She picked up and I told her that I don't see a reason why she can't change the time to earlier. She said there was a hundred dollor penalty to change. I asked if that will kill her. She said it will cause we are broke and they are trying to get the money back now. She's used that excuse far too long, since I was able to understand what money was, and she didn't get away with it this time. She then tried to change the subject, but I changed it right back. I reminded
her that dad and her told me that they agreed to Dan that I was going to leave early and on a Thursday. She said that it was earlier than near midnight like last time. I said that I'm sure Dan meant earlier than 6:30 as well. She said that she will talk to Dan Saturday herself and say that's the best she can do. That alone was tempting knowing what will happen, but I knew I had to change the time, so I persisted and said how I don't see a hundred bucks and an extra four hours in the airports will kill her. She then got into that "Fine, whatever you want, you spoiled little brat" tone of voice and said that she'll change the time so I can go early and then hung up on me immediately.
Just so you know, I did this immediately after I woke up this morning. I think I was just too tired to build up any anger when I was talking to her. She, on the other hand, sounded like she didn't want to deal with it. She said she was dealing with it and that I was the one not dealing with it. I said I'm trying to fix it and that she's really the one that can't deal with the fact that she made a mistake. That lead to to her saying that she was going to talk to Dan herself.
What a way to start a day, huh?
her that dad and her told me that they agreed to Dan that I was going to leave early and on a Thursday. She said that it was earlier than near midnight like last time. I said that I'm sure Dan meant earlier than 6:30 as well. She said that she will talk to Dan Saturday herself and say that's the best she can do. That alone was tempting knowing what will happen, but I knew I had to change the time, so I persisted and said how I don't see a hundred bucks and an extra four hours in the airports will kill her. She then got into that "Fine, whatever you want, you spoiled little brat" tone of voice and said that she'll change the time so I can go early and then hung up on me immediately.
Just so you know, I did this immediately after I woke up this morning. I think I was just too tired to build up any anger when I was talking to her. She, on the other hand, sounded like she didn't want to deal with it. She said she was dealing with it and that I was the one not dealing with it. I said I'm trying to fix it and that she's really the one that can't deal with the fact that she made a mistake. That lead to to her saying that she was going to talk to Dan herself.
What a way to start a day, huh?
Monday, September 23, 2002
I could just KILL my mother right now!
Just a little while ago before I started this blog, my mother went and reserved the plan tickets. Not just my tickets, but the tickets of the rest of the family as well. All was fine untill I found out about what the arrangements for me were. See, it's like this. My mother is cheap. She's the kind that would bath with her cloths on to save water if we were in a very tight spot. She's also very schedule oriented. She has to have everything on a time sheet. Well, guess what? Not only does she want everyone to leave at the same time so no one has to wait at the airport too long, but she also can't seem to afford the extra $20 needed to bump up my arrival time. See, Dan made it clear to them when he called. He doesn't care about when I actually get in. All he asks is that it's on a Thursday since it's his day off and that it be early in the day so he has time to park and find out the flight number and find out what gate I'm coming from and find out which security check out is the closest if he isn't going to find out what bagage claim area I'll be at. That's all. What does my mother go and do? Well, she remembers the Thursday portion, but says "Screw you!" to the early part! While she was on the phone and I got wind of this, I tried to make her change it. I reminded her that it had to be at an earlier time. All she said was "No, I can't." She didn't even tell me WHY! It was as if everything is set in stone with her! After she hung up, she was all "You don't know the price of airplane tickets." What am I?! I may be stupid, but I'm not THAT stupid! I immediately went to CheapTickets.com and Expedia.com and found a ticket that was perfect! It fit all the agreed requirements and everything! When I showed my cheapass mother, she was all "They told me about that ticket too, but it would be $20 more for the service charge if you do it that way." I objected as to why that's a problem. She said she wants everyone to leave at the same time. She doesn't want to sit there and wait three hours more than she is suppose to... even if they have shops in the terminal! To her, it's just not right or respectful to her! Well, she is being disrespectful and extremely inconsiderate to Dan! When I told her that Dan said Thursday and early, all she claims to remember is that he said Thursday. I told her that she and dad told me that it was to be on a Thursday and early. She just said that all she's going to say (meaning Dad is going to say for her) is "I'm sorry, Dan, that's the best I can do." And as if to rub more salt on the wound, she leaves by saying "Why didn't you search for that ticket earlier?"
This is what I get for placing trust in her. I hope she dies and rots in Hell. I HATE HER!
Just a little while ago before I started this blog, my mother went and reserved the plan tickets. Not just my tickets, but the tickets of the rest of the family as well. All was fine untill I found out about what the arrangements for me were. See, it's like this. My mother is cheap. She's the kind that would bath with her cloths on to save water if we were in a very tight spot. She's also very schedule oriented. She has to have everything on a time sheet. Well, guess what? Not only does she want everyone to leave at the same time so no one has to wait at the airport too long, but she also can't seem to afford the extra $20 needed to bump up my arrival time. See, Dan made it clear to them when he called. He doesn't care about when I actually get in. All he asks is that it's on a Thursday since it's his day off and that it be early in the day so he has time to park and find out the flight number and find out what gate I'm coming from and find out which security check out is the closest if he isn't going to find out what bagage claim area I'll be at. That's all. What does my mother go and do? Well, she remembers the Thursday portion, but says "Screw you!" to the early part! While she was on the phone and I got wind of this, I tried to make her change it. I reminded her that it had to be at an earlier time. All she said was "No, I can't." She didn't even tell me WHY! It was as if everything is set in stone with her! After she hung up, she was all "You don't know the price of airplane tickets." What am I?! I may be stupid, but I'm not THAT stupid! I immediately went to CheapTickets.com and Expedia.com and found a ticket that was perfect! It fit all the agreed requirements and everything! When I showed my cheapass mother, she was all "They told me about that ticket too, but it would be $20 more for the service charge if you do it that way." I objected as to why that's a problem. She said she wants everyone to leave at the same time. She doesn't want to sit there and wait three hours more than she is suppose to... even if they have shops in the terminal! To her, it's just not right or respectful to her! Well, she is being disrespectful and extremely inconsiderate to Dan! When I told her that Dan said Thursday and early, all she claims to remember is that he said Thursday. I told her that she and dad told me that it was to be on a Thursday and early. She just said that all she's going to say (meaning Dad is going to say for her) is "I'm sorry, Dan, that's the best I can do." And as if to rub more salt on the wound, she leaves by saying "Why didn't you search for that ticket earlier?"
This is what I get for placing trust in her. I hope she dies and rots in Hell. I HATE HER!
Okay, so I did it again. God, I'm so fickle!
I, once again, open my box that held my music CDs and took out a few that I wanted to listen to, namely the ones that have the Cowboy Bebop music on them. Yeah, I know, I could just go out and buy them or even download them! The thing is, the CDs I want from the series (or at least the ones that have all the good music) are the ones that are out of print! You can't get a copy of the Cowgril ED OST anymore with the movie soundtrack since it was only released with the first issuing of the movie soundtrack. On top of that, the covated CD Box set is a limited edition. That means onces they are gone, they are gone for good! My love for the music of the series makes me sometimes wish I had one of two things. One, the connections and money to say to Victor Entertainment to give me a full and offical print of the CDs they don't sell anymore as if they were out this whole time (i.e. make them make me a new and freash copy for however amount they want) or two, download all the MP3s I can find from the series and burn them on to bootlegs!
The second one seems more likely.
In other news: I'm higher ranked than 15.5% of the twinks on Twink or Not? Man, I must be ugly.
I, once again, open my box that held my music CDs and took out a few that I wanted to listen to, namely the ones that have the Cowboy Bebop music on them. Yeah, I know, I could just go out and buy them or even download them! The thing is, the CDs I want from the series (or at least the ones that have all the good music) are the ones that are out of print! You can't get a copy of the Cowgril ED OST anymore with the movie soundtrack since it was only released with the first issuing of the movie soundtrack. On top of that, the covated CD Box set is a limited edition. That means onces they are gone, they are gone for good! My love for the music of the series makes me sometimes wish I had one of two things. One, the connections and money to say to Victor Entertainment to give me a full and offical print of the CDs they don't sell anymore as if they were out this whole time (i.e. make them make me a new and freash copy for however amount they want) or two, download all the MP3s I can find from the series and burn them on to bootlegs!
The second one seems more likely.
In other news: I'm higher ranked than 15.5% of the twinks on Twink or Not? Man, I must be ugly.
Saturday, September 21, 2002
Okay, I'm crazy... or really obediant to people I like these days.
Aaron suggested that I repack all the junk I took out that was set for movie nights and so on with Bill and James and Dan. He said to just go right ahead and bring them all if it helps me feel at home. He told me that I may never know when Bill and James will turn around.
He was right.
Later last night, James talked to me on IM! I apologized my butt off. It still didn't help me get a meeting with him just yet, but at least I still get to talk to him online. Bill then followed suit, but became tired and left at around three in the morning over in Seattle.
Man, I'm so tired from packing and repacking all my stuff.
Aaron suggested that I repack all the junk I took out that was set for movie nights and so on with Bill and James and Dan. He said to just go right ahead and bring them all if it helps me feel at home. He told me that I may never know when Bill and James will turn around.
He was right.
Later last night, James talked to me on IM! I apologized my butt off. It still didn't help me get a meeting with him just yet, but at least I still get to talk to him online. Bill then followed suit, but became tired and left at around three in the morning over in Seattle.
Man, I'm so tired from packing and repacking all my stuff.
From Twink or Not:
Rating: 4.4
You are ranked higher than 24.6% of the twinks on this site!
From the looks of it, I'm not that attractive. I mean, most of my votes were 1s. On the bright side, I did get one 10.
Well, I guess I can just forget about finding a cool cute boy to date and become boyfriends with.
Rating: 4.4
You are ranked higher than 24.6% of the twinks on this site!
From the looks of it, I'm not that attractive. I mean, most of my votes were 1s. On the bright side, I did get one 10.
Well, I guess I can just forget about finding a cool cute boy to date and become boyfriends with.
Friday, September 20, 2002
After spending the better half of the day going through the rest of the pins on record to compleate my PinPic's profile, something amazing happened.
I went back to my bags and remembered that there were alot of junk in the bags that I packed for what seems to be no reason at all. My back pack I filled with little trinkets to make me feel more at home. You know, my little Mickey Mouse plushie, some CDs, my sketch books (no pencils), necklaces, and keys to my luggage locks. All the other stuff I packed prior to that were all there because I was hoping for something that ultimately will never happen! The videos I packed I wanted to share with Bill or James or maybe even with Dan. Not going to happen, so I put them back to where they were. I even packed a few little computer trinkets I forgot about back when Bill said he has a sweet ass computer set up for me. It's probibly broken to bits now if not broken up into it's raw parts and then used in something else. Even some of my most recently bought items I decided to leave behind for later. Almost everything I took out of my bags was somehow or another connected to Bill or James. Two of the most wonderful guys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing I packed for only to end up loosing them.
That's one of my greatest fears, you know. Being alone. Having people who you thought whole heartedly were your friends to just turn their back on you. Well, not even turn their back on you you. The only thing that overshadows that is loosing contact with them. Or worst, having them forget who you are. I really don't want to be left out all alone after making such wonderful friends like Andrew and Chris and Aaron and Mark and David and Bobby and Sam and Seth and Randy and Bill and James and Dan. I want to keep them all if I can. I guess the sad realisation that I can't make me fear I'll only end up being alone again with no one special to hang out with or otherwise. I don't know, maybe I'm being stupid again. All I know is that I don't like this sinking feeling in my heart that I will end up losing everyone I love all to something as stupid and unforgiving as time.
I went back to my bags and remembered that there were alot of junk in the bags that I packed for what seems to be no reason at all. My back pack I filled with little trinkets to make me feel more at home. You know, my little Mickey Mouse plushie, some CDs, my sketch books (no pencils), necklaces, and keys to my luggage locks. All the other stuff I packed prior to that were all there because I was hoping for something that ultimately will never happen! The videos I packed I wanted to share with Bill or James or maybe even with Dan. Not going to happen, so I put them back to where they were. I even packed a few little computer trinkets I forgot about back when Bill said he has a sweet ass computer set up for me. It's probibly broken to bits now if not broken up into it's raw parts and then used in something else. Even some of my most recently bought items I decided to leave behind for later. Almost everything I took out of my bags was somehow or another connected to Bill or James. Two of the most wonderful guys I have ever had the pleasure of knowing I packed for only to end up loosing them.
That's one of my greatest fears, you know. Being alone. Having people who you thought whole heartedly were your friends to just turn their back on you. Well, not even turn their back on you you. The only thing that overshadows that is loosing contact with them. Or worst, having them forget who you are. I really don't want to be left out all alone after making such wonderful friends like Andrew and Chris and Aaron and Mark and David and Bobby and Sam and Seth and Randy and Bill and James and Dan. I want to keep them all if I can. I guess the sad realisation that I can't make me fear I'll only end up being alone again with no one special to hang out with or otherwise. I don't know, maybe I'm being stupid again. All I know is that I don't like this sinking feeling in my heart that I will end up losing everyone I love all to something as stupid and unforgiving as time.
I'm such an otaku. An otaku is a fanboy/fangirl that unhealthly obessed with something, normally anime.
Except here it's with Disney.
Either because I planed to or because I wanted to celebrate the fact I get to go, I went to the local Disney Store and bought a lanyard. I actually wanted a certain kind of lanyard, but instead they only sold the starter kits. The starters kits is a lanyard with four pins two of which are doubles. So you have one to keep and one to trade. I didn't like the pins I got stuck with, so I got a patriotic Mickey head.
I then spent the later half of the evening going on to PinPics.com to create an account to later advertise on MouseInfo.com's message board. I got to about page 51 before giving up on trying to find the exact picture of my pin. I'm going to hit up the other 100 pages I have left to look through later. I also had to upload one so I can show it off in my collection file/list under my account.
Good thing I actually am looking forward to working. I wonder if there is a Disney Store in Seattle. Thank the webmaster that Disney Store's website has a store locater.
Still, the best place for pins is at the Disney park or resorts. Maybe when I start working I'll be able to have enough money to go down there to work there. Hey, I'm still seriously thinking about it. Can you blame me?
Except here it's with Disney.
Either because I planed to or because I wanted to celebrate the fact I get to go, I went to the local Disney Store and bought a lanyard. I actually wanted a certain kind of lanyard, but instead they only sold the starter kits. The starters kits is a lanyard with four pins two of which are doubles. So you have one to keep and one to trade. I didn't like the pins I got stuck with, so I got a patriotic Mickey head.
I then spent the later half of the evening going on to PinPics.com to create an account to later advertise on MouseInfo.com's message board. I got to about page 51 before giving up on trying to find the exact picture of my pin. I'm going to hit up the other 100 pages I have left to look through later. I also had to upload one so I can show it off in my collection file/list under my account.
Good thing I actually am looking forward to working. I wonder if there is a Disney Store in Seattle. Thank the webmaster that Disney Store's website has a store locater.
Still, the best place for pins is at the Disney park or resorts. Maybe when I start working I'll be able to have enough money to go down there to work there. Hey, I'm still seriously thinking about it. Can you blame me?
