Man, this sucks.

I took me this long to realize that three days after opening a bank account that I'm back to my old "eat-sleep-play" shit. When I realized it, I got so mad at myself I had to... cook.

Strange, yes, but whatever works, right?

I dug into my pockets and pulled out a recipe that Dan gave me. At first, I pictured it to be a kind of jumbolia dish or something. When I finished it, it looked more like gumbo. Maybe I need more rice. I didn't follow it to the letter. I took some creative licenses with with adding some choice spices and what have you. Apparently I didn't stir or blend the mix right because some parts are alot hotter than others. Consintrated chilli powder will do that to you sometimes. Well, now I know better.

I'm going to make it a point to see if I can't get a job after Thanksgiving. I don't know why I waited till then. I mean, I was in a freaking grocery store within walking distance of home! Why didn't I get an application? Cause as a first job it's not all that great? I don't know, maybe I'm too ambitious.

Speeking of which, as slow as I am, I came to a realization as to a part of my personality I never really gave much thought to.

For the longest time, myself and my well being, as well as most of my family's welfare, have been riding in the back seat. Why? Because I don't see why I should put myself higher than what I want to do. What I want to do is nothing short of change the world. Okay, maybe it is, but it's because of one big reason. Pride. I have none. I was never the star quarterback or track runner with the highest marks. I didn't even have a chance at Validictorian. Hell, I have nothing under my belt to be proud of!! Some would say my health since I don't drink or smoke, but overall, my health sucks in the nural quadrents. No, I'm not dumb; I just have some problems my brain isn't really good at forgetting or getting over. So that was the big realization. The reason I want to make a video game no one has seen before or change an abandon theater into an arcade for the masses instead of worrying about how much money I personally own in the bank and the fact I need to become another working cog of society is because I have nothing to be proud of. I have nothing that makes me feel good about myself, something I can always look back on and say "Hey, I did that and everyone loved it! It was the highlight of my life!"

If only I could have something like that. A sucess. Just one.