Nope, no DDR Workout stuff or wondering if I should pick back up Pokemon seeing how the only secrets I have left in Pokemon Stadium 1 is the Amniesa Pysduck outside of gaining another surfing Pikachu, Normal Box, and Lovely Box (or whatever it's called). No taking of tests to see what kind of Yu-Gi-Oh card I would be or how pick-up-able I am in the game of love. No, today's rant is different.

Today's rant comes from the heart, not from the mind like it used to.

Have you ever been in love with something or someone you could never have? Have you ever wish that just once you could wake up to see him or her or it waiting there for you? Do you wish with all your might that just for once in your life things could go your way? That things would be perfect? As selfish as that seems, most people wish for that almost everyday. I'm one of them. Everyday, every time I fall asleep and wake up, I just wish that for once I could wake up in a room that's not mine once again. Just once I wish I could wak up next to a person again instead of a pillow. And just once, to make it perfect, I wish the person sleeping next to me, holding me, breathing on me would be none other than James.

I don't know why it is like this. I know we agreed to go our different ways, but I still want him so badly! I can't have him. I know I can't. That's just impossible. As much as I love him, I know I can never have him again. I know that by the time I'll even have a chance to meet him, he would have found another. And it hurts me dearly. For he was the best in the world. He is the best in the world. No man or woman or anything can come close to shadowing him. Everything pales in comparison to him! Who needs anything when all you have is James? James is everything to me. And I lost everything.

Before I wrote this, I woke up from a nap hugging a pillow oh-so tightly. I wanted to feel his muscles and his big arms holding me. I knew that would never happen ever.

I know for a fact that I'll never find anyone like him ever again. I also know for a fact that there is someone out there that is much better than me.

Come the New Year, I'm quitting the sick little game of Love. If I can't have James, I might as well just die alone.