Surprising Suspicions

The only reason I am blogging right now is because I cannot get that much needed nap today on my "bum day", and that really upsets me.

This morning I got a surprising e-mail from Leo. He said that he was thinking about me and wanted to know what's up. That's when he went to this blog and found out that things were not as good as they had hoped. No offence, but how stupid is he?! He knows me inside and out! Hell, he practically is me in another life!! He of all people should have known that there was no way I would be able to get all these cool friends together to start hanging out with them 24/7! He is right about one thing, though. I do have regrets and wish things were better. He offered to fix up my problems. I didn't reply back to his e-mail.

Instead I printed it out and asked Jaime to read it for anything that I may have missed. Some kind of message between the lines. Why I asked her, I don't know. I just feel like she is the best person to go to now as far as how to deal with my relationships go with people.

Jaime said that the e-mail was very friendly and had no underlying message. She was curious as to how I knew Leo, seeing as how I failed to mention that to her. I told her the back story, and this odd look drew on her face. It was almost as if she didn't believe me! It worried me until I remembered that I have been honest with her to a fault up. To think that she didn't believe me was stupid. Still, I did thank her for her time and helping me out as far as figuring out the e-mail.

Jaime posed an interesting question to me as well. She wanted to know if I was going to fix this problem. I told her I thought that everything between Leo and I (as well with everyone else I knew in my past life) was gone as of seven or eight weeks ago. After that, I figured to just get on with my life. Even if the shit didn't hit the fans, I could not find the time to talk to them, what with the time zone changes. It's not that I don't like them or anything. Hell, these past few weeks should show how much I miss them if anything!!

So what am I going to do now about this? Do I go back or do I just go on with my life? Experience has taught me that when I make these kind of life decisions, I always make the wrong one. I really need to make a decision, but I cannot figure out which is the lesser of the two evils. Do I go on with my life living in torment or do I go back to how I was, dreamy and naive and always making mistakes?

And I thought losing so much sleep was the worst of my problems from now on...