Stop with the cute! No more cute!

I feel like such a homo-slut or something lately. Every time I watch TV just to destress or for pleasure (as was the case tonight), I can't help but notice the most attractive looking member in the cast. It upsets me knowing what I know now about my past and how good I had it.

So many beautiful people out there, and I'm not one of them.

I don't know. I feel as if there will ever be a way to truly identify myself, it will be through my words and works. I rather have them speak for me than my actual face at this rate. Oh, sure, to some people I am very cute. Cute how? Cute like a teddy bear cute?

Back in the Greek and Roman days, they made statues in the ideal. These days, all you have to do is pick up a fashion magazine to see what is ideal. Even scarier is the fact that some people look ideal in person! I should know. I see it everyday. I have seen perfection, and thy name be Coffey! Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but still. How can I compete?!

Everyone keeps telling me to be happy with the way I am. That I am not screwed up or unattractive or anything that I think I am. The only thing they seem to agree with me on is the fact that I am very insecure about myself. I believe that will be my biggest downfall in life, being insecure and not confident in myself to do things the way I see fit. In a way, that could probably explain as to why I am where I am in life right now. I am where I am because I could not stand up for myself out of fear as to how it would make me look or how I may come off.

How I feel right now, however, is really stupid on paper. I feel like a damn slut just for looking at people that are worlds more attractive than I am! I mean, Jesus, this is natural, right? People all the time, gay or straight, look at other people they find sexually attractive the same way I do. Some people go as far as mentally undressing them and fantasizing about them! I know I have on more than one occasion. This should be normal, but I find myself doing this kind of thing nearly every day and night! I feel insecure about how I look simply because everyone looks so much better than me! Jaime, Ken, Coffey, even Christina who complains about how she looks like a boy if she wears a hat! I never have and never will look good in a hat!

I really need to stay away from cute people. Too bad I can't.