The Beginnings of a Downward Spiral?

They are no fun anymore. My video games. I went through each one. Every last one for every system I own.

Pokemon has lost its fun at being a game about being the best in the world. The power trip is now nothing more than a chore of taking care of pets that could kill you if you abuse them.

Sonic has lost its fun at being a game where you would go so fast it would required you to have equally fast reflexes to play it. The game just seems so slow to me.

Earthworm Jim feels harder than it used to be. It used to be that the difficulty never really bothered me as long as I had fun. It's like the exact opposite now.

Aladdin used to be fun to play, but now it just feels like Mickey Mania. A game based off a cartoon franchise that had breakthrough technology for its time but is dated now. It doesn't feel fun. It's no longer funny either.

LUNAR, a RPG I practically worshiped, is no longer complelling. I know the stories; I know the songs by heart. Not only is the fun gone, but so is that romantic feeling I got from the game. A beautiful treasure tarnished.

All my other games are two player games. They were never fun to play with by one's self. Those kind of games are more fun to play with someone else. A friend.

God, I wish I had a friend. I want one so badly, but I know for a fact that I cannot be a friend myself. I'm only fooling myself thinking I can be. I've been fooling myself for the pass month thinking that I could even have friends! How can I have friends when I can't even be a friend myself?! I'm no good. Maybe it's the insecurity talking again. Maybe it's just my gut feeling. Maybe it's the loneliness taking hold. Maybe it's the fact that I know I've done things I shouldn't have. What is it exactly that is driving me so mad?! Why can't I pin it down and find out how to fix it!? Is it me? I know it has something to do about me, but what? What is it about me that is so wrong?! Why can't I see what is wrong with me? Why is it when I am told what is wrong with me, I end up going so insane like I am now? Why can't I have some kind of support network that can be there for me and help me feel better about myself even with my flaws?

I hate this. I've reverted back to whatever I was before I started college. I've become my own worst enemy again. It's only a matter of time before I end up meeting some raver kid. It's only a matter of time before I end up doing things I know I shouldn't do. It's only a matter of time before I take things I shouldn't be taking.

It's only a matter of time before I'm dead.