Two hours after my last post, and I finally got some rest. I was and still am thinking about Paul. Daydreams and scenarios that have a snowball's chance in Hell, mostly. Things like how I am going to try to impress him. Most likely in all the wrong ways. I want to spoil him like no one has ever before, but I also know I have to wait before I can do that. As patient as I am, I'm afraid that if I wait too long, I'll lose this. I know it is that fear that makes me want to try to keep in contact with him and just try to do something with what I can. I can't do what I want to do for him right now. I don't have the resources. Worst still, I don't know how to impress him now without looking like a complete idiot.

A stupid thought came across my head. Something I may end up doing out of sheer weakness. I was thinking about talking to my sister about this. Hey, she's a girl and she has a boyfriend. She's got to be doing something right. Besides, it would be probibly one of the easiest ways to come out to her, which I have yet to do. Knowing her, she knows already but isn't saying anything.

Why do I feel like these past four days belongs on a soap opera?