It's been about three hours since I did what I did. While I may appear to be over the shock of my stupidity, there is still that bitter aftertaste that lingers. All the reason why I don't do mouthwash.

I was right about Jessica seeing Micheal again today. I got a hint of it today while I was freezing grapes to distract myself from Paul. Didn't help.

I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do, what to say, what corse of action I should take with this. I have this bizzare feeling I screwed up. A part of me is saying that I really haven't. The only thing I did was look like a complete idiot that wants nothing but the first person I feel comfortable with. I don't know if I screwed this up or not. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

If I did, then I've fallen from grace faster than I thought. If I did, then I may not recover again.

I don't know, maybe I'm being a worry wart. Maybe I'm worried about nothing.

If I am, then why do I feel the need to crawl into a little ball and wish I didn't exisit? That I wasn't capable of falling in love? That for once someone could love me the way that I love them?

So many questions. So little answers. So many stupid questions. Not enough answers.

I am starting to doubt again. I'm starting to doubt that I will be able to fall in love the right way and quit doing so many stupid things. I want to believe in that saying "Love makes you do stupid things" because right now I feel like I'm living that saying.

I feel so lost.