I love Jack. I love him very much. He is probibly one of only three people in the world that can bitch me out and yet still make sense to me. Open up my eyes, if you will.

In a moment of weakness, I e-mailed him about my problem. About 3/4 of the way through of typing the e-mail, he signed on. I told him I was writing something for him to read that was important. Being the joker that he is, he thought it was my last will and testoment. After reading the e-mail, he had this to say.

I'm a nutcase. I've cut myself off from the world and don't get out as I should. I happen to come across a boy, a gay boy, that I like and I make a complete whore of myself doing what I did and thinking the way I have been thinking that it is some kind of sign. He's obviously not interested. He has a boyfriend. I can't make him fall in love nor can I make him interested in me. I only met him one time. I don't even know him. I made all the wrong moves, all the wrong turns, did all the don'ts. Once again, I messed up, and the only thing I have to show for it is a messed up mind and two days of going insane.

Jack I need to take things easy. He also said that sooner or later I'm going to have to get my fat as into the world too. Once I do that, everything I want will be easy. I'll be able to do things I never was able to do. The real trick is getting me out there.

I really need to get over Paul and just move on. There's nothing I can do about it. He has his life, and I have...