Last night was horrible. Once again I took something to a level it should have never gone. I screwed up... again!

I woke up thinking about Tale Spin, an old Disney cartoon from the early '90s featuring Baloo as some cargo pilot and his foster son Kit Cloudkicker. I always wanted to be like Kit. He was cool and braved and smart and always tried to do the right thing and even if he ended up screwing up in the end and didn't do a good job he would still have the best reward ever, family and friends that understand and love him. I don't even think my own family understands me. My friends don't like the fact I go off the deep end and take things differently than normal boys. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even a real human since everyone says I'm not normal. I laid there in bed thinking that untill just awhile ago when I started blogging. On my way here, I started singing "No Reply". I knew I posted the lyrics up here somewhere, but I'm too depressed to look. It's a good thing I found out that The Real Folk Blues has the movie soundtrack in RealAudio format.


<br /><bgsound src="http://rfblues.aaanime.net/Seatbelts/M214.ram" controls="smallconsole"> <br />
Go on. Press play.

Listen to this song carefully. This is how I feel right now. "This was my life; it never made much sense to me... I no longer know myself... Here lays my life; it never felt that real to me... You in my life, it all meant so much more to me." I wish I knew how to put it in my own words with my own feelings, but I can't even read IMs without thinking one thing and coming off as something else to the other person. Maybe that's why I look for songs that I connect to for comfort.

I need help... like $900 per hour help... with session 5 times a week... like I'll get anywhere near that much help to begin with.