I guess I must have had a good day yesturday, cause it sure ended badly.

Basically, it went downhill when I was talking to Dan. He was explaining to me how cool his plan was, telling me how it would work mutually. He kept repeating it to me over and over introducing new ideas each refreash. Then I told him that I got it and he didn't need to tell me any more cause I understood it. The way I said it was a bad choice in wording. I came off as an ass to him.

According to James, once they found out, Bill jumped into defending me. As he was doing that, James was giving me some background about how he has only done that once before. Bill fixed it and everything was back to normal. I made the comment that I owed him big for that one, seeing how I'm here and they are over there and I can't properly thank them.

Almost immediately, James and I started talking about random things. His future as a preacher, Bill's future, etc. Once I got James all happy about how much I support his carreer as a preacher, he reminded me that I needed to thank Dan for the plan and apologize for being an ass and Bill for standing up for me. I didn't pick up on Bill's immediately. I would like to think that I was lost in talking with James, which in some truth it was the case, but I also didn't appreciate Bill's action to it's fullest. I wasn't there to hear his points and what he had to say. I don't think James even relaied to me what Bill said. I told him that I wish I could thank him properly, but I just couldn't. Even so, James didn't understand how I could possibly over look something like that. That's when Dan reminded them that there was a time when I was so keen that once someone would help me, I'd ask for them immediately and thank them and that I wasn't as calus and inept. They wanted to know what happened to that part of me. At this point I didn't know what to say and started poping out stupid answers after stupid answers. I think the only good answer I had was the fact that I was selfish for awhile in wanting to get out so badly that I lost track of how important my friends are. Apparently, that was stupid enough to make the boys not want to talk to me.

Dan then popped on and told me why he was on. I paused at one point to think up something smart to say instead of something that was stupid or sounded stupid. I couldn't come up with anything. All I had was either I'm just that stupid or it is because of the late hour. Dan thought I was crying up untill I told him I wasn't. After that, Bill said through that he did some of his best debating and defending just then in hope that it would make up for the time he was mad at me and that I didn't even acknowledge that. I didn't even know that was his best work or that he was doing that to make up for when he got so pissed off at me. From there, Dan just ripped me apart saying that I have the worst problems compared to Bill and James combined. He wanted to know what happened to that Jon that would jump up and grovel and kiss the feet of the one that defended him. Frankly, I'm starting to wonder now myself. I thought I was thanking him when I said that I owe Bill mega big this time, but I guess saying that doesn't count as a thank you in most books.

Dan then posed a question. He wanted to know if I would blame him if he got to the end of his rope with me. I asked him if he was, and he said he was close to. I told him that I couldn't blame him. He then asked if I would hate him for it. I couldn't hate him for that either.

The IMs closed with Dan saying that I can't expect someone to tell me what to do and say all my life. I told him that I knew that, but at the same time I wish I was smarter and knew what to do and didnt' do so many stupid things.

And so ends my life. I wonder how I'm going to fix this, if I even can. I doubt I can... heavily doubt it.