Just when I thought I had another good day coming, it turned sour.

Last night/early this morning, I was faced with a bad and frankly unwanted choice. Bill felt like I should be with Andrew and not with James because Andrew loved me the longest. I started to get scared and paniced when I was told I was faced with a choice between the two. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. That included Bill's. I love everyone on there end. On top of that, Bill and I had started to form a bond over the last few days. My track record shows that when that happens, I end up scaring him away or making him mad at me to where he says "Forget you, dude!" and just bails. I didn't want that to happen either especially not after getting this close to him.

Now things are a mess again. I tried to explain why I hesitated to pick to James, but he didn't want to listen. He thinks since I didn't pick him right away (which I ended up picking up anyway) that I don't love him as much as he thought I do. He's doubting my feelings towards him.

Would I be beating myself up right now and feeling like this if I didn't love him?