Why I Look At Personal Ads

With nothing better to do since all the homework I brought with me is relatively complete, I found myself bored and looking up personal ads on Yahoo! Why?

That's good question I need to get into right now.

James. You know him, you either hate him or you love him. Me, I love the moose. I really do. Unfortunately, my love for him is not the same kind of (scary) love he has for me. No, as late as I should have admitted this, the romance is really rather gone now. I think what turned me off the most was the fact that of how he has been acting lately, trying to make me his own while he is already in a relationship. Call me old fashion, but I don't need that kind of drama.

So, how does this relate to the fact that I'm looking up personal ads of people I know I will never meet due to the fact that I promised myself I will never meet anyone I meet online, especially someone I meet on a personal site? Simple. I want out.

That's right. I want out of this. I want to move on. I'm sorry, James, I really am. I love you tons, just not in the way you want me to. I hope you understand this. Then again, you will probably want me to explain it just a little bit.

See, I love James more like a friend now if anything at all. I pretty much gave up on having him as a boyfriend when he first started dating (and then ended up staying with) Matt. Through some rather unusual drama (Well, it wasn't that unusual if you were living a TV Soap Opera.), Matt, James, and I pretty much went out ways. You can read some of the other dramas that happened here in the archives (CHEAP POP!). Turn off number two came just recently when James kept doing things that made me feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately for me, James also has this strange power to make me feel so submissive, you couldn't tell me apart from a two cent whore!

Still, James is taken. He may not be happy, like everyone tells me, but, as mean as this sounds, that's his problem. After all, he couldn't wait to get a boyfriend what with everyone around him dating and all that jazz. You know the song and dance.

Good things come to those who wait.

In any event, I'm feeling the need to want to meet cute and interesting people again, hopefully with the result that I want. I just want to be able to do this before James comes down to visits me and does something he should have done last semester. I guess he doesn't realize that what he missed out on was a one shot deal. He doesn't get a repeat even though I feel he deserves one. The reason why is because of the fact that, yes, it is nice to redo and correct past mistakes, but what has happen has happened. He told me himself he got cold feet, and my mind since then hasn't changed much at all about how much he is easily overtaken by fear of something, let alone fear of me!

It's a good thing I'm Leo's type. If I was a gambling man, I bet I'd end up with Leo in one way or another, dramatic or otherwise. Then again, I never was good at betting on anything, so forget I said that.

Still, though, James really needs to get it through his head. As long as he has Matt by his side, who is foolishly but loyally following every single one of James's wishes, I can only be involved as a friend. I do not want whatever romantic affair he has planned in his little brain of his. Not anymore.

Too bad Bill is straight. He and I have been getting rather close, and I feel a mesh between us that I really cannot put my finger on as to why we have one going on. Just thinking about him right now makes me feel some kind of psychic connection. Something tells me he will read this blog shortly after I publish it.

You know, looking back at what I just wrote, this has nothing to do with why I look at personal ads...

...or does it?