Not The Way I Wanted To Start Spring Break

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain. Appropriate given my state of mind.

I was thinking about myself. Where I was going to end up. How I am suppose to survive this world. My mind drifted back and forth between what David said about if I was with him last night, he'd try to make me feel happy and then to about Leo saying that I am his type and back to Bill saying all these bad things about who I am but then saying that he still loves me no matter what. I then started to wonder about my pieces of art. I started to do what I told myself I wouldn't do and began comparing myself to everyone else in my other classes. Feeling very insecure, I grabbed my comfort pillows and pretended it was someone who gave a damn about me and cared about me to where they would protect me from the world and all its pains, its standards, and the harsh truth that I will never make it in reality simply because of who I am.

I am lazy. I don't want to learn anything that doesn't interest me.

I am a mooch. I don't want to do anything that will reward me for my efforts.

I am greedy. All I want to do is have things, shiny new things, and have fun. Nothing else.

I am an artist. My job is to tell the truth about reality as I see it. I cannot see reality. Does that mean I cannot tell the truth?

All this in the first five minutes of the day. The first five minutes of my official week off from school. The first five minutes of a long, and very depressing, break.

Stay tuned, soap opera lovers and reality TV show fans. You never know were this show will go next.