The last thing I want is the one thing I need.

It's been a while since I've had a crush on anyone. The last one was Jason from school. Since then, there hasn't been much of anyone to cause me to swoon over them. In fact, there have only been occasions where I felt angry, depressed, or outright jealous of anyone in the media. (If they or anyone connected to them is reading this, I think they know who matches which emotion.) If you remember, it even caused me to wonder about my own sexuality due to a lack of attraction to anyone.

Well, for the last six hours or so, I've been working on another amateur art project that I plan to sell via my dad's snack shop. To keep myself from going insane, I turned on the Disney Channel.

Then it happened again. And with this guy.


Ricky Ullman

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. He isn't blond, and he looks more like a prep student rather than a skater punk or a wrestler kid. However, for some reason, I found him cute and attractive while his Disney Channel movie was on in the background. Turns out that's all it takes for me to develop a crush. I quickly tried to go back to work, but I found it difficult to concentrate with his face flashing all over the screen. I found it more difficult to do my work without it on, however.

I don't need another celebrity crush. The first one was great, the second one was hurtful, and the third one made me feel even worst after that. There is a fourth celebrity, but I don't consider it a crush of any kind. If anything, it was more like a longing to be friends with him (like that will happen ever again).

I don't want to be in love. It hurts too much to be worth it.