I've been suffering from a mondo headache. It has caused nothing good. The dying of brain cells causing a rise in body temperature. A screwed up situtation for a screwed up person.

I don't want to think. I don't want to do anything. I wanted to sleep, but that has escaped me for the night. Day has claimed the sweet slumber of the night leaving me with this ache in my head. This yern to sleep. This pain that I wish would go away.

Confusion striking to madness while visions of the world for once peaceful in all its beauty surround me. Silent fireworks. Beautiful music. An escape from the heat of hell that I wish I had. A time. A place. Anything but here and now. Anything but this. The change from hot and cold and hot again. Sweat turning to ice only to melt again. Forever confused and lost.

I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know why I'm typing. I don't know why I'm sitting here once again typing something that has no real meaning. I don't know why I am making this headache worst with the pounding beats of a DDR song. I don't know anything anymore. Have I lost my mind? How would I know? Why does no one talk to me? Why am I afraid of people? Why am I this way?

I want to be someone different. I want to be somewhere different. I want to be with someone that I know will take care of me instead of treating me like a dog. I just want to be able to be normal. I want all these pains and abnormalities to just go away. I just want to dance and not care what others think. I want to be able to just forget everything and live for the moment. Why can't I let go? Why can't I forget? Is change an impossibility?

Thoughts and dreams that would never come true. Realities never viewed. Emotions ascewed. Why... How did I become like this? Was I ever different to begin with?

Do you know what I'm trying to say?

I don't...