I got to Food Not Bombs late. The good news is that all seven of the sandwiches I have made are all gone. Ken told me that next time if I bring anything to make it a veggie dish of some kind that way they don't have to deal with spoiling meat. Stupid me. Ken also told me that the police have been there once before I got in saying that they can't hold this kind of gathering in the plaza of the Riverfront park. They don't know where they are going next, but hopefully it will be in some place where the police won't bother them anymore.
Ken also introduced me to some intresting friends of his. I think the funniest friend of his is Santana. He told us about how he accedently lost his virginity. It's actually quite funny. He said that he and a girl friend of his, I think, were used to having naked time, but nothing really happened untill one Halloween night. He leaned over to kiss her, and apparently the way he leaned in accedently caused him to insert himself into her. After that, they just went from there. If you aren't laughing right now, that's because it is just one of those stories that are best told at the moment. One of those "you should have been there" kind of moments.
After the whole ordeal, I went back with Ken to his appartment. Apparently his roommate was throwing a Soul Calibuar 2 party. (By the way... Link TOTALLY KICKS ASS!) Ken and Bo, who I met at the Food Not Bombs thing, were busy trying to hack into The Matrix. I think they opened everything, but just to be sure, I am printing out a FAQ on the hacking system off of GameFAQs. Did I meantion I got ice cream too?
Another good day draws to a close. Now it's time for me to do a relaxing (but required) self-portrait. I can't remember the last time I felt this relaxed before.
Sunday, August 31, 2003
Food Not Bombs! That's what the thing is for. Apparently, it's a Seattle thing. Small world, huh?
NOTE: In regards tot he last sentance in this entry, please refer to the archives.
NOTE: In regards tot he last sentance in this entry, please refer to the archives.
With about half of my work done and the other half not (I still have to write that damn letter to the editor for English Comp., do that self portrait, and then read those 50 pages for next Monday's Art History class.), I am going to be meeting up with Ken in about an hour and fourty-five minutes from now to do this thing for the homeless people of Nashville. It's a community service thing that has no ties to any kind of religion or non-profit group. I like that. I don't like doing this kind of thing for a narrow-minded religion or for a non-profit orginization that gives out so small of a portion of food to a starving child that he/she is starving again five minutes after they have served it.
Now what's the name of the thing again? I keep forgetting...
Now what's the name of the thing again? I keep forgetting...
Saturday, August 30, 2003
I think it's all stress, mostly emotional stress. At least that's what Brian says.
Brian is a guy I met on AIM from the MouseInfo boards. He's really cool. He's in college too, but obviously has alot of experiance.
Lately, I have not been wanting to do the work. I don't want to do the reading for Creativity let alone the writing. I don't want to draw myself again for Drawing. I don't want to make an abstract of that basket of old travel boad games that no one plays. I don't want to draw in my sketchbook everyday. I don't want to read fifty pages of history in the arts. I just want to do something else other than the work.
Brian says that in the big scheme of things, the work I have isn't all that bad for the first week of college. In fact, it's light. The thing that is stressing me out is the fact that I can't time manage. I want to do everything at the same time and get it over with by the next class. Brian said that I should have treated Friday as if it was a school day and did work then. I tried that yesterday, but I didn't get very far. In fact, all I did was orginize my room again so that I can see which classes I have left to work on. And I still have five binders laying all over the place. That means that I didn't do jack yesterday.
Thankfully, Brian was online to help me out. He didn't have anyone to ask questions to when he first started college. Lucky me, I guess.
The key to doing a good job is to be happy. If you're not happy, according to Brian, then you can't do a good job in your work. Stress lowers happiness. The more stressed out, the less happy you are, and the worst the job that needs to be done will be. You just have to learn how to manage everything. It's a juggling act that very few know how to do naturally.
My question: Can I really do that?
Brian is a guy I met on AIM from the MouseInfo boards. He's really cool. He's in college too, but obviously has alot of experiance.
Lately, I have not been wanting to do the work. I don't want to do the reading for Creativity let alone the writing. I don't want to draw myself again for Drawing. I don't want to make an abstract of that basket of old travel boad games that no one plays. I don't want to draw in my sketchbook everyday. I don't want to read fifty pages of history in the arts. I just want to do something else other than the work.
Brian says that in the big scheme of things, the work I have isn't all that bad for the first week of college. In fact, it's light. The thing that is stressing me out is the fact that I can't time manage. I want to do everything at the same time and get it over with by the next class. Brian said that I should have treated Friday as if it was a school day and did work then. I tried that yesterday, but I didn't get very far. In fact, all I did was orginize my room again so that I can see which classes I have left to work on. And I still have five binders laying all over the place. That means that I didn't do jack yesterday.
Thankfully, Brian was online to help me out. He didn't have anyone to ask questions to when he first started college. Lucky me, I guess.
The key to doing a good job is to be happy. If you're not happy, according to Brian, then you can't do a good job in your work. Stress lowers happiness. The more stressed out, the less happy you are, and the worst the job that needs to be done will be. You just have to learn how to manage everything. It's a juggling act that very few know how to do naturally.
My question: Can I really do that?
Friday, August 29, 2003
If I could put a title on this blog entry today, it would be...
My Adventures with Ken: A New Friendship
Yesterday was a trip. I mean, really! It was just something else. I want more just like it. I hope to have more nights and times like I had last night. They were just so cool and so enjoyable. It was awsome!
After class, I dropped off all my stuff in Ken's trunk. It was pretty much empty with the exception of an ice scraper and a red back pack. We then went to his place because a friend of his came along and we were just going to play it all by ear. I like Ken's appartment. I don't know what it is about me, but I like other people's living quarters better than I do my own even though I know now that I'm a hell of a lot better off as far as how I sleep at night goes. I'm weird like that. Ken's roommate, Brad (who is also in my Creativity class with Ken), suggested OpryMills as a place to go. We all went along.
OpryMills was fun and way different in atmosphere for a Thursday afternoon. It's a lot more relaxing and feels a whole lot better as far as being able to just do whatever. On top of that, I don't feel awkward being surrounded by people that just got out of church who I know look at my lifestyle as a sin. Ken introduced me to more of his friends and we went all over the place. We first played some DDR. I showed off my skills much to the delight of Ken. He seemed really impressed. His friend, on the other hand, felt really bad seeing as how I showed her up and beat her ass at the game for lack of a better phrase. It was all for fun though. We ended up going to Hot Topic and Ken got some things there. I also got a warning from him saying that not to tell anyone at Watkins that he or anyone else, including myself, shops at Hot Topic because it is frowned upon as a dorky thing to do. It didn't make sense to me, but what the hell, right? We also hit up the two video game stores. He was looking for the game Knight Rider. He couldn't find it. He did find everything else he needed for a film project he is doing for class. He needed to find a spegetti jar that he could film through from the bottom. Not really all that original, but I can tell while he was searching he loves his work and is really passionate about it. I like that in an artist. It helps me take them seriously, especially when I see it first hand.
After OpryMills, we went back to his place to relax for a few hours. We played alot of video games. Ken introduced me to the wonderful world of Grand Theif Auto. Talk about addicting. And now I see why that game is the media's favorite escape goat since Mortal Kombat. Still, it's fun to beat up hookers with a bat and then steal all their money. We also played DragonBallZ: Budikai, which I suck at. I also got to play Enter the Matrix, which was interesting... and hard. That game requires a fast brain and even faster reflexes. Somewhere between all this, I felt like having a pizza. Since Ken likes to cook, he said he'd make some homemade pizza. Now there something you don't get every day.
At 18:00, Ken and I left to go back to school for an art opening and letchure from a featured artist. He had an alternate motive for going, though. He likes a girl by the name of Jamie in our Creativity class. He calls her "Red Boots." Cute, if I do say so myself. There was free food and drinks there, so that was a plus too. I was shadowing Ken most, if not all the time. I got introduced to several of his other friends too. I was introduced to his friend (I want to say Brad, but I know that's not right. I think it's Bret.) who has this really laid back and mellow voice. Ken said he could easily fall asleep listening to his voice. I also got introduced to a rather cute, tattoo'd blond by the name of Austin. That makes two Austins I am aware of that are blond. What's up with that? I also got introduced to Ken's best friend Charlie. Charlie reminds me a lot of Dan. Both are older, talkative, interesting in their own way, and friendly. It was like de javu all over again. Interestingly enough, Charlie did say that he heard a lot about me. Makes me wonder what Ken or anyone else for that matter said about me. The actual event itself was intersting in that you got to hear the points of view of an artist in the professional sense. I took it as if I was looking at a time portal and seeing what it is I was going to end up doing later in my life. Showing slides of my artwork and explaining it to the masses as to why I did this piece, what the symbolism is, what interesting materials it is, etc. To think that I am going to be trained to be like that.
When the whole thing was over with, I waved down Jamie and helpped her find Ken. Since Ken was going to make some pizzas, he needed to go pick up alot of items for it. Unfortunately, he forgot his purse. Yes, Ken, a straight guy, has a purse. Actually, it's a man purse in the legitimate sense. And here I thought a man purse was a messenger bag. Who knew? So, anyway, it was back to the appartment and then to Harris Teeter. In the process, Jamie, who was following us, ended up losing us. Ken started to get really mad at himself for running that yellow light and trying to loop around the block to get behind her. I tried to think like her as a way to second guess where she would might be while also looking for her car. Eventually, we just gave up and Ken went to get his purse and buy items for the pizza. That's when I remembered that he meantioned where he was going, namely Harris Teeter. Jamie lives in the same area as Ken, so, logically speacking, she would probibly also know where that is. Lucky us and much to Ken's delight, Jamie was there! The panic was over for the most part. We went around getting toppings and pizza crusts. Pineapple, bacon, tomato sauce. Just the things that Ken didn't have a home.
I tried my best to leave Ken and Jamie alone in the kitchen. Hey, he fancys her, so it was only the right thing to do, right? I ended up drifting back and forth all over the place, but for the most part I stayed out of Ken and Jamie's conversations as best I could. The pizza he made for us was excellent! I mean, it was really EXCELLENT! You can tell that he has a lot of kitchen experiance. Our conversation over pizza drifted back and forth between school and people and interests and ideas and everything in between. Eventually, Ken introduced Jamie to the wonderful show of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Sometimes I can't watch that show because it goes over my head a lot, but this time I was able to enjoy it. This only further proves to me that some things, especially entertainment, are tons better when you are with other people. After a while, Jamie left.
I looked at the clock, and it was late. I didn't want to just go home, walk in while everyone is trying to sleep and then wake up everyone. I opted to see if I could spend the night. I first asked Ken if I could, since that is the proper thing to do. He said that people crash at his place all the time, so that's always cool with him. I then called an notified the family. Mom didn't sound to please. Knowing her, I bet she thought that I made Ken let me stay the night. Sure enough as soon as I got home, I found out that is what she though, that that's still about 10 hours away from where I am in the story now.
Ken takes nightly walks, and I got to join him. That walk was something I'll never forget, nor want to. It was one of those walks with a person that everyone in the Christian and Catholic faith says I need to talk with Jesus. Yes, I'm comparing this with something from the Bible, because, quite frankly, the walk we had was a bonding experiance as far as I'm concerned. While we walked for those three miles or so around the Vanderbuilt campus and around that area, Ken told me alot about himself. He told me about all the girls he dated and almost dated and loved and everything. The whole time I was listening to him, I took everything in as best I could. I wanted to be friends with him, and now I was able to actually be a good friend to him and listen to him. Then something happened that I hope I never forget. After listening to him, I realized that my problems and all that drama and everything that I went through during the last two years of my life were nothing to get upset about. The scars, however there, weren't really as deep as I made them out to be. Yes, it still hurts, and remembering Andrew, James, and everyone that I loved still hurts. But in the big picture, it's nothing compared to what other people have gone through. Compared to Ken, at least, my problems don't look all that bad. In fact, they see pretty normal. It was around then that I felt comfortable enough to talk to Ken about Andrew and James and Dan and everyone else. I didn't want to because I knew if I did I'd look like a nut. I guess Ken's openness about himself just made me feel like I can share things with him and that I could trust him even though the past two years have taught me to be a social hermit. When we got to his apparetment, we sat on the couch right next to each other and just talked some more about all our problems and shared pieces about ourselves. That was cool. That was really cool. I thank Ken for that, but the thing is he will never know how much that means to me, what happened last night.
After playing a few rounds of some mech fighting game, I passed out on the couch while Ken retreated back to his room to sleep. I was the first to wake up at 09:00. Neither him or Brad had woken up. Hey, no one has class tomorrow, so why not sleep in? When Brad did wake up, he noticed taht I was still there. He asked if Jamie had spent the night and is in Ken's room. I told him that Jamie went home, but Brad told me that even if that did happen, that it wouldn't even surprise him. I wonder what he meant by that. Since I had nothing to do, I read some of Ken's rejected scrips that were sitting out on the table. They were really good and really funny. I loved the one he wrote about the bank robbers and how three people tried robbing the same bank on the same day. It was a classic! The one he wrote about time traveling had several referances to The Matrix and Back to the Future, which were pulled off perfectly! Probibly one of the funniest comedies that I have ever read. While I was reading, I was able to see everything happening right in front of me. That right there is a sign of a good script writer. A damn good one.
Anyway, I've been typing since about 11:00 right now just telling you about my day yesterday. Looking back on it, I really enjoyed it. I made a new friend, and I loved it. I want to have more days like this. I want to hang out with Ken more, because he is just the coolest person I have ever had the honor to meet. I love him as a friend so much now. I am so looking forward to the next time I can meet up with him and hang out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do... too much work to do... after a nap, of course.
Thank God for Labor Day!
My Adventures with Ken: A New Friendship
Yesterday was a trip. I mean, really! It was just something else. I want more just like it. I hope to have more nights and times like I had last night. They were just so cool and so enjoyable. It was awsome!
After class, I dropped off all my stuff in Ken's trunk. It was pretty much empty with the exception of an ice scraper and a red back pack. We then went to his place because a friend of his came along and we were just going to play it all by ear. I like Ken's appartment. I don't know what it is about me, but I like other people's living quarters better than I do my own even though I know now that I'm a hell of a lot better off as far as how I sleep at night goes. I'm weird like that. Ken's roommate, Brad (who is also in my Creativity class with Ken), suggested OpryMills as a place to go. We all went along.
OpryMills was fun and way different in atmosphere for a Thursday afternoon. It's a lot more relaxing and feels a whole lot better as far as being able to just do whatever. On top of that, I don't feel awkward being surrounded by people that just got out of church who I know look at my lifestyle as a sin. Ken introduced me to more of his friends and we went all over the place. We first played some DDR. I showed off my skills much to the delight of Ken. He seemed really impressed. His friend, on the other hand, felt really bad seeing as how I showed her up and beat her ass at the game for lack of a better phrase. It was all for fun though. We ended up going to Hot Topic and Ken got some things there. I also got a warning from him saying that not to tell anyone at Watkins that he or anyone else, including myself, shops at Hot Topic because it is frowned upon as a dorky thing to do. It didn't make sense to me, but what the hell, right? We also hit up the two video game stores. He was looking for the game Knight Rider. He couldn't find it. He did find everything else he needed for a film project he is doing for class. He needed to find a spegetti jar that he could film through from the bottom. Not really all that original, but I can tell while he was searching he loves his work and is really passionate about it. I like that in an artist. It helps me take them seriously, especially when I see it first hand.
After OpryMills, we went back to his place to relax for a few hours. We played alot of video games. Ken introduced me to the wonderful world of Grand Theif Auto. Talk about addicting. And now I see why that game is the media's favorite escape goat since Mortal Kombat. Still, it's fun to beat up hookers with a bat and then steal all their money. We also played DragonBallZ: Budikai, which I suck at. I also got to play Enter the Matrix, which was interesting... and hard. That game requires a fast brain and even faster reflexes. Somewhere between all this, I felt like having a pizza. Since Ken likes to cook, he said he'd make some homemade pizza. Now there something you don't get every day.
At 18:00, Ken and I left to go back to school for an art opening and letchure from a featured artist. He had an alternate motive for going, though. He likes a girl by the name of Jamie in our Creativity class. He calls her "Red Boots." Cute, if I do say so myself. There was free food and drinks there, so that was a plus too. I was shadowing Ken most, if not all the time. I got introduced to several of his other friends too. I was introduced to his friend (I want to say Brad, but I know that's not right. I think it's Bret.) who has this really laid back and mellow voice. Ken said he could easily fall asleep listening to his voice. I also got introduced to a rather cute, tattoo'd blond by the name of Austin. That makes two Austins I am aware of that are blond. What's up with that? I also got introduced to Ken's best friend Charlie. Charlie reminds me a lot of Dan. Both are older, talkative, interesting in their own way, and friendly. It was like de javu all over again. Interestingly enough, Charlie did say that he heard a lot about me. Makes me wonder what Ken or anyone else for that matter said about me. The actual event itself was intersting in that you got to hear the points of view of an artist in the professional sense. I took it as if I was looking at a time portal and seeing what it is I was going to end up doing later in my life. Showing slides of my artwork and explaining it to the masses as to why I did this piece, what the symbolism is, what interesting materials it is, etc. To think that I am going to be trained to be like that.
When the whole thing was over with, I waved down Jamie and helpped her find Ken. Since Ken was going to make some pizzas, he needed to go pick up alot of items for it. Unfortunately, he forgot his purse. Yes, Ken, a straight guy, has a purse. Actually, it's a man purse in the legitimate sense. And here I thought a man purse was a messenger bag. Who knew? So, anyway, it was back to the appartment and then to Harris Teeter. In the process, Jamie, who was following us, ended up losing us. Ken started to get really mad at himself for running that yellow light and trying to loop around the block to get behind her. I tried to think like her as a way to second guess where she would might be while also looking for her car. Eventually, we just gave up and Ken went to get his purse and buy items for the pizza. That's when I remembered that he meantioned where he was going, namely Harris Teeter. Jamie lives in the same area as Ken, so, logically speacking, she would probibly also know where that is. Lucky us and much to Ken's delight, Jamie was there! The panic was over for the most part. We went around getting toppings and pizza crusts. Pineapple, bacon, tomato sauce. Just the things that Ken didn't have a home.
I tried my best to leave Ken and Jamie alone in the kitchen. Hey, he fancys her, so it was only the right thing to do, right? I ended up drifting back and forth all over the place, but for the most part I stayed out of Ken and Jamie's conversations as best I could. The pizza he made for us was excellent! I mean, it was really EXCELLENT! You can tell that he has a lot of kitchen experiance. Our conversation over pizza drifted back and forth between school and people and interests and ideas and everything in between. Eventually, Ken introduced Jamie to the wonderful show of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Sometimes I can't watch that show because it goes over my head a lot, but this time I was able to enjoy it. This only further proves to me that some things, especially entertainment, are tons better when you are with other people. After a while, Jamie left.
I looked at the clock, and it was late. I didn't want to just go home, walk in while everyone is trying to sleep and then wake up everyone. I opted to see if I could spend the night. I first asked Ken if I could, since that is the proper thing to do. He said that people crash at his place all the time, so that's always cool with him. I then called an notified the family. Mom didn't sound to please. Knowing her, I bet she thought that I made Ken let me stay the night. Sure enough as soon as I got home, I found out that is what she though, that that's still about 10 hours away from where I am in the story now.
Ken takes nightly walks, and I got to join him. That walk was something I'll never forget, nor want to. It was one of those walks with a person that everyone in the Christian and Catholic faith says I need to talk with Jesus. Yes, I'm comparing this with something from the Bible, because, quite frankly, the walk we had was a bonding experiance as far as I'm concerned. While we walked for those three miles or so around the Vanderbuilt campus and around that area, Ken told me alot about himself. He told me about all the girls he dated and almost dated and loved and everything. The whole time I was listening to him, I took everything in as best I could. I wanted to be friends with him, and now I was able to actually be a good friend to him and listen to him. Then something happened that I hope I never forget. After listening to him, I realized that my problems and all that drama and everything that I went through during the last two years of my life were nothing to get upset about. The scars, however there, weren't really as deep as I made them out to be. Yes, it still hurts, and remembering Andrew, James, and everyone that I loved still hurts. But in the big picture, it's nothing compared to what other people have gone through. Compared to Ken, at least, my problems don't look all that bad. In fact, they see pretty normal. It was around then that I felt comfortable enough to talk to Ken about Andrew and James and Dan and everyone else. I didn't want to because I knew if I did I'd look like a nut. I guess Ken's openness about himself just made me feel like I can share things with him and that I could trust him even though the past two years have taught me to be a social hermit. When we got to his apparetment, we sat on the couch right next to each other and just talked some more about all our problems and shared pieces about ourselves. That was cool. That was really cool. I thank Ken for that, but the thing is he will never know how much that means to me, what happened last night.
After playing a few rounds of some mech fighting game, I passed out on the couch while Ken retreated back to his room to sleep. I was the first to wake up at 09:00. Neither him or Brad had woken up. Hey, no one has class tomorrow, so why not sleep in? When Brad did wake up, he noticed taht I was still there. He asked if Jamie had spent the night and is in Ken's room. I told him that Jamie went home, but Brad told me that even if that did happen, that it wouldn't even surprise him. I wonder what he meant by that. Since I had nothing to do, I read some of Ken's rejected scrips that were sitting out on the table. They were really good and really funny. I loved the one he wrote about the bank robbers and how three people tried robbing the same bank on the same day. It was a classic! The one he wrote about time traveling had several referances to The Matrix and Back to the Future, which were pulled off perfectly! Probibly one of the funniest comedies that I have ever read. While I was reading, I was able to see everything happening right in front of me. That right there is a sign of a good script writer. A damn good one.
Anyway, I've been typing since about 11:00 right now just telling you about my day yesterday. Looking back on it, I really enjoyed it. I made a new friend, and I loved it. I want to have more days like this. I want to hang out with Ken more, because he is just the coolest person I have ever had the honor to meet. I love him as a friend so much now. I am so looking forward to the next time I can meet up with him and hang out.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do... too much work to do... after a nap, of course.
Thank God for Labor Day!
Thursday, August 28, 2003
I talked to Ken last night after I finished my reading. Poor guy couldn't find the book we need for that Creativity class. I called him up to just touch base on if we are doing anything today after class. He likes to play it by ear after his last class. Nice.
I didn't want to look like a dork carrying around a sword all day long, so I triple checked my pocket calender. Yes, I'm suppose to bring an interesting object, and that Goddess Sword is the only one that I have that is interesting yet simple to draw... just in case we have to draw it. Speacking of drawing, I need to find out if I need a separate sketchbook for Drawing 1 and if I can use a pre-exisiting one of mine as the notebook of choice.
Coke tastes so good helping down that semi-stale muffin in the morning.
I didn't want to look like a dork carrying around a sword all day long, so I triple checked my pocket calender. Yes, I'm suppose to bring an interesting object, and that Goddess Sword is the only one that I have that is interesting yet simple to draw... just in case we have to draw it. Speacking of drawing, I need to find out if I need a separate sketchbook for Drawing 1 and if I can use a pre-exisiting one of mine as the notebook of choice.
Coke tastes so good helping down that semi-stale muffin in the morning.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
I did the one thing that no college student should do, but most do anyway.
I took a nap after classes.
What?! It was raining!! I can't help but fall asleep when I hear rain against the roof over my head!
Thank goodness I was able to get half of my work that is due tomorrow done.
Ten more pages to read and highlight and then more note-taking!! Oh, goodie...
I need to make a confirmation that I don't need two sketchbooks (one for drawing and one for 2D) tomorrow. That's just more money spent that shouldn't have been spent. God, bless Labor Day! More work time and no class to stress me out even more!
I talked to Ken more today. He's really laid back. Way too laid back. He almost fell out of his seat in the coffee shop. Kind of cute, really. I need to stop liking these straight guys on a sexual level and just like them as friends. It's going to be hard this time since a defence wall went up when he said that he's going to try to change my nature for being reclusive. (God, that last sentance was wordy.) If anything, I'd like to learn how to cook again from him. Maybe he can make a steak that I won't throw up.
Speaking of food, I need to deep fry now. Have to finish off the frozen egg rolls.
I took a nap after classes.
What?! It was raining!! I can't help but fall asleep when I hear rain against the roof over my head!
Thank goodness I was able to get half of my work that is due tomorrow done.
I need to make a confirmation that I don't need two sketchbooks (one for drawing and one for 2D) tomorrow. That's just more money spent that shouldn't have been spent. God, bless Labor Day! More work time and no class to stress me out even more!
I talked to Ken more today. He's really laid back. Way too laid back. He almost fell out of his seat in the coffee shop. Kind of cute, really. I need to stop liking these straight guys on a sexual level and just like them as friends. It's going to be hard this time since a defence wall went up when he said that he's going to try to change my nature for being reclusive. (God, that last sentance was wordy.) If anything, I'd like to learn how to cook again from him. Maybe he can make a steak that I won't throw up.
Speaking of food, I need to deep fry now. Have to finish off the frozen egg rolls.
Text to read, tracing paper to buy, two books to get. And this morning I have a new problem!
Apparently, because I don't have a car, I'm going to be lugging stuff around the school like I'm going to the freaking airport! That's right, I have at least one class every day that involves a 20" x 30" portfolio and the box of art supplies. Combine that with my messenger bag, and you can see how I'll look like a dork. A real textbook case as to who a freshman looks.
This is going to suck so bad.
Ken called last night. He wanted to know if I wanted to go see a movie. I told him I'm still trying to get adjusted, so I couldn't then. I said to see if he can do anything on Thursday since Friday has no classes.
"I'm still trying to get adjusted." What an understatement...
Apparently, because I don't have a car, I'm going to be lugging stuff around the school like I'm going to the freaking airport! That's right, I have at least one class every day that involves a 20" x 30" portfolio and the box of art supplies. Combine that with my messenger bag, and you can see how I'll look like a dork. A real textbook case as to who a freshman looks.
This is going to suck so bad.
Ken called last night. He wanted to know if I wanted to go see a movie. I told him I'm still trying to get adjusted, so I couldn't then. I said to see if he can do anything on Thursday since Friday has no classes.
"I'm still trying to get adjusted." What an understatement...
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Okay, destressing moment. Destressing moment.
Today's classes were interesting. I saw the stranger side of art today. Well, at least the stranger side of art teachers.
My first class was Drawing 1. My teacher there apparently is new to the town. All of us students warned her about the traffic. As a way to introduce us, she made us fill out this Miss USA questionaire forum. Not only that, we had to walk "the walk." Yes, that's right. The runway walk. Let me just say you find some really interesting walks when you are introduced like that. Since all that she had planed was that for today, our class was only an hour.
I sat there for about 2 hours and 15 minutes doing nothing. I did catch a few people from orientation. They were in Art History and on their 10 minute break.
Creativity was interesting. Hugo is in my class. The teacher is very strange to say the least. How strange? Let's just saying that as part of this class we are required to learn yoga. Not only that, she liked orginized chaos. Today, we ended up pairing off and interviewing people to get to know each other, make new friends, and introduce people to the class. Yes, we were required to take notes. I got paired up with a really interesting person. His name is Ken Nakamura. A very cute, clean cut, young guy that's in film. He's straight, but he's a fag stag. What's a fag stag? That's a straight guy that knows a lot of gay people. Okay, maybe you don't consider three people "a lot," but I do. Anyway, he's really cool. I'd like to be friends with him. I told him I was gay, and he finds that cool. He finds gay people more interesting. After class, I gave him my cell phone number. I never got his because I was in a rush to...
...shop for school supplies after finally getting my list completely confirmed! Boy, was that a mad and stressful rush. I'm convinced that 90% of the stress I'm experiancing is due to this alone. Thankfully the places we went were aware of all the Watkins students coming in and were prepared to get everything ready to the point where I don't need much of anything. I couldn't find tracing paper or a viewfinder for 2D Design. I'm told I'll find out that they will be available later this week. Man, all the students like me are going to make a mad rush to it when we get word that it comes in. It's going to be like the first afternoon on the first day of school at Wal-mart (and for those of you that have gone, you know how much of a mad house that is).
The books were a pain. I had the list all ready of about 15 books. Some required, some recommended. Davis-Kidd has a list set up of the books we would need, and a good chunk of what I had weren't on the list. As a result, I didn't have six books that was on the list. Two of these books are required. I ended up having those ordered, so when they come in, they will call me and tell me. I noticed that they were giving away a sampler manga of mangas to come from the Tokyo Pop convention of this year. I took one.
Just awhile ago, I tried to orginize everything. It was then that I realised that I have no physical way of carrying all I need to bring... ESPECIALLY for Monday. The books are too big, the binders are too big, event he sketch pads are too big! I couldn't carry things under my arms, mostly because I would be unable to. The portfolio (which I have to mark later so that I know that it is mine) alone is about the length of my legs, which is going to make walking difficult. I have a tackle box of art supplies that I'll have to tote around in the other hand. And let's not forget about my new Old Navy messenger bag! Yeah, I'll look like a freaking dummy now. I wish I had a car so I could go back and forth with all my shit in between classes now. Hey, motivation now to drive!
In any event, tomorrow I only have two classes, and I was able to figure out a way to stuff my books and things into a nice three-piece carrying set. I'm still going to look like a freaking dork, but what the hell, right? I'm an artist! I already look dorky.
God, I wonder how I'm going to do this Monday.
Today's classes were interesting. I saw the stranger side of art today. Well, at least the stranger side of art teachers.
My first class was Drawing 1. My teacher there apparently is new to the town. All of us students warned her about the traffic. As a way to introduce us, she made us fill out this Miss USA questionaire forum. Not only that, we had to walk "the walk." Yes, that's right. The runway walk. Let me just say you find some really interesting walks when you are introduced like that. Since all that she had planed was that for today, our class was only an hour.
I sat there for about 2 hours and 15 minutes doing nothing. I did catch a few people from orientation. They were in Art History and on their 10 minute break.
Creativity was interesting. Hugo is in my class. The teacher is very strange to say the least. How strange? Let's just saying that as part of this class we are required to learn yoga. Not only that, she liked orginized chaos. Today, we ended up pairing off and interviewing people to get to know each other, make new friends, and introduce people to the class. Yes, we were required to take notes. I got paired up with a really interesting person. His name is Ken Nakamura. A very cute, clean cut, young guy that's in film. He's straight, but he's a fag stag. What's a fag stag? That's a straight guy that knows a lot of gay people. Okay, maybe you don't consider three people "a lot," but I do. Anyway, he's really cool. I'd like to be friends with him. I told him I was gay, and he finds that cool. He finds gay people more interesting. After class, I gave him my cell phone number. I never got his because I was in a rush to...
...shop for school supplies after finally getting my list completely confirmed! Boy, was that a mad and stressful rush. I'm convinced that 90% of the stress I'm experiancing is due to this alone. Thankfully the places we went were aware of all the Watkins students coming in and were prepared to get everything ready to the point where I don't need much of anything. I couldn't find tracing paper or a viewfinder for 2D Design. I'm told I'll find out that they will be available later this week. Man, all the students like me are going to make a mad rush to it when we get word that it comes in. It's going to be like the first afternoon on the first day of school at Wal-mart (and for those of you that have gone, you know how much of a mad house that is).
The books were a pain. I had the list all ready of about 15 books. Some required, some recommended. Davis-Kidd has a list set up of the books we would need, and a good chunk of what I had weren't on the list. As a result, I didn't have six books that was on the list. Two of these books are required. I ended up having those ordered, so when they come in, they will call me and tell me. I noticed that they were giving away a sampler manga of mangas to come from the Tokyo Pop convention of this year. I took one.
Just awhile ago, I tried to orginize everything. It was then that I realised that I have no physical way of carrying all I need to bring... ESPECIALLY for Monday. The books are too big, the binders are too big, event he sketch pads are too big! I couldn't carry things under my arms, mostly because I would be unable to. The portfolio (which I have to mark later so that I know that it is mine) alone is about the length of my legs, which is going to make walking difficult. I have a tackle box of art supplies that I'll have to tote around in the other hand. And let's not forget about my new Old Navy messenger bag! Yeah, I'll look like a freaking dummy now. I wish I had a car so I could go back and forth with all my shit in between classes now. Hey, motivation now to drive!
In any event, tomorrow I only have two classes, and I was able to figure out a way to stuff my books and things into a nice three-piece carrying set. I'm still going to look like a freaking dork, but what the hell, right? I'm an artist! I already look dorky.
God, I wonder how I'm going to do this Monday.
Man, talk about a rough night last night. I woke up once in the middle of the night and then again three hours later. I just couldn't sleep! I wonder why.
Must be because the stupid printer ran out on black ink on me. I guess it's just stress.
Today is part two of my first day in college. Today I have Drawing 1 and Creativity.
Must be because the stupid printer ran out on black ink on me. I guess it's just stress.
Today is part two of my first day in college. Today I have Drawing 1 and Creativity.
Monday, August 25, 2003
The first day of school, and I'm already stressed.
First off, I arrived there early. Too early. The school wasn't even open yet! When the gates were finally opened, no one was really there. The teachers came in just little waves. One or two teachers at the most.
My 2D teacher was late. Not a good showing for the first day. My first class went by rather fast. It was rather interesting to say the least. I was being introduced to an element of design that I have never really sat down and messed with before, making the image unified. It's alot harder than I thought. It kind of freaked me out a bit, but in the end, it was a good learning experiance. It doesn't look like I'll have to take mych notes in this class, for some reason.
My next class was English. I know, I'm suppose to be going to an art school. Why am I taking English? Well, this class is suppose to help me be able to understand the way to write and type ideas and things on to paper effectively. Belive it or not, I'm doing one of my assignments right now. That's right, finally, this blog is good for something! A journal grade! The class itself was your standard English class for any college. A lot of reading, a lot writing, a lot of talking out loud. Two out the the three things I never really liked doing. The third I just got into the habit of doing. Take a wild guess which.
My last class for the day was Art History. I don't know what it is, but apparently in this letchure class, my teacher doesn't like to hear herself talk. My first thought was, "Isn't this a letchure class? Why doesn't she like hearing herself talk?" I shortly found out my reason. She likes to her us argue and debate and all that good stuff. Debate in Art History? Well, I guess that's what makes Watkins so different than any other art college. My only fear is about this class is that I'll end up becoming so analitical that I'll be as anal as Monk. This was the only class I had a hard time staying awake in. History is so boring to me. Still, at least I don't have to remember dates and people anymore. Maybe that will help me get into it better.
Okay, now for the real dirt. You know, the whole "who is the cutie that caught my eye" bit. I know you want to know. Well, there is one person that I am having my doubts about if he is straight or not. That guy's name is Coffee. Yes, Coffee. Like the drink? Yeah, he is a really cute looking skinny skater dude that apparently knows more people in the school than I do. I only found one person I knew from my past, Hugo Martinez. Talk about a pleasent surprise, huh? Anyway, I like Coffee (the guy, not the drink), but I'm going to take it slow. I still think he is straight, who knows, right? After all, the UK did say that gay men do excell in the feild of art. Other than that, I don't think I stand a chance with the other male student body members.
I couldn't get my books today due to time. The Dean wasn't kidding about having the same amount of work as you do letchure time. I mean, it's only the first day and I'm already doing work! I'll sap my mother dry of all her money tomorrow once I find out what I need from my other two classes according to their syllabus compared to the list I found in the libaray... just to be safe and all. From what I heard from my classmates, I'm going to be spending at least $1,000 on the books alone!! One student, probibly an upper classman was all "You don't need that. Just bum it off someone else." At this stage in my life, unless you are teacher or my tutor, I'm not taking the advice of others.
I need to change the archiving on this blog to weekly again so that my English teacher doesn't have to filter through a month of blogs.
First off, I arrived there early. Too early. The school wasn't even open yet! When the gates were finally opened, no one was really there. The teachers came in just little waves. One or two teachers at the most.
My 2D teacher was late. Not a good showing for the first day. My first class went by rather fast. It was rather interesting to say the least. I was being introduced to an element of design that I have never really sat down and messed with before, making the image unified. It's alot harder than I thought. It kind of freaked me out a bit, but in the end, it was a good learning experiance. It doesn't look like I'll have to take mych notes in this class, for some reason.
My next class was English. I know, I'm suppose to be going to an art school. Why am I taking English? Well, this class is suppose to help me be able to understand the way to write and type ideas and things on to paper effectively. Belive it or not, I'm doing one of my assignments right now. That's right, finally, this blog is good for something! A journal grade! The class itself was your standard English class for any college. A lot of reading, a lot writing, a lot of talking out loud. Two out the the three things I never really liked doing. The third I just got into the habit of doing. Take a wild guess which.
My last class for the day was Art History. I don't know what it is, but apparently in this letchure class, my teacher doesn't like to hear herself talk. My first thought was, "Isn't this a letchure class? Why doesn't she like hearing herself talk?" I shortly found out my reason. She likes to her us argue and debate and all that good stuff. Debate in Art History? Well, I guess that's what makes Watkins so different than any other art college. My only fear is about this class is that I'll end up becoming so analitical that I'll be as anal as Monk. This was the only class I had a hard time staying awake in. History is so boring to me. Still, at least I don't have to remember dates and people anymore. Maybe that will help me get into it better.
Okay, now for the real dirt. You know, the whole "who is the cutie that caught my eye" bit. I know you want to know. Well, there is one person that I am having my doubts about if he is straight or not. That guy's name is Coffee. Yes, Coffee. Like the drink? Yeah, he is a really cute looking skinny skater dude that apparently knows more people in the school than I do. I only found one person I knew from my past, Hugo Martinez. Talk about a pleasent surprise, huh? Anyway, I like Coffee (the guy, not the drink), but I'm going to take it slow. I still think he is straight, who knows, right? After all, the UK did say that gay men do excell in the feild of art. Other than that, I don't think I stand a chance with the other male student body members.
I couldn't get my books today due to time. The Dean wasn't kidding about having the same amount of work as you do letchure time. I mean, it's only the first day and I'm already doing work! I'll sap my mother dry of all her money tomorrow once I find out what I need from my other two classes according to their syllabus compared to the list I found in the libaray... just to be safe and all. From what I heard from my classmates, I'm going to be spending at least $1,000 on the books alone!! One student, probibly an upper classman was all "You don't need that. Just bum it off someone else." At this stage in my life, unless you are teacher or my tutor, I'm not taking the advice of others.
I need to change the archiving on this blog to weekly again so that my English teacher doesn't have to filter through a month of blogs.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
I switched up the answers in my Disney Quiz so that I was harder to get Mickey and Minnie, and look who I ended up with using the same answers as before.
Which iconic Disney animated character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
I think this one is more accurate.
Which iconic Disney animated character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
I think this one is more accurate.
I'm starting to worry. If I woke up this late on a Sunday, how late will I wake up tomorrow for the first day of class!!
On top of that, do I have enough shirts since someone beat me to the washer and dryer today.
I hate having first day gitters. It's like I'm back to being a Freashmen in high school.
On top of that, do I have enough shirts since someone beat me to the washer and dryer today.
I hate having first day gitters. It's like I'm back to being a Freashmen in high school.
Saturday, August 23, 2003
You're Soroity Slut Barbie! You're easy and you're
really cheesy! Have fun with the entire
football team.
If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla
This confirms it! I'm a slut!
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Orientation was boring. Just the same rules I heard during all my AP classes in high school. It was probibly the few times I was thankful that I actually listened to my teachers.
The pizza afterwards was good, but not as filling. There are some really cool people around the school, most most of them are in film. I am one of ten people actually in the Fine Arts department. I'm also in the only department that has a student mailbox, so that gives me some props.
The pizza afterwards was good, but not as filling. There are some really cool people around the school, most most of them are in film. I am one of ten people actually in the Fine Arts department. I'm also in the only department that has a student mailbox, so that gives me some props.
Orientation was boring. Just the same rules I heard during all my AP classes in high school. It was probibly the few times I was thankful that I actually listened to my teachers.
The pizza afterwards was good, but not as filling. There are some really cool people around the school, most most of them are in film. I am one of ten people actually in the Fine Arts department. I'm also in the only department that has a student mailbox, so that gives me some props.
The pizza afterwards was good, but not as filling. There are some really cool people around the school, most most of them are in film. I am one of ten people actually in the Fine Arts department. I'm also in the only department that has a student mailbox, so that gives me some props.
A centipeed with unusually long legs is crawlling up the wall.
Today is another day in the begining of my college life. That's right, after registration, it's now time for Freashmen orientation! Time to learn all about the do's and do-not's in the school as well as where to go to do whatever. It is then followed by a pizza party with the staff and teachers. Why do I feel like this is a vain attempt to be all buddy-buddy between the teacher and myself? Didn't they tell us never to befriend a teacher? Oh well, it doesn't matter to me anyways. All the teachers I've befriended were because of the fact that the other people in my class were idiots.
Aww... the centipeed fell.
Today is another day in the begining of my college life. That's right, after registration, it's now time for Freashmen orientation! Time to learn all about the do's and do-not's in the school as well as where to go to do whatever. It is then followed by a pizza party with the staff and teachers. Why do I feel like this is a vain attempt to be all buddy-buddy between the teacher and myself? Didn't they tell us never to befriend a teacher? Oh well, it doesn't matter to me anyways. All the teachers I've befriended were because of the fact that the other people in my class were idiots.
Aww... the centipeed fell.
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Well, that was relatively painless.
Registaring went really smoothly. I thought it would be alot harder than I thought, but it turned out to be rather nicely orginized. Interestlingly enough, I found now that I can still get finacial aid. I also found out that any extra money rewarded from that if and when I get accepted for finacial aid would be paid back to us. I opted to see it be rolled over to the next semester if and when that happens.
My student ID doesn't fit in my card pockets in my wallet. It now sits with my money.
For some bizzare reason, I actually bought a new outfit today. I don't know why, but it felt strangely nice to be buying clothes. Maybe it's the fashion fag side of me... which also happens to be the side that has a good eye for what matches and what doesn't. I wonder where that side of me was when we were in Florida. Talk about an ugly outfit!
Interesting how my day has been. I wonder if this is a sign of things to come.
Registaring went really smoothly. I thought it would be alot harder than I thought, but it turned out to be rather nicely orginized. Interestlingly enough, I found now that I can still get finacial aid. I also found out that any extra money rewarded from that if and when I get accepted for finacial aid would be paid back to us. I opted to see it be rolled over to the next semester if and when that happens.
My student ID doesn't fit in my card pockets in my wallet. It now sits with my money.
For some bizzare reason, I actually bought a new outfit today. I don't know why, but it felt strangely nice to be buying clothes. Maybe it's the fashion fag side of me... which also happens to be the side that has a good eye for what matches and what doesn't. I wonder where that side of me was when we were in Florida. Talk about an ugly outfit!
Interesting how my day has been. I wonder if this is a sign of things to come.
"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
There's a surprise...
Well, this is it. Today is the big day. I registar for college and start a new life in a new social order with new stresses and newer experiances mixed in with the old.
You'd be surprised how much attention I'm getting today. It's almost unreal! I like it!
Aries
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Money matters got you down? Try not to blow it all out of proportion. Remember, a six-figure income does not a happy person make.
Oh, geez, how ironic that this be my horoscope. I mean, I'm about to suck my family out of all their funds just so I can get a higher education! It's not like we are the Kennedies or anything and have money out the ass. Sometimes I wish we were, though. This is one of those moments.
I need a bath.... and breakfast....
Did I meantion that this is the first time I've been up this early since high school?
You'd be surprised how much attention I'm getting today. It's almost unreal! I like it!
Aries
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Money matters got you down? Try not to blow it all out of proportion. Remember, a six-figure income does not a happy person make.
Oh, geez, how ironic that this be my horoscope. I mean, I'm about to suck my family out of all their funds just so I can get a higher education! It's not like we are the Kennedies or anything and have money out the ass. Sometimes I wish we were, though. This is one of those moments.
I need a bath.... and breakfast....
Did I meantion that this is the first time I've been up this early since high school?
Monday, August 18, 2003
Sunday, August 17, 2003
Date: Sun, 17 Aug 2003 03:46:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Wisco's Zoo Tycoon"
Subject: Re: Wisco's Zoo Tycoon
To: "Zeek Slider"
hi,
there is no 10 $ back offer, BUT all these extra bonus animals and bonus items + buildings will be made available for download on the official MS site in the fall of 2003. so just wait some time and you will get them one by one.
paying 30$ for the extra animals is only good if you have enough money or if you are just one of those hardcore fans that can't wait a couple of months :)
YES!! Now all I have to do is wait and I'll get all that new stuff that I was mad about so-many weeks ago!
From: "Wisco's Zoo Tycoon"
Subject: Re: Wisco's Zoo Tycoon
To: "Zeek Slider"
hi,
there is no 10 $ back offer, BUT all these extra bonus animals and bonus items + buildings will be made available for download on the official MS site in the fall of 2003. so just wait some time and you will get them one by one.
paying 30$ for the extra animals is only good if you have enough money or if you are just one of those hardcore fans that can't wait a couple of months :)
YES!! Now all I have to do is wait and I'll get all that new stuff that I was mad about so-many weeks ago!
Saturday, August 16, 2003
I made sure to not take the test untill I forgot what answers gave me points to which characters. Look who I got on my own quiz.
Which iconic Disney animated character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which iconic Disney animated character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
After the failure and disappointment which was my first quiz, I decided to make a better one. I give you....
The "Which iconic Disney animated character are you most like?" Quiz!
Please take it.
The "Which iconic Disney animated character are you most like?" Quiz!
Please take it.
Friday, August 15, 2003
Why did I have to join Quizilla and make this?? Am I really that bored during the day?
Too bad I can't make it look as "Professional" as all the other quizes out there as of right now.
Too bad I can't make it look as "Professional" as all the other quizes out there as of right now.
You're A Yaoi Boi (Gay Boy)!
Sensitive and caring, you just want some boyXboy
love! Is that too much to ask?
What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wow, uhm... thanks for stating the obvious?
I really should quit going to Paul's LiveJournal. The more I look at his face, the more I wish he could be mine. He is interested in someone else, someone he met on LiveJournal. I should be happy for him, and I am. He's got a good catch on the line.
I just don't think I'll find someone as beautiful as him though... ever...
I really hope college will be a good thing for me.
I just don't think I'll find someone as beautiful as him though... ever...
I really hope college will be a good thing for me.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decent
family values makes you dangerous, but we can
count on some right wing nutter blowing you up
if you become too high profile.
What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
At 04:30, I received a phone call from someone I don't remember the name to. She was a friend to Dan. During the phone call, I found out that she explained everything about my culture and why I act the way I do with my parents. She is part filipino herself.
The phone call ended rather suddenly and with an event I rather wish never happened to someone as kind as her.
Apparently, my brain figured out that Kevin and Dan were there at the old old apparetment getting drunk off their ass like they always do. This causes them to do and say thing that hurt everyone who isn't drinking on an emotional level. She said that the only person she gave a damn about left her all because she is doing a favor for "his father" Dan. How fucked up is that?!
With morning anger to vent, I fired off an angry e-mail to Daniel. I'm not expecting much short of an e-mail back from him.
I will say this now.
I pegged him so much better than how he was tonight. He dialed my number but put her on the line. He didn't even talk to me because he felt he couldn't apologize the right way with me. You have no idea how bad that made him look now in my eyes.
I'm so angry about this whole thing, I just want to go to sleep and pretend this was nothing more than a bad dream.
The phone call ended rather suddenly and with an event I rather wish never happened to someone as kind as her.
Apparently, my brain figured out that Kevin and Dan were there at the old old apparetment getting drunk off their ass like they always do. This causes them to do and say thing that hurt everyone who isn't drinking on an emotional level. She said that the only person she gave a damn about left her all because she is doing a favor for "his father" Dan. How fucked up is that?!
With morning anger to vent, I fired off an angry e-mail to Daniel. I'm not expecting much short of an e-mail back from him.
I will say this now.
I pegged him so much better than how he was tonight. He dialed my number but put her on the line. He didn't even talk to me because he felt he couldn't apologize the right way with me. You have no idea how bad that made him look now in my eyes.
I'm so angry about this whole thing, I just want to go to sleep and pretend this was nothing more than a bad dream.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
I've been suffering from a mondo headache. It has caused nothing good. The dying of brain cells causing a rise in body temperature. A screwed up situtation for a screwed up person.
I don't want to think. I don't want to do anything. I wanted to sleep, but that has escaped me for the night. Day has claimed the sweet slumber of the night leaving me with this ache in my head. This yern to sleep. This pain that I wish would go away.
Confusion striking to madness while visions of the world for once peaceful in all its beauty surround me. Silent fireworks. Beautiful music. An escape from the heat of hell that I wish I had. A time. A place. Anything but here and now. Anything but this. The change from hot and cold and hot again. Sweat turning to ice only to melt again. Forever confused and lost.
I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know why I'm typing. I don't know why I'm sitting here once again typing something that has no real meaning. I don't know why I am making this headache worst with the pounding beats of a DDR song. I don't know anything anymore. Have I lost my mind? How would I know? Why does no one talk to me? Why am I afraid of people? Why am I this way?
I want to be someone different. I want to be somewhere different. I want to be with someone that I know will take care of me instead of treating me like a dog. I just want to be able to be normal. I want all these pains and abnormalities to just go away. I just want to dance and not care what others think. I want to be able to just forget everything and live for the moment. Why can't I let go? Why can't I forget? Is change an impossibility?
Thoughts and dreams that would never come true. Realities never viewed. Emotions ascewed. Why... How did I become like this? Was I ever different to begin with?
Do you know what I'm trying to say?
I don't...
I don't want to think. I don't want to do anything. I wanted to sleep, but that has escaped me for the night. Day has claimed the sweet slumber of the night leaving me with this ache in my head. This yern to sleep. This pain that I wish would go away.
Confusion striking to madness while visions of the world for once peaceful in all its beauty surround me. Silent fireworks. Beautiful music. An escape from the heat of hell that I wish I had. A time. A place. Anything but here and now. Anything but this. The change from hot and cold and hot again. Sweat turning to ice only to melt again. Forever confused and lost.
I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I am doing. I don't know why I'm typing. I don't know why I'm sitting here once again typing something that has no real meaning. I don't know why I am making this headache worst with the pounding beats of a DDR song. I don't know anything anymore. Have I lost my mind? How would I know? Why does no one talk to me? Why am I afraid of people? Why am I this way?
I want to be someone different. I want to be somewhere different. I want to be with someone that I know will take care of me instead of treating me like a dog. I just want to be able to be normal. I want all these pains and abnormalities to just go away. I just want to dance and not care what others think. I want to be able to just forget everything and live for the moment. Why can't I let go? Why can't I forget? Is change an impossibility?
Thoughts and dreams that would never come true. Realities never viewed. Emotions ascewed. Why... How did I become like this? Was I ever different to begin with?
Do you know what I'm trying to say?
I don't...
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
The more I think about it , the more I wonder. Is there anyone really out there for me? Is there someone out there that will just be so crazy about me that they would do anything, even something as insane as quit their job, to just get me? Does a person like that actually exist or is that just me being stupid again? In any event, all I know is that soon I'll be thrust into the social order again what with college coming around the bend. I wonder if there is anyone there that I will like. I wonder if there is anyone there that will like me. Will I be a social outcast again simply because I'm weird? Will I meet someone cool or will it be full of partiers? I was told art college people are very open minded and very flexable. I was alot told that artists tend to be a bit weirder than normal students, the kind of students that go to acedemic colleges and actually have a desk job instead of one that's underappreciated.
Do I really care or am I just talking out my ass again because my mind is bored from trying to get my mind off of things?
It's times like these I wish I had a life.
Do I really care or am I just talking out my ass again because my mind is bored from trying to get my mind off of things?
It's times like these I wish I had a life.
Monday, August 11, 2003
I finally hooked up everything to the TV. I tested the older systems to see if they still work. The test of time has taken its toll on my SNES. The graphics suck, but the games are still playable if you can endure the horrible graphics. I was surprised to find that my SegaCDX is still working like new! I must have taken good care of it or something. Now I can play all my retro/old/early 90's video games that I have if I feel like being a bit old school.
The last things I have to put up are my plushies. I'll deal with those later.
The last things I have to put up are my plushies. I'll deal with those later.
I'm taking a break from cleaning my room.
Yes, you read that right. I'm actually cleaning my room. Yes, by myself. Why? Well, I figured since I'm stuck here with no real chance of getting to move out, I might as well reset the room to how it once was. That alone is still going to provide me with a challenge.
I first started with my personal space. You know, my desk I never use, my poor excuse for a drawer. That area. It's kind of weird cleaning out my clothes. You tend to find things that don't fit you or that you forgot you wore at one time or another. I decided to get rid of all the stuff that doesn't fit me. You'd be surprise how big a pile THAT was. The next thing I did was put my games back into my game drawer. I thought I had more games than I really had, but It's a nice surprise to see all the extra room. I looked into that iMac box at all the other things I have left to put in as far as my games go. I decided to take a break right now.
I have alot of wiring to do after my break is done. I'm going to hook myself back up to the TV... video-gamer speacking.
I still wish I had a Gameboy Advance SP.
Yes, you read that right. I'm actually cleaning my room. Yes, by myself. Why? Well, I figured since I'm stuck here with no real chance of getting to move out, I might as well reset the room to how it once was. That alone is still going to provide me with a challenge.
I first started with my personal space. You know, my desk I never use, my poor excuse for a drawer. That area. It's kind of weird cleaning out my clothes. You tend to find things that don't fit you or that you forgot you wore at one time or another. I decided to get rid of all the stuff that doesn't fit me. You'd be surprise how big a pile THAT was. The next thing I did was put my games back into my game drawer. I thought I had more games than I really had, but It's a nice surprise to see all the extra room. I looked into that iMac box at all the other things I have left to put in as far as my games go. I decided to take a break right now.
I have alot of wiring to do after my break is done. I'm going to hook myself back up to the TV... video-gamer speacking.
I still wish I had a Gameboy Advance SP.
"Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here...we might as well dance. So do what you need to...to enjoy your life. Whatever will make you happy. Because in the end, the only person you will need to satisfy about how your life went...is you.
When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment."
Amen to that!
When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment."
Amen to that!
Sunday, August 10, 2003
I found out why he left me hanging last night.
I got a call from him just awhile ago. He was calling me from his home. He said that he got drunk, and his phone died (yet again). He said he vomited the whole night and thinks I wouldn't have liked that. He apologized and said he loved meeting me. He's going to be away on a job interview in New Orleans. Meanwhile, I'll wait patiently for my new friend's return.
I got a call from him just awhile ago. He was calling me from his home. He said that he got drunk, and his phone died (yet again). He said he vomited the whole night and thinks I wouldn't have liked that. He apologized and said he loved meeting me. He's going to be away on a job interview in New Orleans. Meanwhile, I'll wait patiently for my new friend's return.
The following blog is a true life account of the events that have taken place during the past seven (7) days. These events are true events and may not be sutable for most readers. The names and/or places of the persons/areas in which the following have taken place have been changed or left out to protect the innocent and the closeted.
It would seem like almost immediately after I got Yahoo! Messenger that people starting IMing me like crazy.
One person IMed me after seeing my pictures in a personal. He called me hot. He seemed really cool... wacky, but cool. He claimed he knew two of the Backstreet Boys. What? Like that is suppose to impress me? Actually, everything he was doing at the time to impress me or get me interested in him backfired most of the time. The only thing he said that got my attention was the fact that he thinks I'm hot, he said he won't hurt me, and he speacks five different languages. He gave me his pciture as well as his cell phone number to call him. I was really leery about the whole thing. What was this guy up to? Who is he really?
Then I thought, what do I have to lose? I recently lost everything, so why the hell not?
A few days later, the power died right in the middle of our IMs. Perfect oppurtunity to call him up. I did, and got him at work. He was doing the traffic for the afternoon radio show. He's very professional in his job. Away from the studio mic, however, he's a complete goofball. Fun to be around. I could tell from there on that he could be good for me. I submitted to his wishes and we started to sketch out a meeting. I tried calling him repeatedly to nail the date down, but as it turned out his phone died on him. Some glitch in the charge plug. He ended up getting a new phone.
Anyway, fast forward to today.
Today was the day of our meeting. Guiding him via cell phone to my house, I was pleasently surprised to see him when he stepped out of the car. He looked better than his pictures. This only further proves to me how what you see on the internet and in pictures isn't what you get in person. The one was on the positive end. I ended up taking him the backroads to where we were going to eat. I think that annoyed him a bit because he likes to go fast, which you can't do on backroads unless you want to end up in a ditch. We made it to downtown after getting lost and ate at an Italian resturant. We got to sit in a booth, we got to know each other and eat some nice pasta. He paid. I got to learn alot about myself in about five minutes. I'm a bad date because I make myself into a bad date. At least, that's what he said. He said it's all how I carry myself, and he would like to help me change all that and make me as hot as he sees me. He said I got so much potential right now. With the right additude and the right clothes and the right everything, no one, guy or girl, would be able to resist me! I was and still am flattered that he said that to me. It definally made my month, if not my summer. Afterwards, we left and he got a call from his friends. He came up here with a friend of his who he dropped off with someone he just met at his friend's house with the wife (the friend's wife. With me still??). He said that he would look for a hotel room and would pick me up after he drops of his friends. So it was back to my place.
He told me to call him back in an hour. I asked if it was the same number that he gave me. He said that is was. Now, remember how I said that he got a new phone? Okay, you see where this is headed, don't you?
I called him up after an hour. I got some voice service right of the back. It didn't even ring! I left a message hoping to get through to him. Thirty minutes passed by. I tried again only to have the same result. An hour after that, I called him again. The same thing. I gave up at about midnight. I then logged on and started to type him an e-mail, first venting off my complaint abou the phone deal and then complimenting him and thanking him for the good date I had with him. Frankly, I know he won't get that e-mail untill, oh, I don't know... Monday morning at work?? Oh well, at least I know he'll eventually get it.
And no, I'm not copying the e-mail here. That's private. You can shove that little bit of curiousity up your ass for all I care. You're not getting a single preview.
Anyways, that's that for today. Then again, that's the most that has ever happened to me so far.
I really had a great time. It was really fun to finally be able to feel even remotely free from the prison I have put myself in with no way of getting out. I want to do it again, only without the technical glitches.
So do I want this guy as a boyfriend? Not really. I think I need someone more grounded than he is. He's too much of a free spirit. He's nice, sweet, and very cool beyound words. He's adventurous and knows how to have fun obviously. Still, like J-Lo once was said to say, "Everything looks nice when you come out of something bad." He is really cool, and I like him. I just don't think he's going to be a good boyfriend to me. I would still love it to be his friend. I would love nothing more than to have him be my best friend in the world.
Right now, besides the sleep taking hold of my brain, I'm wondering if I'll find someone in Watkins.
It would seem like almost immediately after I got Yahoo! Messenger that people starting IMing me like crazy.
One person IMed me after seeing my pictures in a personal. He called me hot. He seemed really cool... wacky, but cool. He claimed he knew two of the Backstreet Boys. What? Like that is suppose to impress me? Actually, everything he was doing at the time to impress me or get me interested in him backfired most of the time. The only thing he said that got my attention was the fact that he thinks I'm hot, he said he won't hurt me, and he speacks five different languages. He gave me his pciture as well as his cell phone number to call him. I was really leery about the whole thing. What was this guy up to? Who is he really?
Then I thought, what do I have to lose? I recently lost everything, so why the hell not?
A few days later, the power died right in the middle of our IMs. Perfect oppurtunity to call him up. I did, and got him at work. He was doing the traffic for the afternoon radio show. He's very professional in his job. Away from the studio mic, however, he's a complete goofball. Fun to be around. I could tell from there on that he could be good for me. I submitted to his wishes and we started to sketch out a meeting. I tried calling him repeatedly to nail the date down, but as it turned out his phone died on him. Some glitch in the charge plug. He ended up getting a new phone.
Anyway, fast forward to today.
Today was the day of our meeting. Guiding him via cell phone to my house, I was pleasently surprised to see him when he stepped out of the car. He looked better than his pictures. This only further proves to me how what you see on the internet and in pictures isn't what you get in person. The one was on the positive end. I ended up taking him the backroads to where we were going to eat. I think that annoyed him a bit because he likes to go fast, which you can't do on backroads unless you want to end up in a ditch. We made it to downtown after getting lost and ate at an Italian resturant. We got to sit in a booth, we got to know each other and eat some nice pasta. He paid. I got to learn alot about myself in about five minutes. I'm a bad date because I make myself into a bad date. At least, that's what he said. He said it's all how I carry myself, and he would like to help me change all that and make me as hot as he sees me. He said I got so much potential right now. With the right additude and the right clothes and the right everything, no one, guy or girl, would be able to resist me! I was and still am flattered that he said that to me. It definally made my month, if not my summer. Afterwards, we left and he got a call from his friends. He came up here with a friend of his who he dropped off with someone he just met at his friend's house with the wife (the friend's wife. With me still??). He said that he would look for a hotel room and would pick me up after he drops of his friends. So it was back to my place.
He told me to call him back in an hour. I asked if it was the same number that he gave me. He said that is was. Now, remember how I said that he got a new phone? Okay, you see where this is headed, don't you?
I called him up after an hour. I got some voice service right of the back. It didn't even ring! I left a message hoping to get through to him. Thirty minutes passed by. I tried again only to have the same result. An hour after that, I called him again. The same thing. I gave up at about midnight. I then logged on and started to type him an e-mail, first venting off my complaint abou the phone deal and then complimenting him and thanking him for the good date I had with him. Frankly, I know he won't get that e-mail untill, oh, I don't know... Monday morning at work?? Oh well, at least I know he'll eventually get it.
And no, I'm not copying the e-mail here. That's private. You can shove that little bit of curiousity up your ass for all I care. You're not getting a single preview.
Anyways, that's that for today. Then again, that's the most that has ever happened to me so far.
I really had a great time. It was really fun to finally be able to feel even remotely free from the prison I have put myself in with no way of getting out. I want to do it again, only without the technical glitches.
So do I want this guy as a boyfriend? Not really. I think I need someone more grounded than he is. He's too much of a free spirit. He's nice, sweet, and very cool beyound words. He's adventurous and knows how to have fun obviously. Still, like J-Lo once was said to say, "Everything looks nice when you come out of something bad." He is really cool, and I like him. I just don't think he's going to be a good boyfriend to me. I would still love it to be his friend. I would love nothing more than to have him be my best friend in the world.
Right now, besides the sleep taking hold of my brain, I'm wondering if I'll find someone in Watkins.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
I don't remember laughing this hard at any movie before The History of the World: Part 1 in my life!! Mel Brooks is the best!
Sunday, August 03, 2003
I apologized to my sister and took my first step in doing something I should have done a long time ago.
I admited to her that I have a lot of complicated problems of both the mind and of the heart. That's all I told her.
She offered to help, but I don't think she could. My problems are just too much for her. She is a strong, beautiful, free-spirited woman. As understanding as she is, I don't think she would know what it would feel like to be me.
I hope things change when I go to college. I really really hope so.
I admited to her that I have a lot of complicated problems of both the mind and of the heart. That's all I told her.
She offered to help, but I don't think she could. My problems are just too much for her. She is a strong, beautiful, free-spirited woman. As understanding as she is, I don't think she would know what it would feel like to be me.
I hope things change when I go to college. I really really hope so.
You don't know what kind of power you have over me, Paul. I fear you. I love you. I don't want to think about you, but yet I do. Seeing your picture gives me great joy and great pain all at the same time. I know it can never happen, but I want it to. I know I'm not good enough for you, but I want to be.
If I could say that to his face, I would. Sadly, he has less than 17 days left. I have less than 16.
Damn you college.
If I could say that to his face, I would. Sadly, he has less than 17 days left. I have less than 16.
Damn you college.
I took a walk with my wooden sword just awhile ago. "Once around the neighborhood, just to feel out its weight and get used to it," I kept saying to myself. I tried to get my mind off of things, but I just couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking about Paul, about my life, about how I am around people, about how pathetic I am. I wanted a distraction. I wanted someone to come up to me and start talking to me soully because I was holding a freaking wooden sword! The only distraction I got was from the sword itself. My sweat as well as any other moisture that touches the wood ends up warping it a bit. Not really noticable at first. I'm just glad there wasn't any damage.
I think Josh is a metrosexual.
I think Paul won't like me now because of all my new found problems.
I still think my sister is better than me in every way, shape, and form.
I really need someone to talk to.
I need a best friend...
I think Josh is a metrosexual.
I think Paul won't like me now because of all my new found problems.
I still think my sister is better than me in every way, shape, and form.
I really need someone to talk to.
I need a best friend...
Okay, ultimate dork moment.
I saw Michael's best friend, Josh. Now I know what Paul meant. He's really cool, really fun, and just a great guy. And this only after 2 minutes!
What's wrong with me and wanting to meet as many people as I can?? This isn't right. This isn't the way to go about things. This isn't the way to live. I can't want to be friends with people that are already friends with people that I don't even know! I can't be friends with people like that! Why do I still think I can? Why am I foolishly thinking that I can be friends with anyone I fancy?! Why do I feel like I can do anything when I know I can't?
As I was trying to get all that off my mind, I asked Michael to do me a favor. I gave him the drawing I did recently and asked him to give it to Paul. Josh liked the drawing. He said it was sweet. Michael liked it as well, because I heard a yeah afterwards.
I hope Paul likes it... my apology gift to him.
I saw Michael's best friend, Josh. Now I know what Paul meant. He's really cool, really fun, and just a great guy. And this only after 2 minutes!
What's wrong with me and wanting to meet as many people as I can?? This isn't right. This isn't the way to go about things. This isn't the way to live. I can't want to be friends with people that are already friends with people that I don't even know! I can't be friends with people like that! Why do I still think I can? Why am I foolishly thinking that I can be friends with anyone I fancy?! Why do I feel like I can do anything when I know I can't?
As I was trying to get all that off my mind, I asked Michael to do me a favor. I gave him the drawing I did recently and asked him to give it to Paul. Josh liked the drawing. He said it was sweet. Michael liked it as well, because I heard a yeah afterwards.
I hope Paul likes it... my apology gift to him.
Shit, and once again I see how fickle I can be, as well as how easily defeated I am.
What do I mean?
I just read this. I know, I know, I'm being stupid. Still, there's a list there of what he likes and what I am not.
Am I beating myself over the head with a stick again or what?
What do I mean?
I just read this. I know, I know, I'm being stupid. Still, there's a list there of what he likes and what I am not.
Am I beating myself over the head with a stick again or what?
I'm starting to feel like a dork right now. I mean, really, what am I trying to do here with Paul?! My e-mail, the asking about him. I know I don't stand a chance. Never did! So why am I so fluttered by the meantioning of his name or even just looking at his picture? What is the big deal??
What is wrong with me? Don't tell me I'm starting up again. Please don't tell me that this stupid lust for him is being revived from the dead. Please, please tell me that isn't what is happening.
I really need to met someone new.
What is wrong with me? Don't tell me I'm starting up again. Please don't tell me that this stupid lust for him is being revived from the dead. Please, please tell me that isn't what is happening.
I really need to met someone new.
Saturday, August 02, 2003
Hey Paul,
I need to apologize to you once again. This time it's a biggie.
I'm not sure if you aware or not, but I was talked into avoiding you. It made sense to me at the time because of how much of a dork I made myself in front of you.
The sad fact is that I can't stop thinking about you. It's hard not to. I know, I know, I'm not really in love with you, but you are still cool. I'm not just saying that. You are. The way I treated you wasn't right, the way I just dropped you cold like I did.
Can you forgive me?
I doubt you will since you barely know me and all that, but I thought I'd just try if for nothing else to make me feel better.
Hope to hear from you soon... oh, and Sunday, if you come by the house with Michael, I look forward to seeing you. I have a gift for you if you want it. Just something I felt would be the proper way to apologize to you for being a jerk.
I hope we can still be friends.
That was the e-mail I wrote to Paul just awhile ago. I probibly made another mistake, but for now, I don't want to think about it.
It's like what someone once told me, "Live for the moment and never for the future."
I need to apologize to you once again. This time it's a biggie.
I'm not sure if you aware or not, but I was talked into avoiding you. It made sense to me at the time because of how much of a dork I made myself in front of you.
The sad fact is that I can't stop thinking about you. It's hard not to. I know, I know, I'm not really in love with you, but you are still cool. I'm not just saying that. You are. The way I treated you wasn't right, the way I just dropped you cold like I did.
Can you forgive me?
I doubt you will since you barely know me and all that, but I thought I'd just try if for nothing else to make me feel better.
Hope to hear from you soon... oh, and Sunday, if you come by the house with Michael, I look forward to seeing you. I have a gift for you if you want it. Just something I felt would be the proper way to apologize to you for being a jerk.
I hope we can still be friends.
That was the e-mail I wrote to Paul just awhile ago. I probibly made another mistake, but for now, I don't want to think about it.
It's like what someone once told me, "Live for the moment and never for the future."
I worked on my drawing this morning.... all morning.... I just finished it just awhile ago.
I think I have Paul on the brain. I don't really want to admit it to anyone in person, but I think I do. For some reason, this drawing came out looking like him. Well, kind of. I don't know why that is. Maybe I did that subconciously? I mean, I literally don't think when I draw. I just let my emotions go.
I showed my sister and wanted to tell her if she can give this to Paul when she goes to that youth thing with her boyfriend since Paul is going to for the ride. I didn't. It's not that I'm scared... okay, it is because I'm scared, but it's also because my sister just woke up when I showed it to her and she's grumpy in when you desturb her.
I think I have Paul on the brain. I don't really want to admit it to anyone in person, but I think I do. For some reason, this drawing came out looking like him. Well, kind of. I don't know why that is. Maybe I did that subconciously? I mean, I literally don't think when I draw. I just let my emotions go.
I showed my sister and wanted to tell her if she can give this to Paul when she goes to that youth thing with her boyfriend since Paul is going to for the ride. I didn't. It's not that I'm scared... okay, it is because I'm scared, but it's also because my sister just woke up when I showed it to her and she's grumpy in when you desturb her.
Friday, August 01, 2003
I was dragged to watch SeaBiscuit with my sister, my mom, and, of course, Michael (my sister's boyfriend).
The reviewer said that this movie would make us cry. Yeah right. October Sky made me cry. Moulin Rouge made me cry. This didn't even get me choked up. I endured the movie only because I had made a deal with my mom in that if I see this movie, which I don't want so see, that she go and watches Pirates with me, which she doesn't want to see. Fair enough, right?
We had dinner out. While we were eating, all the while I felt odd. I felt like something was missing. Then it hit me. I was starting to miss Paul. Michael's presense just brought back that memory. I didn't feel uncofortable with it, but at the same time I felt sad. I don't know why.
When we got home, I opted to draw instead of starting my sword play routine to work up my arms. I kept thinking about Paul. I saw this scenario where we would meet in some odd way and I was drawing. He would ask to look at it. I would agree with a smile saying that since I read some of his poetry, I guess I should return the favor.
I don't know if he'd like my stuff though. I'm not sure he'd like me given what I did to him with how I dropped him like a hot potato.
I came up with a new nickname while I was day dreaming. Zeek "The Blackheart" Slider. Too piratey, but still would make an interesting character.
The reviewer said that this movie would make us cry. Yeah right. October Sky made me cry. Moulin Rouge made me cry. This didn't even get me choked up. I endured the movie only because I had made a deal with my mom in that if I see this movie, which I don't want so see, that she go and watches Pirates with me, which she doesn't want to see. Fair enough, right?
We had dinner out. While we were eating, all the while I felt odd. I felt like something was missing. Then it hit me. I was starting to miss Paul. Michael's presense just brought back that memory. I didn't feel uncofortable with it, but at the same time I felt sad. I don't know why.
When we got home, I opted to draw instead of starting my sword play routine to work up my arms. I kept thinking about Paul. I saw this scenario where we would meet in some odd way and I was drawing. He would ask to look at it. I would agree with a smile saying that since I read some of his poetry, I guess I should return the favor.
I don't know if he'd like my stuff though. I'm not sure he'd like me given what I did to him with how I dropped him like a hot potato.
I came up with a new nickname while I was day dreaming. Zeek "The Blackheart" Slider. Too piratey, but still would make an interesting character.
I started and finished my little art project with realive ease even though I didn't have a clue what I was doing. The pendent looks better now that it is finally on something. I put it around my neck to see how it looked. It didn't really look all that bad, really. I wouldn't wear it in public though. It's not that I don't like it or anything. It's just that it's too big for my liking as far as an actual necklace goes.
I'm still taking it wherever I go though when I leave the house.
I'm still taking it wherever I go though when I leave the house.
