"Someday I hope to have a patient just like you." When Randy said that to me one night, I thought that he must be the crazy one to want to have a patient like me in his future. Then I began to think that maybe he just wants a challenge. I mean, I'm different enough to cause so much frustration and anger. I'm not like anyone in the normal world out there. I want to be, but I know I'm not ready. So mayne Randy did want to help me after all.

I'm starting to wonder why is it I didn't IM for him last night when Sam came on to check their mail after that arguement (if it could even be called that) with James and Bill. I know I screwed myself over. That's all I'm good for. So why didn't I IM them? I don't know.

I don't know anything. The world is just too big, and I feel so tiny.