I feel as if this couldn't have come at a more horrible time than this.

It feel so useless. The trying, the moping, the thinking during the aftermath, the wishing, the trying again, the hoping. Sucess leads to failure and back again. A vicious cycle of Ying and Yang. This marry-go-round called life. This dinky and insignificant treasure that God has given us. It feels so.. useless.

I don't know what it is. I must be cursed with issues beyound any kind of medical or physcological help. I must need help that no being could give me here on Earth in my lifetime.

It feels like a dream. No, a nightmare. One of which I want to wake up from and see that what I dreamed is nothing more but the opposite of what I actually live.

I feel alone. So very alone. Having to do too many things at once. Like a music box. It plays by itself, all alone with no one else. It plays one note, then three, then two, then one, then four. All by itself it's providing the harmony and yet still plays the melody. It does so much by itself. But like any music box, someone needs to wind the key or open it. It is dependant on an outside force of some kind. Maybe that's why I feel like and is comforted by the sound of a music box playing a sad song. Maybe I am like that around a music box because maybe I feel like the song it plays is really my voice. So tiny.

A dark secret is releaved, assumptions rises, fear and pain and betrayel, so many events I've no blogged. So many emotions I can't blog. So many words and yet none can accurately and safely describe what has happened. I feel like... my heart has a hole that nothing can fill. A feeling of pain, of sadness, of being alone.

An emptiness.