My life, or lack there of, is going to change forever now.

I don't think I've ever felt so crushed before in my entire life like I do just now. Here, I'm sitting here, blogging away and maybe for the last time, knowing one thing is certain. I've lost everything. I know I've said it before, but this time I've truely lost everything.

Early yesturday evening, Andrew asked if I was to be his Best Man at his wedding. I was so honored and humbled that I had to accept. Little did I know that would be the last bit of joy I'd have the honor of experiancing.

Later that evening, Josh, the one that hates me, decided to come on. I don't know what I was thinking, but for some reason, I ended up trying to stand my ground and maybe reason with him into liking me. He had plenty of reasons to hate me, and this new event just gave him more reason. Well, Josh is a powerful man, to say the least. He has alot of weight in the family and with the people I talk to. In a matter of literally minutes, he was able to deny me any kind of help from their end. Because I had tried to stand up to him and reason with him, I did nothing more but screw myself over once more. This time, perminately.

The hurt came in several blows after this.

The first came from Dan. Now that Josh had tied his hands, there was no way he can help me get out. There was no way I was ever going to move now. To save face with everything, he told me to tell my parents that he was trapped in a big business deal that would take months to compleate making it impossible for me to move now. He also suggest that I just forget about everything I ever dreamed of and just look for a job here and do what needs to be done here.

The second was more gut-wrenching. Bill got the word of it and began to throw things in his room. He got so upset that he went over to a room he prepared for my arrival himself and proceeded to destroy that living hell out it! Images of the anger and how he kept breaking everything not caring at how much it costs or if it is even replacible let alone nailed down filled my mind. Imagining what his tears and sad face must have looked like destroyed what was left of whatever it was that was able to keep me composed. I was told that he kept yelling obsinities and crying "No more! No more!" When he was finally done with it all, he was in the center of the room crying in the mess that he made.

Now what happens? What do I do now? I guess I'll unpack if I wake up.