Rough Night

I was unable to sleep last night. My brain didn't want me to. I tried the usual sex fantasy to fall asleep to, but after I masturbated, I realized that all the fun and energy that I normally use in the ordeal to compensate for the lack of real sex I get is no longer there. Kind of like I was doing yet another chore of mine like the laundry or cleaning my dishes.

I fell asleep around 01:00 and woke up again at 01:10. I dreamed that I was having the time of my life in New York City. The statue of liberty looming taller than ever. I looked out into the harbor and saw boats of all kind. Then, from my right, a large barge fired off a rocket. Highly decorated, it was obviously suppose to be a day-time firework. The trouble was, it could not get off the surface of the water. It wasn't angled right to take off. On top of that, it was heading towards a strange looking passenger jet that landed in the water and was disembarking people onto a nearby dock. In a state of panic, one of the passengers closes the door in an attempt to stop the rocket. He closed it too late and the rocket was trapped inside the small plane. A few seconds later, it blew up killing a good 20 or so people with it. Those that were not killed were burned badly, with the harbor as their only way of putting themselves out before the fire made their conditions worst.

I fell back asleep around 03:45 and then woke up at 04:00 for the last time until the fall. No dreams of death and no feeling lonely. Just the feeling that things needed to be done today, as was the feeling on most of the days I had classes.

It's so odd. I want to talk and get close to someone, but I know I can't.