Emotional War

There is war going on, and it isn't in Iraq.

Inside me, all sides are fighting with each other on every front. Anger is trying to be controlled by compassion which is being fought by acceptance which is being fought by selfishness. And so on and so on. No side will win. This is a battle in which peace seems like a distant fantasy. Balance and stability can only happen when something happens to all the fighting fronts. Something to beautiful it would be futile to even attempt to describe it.

I need peace. I'm tired of the chaos. I'm tired of being so fucked up and fucking up everything I want to do. I hate being this difficult. I hate being this way. I hate being me.

Why can't I kill myself? Why? Why can't I make the pain go away?