Dreams of Death

I woke up this morning early with the feeling that I'll be alone forever. I forced myself to do what was done and then went back to sleep.

I dreamed of people dying again. Not a mass death by falling down elevator shafts like usual. I dreamed of people dying one by one. A blond girl getting run over by a fancy sports car, a young man snapped in two on the football field during a game, and strangest of all, a man tripping on a hike and drowning in a creek two inches deep because his legs and hands got trapped in knotted tree branches and roots. I didn't wake up cold or fearful. I don't think I woke up at all until just before I started blogging this.

I don't have any friends anymore. Due to how much of an emotional wreck I am, Leo and Bill pretty much said, representing the others, that our friendship is null in void in so many words. I complied and left. I deleted my entire buddy list on AIM knowing full well I would never sign back on to the IM service. My only social outlet now will be this blog and actually talking to people.

I wish someone would hook me up with my ideal. Scratch that thought. Even if I was that lucky, I'd just screw it up again.