I hear that. Hell, I live it!
Monday, May 31, 2004
"I'm such an asshole. I'm such a stain. I just keept fucking up again and again."
I hear that. Hell, I live it!
I know you did it.
I know what you did, and I really wish you did it in person.
You know I'm lonely. You know that I have a hard time sleeping at night. You know how I wish I could cuddle up next to someone during a thunder storm like the one last night. So why did you do it again?
For the second time, you left me with my jeans unbutton, boxers still on, laying on my back wondering what the hell happened. Only this time I knew as soon as I realized my pants where undone.
Why did you do this? You are already taken! You should be happy living your life with him! You told me yourself that you don't think you can do any better than him! So why do me like that again while you are with him? Am I some toy to you? A wishful fantasy place you can use and an escape? Do you not realize that I am human just like you?
Oh wait, I forgot. You've transcended. You're not really human. Only your actions are.
If this is what I am to you, then next time you feel like doing this to me, do me a favor and don't leave me there alone with my jeans undone and my boxers still on.
You know I'm lonely. You know that I have a hard time sleeping at night. You know how I wish I could cuddle up next to someone during a thunder storm like the one last night. So why did you do it again?
For the second time, you left me with my jeans unbutton, boxers still on, laying on my back wondering what the hell happened. Only this time I knew as soon as I realized my pants where undone.
Why did you do this? You are already taken! You should be happy living your life with him! You told me yourself that you don't think you can do any better than him! So why do me like that again while you are with him? Am I some toy to you? A wishful fantasy place you can use and an escape? Do you not realize that I am human just like you?
Oh wait, I forgot. You've transcended. You're not really human. Only your actions are.
If this is what I am to you, then next time you feel like doing this to me, do me a favor and don't leave me there alone with my jeans undone and my boxers still on.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
New Short Story @ The Purple Pen
I just finished typing up The Silver-Winged Fairy.
Feel free to read it, and leave your comments on that blog please. I kind of want to keep them all together.
Feel free to read it, and leave your comments on that blog please. I kind of want to keep them all together.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
"The Silver-Winged Fairy" Drawing
It took me about four days total, a week or more if you include those long breaks I took, but I finished it. I hate how my scanner didn't pick up the drawing's special feature. Oh well, I'm holding onto the original because I spent too much time on it.
Critiques are more than welcomed.
Also, I am throwing around in my head a story I may write about this little sprite for The Purple Pen. Nothing really has been finalized, but if something does solidify, expect to see a third short story on my second blog soon.
Lord of the Rings: Return of the Art Hacker
I decided, mostly because I was bored, to watch the last installment of the Lord of the Rings movie. In the process, I found myself taking screen captures of the movie, mainly whenever Orlando Bloom or Elijah Wood got a "hero shot." Go figure. After all, I do have a think for cute blonds as well as cute actors.
After sitting through that three hour movie, I found myself going back into the Kodak Picture CD-ROM program that was put in here. I began messing around with several of the pictures I took of the movie.
I haven't done anything like this in over three years. Back then, I called what I did with all the filters just now "Art Hacking." I wasn't actually hacking art in the literal sense of the word, whichever definition of the word "hacking" it is you wish you use. In all honesty, all I did, for the most part, was run the pictures through several filters and the like. I rare, if ever, actually had a hand in manipulating the picture. This was all back in the day when I had PhotoShop.
Anyway, here are some of my Art Hacks for your critique. Feel free to be brutal.
(He's so adorable in this one, it's just frightening)
(I like the contour lines in this one, personally.)
By the way, these will only be up for a little while. If my bandwidth goes over for the month, they will be replaced with an image saying that my bandwidth is over the limit. I may also delete them off the server to make room for more pictures, whatever those may be. Either way, you won't be able to see the pictures for forever. I suggest that if you like any of them to save them now. They will be gone one way or another.
After sitting through that three hour movie, I found myself going back into the Kodak Picture CD-ROM program that was put in here. I began messing around with several of the pictures I took of the movie.
I haven't done anything like this in over three years. Back then, I called what I did with all the filters just now "Art Hacking." I wasn't actually hacking art in the literal sense of the word, whichever definition of the word "hacking" it is you wish you use. In all honesty, all I did, for the most part, was run the pictures through several filters and the like. I rare, if ever, actually had a hand in manipulating the picture. This was all back in the day when I had PhotoShop.
Anyway, here are some of my Art Hacks for your critique. Feel free to be brutal.
(He's so adorable in this one, it's just frightening)
(I like the contour lines in this one, personally.)
By the way, these will only be up for a little while. If my bandwidth goes over for the month, they will be replaced with an image saying that my bandwidth is over the limit. I may also delete them off the server to make room for more pictures, whatever those may be. Either way, you won't be able to see the pictures for forever. I suggest that if you like any of them to save them now. They will be gone one way or another.
Monday, May 24, 2004
"A picture is worth a thousand words."
Don't bother counting words in this one. I probably didn't break 900.
My aunt got her pictures back from my sister's graduation. There's one of me in there, and since I don't have a recent photo, I opted to use it. Lucky me, my aunt got a Kodak Photo CD-ROM.
This is what was developed.
I hate it. I look fat, and I look like I am enjoying myself way too much. The reality of it was that I am wanting more than ever to go eat somewhere. It was late, and I didn't have lunch that day. Why I look fat, I don't know.
As part of Kodak's Photo CD-ROM, a new program was installed in which we can manipulate our pictures any way we feel like. Remove red eye, crop, you get the idea. As you can see, I used the cartoon filter. It is suppose to make the picture look like a comic book, but I don't think it worked that great.
In any event, it's more stylized, and I like the way it looks. It fits my personality as far as what I think art is. That's why this picture is going to be my Blogger profile picture. Well, until the next one comes along.
Word Count: 226
Told you I would not break 900.
My aunt got her pictures back from my sister's graduation. There's one of me in there, and since I don't have a recent photo, I opted to use it. Lucky me, my aunt got a Kodak Photo CD-ROM.
This is what was developed.
I hate it. I look fat, and I look like I am enjoying myself way too much. The reality of it was that I am wanting more than ever to go eat somewhere. It was late, and I didn't have lunch that day. Why I look fat, I don't know.
As part of Kodak's Photo CD-ROM, a new program was installed in which we can manipulate our pictures any way we feel like. Remove red eye, crop, you get the idea. As you can see, I used the cartoon filter. It is suppose to make the picture look like a comic book, but I don't think it worked that great.
In any event, it's more stylized, and I like the way it looks. It fits my personality as far as what I think art is. That's why this picture is going to be my Blogger profile picture. Well, until the next one comes along.
Word Count: 226
Told you I would not break 900.
Now I really can't see a straight line!
I got my new Emo-style glasses today. While they were getting adjusted to fit my head, I couldn't help but notice that the ceiling looked as if there was a slight arch to it. This only happened while I had my glasses on. I kept seeing this even on the horizon line when we passed the airport runways.
Great, so not only can I not think straight or act straight sexually, but I can't see a straight line anymore! This should make drawing interesting.
Great, so not only can I not think straight or act straight sexually, but I can't see a straight line anymore! This should make drawing interesting.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Which do you support?
I found these two picture flashing all over the place on Gaia, and I thought I'd share them with you readers.
Pro-Gay Marriage
Anti-Gay Marriage
So, which do you support? Frankly, the second one angers me because of it's attacking tone of voice, but that's just me.
Pro-Gay Marriage
Anti-Gay Marriage
So, which do you support? Frankly, the second one angers me because of it's attacking tone of voice, but that's just me.
Boredom and Lack of Interest - Never Good
While bumping a friend's quest on Gaia, I talked to an old friend who lives about 12 time zones away in the Asian Island. We talked about Neopets and eventually got on the subject of RuneScape. Apparently, they changed their interface the graphics, so I decided to check it out.
I felt so lost, it was as if I was a new player again. I was somewhat familiar with the old version of the online game, but this new version threw me for a loop and a half. My friend brought me back up to speed as to what is going on, and I found a new reason why I should not ever play the game again. I think it had to do with the fact that ten players can gang up on one target.
Quite honestly, my attention span and interests in things are starting to lack. I find myself easily bored now instead of easily entertained. I guess it comes with the other. A Ying to a Yang.
Looking back at it, however, I can't help but question as to why this is the case. I want to think that it is because I am now unable to keep up with the gaming world as well as the technology that is being produced. It's bad enough that I'm still playing Pokemon, albeit off and on. Gaia's social interactions are the only thing that keep my gaming interest going.
Maybe this is a sign that I'm growing up and that I need to become an adult. You know, actually do something with my life instead of play games and chat on message boards. Or maybe the consumer world out there really does suck thanks in part to the economy. Or maybe I'm just simply evolving like a good creature of this world should. Who knows? I sure don't.
I felt so lost, it was as if I was a new player again. I was somewhat familiar with the old version of the online game, but this new version threw me for a loop and a half. My friend brought me back up to speed as to what is going on, and I found a new reason why I should not ever play the game again. I think it had to do with the fact that ten players can gang up on one target.
Quite honestly, my attention span and interests in things are starting to lack. I find myself easily bored now instead of easily entertained. I guess it comes with the other. A Ying to a Yang.
Looking back at it, however, I can't help but question as to why this is the case. I want to think that it is because I am now unable to keep up with the gaming world as well as the technology that is being produced. It's bad enough that I'm still playing Pokemon, albeit off and on. Gaia's social interactions are the only thing that keep my gaming interest going.
Maybe this is a sign that I'm growing up and that I need to become an adult. You know, actually do something with my life instead of play games and chat on message boards. Or maybe the consumer world out there really does suck thanks in part to the economy. Or maybe I'm just simply evolving like a good creature of this world should. Who knows? I sure don't.
Excuse me for being stupid.
Apparently my last rant about how we don't have free speech is wrong.
It's not a matter of politics. It's actually a matter of how to run a business.
It's times like these I'm glad I went into art and not into business.
It's not a matter of politics. It's actually a matter of how to run a business.
It's times like these I'm glad I went into art and not into business.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
The Purple Pen Opens!
I started a second blog that I'll be using strictly for short stories I come up with for whatever reason. Most of them are going to be gay related. I won't be posting any of my school work up there, provided I am assigned to write a short story. The blog will just be a collection of ones that I have a personal connection to.
Click here to visit The Purple Pen!
Oh, and make sure you read the copyright text at the bottom.
Click here to visit The Purple Pen!
Oh, and make sure you read the copyright text at the bottom.
God and Politicians
Because I have this weird habit of always doing what my sister wants, at least most of the time, I went to church today with the rest of the family. The only real reason was because we were having Mexican at some new restaurant.
I did my usual thinking I always do when I'm at mass. I think about what they are reading/saying/preaching, playing devil's advocate on the side. Mass rarely ever gets my attention, but today was an exception. And not in a good way, I might add.
When it came time to say our prayers to God as the collective cult that we are, one of the prayers was for the politicians of our country. Yes, you read that right. Apparently, the church, at least the one my family goes to, is praying that politicians will eventually see the ways of Jesus's teachings to help guide their political choices.
Now, ask yourself one question. Why would the church pray for that?
Answer? Gay marriages. At least, that's the best I could come up with.
From that point in the mass on, I kept thinking about that one line out of the thousands said during that hour. It boiled and baked in the oven that is my brain. I ended up writing a short story in my head about it. That's when I came to the realization that I needed another blog, one for all my short stories that come up out of rare creative explosions, such as my Christmas tale.
I'd like to close this post by saying one thing about what I heard today in church.
Separation of church and state never existed, and it never will in this country.
I did my usual thinking I always do when I'm at mass. I think about what they are reading/saying/preaching, playing devil's advocate on the side. Mass rarely ever gets my attention, but today was an exception. And not in a good way, I might add.
When it came time to say our prayers to God as the collective cult that we are, one of the prayers was for the politicians of our country. Yes, you read that right. Apparently, the church, at least the one my family goes to, is praying that politicians will eventually see the ways of Jesus's teachings to help guide their political choices.
Now, ask yourself one question. Why would the church pray for that?
Answer? Gay marriages. At least, that's the best I could come up with.
From that point in the mass on, I kept thinking about that one line out of the thousands said during that hour. It boiled and baked in the oven that is my brain. I ended up writing a short story in my head about it. That's when I came to the realization that I needed another blog, one for all my short stories that come up out of rare creative explosions, such as my Christmas tale.
I'd like to close this post by saying one thing about what I heard today in church.
Separation of church and state never existed, and it never will in this country.
Free Publishing Without Free Speech
Shem's Blog has always alerted me to major political happenings, and he does it in a way that I can understand. Check out what I read just now off his blog.
In a stunning move by the fledging search engine firm known for its open access to information, the Google AdWords program has suspended the campaign of an advertiser selling playing cards intended to poke fun at President Bush. The firm halted the campaign for its use of keywords "George Bush," "George W. Bush," "President Bush," "Bush Cards," and "Bush Decks."
It also specifically [manually] blocked the ad for the search term "war profiteers."
"At this time, Google policy does not permit the advertisement of websites that contain language that advocates against an individual, group, or organization," a Google email remarked.
Advertisements promoting pro-Bush playing cards continue to run on Google and its affiliate sites, including George Bush Playing Cards, "52 Reasons to Re-elect G.W. Bush," and "Political Playing Cards." Another ad appears for a tamer site selling caricature cards of the President's associates, saying, "George Bush may not have a full deck."
At the time of this writing, Google also continues to run an ad for Showtime's "American Candidate" under the search term "Bush," headlined, "Beat Bush, save America." It also runs an ad critical of Sen. John Kerry, titled the "Kerry is Scary Shoppe," with the text, "Political gifts, clothing, stickers with the Scream head of John Kerry!"
The blocked advertisement, for "Deck of Bush," contained the phrase "54 reasons NOT to re-elect the President."
"Now I know how Howard Stern feels," said co-creator Jerry Vasilatos. "What's ironic is that Google Adwords allows ad campaigns for products and items supportive of President Bush as can be attested by other sponsored links which appear when you search out the same keywords they deem unacceptable for our use."
Vasilatos also noted that Google seems to have no problem with running ads for pornography websites, including those which appear to advocate criminal behavior. Four advertisements come up for the search term "underage boys."
For full story, click here
Yup, that's right. The company that owns Blogger blocks some ads, but lets other through.
Just like the FCC, it would appear the Google is now a card-carrying member of the Hypocrisy Club. For a while, I've been aware that they are promoting Blogger as a free publishing too, thereby promoting free speech. With this new development, the free speech angle is starting to look like a romantic version of some American fable told to the immigrants of WWII. "Come to America! We won't oppress you like the Nazi!" Bullshit. At the rate we are going, we are better off under Communist rule. At least then I could accept that I will always stay in the class and social circle I'm in, no matter how hard I try to get out of it or how strong my drive is to better my social status. I mean, at least then I'd be guaranteed a job of some kind.
In any event, since I bet you anything my blog, and probably Shem's as well, are blocked now due to this addition of the article, I think I will say something really stupid. The last sentence that I will type for this blog will be totally racist, totally one-sided, totally stereotyped, and so totally ridiculous that one would have to be a fool with the education level of a toddler to accept it as real.
In a perfect America, Asians would produce technologies and cartoons (Nothing beats anime... except for maybe PIXAR films), Mexicans would be mechanics and construction workers (at least around here they are, and they do a hell of a good job too.), African-Americans would be cooks (and, DAMN, can some of them cook!), women and gay males would do women thinks in the job market (clothing, art, advertisement, stripping), children wouldn't have to work (I honestly don't think they should no matter how mature they think they are), and White people would pay for everything and everyone (because, hey, that's where all the money is in this country).
In a stunning move by the fledging search engine firm known for its open access to information, the Google AdWords program has suspended the campaign of an advertiser selling playing cards intended to poke fun at President Bush. The firm halted the campaign for its use of keywords "George Bush," "George W. Bush," "President Bush," "Bush Cards," and "Bush Decks."
It also specifically [manually] blocked the ad for the search term "war profiteers."
"At this time, Google policy does not permit the advertisement of websites that contain language that advocates against an individual, group, or organization," a Google email remarked.
Advertisements promoting pro-Bush playing cards continue to run on Google and its affiliate sites, including George Bush Playing Cards, "52 Reasons to Re-elect G.W. Bush," and "Political Playing Cards." Another ad appears for a tamer site selling caricature cards of the President's associates, saying, "George Bush may not have a full deck."
At the time of this writing, Google also continues to run an ad for Showtime's "American Candidate" under the search term "Bush," headlined, "Beat Bush, save America." It also runs an ad critical of Sen. John Kerry, titled the "Kerry is Scary Shoppe," with the text, "Political gifts, clothing, stickers with the Scream head of John Kerry!"
The blocked advertisement, for "Deck of Bush," contained the phrase "54 reasons NOT to re-elect the President."
"Now I know how Howard Stern feels," said co-creator Jerry Vasilatos. "What's ironic is that Google Adwords allows ad campaigns for products and items supportive of President Bush as can be attested by other sponsored links which appear when you search out the same keywords they deem unacceptable for our use."
Vasilatos also noted that Google seems to have no problem with running ads for pornography websites, including those which appear to advocate criminal behavior. Four advertisements come up for the search term "underage boys."
For full story, click here
Yup, that's right. The company that owns Blogger blocks some ads, but lets other through.
Just like the FCC, it would appear the Google is now a card-carrying member of the Hypocrisy Club. For a while, I've been aware that they are promoting Blogger as a free publishing too, thereby promoting free speech. With this new development, the free speech angle is starting to look like a romantic version of some American fable told to the immigrants of WWII. "Come to America! We won't oppress you like the Nazi!" Bullshit. At the rate we are going, we are better off under Communist rule. At least then I could accept that I will always stay in the class and social circle I'm in, no matter how hard I try to get out of it or how strong my drive is to better my social status. I mean, at least then I'd be guaranteed a job of some kind.
In any event, since I bet you anything my blog, and probably Shem's as well, are blocked now due to this addition of the article, I think I will say something really stupid. The last sentence that I will type for this blog will be totally racist, totally one-sided, totally stereotyped, and so totally ridiculous that one would have to be a fool with the education level of a toddler to accept it as real.
In a perfect America, Asians would produce technologies and cartoons (Nothing beats anime... except for maybe PIXAR films), Mexicans would be mechanics and construction workers (at least around here they are, and they do a hell of a good job too.), African-Americans would be cooks (and, DAMN, can some of them cook!), women and gay males would do women thinks in the job market (clothing, art, advertisement, stripping), children wouldn't have to work (I honestly don't think they should no matter how mature they think they are), and White people would pay for everything and everyone (because, hey, that's where all the money is in this country).
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Thank you, OrigWkdQueen!
OrigWkdQueen on MouseInfo.com helped me out last night figure out the trouble with the DVD player. Thanks to her and her boyfriend, I now have a working DVD player again!
And what's the first movie I watched on it after it worked? Why, Shrek3D! The silly thing is, they had an ad for the 4D version playing in Universal Studios. Oh well, I can't really complain. Too happy that I got a working DVD player now!
And what's the first movie I watched on it after it worked? Why, Shrek3D! The silly thing is, they had an ad for the 4D version playing in Universal Studios. Oh well, I can't really complain. Too happy that I got a working DVD player now!
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Missing: DVD Decoder
I know now why I can't play DVD's on the computer that I am on. Apparently I'm missing a DVD decoder. I don't know how I lost it, but I am.
If anyone reading this can point me to a reliable and free DVD decoder, please leave me a comment saying where I can find one. Thank you in advance.
If anyone reading this can point me to a reliable and free DVD decoder, please leave me a comment saying where I can find one. Thank you in advance.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
The Valedictorian Speech I Will Never Give
There are three things that always happens in any graduation.
I've been to two graduations thus far, my own and my sisters. Both had these things happen at least once or twice, if not more than I care for. Call me old fashion, but I believe that this ceremony is suppose to be that of their motion picture counter-parts. Graduations should be solemn, humble, proper, and above all else done in a tradition that has withstood the test of time.
That is not the case anymore. Much like how golf has been turned into a crowd cheering roar fest, partially due to the great and amazing skill of Tiger Woods, graduations have turned into a screaming contest among the popular, the well known, and the obnoxious.
They say you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. If what I have seen tonight proves anything, it proves the validity of that statement. The party kids all had wild friends screaming thinks like "I love you, Ashley!" or "It's Miller time!" (Their last name was Miller.) The studious and the introvert had respectable reactions, the kind similar to that of any kind of award ceremony. These are the only two kind of reactions I have observed during both my own graduation and my sister's graduation.
I am now convinced that graduation is a joke. It is no longer a special ceremony of passing as I once saw it. It is no longer a place in time made immortal by memories, stories, and photographs because of how special it is. Graduation is now just another thing that we do, something we journal into our minds only to alter it later. Romanticising it to make it sound just how we wanted it to. After witnessing two graduations, I see no feeling of honor in completing one. I see no sense of pride in my own graduation. I see no point to having one. Just hand the piece of paper that said I pass and move the line along. If graduations in the future continue to be like these, I think we are better off not having them.
Then again, who am I to deny those out there the right to experience such an event.
- There will always be a family in the audience that is way too happy to hear their child's name read out loud.
- Anyone going into the armed services will get the loudest set of applause second only to the last person called.
- No matter how hard you try to prevent it, there will always be an air-horn can somewhere in the crowd.
I've been to two graduations thus far, my own and my sisters. Both had these things happen at least once or twice, if not more than I care for. Call me old fashion, but I believe that this ceremony is suppose to be that of their motion picture counter-parts. Graduations should be solemn, humble, proper, and above all else done in a tradition that has withstood the test of time.
That is not the case anymore. Much like how golf has been turned into a crowd cheering roar fest, partially due to the great and amazing skill of Tiger Woods, graduations have turned into a screaming contest among the popular, the well known, and the obnoxious.
They say you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. If what I have seen tonight proves anything, it proves the validity of that statement. The party kids all had wild friends screaming thinks like "I love you, Ashley!" or "It's Miller time!" (Their last name was Miller.) The studious and the introvert had respectable reactions, the kind similar to that of any kind of award ceremony. These are the only two kind of reactions I have observed during both my own graduation and my sister's graduation.
I am now convinced that graduation is a joke. It is no longer a special ceremony of passing as I once saw it. It is no longer a place in time made immortal by memories, stories, and photographs because of how special it is. Graduation is now just another thing that we do, something we journal into our minds only to alter it later. Romanticising it to make it sound just how we wanted it to. After witnessing two graduations, I see no feeling of honor in completing one. I see no sense of pride in my own graduation. I see no point to having one. Just hand the piece of paper that said I pass and move the line along. If graduations in the future continue to be like these, I think we are better off not having them.
Then again, who am I to deny those out there the right to experience such an event.
"The Force is strong in this one."
I am a Jedi Knight. What about you?
Brought to you by: Temple Journals
You are a Jedi Knight!
You clearly have knowledge of the Jedi ways...only you need a tad bit of help in how to apply those teachings. Go on, Knight, roam the galaxy, and gain the wisdom that will elevate you to Master.
You know, I never could tell the difference between Jedi Knight and Jedi Master. Now I know. One is smarter than the other, and that one has a student. Nice to know that I won't end up like Ani/Vader, even though there is much anger in me.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
I Bought $10
Shopping has never been fun for me. The main reason is that I never have enough money to get what I want. I just walk around torturing myself as to what I could own, but knowing I never could.
Things were different this time around. I actually had no drive to look at anything. Nothing interests me. I've looked at all the video games I could want knowing and accepting I'll never get them for obvious reason. There are very few movies out there that actually interest me, all of which are not for sale right now.
What I wanted to do was go into Build-a-Bear, make myself a little angel teddy, and then find some crying kid to give the bear to. The mall bores me these days, and seeing an upset kid in what has to be the biggest toy store they have ever been in given their short time on this rock thus far makes my day worst. There were no shortage of those, I can promise you that.
So what the hell was I doing in the mall to begin with? My sister wanted me to come along. I wasn't needed; she just would like it if I came along. Whatever makes her happy, I guess. Frankly, looking back on it all, I think I was there just to counter the effects my mom would have on my sister's shopping.
When all was said and done, we left to eat at Sam's Club, of all places. You're guess is as good as mine, because that made no sense to me. While there, I found they were selling Shrek on DVD. It was a bundle pack. You got Shrek and the Shrek 3D movie that is showing at Six Flags. (Who knew theme parks were selling their 3D movies?) The best part, the price was a good deal. Twenty bucks. That's the cost of one DVD these day. I showed it to my sister, and she didn't approve. She said she only wanted the Shrek DVD and not the other one. I tried to talk her into how good a deal it was, but her hunger took over. The thing about my sister is that when she is not in a good mood or hungry, she becomes very frustrating to deal with and talk to. Compared to the fact that I'm just difficult period, that's not really a bad thing. Anyway, I was almost tempted to buy the DVD myself, but my mood at the time made me think rather brash and random. I opted to freeze my brain via an ICEE to help me think clearly. (Hey, I have a twisted sense of logic.) As I began to think out loud, my mother got frustrated with my inability to make up my mind and gave me $10 to figure things out faster.
I ended up not buying the DVD bundle. The lack of interest in what the consumer market has out there gave me just cause.
At least now I'm $10 richer.
Things were different this time around. I actually had no drive to look at anything. Nothing interests me. I've looked at all the video games I could want knowing and accepting I'll never get them for obvious reason. There are very few movies out there that actually interest me, all of which are not for sale right now.
What I wanted to do was go into Build-a-Bear, make myself a little angel teddy, and then find some crying kid to give the bear to. The mall bores me these days, and seeing an upset kid in what has to be the biggest toy store they have ever been in given their short time on this rock thus far makes my day worst. There were no shortage of those, I can promise you that.
So what the hell was I doing in the mall to begin with? My sister wanted me to come along. I wasn't needed; she just would like it if I came along. Whatever makes her happy, I guess. Frankly, looking back on it all, I think I was there just to counter the effects my mom would have on my sister's shopping.
When all was said and done, we left to eat at Sam's Club, of all places. You're guess is as good as mine, because that made no sense to me. While there, I found they were selling Shrek on DVD. It was a bundle pack. You got Shrek and the Shrek 3D movie that is showing at Six Flags. (Who knew theme parks were selling their 3D movies?) The best part, the price was a good deal. Twenty bucks. That's the cost of one DVD these day. I showed it to my sister, and she didn't approve. She said she only wanted the Shrek DVD and not the other one. I tried to talk her into how good a deal it was, but her hunger took over. The thing about my sister is that when she is not in a good mood or hungry, she becomes very frustrating to deal with and talk to. Compared to the fact that I'm just difficult period, that's not really a bad thing. Anyway, I was almost tempted to buy the DVD myself, but my mood at the time made me think rather brash and random. I opted to freeze my brain via an ICEE to help me think clearly. (Hey, I have a twisted sense of logic.) As I began to think out loud, my mother got frustrated with my inability to make up my mind and gave me $10 to figure things out faster.
I ended up not buying the DVD bundle. The lack of interest in what the consumer market has out there gave me just cause.
At least now I'm $10 richer.
Summer Forecast - Pathetic
Around Spring Break, I told Bill that I was thinking about doing work all that week since I can't afford to go anywhere I wanted to go. Bill told me that the only reason I would do that is because I have nothing better to do. He eventually talked me into being lazy during that week, because that's what I really wanted to do.
With my sister's graduation on the immediate horizon, I spent the better half of last night thinking in bed about what my summer will be like.
Originally, I was convinced that I would be able to go on a vacation of the lifetime. Not going to happen, so I've been watching videos of various vacation hot spots that no longer exist.
I also have been wanting to not really get a job despite what my mouth says in person. Yes, I know. I need the experience, money, and, in the end, it's a good thing for me. The thing is, I talked to Mac one night (and probably for the last night as well). He said that some people just don't belong in the work force. Excuse me for being egotistical, but I believe I'm one of those people.
My advisor in Watkins said that now would be a good time to learn how to drive since I'll have to eventually take evening classes. The thing is, I honestly do not want to drive, nor to I feel like I have the responsibility to take on such a privilege. It isn't that I do not want to learn how to drive. I am just not ready for it. And the fact I live in a town where a fellow student can get away with a hit-and-run for two weeks on the pedestrian level is just adding to it. I guess the cops were all out giving speeding tickets to do any real good.
So, I hit the three big things that the average student in any level of education would face. Vacation, job, and driving. All don't all that favorable. That leads us to what my summer may end up being. From the looks of the last two weeks, my entire summer is going to spent being unkempt, cooped up here on the computer with my two best friends Bitch and Moan, playing online video games that have no real basis in my life as far as something productive. I'll end up watching various videos of Disney theme park shows I'll never see in person (Blazing Rhythm and ShowBiz Is come to mind). If I do any art of any kind, it will be due to the fact that I am bored out of mind. I mean, right now, I'm working on a drawing, and it's taking me a few days just to get about 80% done.
So, I guess that's all I can say right now about that. My summer is going to be a pathetic one. One in which the sins of Sloth and Gluttony are sure to enjoy. I wonder if Lust will join the party seeing how I've masturbated at least 20 times over the last two weeks.
I wish there was some way I could join Zero on her cruise. I so need a vacation from life in general.
With my sister's graduation on the immediate horizon, I spent the better half of last night thinking in bed about what my summer will be like.
Originally, I was convinced that I would be able to go on a vacation of the lifetime. Not going to happen, so I've been watching videos of various vacation hot spots that no longer exist.
I also have been wanting to not really get a job despite what my mouth says in person. Yes, I know. I need the experience, money, and, in the end, it's a good thing for me. The thing is, I talked to Mac one night (and probably for the last night as well). He said that some people just don't belong in the work force. Excuse me for being egotistical, but I believe I'm one of those people.
My advisor in Watkins said that now would be a good time to learn how to drive since I'll have to eventually take evening classes. The thing is, I honestly do not want to drive, nor to I feel like I have the responsibility to take on such a privilege. It isn't that I do not want to learn how to drive. I am just not ready for it. And the fact I live in a town where a fellow student can get away with a hit-and-run for two weeks on the pedestrian level is just adding to it. I guess the cops were all out giving speeding tickets to do any real good.
So, I hit the three big things that the average student in any level of education would face. Vacation, job, and driving. All don't all that favorable. That leads us to what my summer may end up being. From the looks of the last two weeks, my entire summer is going to spent being unkempt, cooped up here on the computer with my two best friends Bitch and Moan, playing online video games that have no real basis in my life as far as something productive. I'll end up watching various videos of Disney theme park shows I'll never see in person (Blazing Rhythm and ShowBiz Is come to mind). If I do any art of any kind, it will be due to the fact that I am bored out of mind. I mean, right now, I'm working on a drawing, and it's taking me a few days just to get about 80% done.
So, I guess that's all I can say right now about that. My summer is going to be a pathetic one. One in which the sins of Sloth and Gluttony are sure to enjoy. I wonder if Lust will join the party seeing how I've masturbated at least 20 times over the last two weeks.
I wish there was some way I could join Zero on her cruise. I so need a vacation from life in general.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
"You can learn a lot about a person by how they kiss."
You are a Summer Kiss! You love showin your boy
off... especially when you both can chill
outside with your shirts off...
What kind of Hot Boy Kiss are you??
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah... I like to show off my body... when no one is looking.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Religion and Politics - I don't get it!
Just a few minutes ago, I caught a slight news blip about how a priest is warning voters not to vote for one of the two front runner candidates for President because they are not Christian/Catholic/whatever. Something about not having Communion. I didn't catch who they were talking about, but I have this odd feeling it's John Kerry.
I don't understand something. Isn't there suppose to be a separation of church and state in this country? This isn't the first time I've asked this question. I mean, back when gay marriages was in the news in full force, I asked that same question. Still, why does it still matter even now?
So what if so-and-so didn't have Communion? Hell, I'm not even a confirmed Catholic! So what if the Bible says this, that, and the other about whatever? It's a book that has been mistranslated several hundreds-upon-millions of times since it was first written!
On top of that, not everyone in this country believes in God. There was a sign I saw way back when that 10 Commandment statue was up saying something to the affect of "If you don't believe in God, you shouldn't be living in America." Well, if that's the case, I'd like to request deportation to some other country that doesn't care what I believe. Australia seems laid back enough for me. Hey, and while you're at it, why don't you talk to that guy from Dayton, Tennessee and get his little "Deport the Gays" bill passed! That would give me two reasons to leave the country as well as shoot America in the foot as far as labor goes. Oh, sure, they could always fix it with something like making it legal for Mexicans with work visa to stay in the country to work and all that stuff. Make it more attractive and more appealing, if you will. Hey, they could also do that for the Canadians, although knowing them, they probably won't take up the offer. After all, they have free hospitals last I checked. Here, if you so much as get checked in for heavy breathing and passing out, they charge you an arm and a leg. I should know; that was what happened to me when I was a freshman in High School.
Back on subject.
When you think about it, what does politics and religion have to do with each other? Nothing. If it did, we wouldn't have any politicians whatsoever! Why? Well, they are all liars! For the most part, they say what the public wants to hear and they then they try to do their best to keep their word, but you know that Senator is never going to pass that bill to help lower shootings for a neighborhood in his district, and that Congresswoman isn't going to make teacher pays any better. At least, not at the expense of her own pay check. They are all a bunch of lairs as far as I am concern. There are no honest politicians. I don't think there ever was. If religion has any part in politics, then I say we should smite all the liars in the political area and display their heads on pikes leading into the capital with the warning "Politicians, you have been warned."
What one believes in has no place in the political area. If I had to choose between a religious, old, backwards, white guy and a non-religious, honest, black woman that could get with the times and see all the idiots around her, I'm voting for the "sista."
I don't understand something. Isn't there suppose to be a separation of church and state in this country? This isn't the first time I've asked this question. I mean, back when gay marriages was in the news in full force, I asked that same question. Still, why does it still matter even now?
So what if so-and-so didn't have Communion? Hell, I'm not even a confirmed Catholic! So what if the Bible says this, that, and the other about whatever? It's a book that has been mistranslated several hundreds-upon-millions of times since it was first written!
On top of that, not everyone in this country believes in God. There was a sign I saw way back when that 10 Commandment statue was up saying something to the affect of "If you don't believe in God, you shouldn't be living in America." Well, if that's the case, I'd like to request deportation to some other country that doesn't care what I believe. Australia seems laid back enough for me. Hey, and while you're at it, why don't you talk to that guy from Dayton, Tennessee and get his little "Deport the Gays" bill passed! That would give me two reasons to leave the country as well as shoot America in the foot as far as labor goes. Oh, sure, they could always fix it with something like making it legal for Mexicans with work visa to stay in the country to work and all that stuff. Make it more attractive and more appealing, if you will. Hey, they could also do that for the Canadians, although knowing them, they probably won't take up the offer. After all, they have free hospitals last I checked. Here, if you so much as get checked in for heavy breathing and passing out, they charge you an arm and a leg. I should know; that was what happened to me when I was a freshman in High School.
Back on subject.
When you think about it, what does politics and religion have to do with each other? Nothing. If it did, we wouldn't have any politicians whatsoever! Why? Well, they are all liars! For the most part, they say what the public wants to hear and they then they try to do their best to keep their word, but you know that Senator is never going to pass that bill to help lower shootings for a neighborhood in his district, and that Congresswoman isn't going to make teacher pays any better. At least, not at the expense of her own pay check. They are all a bunch of lairs as far as I am concern. There are no honest politicians. I don't think there ever was. If religion has any part in politics, then I say we should smite all the liars in the political area and display their heads on pikes leading into the capital with the warning "Politicians, you have been warned."
What one believes in has no place in the political area. If I had to choose between a religious, old, backwards, white guy and a non-religious, honest, black woman that could get with the times and see all the idiots around her, I'm voting for the "sista."
Test Results on an Anime Personality Test That I Never Heard of Before
You're a guy that always appear silent and cold.
Hardly you trust in the others, only you know what had built these "barriers."
Only a few really knows you, and these know how much you're precious.
You're a person that returns a little affection with something ten times bigger!
On the other hand, if someone hurts you, you'll return the same hurt, but bigger!
Well, I guess that explains why I come off like an asshole whenever I feel hurt, even if it is at my own hand.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
I need to be slapped
I agreed to have cyber sex with someone on Gaia that I've only talked to twice. On top of that, and the reason I feel I need to be slapped, is the fact that I enjoyed it.
That's what I get given the fact that I haven't had real sex in God-knows-how-long!
That's what I get given the fact that I haven't had real sex in God-knows-how-long!
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Spring Semester Grades
Art History Survey II - A-
Drawing II - B
Color Fundamentals - B
3-D Design - B
Not bad. I did a lot better than I originally thought in Art History. I think it has something to do with my Final paper.
Drawing II - B
Color Fundamentals - B
3-D Design - B
Not bad. I did a lot better than I originally thought in Art History. I think it has something to do with my Final paper.
I actually learned something and retained it!
This is totally biases and one-sided, but I feel I have one an argument on MouseInfo.com about Epcot's new gallery they are installing. It is about African art and the influences it had on African-American artists. Click the link to read more about it.
Thank you, Art History! I feel so smart now!
Thank you, Art History! I feel so smart now!
Flood of Memories
I was on YaoiHell.com the other night when I found a manga that sent my memory banks into overdrive.
I found a manga called MAIDROID, or something like that. It was set in a time not too far from now when people could order anatomically correct humanoid robots. They required no food, only electricity to power their battery via a cord and plug that comes out of their head. Think of it like plugging into The Matrix, only the plug isn't put in you because you have a cord sticking out of your head with a plug at the other end. The android also had a control panel on the back just below the neck that wouldn't show unless the power was off. When it was on, you couldn't tell if there was one or not. Other odd things included a hat that was part of his head. The two parts of the hat were a phone and a small computer. It is also obviously suppose to be a "pleasure bot." I'll let the pictures say why.
Anyway, after flipping through this yaoi manga, I started to remember someone and his little "Frankenstein" project. Yes, I'm alluding to the fact that I know someone that is actually trying to make a Maidroid. Or rather, a house boy bot. Same idea, same purpose, same target audience for that matter. I'm almost surprised that he didn't find out about his comic. I know he didn't because he doesn't like anime. Hell, he doesn't like cartoons for the most part, except for maybe Scooby Doo, but that's only because he named one of his dogs Scooby.
Anyway, that got me thinking about what he said to me once. He said that once he was able to complete one, he would send one over to me to pick me up so that I could meet him in person. (Yeah, I know. That's not going to happen. I know.) He also said that the model he would send me would be everything I ever wanted out of a man. Blond, lean, boyish good looks. Being kind and obedient was going to be standard programming, as well as the option of being there for sexual needs.
The more I thought about it, the cooler it sounded to me, but then again, it was all just theory. I'm not even sure if he was able to do the project let alone get funding for it. (Okay, that's a lie.) Yeah, I would love to have the perfect and most advanced sex toy this side of the year 2000. Who wouldn't? The droid would do everything you want it to do while you were away, and when you needed to be pleased, there it was waiting for your command! Still, knowing me, I'd end up getting too dependent on it. What if it breaks down? Then what will I do? See where I'm going with this?
After thinking about "The Doc" as he is now known by his circle of friends, I started to think about David and his effort to put me back in said circle.
David is a nice guy. I love him to death. The last thing I want to do to him is hurt him, but apparently I have. I've freaked him out several times, but yet he still stuck by me knowing that I deserve more than what I have going for me.
In the end, though, I did nothing but hurt him. I probably made him feel a very heavy regret for even trying to put me back in the circle that I was once in. All he wanted was for me to have a really cool and close circle of friends. The kind of friends that would love you like family.
No one can love this asshole like family. Christina couldn't, even though she did say to her boss that she loves me like a brother. Bill couldn't, and he said the exact same thing several times! I wonder how my sister does it, sometimes, but then I remember that we live on other sides of the house. At least, until she goes off to college in Virginia.
Everyone I've ever talked to, even on Gaia and Neopets, always tell me to start loving myself and people will love me back. My sister even tried something Michael did to her. Every time I said one negative thing, I had to think of four positive things. To be honest, she asked me to do the impossible. With that last sentence, I now owe her eight positive thoughts. Not the kind that make me happy like little kittens and tips to Walt Disney World, but actual things about me that make me happy. I don't know. How does that work exactly? How does loving yourself make other people love you more?
I found a manga called MAIDROID, or something like that. It was set in a time not too far from now when people could order anatomically correct humanoid robots. They required no food, only electricity to power their battery via a cord and plug that comes out of their head. Think of it like plugging into The Matrix, only the plug isn't put in you because you have a cord sticking out of your head with a plug at the other end. The android also had a control panel on the back just below the neck that wouldn't show unless the power was off. When it was on, you couldn't tell if there was one or not. Other odd things included a hat that was part of his head. The two parts of the hat were a phone and a small computer. It is also obviously suppose to be a "pleasure bot." I'll let the pictures say why.
Anyway, after flipping through this yaoi manga, I started to remember someone and his little "Frankenstein" project. Yes, I'm alluding to the fact that I know someone that is actually trying to make a Maidroid. Or rather, a house boy bot. Same idea, same purpose, same target audience for that matter. I'm almost surprised that he didn't find out about his comic. I know he didn't because he doesn't like anime. Hell, he doesn't like cartoons for the most part, except for maybe Scooby Doo, but that's only because he named one of his dogs Scooby.
Anyway, that got me thinking about what he said to me once. He said that once he was able to complete one, he would send one over to me to pick me up so that I could meet him in person. (Yeah, I know. That's not going to happen. I know.) He also said that the model he would send me would be everything I ever wanted out of a man. Blond, lean, boyish good looks. Being kind and obedient was going to be standard programming, as well as the option of being there for sexual needs.
The more I thought about it, the cooler it sounded to me, but then again, it was all just theory. I'm not even sure if he was able to do the project let alone get funding for it. (Okay, that's a lie.) Yeah, I would love to have the perfect and most advanced sex toy this side of the year 2000. Who wouldn't? The droid would do everything you want it to do while you were away, and when you needed to be pleased, there it was waiting for your command! Still, knowing me, I'd end up getting too dependent on it. What if it breaks down? Then what will I do? See where I'm going with this?
After thinking about "The Doc" as he is now known by his circle of friends, I started to think about David and his effort to put me back in said circle.
David is a nice guy. I love him to death. The last thing I want to do to him is hurt him, but apparently I have. I've freaked him out several times, but yet he still stuck by me knowing that I deserve more than what I have going for me.
In the end, though, I did nothing but hurt him. I probably made him feel a very heavy regret for even trying to put me back in the circle that I was once in. All he wanted was for me to have a really cool and close circle of friends. The kind of friends that would love you like family.
No one can love this asshole like family. Christina couldn't, even though she did say to her boss that she loves me like a brother. Bill couldn't, and he said the exact same thing several times! I wonder how my sister does it, sometimes, but then I remember that we live on other sides of the house. At least, until she goes off to college in Virginia.
Everyone I've ever talked to, even on Gaia and Neopets, always tell me to start loving myself and people will love me back. My sister even tried something Michael did to her. Every time I said one negative thing, I had to think of four positive things. To be honest, she asked me to do the impossible. With that last sentence, I now owe her eight positive thoughts. Not the kind that make me happy like little kittens and tips to Walt Disney World, but actual things about me that make me happy. I don't know. How does that work exactly? How does loving yourself make other people love you more?
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Pseudo-Cooperation Blogs
This morning, as part of my habits, I read Shem's blog. Apparently, he and his significant other Shaoli don't like Blogger's new upgrades. Both of them are calling it a blatant rip-off from MSN and LiveJournal, particularly in the new commenting engine. And according to Shem, I had a hand in helping him see that. He sited me three times on his blog alone!
So what's going to happen to him? Well, he's going to leave opting for another server. He doesn't like blogs and free publishing sites that are obviously aimed at the people that are doing it for a fad. I think Shaoli will follow suit, for I don't really know, to be honest.
As for me? Call me stubborn, but I'm sticking with it. The reason is I have a large archive, and I don't want to lose it in some ridiculous transfer. It's the pack rat in me.
So what's going to happen to him? Well, he's going to leave opting for another server. He doesn't like blogs and free publishing sites that are obviously aimed at the people that are doing it for a fad. I think Shaoli will follow suit, for I don't really know, to be honest.
As for me? Call me stubborn, but I'm sticking with it. The reason is I have a large archive, and I don't want to lose it in some ridiculous transfer. It's the pack rat in me.
Monday, May 10, 2004
Links Up
Last blog for the day (unless Blogger fixes itself, then you'll get one more celebrating how things are working).
Anyway, as the title says, links are up and running. I removed the ones I don't go to from the list I saved, mostly to keep it current as to my interests and tastes.
That's enough messing around with the template for now. I need to relax before I take an axe to the computer.
Anyway, as the title says, links are up and running. I removed the ones I don't go to from the list I saved, mostly to keep it current as to my interests and tastes.
That's enough messing around with the template for now. I need to relax before I take an axe to the computer.
So much for that!
I fired off a bug report to the wonderful programmers at Blogger about what is going on. Hopefully they can fix it since obviously changing my blogs template isn't going to help me any.
It's times like these I wish I never found this thing. Then I think about it say to myself that if I didn't find out about this place, I would blow up from the inside out due to not being able to get all my emotions out.
It's times like these I wish I never found this thing. Then I think about it say to myself that if I didn't find out about this place, I would blow up from the inside out due to not being able to get all my emotions out.
Changes at the Expense of Glitches
I'm getting tired of all these glitches that happen with blogger today because of all the new features. I've decided to scrap the old layout and use another template of theirs. Maybe when I feel better I'll put back that long list of links I had in the last one. I saved them as a TXT file for later.
In other news, I also stopped cold-turkey and unofficially with HaloScan as my comment provider. The reason is because Blogger has a comment option now (finally!). This means that all previous comments are now gone. Doesn't matter really since HaloScan deletes comments after about a month to keep their servers clean and free of crap.
I also need to remember not to put links in titles from this point on. With the new layout, people may accidentally go to the wrong place when they click on my previous blogs menu.
Now if only I had the balls to post a recent picture of my fat, ugly self.
In other news, I also stopped cold-turkey and unofficially with HaloScan as my comment provider. The reason is because Blogger has a comment option now (finally!). This means that all previous comments are now gone. Doesn't matter really since HaloScan deletes comments after about a month to keep their servers clean and free of crap.
I also need to remember not to put links in titles from this point on. With the new layout, people may accidentally go to the wrong place when they click on my previous blogs menu.
Now if only I had the balls to post a recent picture of my fat, ugly self.
I'm not creative enough on my own.
I tried to keep myself going in my art, but for some bizarre reason I did not have the drive to do what I wanted to do today. I couldn't push myself to actually paint or draw or create anything.
It was around this time that I started to really sit down and think about what it was that I was doing and how I acted in my classes during the semester.
I'm a sponge. I think it is because of my co-dependency. When I'm around creative people, I seem to be able to actually produce something. When I'm not, I'm like this. A bum that is just waiting to die.
When did things go wrong? When did I become like this?
It was around this time that I started to really sit down and think about what it was that I was doing and how I acted in my classes during the semester.
I'm a sponge. I think it is because of my co-dependency. When I'm around creative people, I seem to be able to actually produce something. When I'm not, I'm like this. A bum that is just waiting to die.
When did things go wrong? When did I become like this?
This is so aggravating...
Blogger is being bad, and isn't working the way it should. Several thousand apologies over on behalf of the programmers.
Stupid New Features...
Blogger just introduce some new features, and apparently it is messing up my blog. I'll republish the entire thing later.
Dreams of Fear
Another dream about elevators, only this time, no one died.
I'm in the elevator trying to get to the lobby when someone I seem to know comes in with me and starts talking to me. He then stops the elevator and starts pouring his heart out to me. The thing is, I don't hear a word of what he says because I'm too preoccupied with how the elevator size is shrinking. Claustrophobia kicks into high gear and I start to panic. I reach over and restart the elevator bolting out as soon as the doors open to whatever floor it may be.
Is this a dream saying that I'm afraid of commitment and/or monogamy? Maybe it's just confirming the fact that I think I can't close to people without hurting them (hence how he had to stop the elevator in order to talk to me on a personal level). I wish someone like Freud was still around.
Then again, scratch that. I know my dream isn't about penises.
I'm in the elevator trying to get to the lobby when someone I seem to know comes in with me and starts talking to me. He then stops the elevator and starts pouring his heart out to me. The thing is, I don't hear a word of what he says because I'm too preoccupied with how the elevator size is shrinking. Claustrophobia kicks into high gear and I start to panic. I reach over and restart the elevator bolting out as soon as the doors open to whatever floor it may be.
Is this a dream saying that I'm afraid of commitment and/or monogamy? Maybe it's just confirming the fact that I think I can't close to people without hurting them (hence how he had to stop the elevator in order to talk to me on a personal level). I wish someone like Freud was still around.
Then again, scratch that. I know my dream isn't about penises.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Neopets Coming Soon to McDonald's!
Yes, Neopets are going to be appearing in McDonalds® Happy Meals® starting on the 28th of May!
In each special Neopets Happy Meal box you will find one of 105 different Neopets Plushies (Fifteen species in four basic colours plus three Paint Brush colours!) You will also find one of 15 never-seen before Neopets TCG cards.
Dear God, they're everywhere now!! I knew signing up with MacDonalds was going to end up being a bad thing when they were looking for permanent sponsors.
In each special Neopets Happy Meal box you will find one of 105 different Neopets Plushies (Fifteen species in four basic colours plus three Paint Brush colours!) You will also find one of 15 never-seen before Neopets TCG cards.
Dear God, they're everywhere now!! I knew signing up with MacDonalds was going to end up being a bad thing when they were looking for permanent sponsors.
Friday, May 07, 2004
Tycoon I Am Not
Last blog about the game I bought. I swear!
Okay, so I started playing again, this time I made sure the cheat code was off. I did my best to try to figure out a way to make a decent school that would at least show a profit as well as educate the enrolled student population.
Turns out this game's biggest downfall is the upgrade tree and it's structure. While other games like Zoo Tycoon and even Roller Coast Tycoon have an upgrade system, they at least make all the items available for purchase at the beginning. Not is the case with School Tycoon. Like I said in my review, you have to have this, that, and the other to open the best item possible. The only problem with that is you tend to take up more space than you really need to. This can be solved with the move button, but I find myself selling the item I don't need to replace it entirely. When I do that, apparently the game acts like I didn't build the damn level 1 building and locks back up the next level of that upgrade! Talk about frustrating. It's like going to MacDonald's to order a Big Mac thinking that fries and a drink are a given only to find out they aren't because you order your burger with no onions or something stupid like that.
Seems kind of stupid that I'm getting worked up over a video game, doesn't it?
Okay, so I started playing again, this time I made sure the cheat code was off. I did my best to try to figure out a way to make a decent school that would at least show a profit as well as educate the enrolled student population.
Turns out this game's biggest downfall is the upgrade tree and it's structure. While other games like Zoo Tycoon and even Roller Coast Tycoon have an upgrade system, they at least make all the items available for purchase at the beginning. Not is the case with School Tycoon. Like I said in my review, you have to have this, that, and the other to open the best item possible. The only problem with that is you tend to take up more space than you really need to. This can be solved with the move button, but I find myself selling the item I don't need to replace it entirely. When I do that, apparently the game acts like I didn't build the damn level 1 building and locks back up the next level of that upgrade! Talk about frustrating. It's like going to MacDonald's to order a Big Mac thinking that fries and a drink are a given only to find out they aren't because you order your burger with no onions or something stupid like that.
Seems kind of stupid that I'm getting worked up over a video game, doesn't it?
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Cheat College
Because I do it in almost every one of my games that I can, I entered in a cheat code that got me a whole lot of money for School Tycoon. As usual, I created what I thought would be a really cool and self-sufficient tycooning product.
Didn't work.
Apparently, I forgot all the little managing techniques I learned from the other tycoon games. Start small and then work your way up.
Unfortunately, starting small means trying to get by with the basics, which can't really get you much if your student population is unhappy with the fact that you have too few port-o-potties and even fewer vending machines. I swear, it's so hard to please people sometimes.
Can you tell I found my new distraction for the time being? I wonder how long this will last.
Didn't work.
Apparently, I forgot all the little managing techniques I learned from the other tycoon games. Start small and then work your way up.
Unfortunately, starting small means trying to get by with the basics, which can't really get you much if your student population is unhappy with the fact that you have too few port-o-potties and even fewer vending machines. I swear, it's so hard to please people sometimes.
Can you tell I found my new distraction for the time being? I wonder how long this will last.
School Tycoon Review
I'll try to be as professional as possible.
Concept
Score: B-
The idea behind School Tycoon is that you are in charge of producing a successful yet fun learning facility for the young minds of wherever-it-is-you-are. You can choose what they learn, where they learn, what they eat, and how they play. The better your students perform, the better your school is. The more fun your school is, the more popular it will become, the more students you reason. And the cycle goes on.
Overall, an interesting idea, but not very compelling to most.
Gameplay
Score: C
Gameplay is relatively simple. You either pick a scenario and try to get the objective or you go into sandbox mode and do whatever you want. I'm not a fan of the scenario portions of any tycoon or SIM game, mostly because they are pretty tried-and-true learning games to help you out in the sandbox mode. They aren't required, but they are helpful.
The actual gameplay itself is very simple. Simply point and click what you want where. Nothing flashy, yet not overly complicated.
The only bad thing about it is that there will always be something blocking your view at all time. Be careful where you put things like statues and trees, or else you won't be able to see that pile of trash that needs cleaning. There is no transparency option that I could find, so you'll end up having to rotate a lot to find that stray area.
I also don't like the fact that while the buildings are like Tetris pieces, there is no grid marking system. That would make placement a little bit easier.
While you are only restricted to three types of land area, the space is more than enough for your school. Keep in mind that you will not crowd and use up the entire space. Schools are meant to be schools, not a metropolis.
The high point is the fact that you can actually move buildings around to make space for others, which saves you cash as oppose to bulldozing and then rebuilding. Too bad you can't move the teachers with them. Speaking of which, the teachers, as well as most of your other staff members, are all pretty atomic. They will do their jobs based on their randomly-generated stats with little-to-no commands from the player. In fact, they have been known to expel students for you that don't follow the rules, and once you build a detention building, they will send those rowdy punks there as well.
Once you do have a successful school going, you can create your own student and follow him or her on their school day, if you're into that kind of voyeurism.
Overall, the gameplay is well balance and has everything that any Tycoon game should have.
Sound
Score: C-
Some of the sounds are actually interesting, particularly the ambient noises, but other than that, your teachers and your students will sound as if they came from The Sims. The only exception is they know how to talk real words! Other than that, expect a lot of birds chirping, waves crashing onto the beach, and the occasional beeping horn during rush hour.
Graphics
Score: B+
The graphics in this game are really something to look at and better than most of the tycoon titles I own. Instead of being locked in a 2-D position, you can rotate around in a 3-D environment in real time with what is going on in your school. You can also be like God and oversee the entire campus from far away or zoom in on an individual student as if studying them through a microscope. You will experience some kind of frame lag, but most of it is minor.
Bugs
There aren't any really bad bugs in the game. Things look to be rather smooth for the most part. You will notices that students and teachers will tend to walk through building walls and each other, but that's to be expected since most of the animation budget was spent on the people and not on the swinging doors.
Things That Bother Me
Okay, this is where I'm going to rant, but it's part of the review.
The idea is that you are in charge of a high school. There are high school classes such as math and social studies and basic art. There are even high school stereotypes like the jock and the nerds and the bullies that have nothing better to do than to life irons and the occasional nerd. The part that bothers me is that once you get a good layout going, your school looks more like a university campus than a high school. Maybe I'm wrong and there is a high school out there that looks somewhat like this, but I am not aware of any high school having it's own Burger King on campus instead of a cafeteria.
Another thing that is strange to me is how you get money. Apparently, with every new student that enrolls, you get some kind of cash. If this isn't a college you're running, than the only other conclusion I can come up with is that you are running a private school. While excusable, it is rather odd since most private schools control how much tuition is. You can't in the game. The set price appears to be about $50 a student, give or take.
Stranger still is the upgrade system. In order to get better buildings, you need to start with basic ones. This make sense with some like the Janitor's Building, but to unlock some of the other's does not make sense. I mean, why do I have to construct a Port-O-Potty just to get access to the Nurses Office and the Detention Building? Does someone need to put a cherry bomb in the pile of crap injuring some helpless potty-goer so that both buildings have some kind of purpose? While I'm thinking about it, why do you have to start with a Port-o-John as your student's bathroom?! Don't you think they are worth at least proper lavatory facilities from the start?! The trouble with the national school systems these days.
Overall Score: C+
There are some quirky things about the game that I don't understand, but it is easy to get into as well as good time waster. The fact that it is $20 also helps. It's worth the cash, which is rare for tycoon games. Now if only I could just produce a school that won't go bankrupt. Where's the damn government funding when I need it?
Concept
Score: B-
The idea behind School Tycoon is that you are in charge of producing a successful yet fun learning facility for the young minds of wherever-it-is-you-are. You can choose what they learn, where they learn, what they eat, and how they play. The better your students perform, the better your school is. The more fun your school is, the more popular it will become, the more students you reason. And the cycle goes on.
Overall, an interesting idea, but not very compelling to most.
Gameplay
Score: C
Gameplay is relatively simple. You either pick a scenario and try to get the objective or you go into sandbox mode and do whatever you want. I'm not a fan of the scenario portions of any tycoon or SIM game, mostly because they are pretty tried-and-true learning games to help you out in the sandbox mode. They aren't required, but they are helpful.
The actual gameplay itself is very simple. Simply point and click what you want where. Nothing flashy, yet not overly complicated.
The only bad thing about it is that there will always be something blocking your view at all time. Be careful where you put things like statues and trees, or else you won't be able to see that pile of trash that needs cleaning. There is no transparency option that I could find, so you'll end up having to rotate a lot to find that stray area.
I also don't like the fact that while the buildings are like Tetris pieces, there is no grid marking system. That would make placement a little bit easier.
While you are only restricted to three types of land area, the space is more than enough for your school. Keep in mind that you will not crowd and use up the entire space. Schools are meant to be schools, not a metropolis.
The high point is the fact that you can actually move buildings around to make space for others, which saves you cash as oppose to bulldozing and then rebuilding. Too bad you can't move the teachers with them. Speaking of which, the teachers, as well as most of your other staff members, are all pretty atomic. They will do their jobs based on their randomly-generated stats with little-to-no commands from the player. In fact, they have been known to expel students for you that don't follow the rules, and once you build a detention building, they will send those rowdy punks there as well.
Once you do have a successful school going, you can create your own student and follow him or her on their school day, if you're into that kind of voyeurism.
Overall, the gameplay is well balance and has everything that any Tycoon game should have.
Sound
Score: C-
Some of the sounds are actually interesting, particularly the ambient noises, but other than that, your teachers and your students will sound as if they came from The Sims. The only exception is they know how to talk real words! Other than that, expect a lot of birds chirping, waves crashing onto the beach, and the occasional beeping horn during rush hour.
Graphics
Score: B+
The graphics in this game are really something to look at and better than most of the tycoon titles I own. Instead of being locked in a 2-D position, you can rotate around in a 3-D environment in real time with what is going on in your school. You can also be like God and oversee the entire campus from far away or zoom in on an individual student as if studying them through a microscope. You will experience some kind of frame lag, but most of it is minor.
Bugs
There aren't any really bad bugs in the game. Things look to be rather smooth for the most part. You will notices that students and teachers will tend to walk through building walls and each other, but that's to be expected since most of the animation budget was spent on the people and not on the swinging doors.
Things That Bother Me
Okay, this is where I'm going to rant, but it's part of the review.
The idea is that you are in charge of a high school. There are high school classes such as math and social studies and basic art. There are even high school stereotypes like the jock and the nerds and the bullies that have nothing better to do than to life irons and the occasional nerd. The part that bothers me is that once you get a good layout going, your school looks more like a university campus than a high school. Maybe I'm wrong and there is a high school out there that looks somewhat like this, but I am not aware of any high school having it's own Burger King on campus instead of a cafeteria.
Another thing that is strange to me is how you get money. Apparently, with every new student that enrolls, you get some kind of cash. If this isn't a college you're running, than the only other conclusion I can come up with is that you are running a private school. While excusable, it is rather odd since most private schools control how much tuition is. You can't in the game. The set price appears to be about $50 a student, give or take.
Stranger still is the upgrade system. In order to get better buildings, you need to start with basic ones. This make sense with some like the Janitor's Building, but to unlock some of the other's does not make sense. I mean, why do I have to construct a Port-O-Potty just to get access to the Nurses Office and the Detention Building? Does someone need to put a cherry bomb in the pile of crap injuring some helpless potty-goer so that both buildings have some kind of purpose? While I'm thinking about it, why do you have to start with a Port-o-John as your student's bathroom?! Don't you think they are worth at least proper lavatory facilities from the start?! The trouble with the national school systems these days.
Overall Score: C+
There are some quirky things about the game that I don't understand, but it is easy to get into as well as good time waster. The fact that it is $20 also helps. It's worth the cash, which is rare for tycoon games. Now if only I could just produce a school that won't go bankrupt. Where's the damn government funding when I need it?
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Shrek? No. School? Yeah.
It's funny how the laws of life seem to be solidified without our knowing.
After dinner, my sister was hell-bent on looking for Shrek for a Shrek Graduation Party of hers, partially in preparation for Shrek 2's release. We couldn't find it.
What we did find was a copy of School Tycoon, the last tycoon game that I've wanted to try since it seemed like a good value game. And I wasn't even trying to find it!
Strange how that works, huh?
After dinner, my sister was hell-bent on looking for Shrek for a Shrek Graduation Party of hers, partially in preparation for Shrek 2's release. We couldn't find it.
What we did find was a copy of School Tycoon, the last tycoon game that I've wanted to try since it seemed like a good value game. And I wasn't even trying to find it!
Strange how that works, huh?
Monday, May 03, 2004
Rough Night
I was unable to sleep last night. My brain didn't want me to. I tried the usual sex fantasy to fall asleep to, but after I masturbated, I realized that all the fun and energy that I normally use in the ordeal to compensate for the lack of real sex I get is no longer there. Kind of like I was doing yet another chore of mine like the laundry or cleaning my dishes.
I fell asleep around 01:00 and woke up again at 01:10. I dreamed that I was having the time of my life in New York City. The statue of liberty looming taller than ever. I looked out into the harbor and saw boats of all kind. Then, from my right, a large barge fired off a rocket. Highly decorated, it was obviously suppose to be a day-time firework. The trouble was, it could not get off the surface of the water. It wasn't angled right to take off. On top of that, it was heading towards a strange looking passenger jet that landed in the water and was disembarking people onto a nearby dock. In a state of panic, one of the passengers closes the door in an attempt to stop the rocket. He closed it too late and the rocket was trapped inside the small plane. A few seconds later, it blew up killing a good 20 or so people with it. Those that were not killed were burned badly, with the harbor as their only way of putting themselves out before the fire made their conditions worst.
I fell back asleep around 03:45 and then woke up at 04:00 for the last time until the fall. No dreams of death and no feeling lonely. Just the feeling that things needed to be done today, as was the feeling on most of the days I had classes.
It's so odd. I want to talk and get close to someone, but I know I can't.
I fell asleep around 01:00 and woke up again at 01:10. I dreamed that I was having the time of my life in New York City. The statue of liberty looming taller than ever. I looked out into the harbor and saw boats of all kind. Then, from my right, a large barge fired off a rocket. Highly decorated, it was obviously suppose to be a day-time firework. The trouble was, it could not get off the surface of the water. It wasn't angled right to take off. On top of that, it was heading towards a strange looking passenger jet that landed in the water and was disembarking people onto a nearby dock. In a state of panic, one of the passengers closes the door in an attempt to stop the rocket. He closed it too late and the rocket was trapped inside the small plane. A few seconds later, it blew up killing a good 20 or so people with it. Those that were not killed were burned badly, with the harbor as their only way of putting themselves out before the fire made their conditions worst.
I fell back asleep around 03:45 and then woke up at 04:00 for the last time until the fall. No dreams of death and no feeling lonely. Just the feeling that things needed to be done today, as was the feeling on most of the days I had classes.
It's so odd. I want to talk and get close to someone, but I know I can't.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Lack of Interest
I found myself loosing interest in several things after my last blog. I didn't want to play Neopets or Gaia, nor did I feel like actually putting my opinion out there on MouseInfo.com. Nothing ever happens to me on Superdudes, and as much as I want to, I can't subscribe to any of the adult sites I want to due to the fact that I don't have a credit card. I can't watch DVD's on here because something fucked up when I updated RealPlayer.
And who would I talk to on AIM?
I tried sleeping, but it never came. It upsets me greatly how I can't escape even boredom now.
And who would I talk to on AIM?
I tried sleeping, but it never came. It upsets me greatly how I can't escape even boredom now.
Dreams of Death
I woke up this morning early with the feeling that I'll be alone forever. I forced myself to do what was done and then went back to sleep.
I dreamed of people dying again. Not a mass death by falling down elevator shafts like usual. I dreamed of people dying one by one. A blond girl getting run over by a fancy sports car, a young man snapped in two on the football field during a game, and strangest of all, a man tripping on a hike and drowning in a creek two inches deep because his legs and hands got trapped in knotted tree branches and roots. I didn't wake up cold or fearful. I don't think I woke up at all until just before I started blogging this.
I don't have any friends anymore. Due to how much of an emotional wreck I am, Leo and Bill pretty much said, representing the others, that our friendship is null in void in so many words. I complied and left. I deleted my entire buddy list on AIM knowing full well I would never sign back on to the IM service. My only social outlet now will be this blog and actually talking to people.
I wish someone would hook me up with my ideal. Scratch that thought. Even if I was that lucky, I'd just screw it up again.
I dreamed of people dying again. Not a mass death by falling down elevator shafts like usual. I dreamed of people dying one by one. A blond girl getting run over by a fancy sports car, a young man snapped in two on the football field during a game, and strangest of all, a man tripping on a hike and drowning in a creek two inches deep because his legs and hands got trapped in knotted tree branches and roots. I didn't wake up cold or fearful. I don't think I woke up at all until just before I started blogging this.
I don't have any friends anymore. Due to how much of an emotional wreck I am, Leo and Bill pretty much said, representing the others, that our friendship is null in void in so many words. I complied and left. I deleted my entire buddy list on AIM knowing full well I would never sign back on to the IM service. My only social outlet now will be this blog and actually talking to people.
I wish someone would hook me up with my ideal. Scratch that thought. Even if I was that lucky, I'd just screw it up again.
Saturday, May 01, 2004
Last Love Interest Officially Gone
Leo met someone while eating out. A really hot waiter. Asian. Got his number with the check. Kind of sounds like something out of a movie, doesn't it?
To be honest, I knew this day would happen eventually as long as I remained being nothing more but an online identity to those that I talk to. I knew that eventually he would run into someone that I know I cannot compete with. It happened with Andrew; it happened with James; there's no reason why it couldn't happen with Leo.
So I guess this is it. No more feeling like my heart should go to someone I feel is perfect for me. I guess I'll be forever living day by day with nothing more than lustful fantasies that last shorter than most one-night stands. Chances are slim I'll ever get lucky and be able to find that hot blond Adonis I've always wanted any time soon.
Oh well. I've grown numb to the disappointment. The stinging feeling in my heart is still there, but I've grown used to it now.
Guess I'm going to die alone after all now.
To be honest, I knew this day would happen eventually as long as I remained being nothing more but an online identity to those that I talk to. I knew that eventually he would run into someone that I know I cannot compete with. It happened with Andrew; it happened with James; there's no reason why it couldn't happen with Leo.
So I guess this is it. No more feeling like my heart should go to someone I feel is perfect for me. I guess I'll be forever living day by day with nothing more than lustful fantasies that last shorter than most one-night stands. Chances are slim I'll ever get lucky and be able to find that hot blond Adonis I've always wanted any time soon.
Oh well. I've grown numb to the disappointment. The stinging feeling in my heart is still there, but I've grown used to it now.
Guess I'm going to die alone after all now.
Surreality
Whenever someone says that they feel very insecure or very frighten, they claim to feel only three inches tall. The thing is, their height never changes by that much. It is just an emotional feeling that makes them feel as such.
This morning, fear and depression took hold again, only this time it got worst. I woke up and found myself in a bigger bed. Logic told me that it is impossible for me to change height by so much and equally impossible for the bed to be changed from underneath me. Still, my surroundings felt like I had shrunk due to fear, insecurity, and low self-esteem. The outside reflected the inside.
It was only after I watched some cartoons this morning that everything resettled back to normal.
I wonder if this has to do with last night.
I talked to Dan and Bill trying to get things together as I wanted them to go. A smooth and logical course of events that wouldn't send my parents into a sudden shock causing my dad to have an early heart attack. Like always, I was denied, and for the first time in a long time since I started college I lost control of my emotions. Anger turned into self-inflicting rage and then into depression. I pissed off Bill and greatly disappointed him. I came off as not wanting to take him to Walt Disney World. I came off as not being able to show my love and care for him as much as I feel it. To put it in Bill's words, I wasn't observing the No Asshole policy that was put into effect by David so as to better both sides in this complex and difficult relationship.
As usual, I tucked my tail and let Bill beat me verbally. He doesn't know it, but he did. He was trying to not hurt me, but to not hurt someone so easy to hurt is nearly impossible. He left to cool down saying that Leo would be on later. I blogged about how I felt, I went on Gaia, I did my Neopets run as soon as it turned midnight by Neopian Standard Time (their game clock), and I did not see Leo at all on AIM. By 03:00, I was tired and left to go to bed. A bed that would be, in the morning, a lot bigger than when I went to sleep in.
This morning, fear and depression took hold again, only this time it got worst. I woke up and found myself in a bigger bed. Logic told me that it is impossible for me to change height by so much and equally impossible for the bed to be changed from underneath me. Still, my surroundings felt like I had shrunk due to fear, insecurity, and low self-esteem. The outside reflected the inside.
It was only after I watched some cartoons this morning that everything resettled back to normal.
I wonder if this has to do with last night.
I talked to Dan and Bill trying to get things together as I wanted them to go. A smooth and logical course of events that wouldn't send my parents into a sudden shock causing my dad to have an early heart attack. Like always, I was denied, and for the first time in a long time since I started college I lost control of my emotions. Anger turned into self-inflicting rage and then into depression. I pissed off Bill and greatly disappointed him. I came off as not wanting to take him to Walt Disney World. I came off as not being able to show my love and care for him as much as I feel it. To put it in Bill's words, I wasn't observing the No Asshole policy that was put into effect by David so as to better both sides in this complex and difficult relationship.
As usual, I tucked my tail and let Bill beat me verbally. He doesn't know it, but he did. He was trying to not hurt me, but to not hurt someone so easy to hurt is nearly impossible. He left to cool down saying that Leo would be on later. I blogged about how I felt, I went on Gaia, I did my Neopets run as soon as it turned midnight by Neopian Standard Time (their game clock), and I did not see Leo at all on AIM. By 03:00, I was tired and left to go to bed. A bed that would be, in the morning, a lot bigger than when I went to sleep in.
Emotional War
There is war going on, and it isn't in Iraq.
Inside me, all sides are fighting with each other on every front. Anger is trying to be controlled by compassion which is being fought by acceptance which is being fought by selfishness. And so on and so on. No side will win. This is a battle in which peace seems like a distant fantasy. Balance and stability can only happen when something happens to all the fighting fronts. Something to beautiful it would be futile to even attempt to describe it.
I need peace. I'm tired of the chaos. I'm tired of being so fucked up and fucking up everything I want to do. I hate being this difficult. I hate being this way. I hate being me.
Why can't I kill myself? Why? Why can't I make the pain go away?
Inside me, all sides are fighting with each other on every front. Anger is trying to be controlled by compassion which is being fought by acceptance which is being fought by selfishness. And so on and so on. No side will win. This is a battle in which peace seems like a distant fantasy. Balance and stability can only happen when something happens to all the fighting fronts. Something to beautiful it would be futile to even attempt to describe it.
I need peace. I'm tired of the chaos. I'm tired of being so fucked up and fucking up everything I want to do. I hate being this difficult. I hate being this way. I hate being me.
Why can't I kill myself? Why? Why can't I make the pain go away?
