I hate to say this, but this could potentially be my last blog. There's a reason too. A damn good reason. And it's a long one.

A long time ago, around Christmas, my mom got the word that as of April 1st she will be out of a job. As such, we'll be losing the laptop. This is like a death blow to me. For one, I don't do well without a computer. Not only do I have little addictions like Neopets and Blogger, but the social aspect of what I have here online will be nulled and void. That means I won't be able to talk to any of the people on here that I truely love and care about. Do you know how much that sucks?!

Well, knowing that a computer is so important to us in our daily lives, my mother went looking for a computer. At first she wanted Dell or HP or something reputable like that. The thing is, they are expensive. Why are they so costly? Because you're paying for the name. We looked at several places and ended up buying an eMachine from Best Buy. It was the cheapest thing to buy for what we do. In any event, we do have a computer. We don't have online on it. The jack for the cable modem doesn't fit the jack in the back.

I'm really pissed off right now. Not about the whole losing online thing, even thought that is up there. I'm pissed at the fact that my own mother thinks I'm her private IT. "Why don't you help?" she always says. Why not asking herself that question? She wants me to install software. There are little wizards in the software that make even the stupidest of computer users able to install things!! She acts as if because I'm her son, I'm her slave. At least, that's what it seems like at time. And let met tell you this, it sucks! It's like she can't do a thing by herself because it's too new. What's the deal?! I know grandparents out there that are more technologically sound than she is! No wonder I got scammed into going computer hunting today.

That's another thing I'm mad about. I thought we were going to go computer hunting for me. She owes me a computer. Did she buy me a computer? NO! What did she get? She got herself her computer for her and Jessica to use. What did I get? Well, not that I'm complaining about getting Pokemon Crystal (finally), but I was hoping for a new computer for ME! So why the hell did she even bring me along if she was only going to get a computer for herself? Well, she needed some "expert" tech advice. Hell, I'm no expert! I can barely figure out this laptop that I'm on for the last time!! You know what else pushes my buttons about all this? I'm convinced she lied to me. She's never going to get me a computer of my own. And if I bring it up, she'll be all "you only think about yourself" on me.

New Flash: I have to think about myself, because no one else will!

At least not in this family. I can't do everything by myself. I need to be pushed to do something. I'm also not this slave that people can just take advantage of. I'm a human. I mean, come on! Just because I'm her son doesn't give her the right to a personal slave! If it did, then what the hell is my sister doing for her? Oh, that's right, running the till at the store. But you know what? She enjoys that and wants to do that. Me? I'm sorry, I got other plans. They may be stupid plans, but they are something I want to do. Like it or not.

All and all, I'm just really sick of what I have going for me here. No one knows me, no one seems to care about me unless I do something different or new or go away for a while. It's like when I'm here, they don't even bother to check on me. I think it is because of this that I'm so messed up about so many things. I think it's because of this that I need Dan and his verbal assaulting and that way he does things to get me to do things that I know I wouldn't be able to do on my own. I hate it here. All the material goods I have, all the video games, all the clothes. They mean nothing to me with a real feeling of love. Am I getting any of that?! NO!!! I'm being treated like a damn IT department! I wish I could just disappear and then everything tech would just break down here while I'm gone. Then we will see how they deal with it without Zeek around to clean up their digital mess after them.

You know, all this is making me feel better. I'm going to miss blogging. I'm going to miss talking to my friends on IMs instead of by snail mail untill we get a modem. More than likely, I won't be allowed on the computer. After all, they could pull the whole "this isn't your computer" angle. I guess that means I'll be playing my games more and more now instead of chatting the night away with people I feel are more of a family than what I have. Which means I'll be looking for them again for some kind of substanace. Some kind of escape. Like a drug. Oh God, that means I'll be more pathetic than I am now.

Dan, Bill... er, I mean Jack (he changed his name because he inherited something from his Great Uncle who he loves with all his heart and soul), Josh, Andrew, Aaron, Mark, Seth, Sam, Randy, Russ, David, Bobby. Get me out of here!!!!!!!