Something Happened

I just had the strangest experience ever.

I asked my Drawing 2 teacher if I could go last seeing how my final project commanded so much space to be used. When I finally set everything up and lit everything as I wanted it, I left the room. I wrote in my artist statement that I don't want to know what everyone's reactions where.

That couldn't be helped.

While waiting for someone to get me saying that the critique was over, Michelle, my teacher, came out and sat next to me. She was crying. I've seen her in a state of concern and caring before in the class, but never crying. I felt something was wrong. I tried to comfort her, but I don't feel I did a good job.

She then told me things that I did not expect. She told me that she never felt so moved before by a student's work. She said that, in class, I appeared so secure in myself and so strong that she was surprise to learn just how vulnerable I really am. She told me that she is proud of me for making this piece.

I felt bad that I made her cry. I still do. It feels odd that I was able to produce a piece of work that would make my teacher, someone who is well experienced in the art field more than I am, react in a way that was both unexpected and unsettling to me.

As much as I know I'm better off not knowing, a part of me wants to know what the other's in the room thought. I'm fighting that part right now. I am better off if I didn't know what was said in the critique, for if I do find out, I know I'll end up clamming up and hiding myself even more. This project took a lot out of me and forced me to put myself in a place I don't want to go again with my art. Kind of ironic that I say that since I go to that place every time I rant and rave here, isn't it?

The last thing I want is to make people cry. It is very unsettling for me that I was able to make someone cry through my art.