The only reason I'm blogging now and not wrecking my brain on my paper is because I just typed a forced statement into my revision that I'm not proud about. So much so that I screamed in frustration so loud my aunt stopped her afternoon shower to check if everything was all right with me.
I've been doing this for the better part of the day since I got home. It's not a fun process when you have to type an important paper all over again, especially when the only thing that you can save are the first two paragraphs and nothing else because none of it makes any sense any more given the academic evaluation I received.
Speaking of which, my friend was a no-show after the morning kids left, but I did find the department chair floating about the hallways, so I asked him to come by. Terry pretty much told me what I've been doing wrong. My personality has prevented me from doing things I should have been talking about a year ago with him. I guess I'm still a little shell shocked after the whole "Changing of the Guards" thing we had to go through after Jason graduated, what with loosing the two most influential teachers I could ever ask for and being unable to talk to them in a way that is benefiting. I mean, hell, I've been too busy to e-mail them! (And yet not busy enough to not take time out and blog. Curious.) Among just talking to my teachers, I should have been talking to all the other students in the school and getting more feedback from people from the Freshmen class and the like. I should have also had a subscription and reading Art Forum reviews on shows. I should have figured out what it was I wanted to do for my thesis a year ago, and now I'm in what is known as an eleventh-hour Hail Mary situation that I'll be lucky to pull out of my ass by April 4th!
Dropping the course is starting to look more and more viable, but I still don't like the idea knowing what I'll end up doing instead of art. My YouTube channel is a great example of this. Once I publish this post, I'll have to go back to fighting the urge to stop trying to write and work on my half-finished theme park. And to put that into perspective, it's like Homer Simpson trying to think unsexy thoughts about the new hot female co-worker.
Expressing honest thoughts to everyone and no one at the same time.
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2 comments:
Jon,
To think unsexy thoughts
or
to unthink sexy thoughts
that
is a question?
Robert
I'm relieved that you have had this talk with Thacker. This is the perfect application of the term "Better Late Than Never."
As someone who graduated under the tutelage of Glispin and Yontz, I must sing praise for Terry Thacker. After the hullaballoo over Glispin's resignation I was glad that Terry Thacker was the person chosen to fill the void. And even happier that Jack was brought on. And my interaction with Lauren has been nothing less than inspired. Honestly I have the utmost faith in this trio, for their knowledge, their experience, and their values. You are in good hands, buddy. I swear. If anyone is going to continue the foundation of values that Glispin and Yontz laid down while I was in school, it is these three.
But I totally understand what you mean "shell-shocked" even two years after the change. I can see exactly what you mean. And I'm glad that you've recognized this after your discussion with Thacker, because it means you can give yourself another chance at soaking in some of his geniu. Honestly there are MTSU painting majors that regard him as a sort of art messiah and some SCAD students started a Church of Thacker even after he spent only two quarters in Savannah before being brought back to Watkins. He is wise and incredibly studied, kind but honest. If you are willing to talk with him (listen to him rather) he will guide you well.
His advice to you is true. You should have been doing all those things. You should be talking to everyone about your art. And you should be constantly reading magazines and texts about art and art-related stuff. Ask him about working a full-time job and he'll tell you "working 40 hours a week still leaves 40 hours a week to paint." The man has merciless standards for how artists should live, and as much as this might be a stretch for some of us less-driven art students, he's every bit correct.
Even in my most productive seasons I do not do all this stuff. I'm shiftless and unmotivated. I have to kick my ass into gear just to pick up a paintbrush or open Photoshop sometimes. It is shameful. I look at the calendar and say to myself "look at how much time has gone by since I made any work. Look at all this time that's wasted..."
But that doesn't mean it's too late. In fact, having this moment of realization means it's the perfect time to start. Life keeps us busy and sometimes we forget. We slow down and don't realize all the things we're not doing. And when we realize it, instead of getting depressed, it means it's time to get active.
You don't have to do all this stuff all at once. Take little tasks bits at a time. Build it slowly. Habits are not formed in a day.
I say talk to Thacker again before the week is over. Tell him about how you feel like you don't have enough space for a practice installation. He's very good at tearing down excuses and helping people see limitless possibilities.
I know there is space around school that you can use to experiment with for your project.
Consider December for graduation. You'll be doing yourself a favor. You will be giving yourself so much more time to make up for some of the discussions you've missed out on with fellow students over the past few semesters. You can catch up with your thesis ideas - these take time to build. They aren't just hatched like theses in other academic departments. They have to come from someplace personal, and from a level of conviction and faith. And they have to be tested, and reformed, and tested again, over and over again until you are certain this is something you are confident about, something with which you have a direct relationship. And as long as you're also making work, it will manifest itself in your art. The art is the thesis and the thesis is the art - they contain one another. You won't do just one or the other over the summer, you'll be doing both, even if you're only doing one. Or the other.
Even when I'm researching theory, I'm working on my art - mentally ideas are forming that will later lead to something visual. And when I am working on my art, I am exploring ideas in my head beyond what I'm working on, that will later require research and more reading.
I'm encouraged by this most recent blog post. The fact that you had a "Come to Jesus" talk with Thacker puts my mind at ease. I feel like everything is going to be just fine over there in Jon Abarquezworld after all. And when I visit Nashville next December I will get to see one helluvan art show.
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