How Quickly the Weak Fall

My new-found confidence from last night was quickly replaced with doubt and a brooding depression that would make my parents' assumptions as to what I was thinking a true fact. And all it took was one person.

I don't like the idea of dropping out of a class and retaking it, especially when I feel I've done so much. My focus has been shattered by all this, much like my confidence now. Worse-case scenarios keep playing in my head of me spending three, four, even five semesters trying to meet the expectations of just one class. A scenario where the press got wind of my situation even played out while I was taking a nap to get my mind off of these kind of thoughts!

My cousin in California told me once that one of her friends was studying art. The program required their students to take every other semester off because of the demands of the classes. I can only imagine the benefits from that.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've already made up my mind to sacrifice Spring Break and install all of my pieces in the room next door to the seminar studio spaces, even if it causes the subject of driving to pop up again when my parents call asking when I want to be picked up for the millionth time because I didn't give them a time table as to when I would be done. From there, I'm suppose to get the faculty to look at it all, but they will be out for Spring Break. And then there's the fact that the room is also the strong hold for two classes--both of which I got permission from the instructor to set up--and for the new monthly documentation the school is offering. I run the risk of the installation not standing up to other people more so than their opinion, what with people potentially accidentally knocking my sculpture off and what-have-you.

Then there's the nagging thought in the back of my head that if I do take a semester off, all I'll be doing is researching once the semester beings and not producing. That's my biggest problem that I was going to address until now. Just make the paper more creditable, readable, and academically sound. But if the work sucks just as bad as the paper, and all I do is research until the cows come home, then I'll be asked "where's the art?" It will be Art History all over again, where I'm able to produce a fantastic paper but nothing that supports my research artistically.

It's amazing how one person's opinion can have this kind of affect on me. Makes me want to look up the psychological effects of opinions... that is, if I wasn't trying to look up and understand Eco and semiotics better in relation to my paper. Damn my lack of comprehension.