Told You

Look! Another article about my school!

Outrage from the family of beheaded hostage Eugene "Jack" Armstrong prompted Watkins College of Art & Design yesterday to remove a video presentation that includes footage of the beheading from a student exhibit.

"We're so angry right now that we're about ready to jump in a car and come down there," said Cyndi Armstrong, the slain engineer's cousin by marriage, from her office in Hillsdale, Mich.

"How dare this school do that! I mean, these people are not artists. This is not art. And then the story you wrote in today's paper about how they're emotionally distressed, or exhausted? Well, we'll discuss 'emotionally exhausted' with them. We've had six weeks of hell. And they've had one day of people saying that what they did is wrong, because it is wrong."

Okay, first off, who are they to say what is and is not art? She may be a member of the public, but Cyndi does not have the absolute say as to what is and isn't art. The only thing that has an absolute say in that answer is time and change. Picasso didn't sell much of anything while he was a young artist, probably as young as Elvan. Now his paintings are worth a small fortune! I bet you anything that eventually, this student work will be just as valuable as anything produced by any modern artist.

The artists said Thursday that they were considering pulling the work themselves from the 2004 Brownlee O. Currey Student Art Exhibition. Fearful Symmetry had not yet gone on view in the show, which briefly opened Monday, but word of its contents, coupled with a controversial photograph already on display, caused school officials to close the video exhibit.

Penny and Phelps said they didn't wish to harm the school with negative publicity that they believe their Best of Show winner created. But yesterday they changed their minds, issuing this statement: "We don't want to pull the video. We stand behind the work. But if the college pulls it, we're not going to fight their decision."

They declined to comment further.

These guys didn't seem like the kind that would roll over and die when I first met them. In fact, they looked like they could fight the world if they wanted to. The fact that they said they are not going to fight the college for removing their first-place-winning piece of art disappoints me.

Watkins President Jim Brooks said that sensitivity to the wishes of the families of Armstrong and beheading victim Jack Hensley - whose widow in Georgia had sent word to the school of her concerns - helped guide his decision.

Bullshit. He was worried about a law suit, and we all know how much money us gallery artists and non-studio-contracted film makers make.

Armstrong charged that Penny and Phelps were "almost as inhuman as those people who did what they did to Jack."

What?! These guys almost as inhuman as the people that beheaded a person simply because he was an American sent over by the government to a country that doesn't even like Americans? Someone explain this to me before I consider this family a bunch of morons! If anyone is more inhuman than these two film students, it's the people that put Jack's beheading up on the internet. Those are the sick bastards you should be going after.

The rest of the Watkins show is scheduled to reopen Monday. The other controversial work, Penny's photograph of a man masturbating, was originally to be draped in the main gallery, with a warning sign posted. The latest word is that it will not be draped. Instead, it will be placed away from the show in an administrative area that's off limits to the public. Visitors will have to ask to see it.

And probably pay admission.

Told of the school's decision to pull Fearful Symmetry, Armstrong said, "Thank God." She said that would resolve the matter "at least for now."

"But it's still the whole idea that they won first place," she said. "I don't understand it, I guess. I'm not artistic. The judges thought it was the best thing out of 140 entries? They think this was the top entry? I think they owe our families an apology. The judges, these two artists, they owe us an apology."

And by apology, she means...

Armstrong said the family had contacted a lawyer and wasn't ruling out legal action.

Brooks, for his part, said he'd been assured that there was no legal exposure for the school, and that his decision was not motivated by fear of litigation.

Yeah, right, sure your decision wasn't motivated by fear of litigation. You're suppose to defend the school! Not roll over and die when people threaten to sue a bunch of artists over expressing their ideas! We live in a time where the church no longer controls the art we see and more people, I hope, are educated enough to look at things in a different way outside of their everyday comfort zone. I guess what you told me, Mr. Brooks, was nothing more but a mere lie as far as what my mission is as an artist.

"We really thought we were done with the media, with everything, and we were putting our lives back together again and making things work again and this has brought everything up.

"We had just finally got to where we were functioning again."

And I'm suppose to feel sorry for you why again?

Cyndi Armstrong said she did not agree that Armstrong's fate provided an appropriate example of the violence Penny and Phelps wished to draw attention to.

"It's only a very small part of what's going on over there. This is just a group of people in Iraq who are sick."

Who did you want them to use? Daniel Pearl from the New York Times? And weren't you just reported earlier in saying that the group of people in Iraq are just as sick as the artist that made this piece of art? Why is it all of a sudden you sound like you are defending the people that chopped off Jack's head?

People get so emotionally confused, much how I am right now. Quite honestly, I believe that one thing will always happen.

People will kill people over things they do not like. Suing people is just more civilized than man slaughter, but just as bad and ill-intended.

The Endless Debate

I believe that this article can help sum up what is going on as of right now. Here are a few highlights of the article as my commentary about it.

Elvan Penny and Scott Phelps, fourth-year film students at Watkins College of Art & Design, say they might remove Fearful Symmetry from the 2004 Brownlee O. Currey Student Art Exhibition to spare the school the negative publicity they believe the work created.

Penny and Phelps were described last night as emotionally exhausted by the controversy. Penny would not discuss their pending decision, other than to say that the two hoped to reach a verdict today.

Watkins President Jim Brooks, who said he was surprised by the change of heart, praised their intention all along as noble.

"They were very sensitive to what is going on in the world, and they tried to make a strong statement about violence and inhumanity in our culture. That was a noble effort. Then they saw just an awful negative reaction against the institution" and began questioning whether to keep the work in the show.

I don't know anymore. The more I hear the president of my school talk, the more I feel he belongs in politics. He didn't strike me that way before, but ever since the town hall meeting yesterday and seeing him on the news, he is starting to sound more and more like a politician.

Brooks said the reaction came in the form of a dozen phone calls and e-mails sent to the school yesterday. He said they ranged from "expressing concern to really just being very angry about the work," a 4½-minute video that includes the sight and sound of the gruesome death of hostage Eugene Armstrong late last month.

Don't people out there have something better to do than to complain about something they haven't even seen yet?

At one point yesterday, it was announced that a separate controversial work, Penny's photograph of a man masturbating, might be relocated from the main gallery space to a more "secure" location. It would still have a warning sign but no longer be draped.

It's in the administration wing, which really isn't all that secure to being with, but it is kind of separated from the rest of the school. Unfortunately, that hallway directly links up with the gallery. I mean, the Head of Admission's office is literally next to the gallery! His office shares the same circuit breakers, for crying out loud!

Earlier yesterday, students, faculty and administrators came together in the school's theater for a "town hall" meeting. Penny and Phelps attempted to explain their work and engaged in dialogue with fellow students.

"There was no shouting, no accusatory manner. People respected each other's points of view, but we heard the full range of opinions," Brooks said. "There has been a very, very energetic internal debate here."

Yet, at the same time, nothing really got resolved either.

Personally, I doubt this will be the end of this. As long as there are artists out there that are willing to risk their reputation to get a message across, this kind of controversy will never end.

Is It Art?

That was the tag line of the opening news report for the six o'clock news just before I began blogging about this event to keep a record of my views as well as inform those of you that visit here what is going on outside of what the press has said.

10:00
I first walked into the school and saw flyers up for a town hall meeting in the theatre. I immediately went in and joined the discussion as an observer. I did so strictly because of the fact that I wouldn't have anything to say having not been there since the start of the discussion.

The Town Hall meeting didn't accomplish anything. We pretty much agreed that the warning sign was hypocritical for the masturbation piece, titled "Males in Ecstasy," being covered. We also agreed on the fact that putting a cover over the piece would make it seem like the artist intent was to produce pornographic material, which wasn't the case.

Interestingly enough, we learned that the conservative Southern Senior Citizen that fund the school are very supportive of the schools idea of freedom of expression, as well as the rejection show. Notice how they said nothing about the pieces themselves. They have seen all of the pieces, from what I've been told.

This is all I heard at the town meeting having come in as late as I did.

11:15
The press came by, having caught wind of the news. Yesterday's reporter got his story on the front page of the paper, and copies were being handed out for everyone to read and review. My English class was pretty much thrown out the window thanks to the article.

The article itself concentrated more on the beheading video, titled "Fearful Symmetry," than on the other piece for about 50% of the article. Also, littered throughout the article were little blips here and there about the person featured in the piece that gets beheaded. Remember this, because it will be key later.

While my class was in the gallery doing some work for English, Channel 2 News came in and began filming some stock footage of the gallery to use for their news report. I had a feeling I was going to be in the news. I was standing and my head was able to block out another male nude piece that the camera was filming. Nice to know that I just happened to be able to censor something that wasn't and I think shouldn't be.

15:57
Upon leaving Clay, I learned something shocking happened. News traveled like wild fire and reached the family of the person who was beheaded in "Fearful Symmetry." From what I was told, they called their lawyers and threaten to sue the school. No doubt their reason was that it was disrespectful to their family member. To prevent blowing this out of the water, the school pulled the piece out before it was ever finished being installed into a closed-off room for people to view privately. Needless to say, the artist is not happy by this reaction. Remember, this piece won "Best of Show" by the jury panel.

The Best of Show won't be shown.

"Males in Ecstasy" was moved to another room entirely. It was uncovered, but now you have to hunt for it.

16:37
I learned that "Males in Ecstasy" has been moved into the Administration Hall where they keep the Purchase Award Winners the school has collected over the years.

18:00
Channel 2 opened their broadcast with this story first. I didn't make any air time.

EXTRA! EXTRA!

Well, this is interesting. It would appear we got press attention faster than I originally thought. Unfortunately, it is with a reporter that is more interested in controversy rather than art itself.

Basically, from what I have discovered, a reporter from The Tennessean was here just after my last blog asking the head of the Fine Arts department questions about the gallery and the piece in question. Frankly, I wish I could call the piece by title, but since the gallery is locked up, I cannot go in to find out what the title of the piece is.

Rumor has it that this reporter is suppose to be the art critic for the local newspaper, but he never reviewed our faculty gallery or last year's student show. The only reason he came is because someone said the teachers here were "forcing us to produce pornographic material as art." That's bullshit. The article itself will probably be bullshit as well, with such a negative spin on the issue that might as well rival all those damn political commercials I've been seeing.

In any event, there is a tentative meeting tomorrow involving the gallery and what to do about it. If the meeting happens during my English class, my teacher has already informed me she will personally pull our class out and into the room where the meeting is held. This is the one change for us to actually voice our thoughts about what is going on and why it is ridiculous to cover up one piece when there are three other nude pieces around it, each showing either an very idealized ass, a playful penis, or a raw chicken that looks like a vagina.

All this over a penis.

Censored

Much like yesterday, the gallery doors are locked. While going to check my mail, I notced that two pieces were taken down, one of which was Brett's painting. On the wall of the other piece was a note saying "I refuse to participate in a censored show." I knew then that something happened.

I tried to take a peak into the gallery, but the doors were locked and the lights were out. I peered through the glass like some kind of window shopper in a porn shop. I couldn't see the piece that caused so much fuss. In it's place, I saw a black square.

I then took it upon myself to find out what's up. Turns out that they did put a black vail over the piece. In protest, several students are pulling out their pieces or covering them their own art work. The artist himself is pissed off royally! Frankly, I don't want the show to go on now and is able ready to take down all of the pieces still up in the hallway and shove them in the back room somewhere. I would, but there are cameras all over the place, even in the library.

This is stupid! I go to a liberal art college! A very liberal art college! The ironic thing is, my school if funded by a bunch of conservative shit heads! The commissioner's dinner is coming soon, and that means if he isn't happy with the gallery, we won't get a damn cent off of his rich ass.

Damn it, why can't this school be funded by someone like Aaron or at least someone that appreciates art like he does?

This whole thing makes me sick.

Speaking of weenies...

Today, I have learned that there has been a controversial debate going back and forth between the liberal and conservative members of the staff here over a single piece of art work.

The work itself is a picture of a man masturbating. It is a black and white photograph with the face of the model blurred out. The only thing clear and visible is the penis and his hand on it.

The artist, a film student, says that the reason why he did this piece was to show something that is perfectly natural, something perfectly normal, under the context of the nude human form. Female nudes are overdone. In fact, in my opinion, they are archaic. So, the artist felt that a complete 180 would be the best thing to do.

This piece is causing the most controversy because some people believe it is pornographic material. Frankly, it is all in the intent of the artist. If he wanted to produce pornography, he would have. Instead, he had a deep and thought out process as to what he wanted to produce. He wanted to produce art that pushed the idea of the nude figure, and by damn, he pushed it.

I'm expecting a lot of press coverage, some of which would probably be seen as negative. Those of you that come to my blog on a regular basis may want to keep tabs on this. Not only will this controversy dictate what we call art as artist, it will dictate what my school will teach, how they will teach it, and what pieces of art are to be displayed from this point out. This from a school whose censorship policy is that there is no censorship of anything.

And to think, the piece that won "Best of Show" as another piece by the same film student featuring beheadings to the audio track of beauty ads. That piece hasn't even being to stir the waters of what is acceptable art, mostly because the display area for it hasn't been finished. They are going to put behind a curtain.

Strangest Blog Comments Ever Made

Someone in my comments area is calling me a weenie because all I do is whine, bitch, complain, and feel sorry for myself a good majority of the time.

Three comments, each one of them calling me a miniature hot dog product. On top of that, all of them were anonymous.

Suspicions run high right now, but seeing how the person commented anonymously, I could care less at this point.

Hey, if you're going to insult me, at least leave your name.

Self-Confidence Level: 0

Screw it. I can't work today.

I don't know why I'm having such a hard time handling rejection like this. I take that back. I do know why.

I never really won anything before. Contests I can understand, what with the whole "Many will enter, few will win" catch. But this gallery wasn't a contest. The jury panel went to each and every individual piece, critiqued it, and then determined if it was to be in the show or not. Simply put, my pieces didn't impress them enough to warrant a gallery slot. That's what's making it that much more difficult for me. If it was a contest and all they did was pick the first twenty pieces out of a raffle, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Luck of the draw has never been in my favor to begin with. This, however, feels so different.

Ever since then, every piece of work I've popped out of my head hasn't been to my satisfaction. Right now, we are suppose to be drawing with text, and nothing seems to be going the way I want it to. The Endless Waltz piece. Radames' Letter. Even the Signs of Evil idea I had while I was being told what the pentagram really meant in World Myth. Nothing seems like a good idea, and I cannot seem to bring myself to complete anything right now!

Thankfully, the Signs of Evil idea is to be a summer project, as with my Boy Pussy drawing idea I had for the last drawing project. Unfortunately, I know that no matter how much time I put into it, those pieces will never be gallery worthy.

God, I'm such a whiney bitch!

I should be happy that there are at least four male nude pieces in the student gallery. I least I got that wish.

So much for the invitation...

Today is the day that we find out if those who entered in the Student Gallery actually got in.

I didn't. I found both of my pieces in the Gallery Closet across the hall from the Gallery Supply Closet that is in the gallery itself. (Don't even try to follow that.)

Jason Diskell's male nude painting got in, which I'm happy about. I've been saying for a while that we need more male nudes in galleries, so I'm glad we have one in our student show.

Personally, I don't know how they judged the show. From the looks of things, they went for the aesthetic as well as the conceptual. In any event, my pieces were neither deep or pretty enough to get in.

As much as I knew I wouldn't get in, I was hoping that I would impress someone with my pieces. I apparently didn't. There's a part of me that keeps saying that I need to just let go and forget about it. Try again next year with things you will create over the summer again. There's also another part of me that is trying so hard to keep my chin up. The part of me that is trying for dear life to hang on to the last piece of self-confidence I have, which is slowly slipping away knowing I was rejected from the student show.

Rejection is a normal thing for me. You would think I would be used to it by now, but in this case, I'm not. I thought that in an art school the pieces I entered would be accepted and appreciated. Pushing what is art and all of that. Maybe I wasn't pushing the piece far enough. Maybe I just wasn't pushing myself. Then again, maybe I just suck.

"Cinnamon Girl" Critique

As much as Zero will hate me for saying this, I never really had much of an appreciation towards Prince. Yeah, some of his music is rather nice to listen to, but as an artist, I never was able to take him seriously. He just seems really weird to me.

While on a break from writing my paper, I decided to listen to some music on Yahoo! Launch. I then saw in the corner of the page a little box that asks if Prince went to far with his new video "Cinnamon Girl." Wondering what he did this time, I clicked the link to watch the video. (Hey, I missed Madonna's "Justify My Love" video. Do you think I'd miss this one?)

I'm not really a fan of any song that involves politics unless they are poking fun at it in general. Anti-war songs and the like are best enjoyed when I don't have any memory of the war. As such, I avoid those kind of songs and videos like the plague.

Well, guess what? "Cinnamon Girl" was one of those videos. The subject? 9-11.

Strangely enough, however, I sat through the entire thing. It was the art that drew me in. Despite the name of the song, you couldn't really tell the skin tone of the people in it. Their ethnicity was obvious, mostly by hair style and by what they wore, but their skin tones were practically transparent and were absorbed into the background.

As far as the controversy goes, I can see why some people thing that. This video does go in an awkward direction, of which I wasn't expecting. But, like most movies, it quickly takes a step back in time and fixes itself before the damage is done. (Hey, I'm trying not to spoil it here.)

I'm impressed by the video, and as an artist, Prince has won some points with me in an area few artists ever do.

Go watch it, and tell me what you think about it.

I Need A Vacation... NOW!

If last night was any kind of indication of why my morning was the way it was, I've lost my mind.

School has caused me to become borderline insane. I don't feel fit to be an artist. I don't feel fit to be human. I want to sleep. I don't want any problems. I don't want any responsibilities. I want to sleep and wake up with no problems, no deadlines, no stresses.

I want my innocence back. I want my freedom back. I want my sanity back.

I want to play video games again. I want to go to Walt Disney World again. I want to be able to have fun again.

God, I need a hug. A nice long loving one; not one of those "I'm sorry" kind of hugs. I need the kind that would make me cry and cling on to the person for dear life.

A Face = A Connection

I've heard the horror stories of how people treat their gay children, but like everyone else listening, I felt distanced. That changed today.

Jason Driskell, for those of you that haven't been reading as long as I've been blogging, was someone I grew to fancy over the course of last year. I believe he is graduating this year. He's a very kind, very artistic person. His paintings are beautiful and vivid. Just looking at him makes me smile.

I learned in Clay today that Jason is one of these people. He is one of people in the world that have to deal with parents that don't love him because he is gay. Everything was there. His parents were Christians. They do not go to any of his openings, and Jason has had several gallery openings from what I understand. On top of that, he lives with them and wants nothing more than to just make them happy and proud of him. He even went to church with a group of people who were "recovering homosexuals" just to make them happy!

Upon learning this, I started to become overwhelmed with depression. I turned around and expressed my feelings on the matter, but my judgment and choice of words came out all wrong. Even my tone of voice did not sound like I was being sincere! I felt bad for Jason, but I couldn't express it orally to even the person next to me.

I'm lucky. I don't have to go through all that shit. Compared to Jason, I have the perfect family for a gay artist like himself. One that supports him and his talent.

If I could, I would try my damnest to do something for Jason right now to make it all better for him. What, I don't know. I just want to do something to make his hurt go away. I never did like hearing these kind of stories, and now that I have a face to put on one story (a face that I find equally attractive as his works of art), I find myself hating these kind of situations even more!

I wish the world didn't have to be this way. I wish for once that we didn't have to label people. I wish that things could be different.

I just wish I could fix things for Jason.

Spam in the Comments

Okay, I found a flaw in this system of Blogger.

I just got spammed. If you go through my last twenty-posts (and I doubt you will), you will find that a few comments have been deleted due thanks to me.

Why?

Because some jackass decided it would be fucking hilarious if they advertised two of their websites on my own.

Listen up, fucker, because this is directed at you!

I don't like advertising on a site that doesn't want it or doesn't need it. I don't pay to have my site around thanks to whatever is making Google and Blogger rich. I don't need ads on here thanks to the fact that Blogger took them out. I don't need your advertisements in my damn blog. No one goes here with the exception of a few people that have stumbled upon my blog for political reasons, social reasons, or even out of the interest of getting into people's lives. I don't advertise my site on your blog; you shouldn't advertised your site on mine as blatantly as you did. It makes me sick, it is a waste of your time and that dumb bot you, no doubt, have made. Get a life, and leave my fucking blog alone if you cannot leave a fucking comment about what I am writing about. If you don't care about my site, then I sure as hell do not care about yours.

Fucking money grabbing son of a gold digging pussy fucking bastard crack whore cunt. If I had the power, you'd burn in hell! You hear me?! BURN IN HELL!!!

Not Going to Happen

World Mythology is canceled, so until then I'm pretty much going to be wondering around doing whatever work I can. Right now, however, I'm in the library sitting across a sight to behold.

He is a young man, probably just turned 20. He has a large-faced, silver-ish wrist watch on his left hand that he is using to hold up his head. His face has some rather nice and delicate features. Very femininate eyes and a shade of blue/hazel that is just like a rare gem of some kind. Brunette with slight but not much facial hair. He is casually dressed and is doing some kind of research (which I'm kind of not right now) or a paper. He's fairly tall, skinny, and his hair is short and turns upward like the popular preppie look.

I am distracted by his beauty. I don't know how to say this, but he is just simply heavenly! So why am I not doing anything? Why am I not actually going after him?

Simply put, I just can't. My want to be with someone as visually appealing as him has dropped to the point where I could care less. He's a beautiful young man, but I know for a fact that nothing would work out between us. So I don't try.

In short, he's cute and I've gave him so many glances that I should be kicked out just for staring at him too much.

Damn it, Bill! Why can't you turn 18 sooner?!

I hate being this way. I'm always like that with people I fancy and find visually appealing. Always. I need someone like Bill who will hook me up and get past this stupid hang up of mine or whatever it is that caused me to not do anything with people I'm attractive too! Badly!

"Good Evening"

A Tribute to Alfred Hitchcock

Join the watkins Film School students in Film History 101 for a special evening with Pat Hitchcock O'Connell as she presents an intimate glimpse into the extraordinary life of her late father, Alfred Hitchcock.

• Take behind-the-scenes look at Alfred Hitchcock in an exclusive tribute video!
• Participate in a Q&A session with Pat Hitchcock O'Connell!
• View a special screening of Hitchcock's 1950 film Stagefright!

Monday, October 25
6:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Watkins Theatre
2298 MetroCenter Boulevard
Free and open to the public!

Damn! First the Lord of the Rings event, and now you get to talk to the daughter of one of the most famous people in Hollywood to date! The film department is really doing some good here compared to last years independent films from another country.

Late Night Thunderstorm

Yet again, I had another restless night, but it wasn't because of my own psychy. No, it was thanks in part to a thunderstorm that just came out of nowhere!

After staying up and actually watching X-Play for the first times since I watched the Tokyo Gaming Show 2004 episode, I tried to go to sleep with a clear head. Clear meaning I was stupifided by the television.

I didn't even bother to check the clock, but thunder woke me up. Normally, that wouldn't happen if I'm sound asleep, which I have been since I noticed my naps were lasting four hours long. The lightning strikes must be really close, however. I woke up feeling like bombs where exploding overhead. The windows rattled, the door hindges creaked, even my walls vibrated! This rarely happens (with the exception of those late night joy-riders with the system in their car that went out with the last century).

In any event, I'm tired and is unable to concentraite. Thankfully, my World Mythology class has been canceled for tomorrow due to SBOS (Student Burn Out Syndrome).

Here's Hoping

Today is the first day of two in which students can submit pieces of art to be judged for the student gallery. The winners of the jurying will be displayed as well as given prize money for the best of show.

I entered two peices this year. One of which I believe has a better chance of getting in than the other.

The wax piece I've been doing over the weekend came out rather nicely, and everyone that I have shown it to has given a positive response to it. The mask pretty much went unnoticed. I think I know which of the ones may win and which of the ones I'll end up taking home. Kind of funny how the one piece I want to put on sale (mostly because I'm sick of seeing it) is getting the most reaction. That's a good thing.

I still haven't got in yet, but the positive reaction from the students is proving good to my lack of self-esteem. If I don't get in, there's always next year.

If I do get in, I'm inviting David, Bill, Dan, and anyone else I talk to to come on down to the reception/award ceremony. If anyone else wants to come along, I'll be sure to post further information here. Just make a note in the comments area.

Because I haven't ranted in a while...

Here are some of my thoughts free of charge.

Halloween

This whole month has featured nothing but the little holiday known the world over thanks to that little thing called "Western Influence." Yes, All's Hallow Eve has made it's way to places as far as Japan. Well, as far civilized areas of the world at least. Everyone has their reason to enjoy the holiday, mostly because of the candy or dressing up. Sometimes both.

Myself? The holiday has lost its fun. Yes, I still live in the realm where I wish I could put on a decent pair of black angel wings and walk around like I belong in a bad Final Fantasy game, as well as the inexplicable want to dress up like a cat boy and roll around on the ground like a horny teenage virgin so loose I could fit the whole world up my ass. Unfortunately, the whole want to do these costumes requires a time, energy, and money that I do not have. Not to mention I don't have the sexy and slender build to pull off the cat boy outfit that would turn any straight boy red. Yeah, that seems like a completely bullshitty excuse as to not to get into the spirit, and it might as well be.

This holiday, much like Thanksgiving and Christmas, is a holiday that is best suited for those that have a nice and tight-knit family and friend web. That's not me.

Insecurities From Last Night

So, last night, I was introduced indirectly to yet another Jason.

I seem to have some strange luck in that name. It would appear that anyone named Jason I find appealing in one way or another. O'Brian (Sorry, I know I totally screwed up your name), for example, I find easy to talk to and hang out with. I like that and I feel very comfortable around him.

This Jason that Bill informed me about is pretty much a picture perfect boy. His description reminds me of Austin Gordon. (Do a search now that my blog has a search bar.) Long blond hair, skater built, just probably the hottest hottie you could find in Boston from the sounds of it. The one thing that got my attention was the fact that he is a Disney fan!

See, this is a big deal with me. I told David last night that I feel a bit ashamed admitting that I still like Disney or anything even remotely related Disney in public. My experience has taught me that action isn't very keen when you are trying to get people to like you given my age range. Well, as far as basic socializing that is. If I can find anyone with even a remote interest in the Disney parks, I have found a decent common ground to talk about.

Well, naturally, I asked how big of a fan this Jason is. Bill told me that he pretty much "eat, sleeps, and shits Disney." How much so? Well, he can recite lines from the rides and movies if that tells you anything.

My mistake that I am still dreading about is that I told Bill a person that can recite the lines of the ride audio isn't the best person to go to the parks with. It was just something I felt like telling him just in case, on a whim, he was going to the parks with Jason. I see now that was a really stupid thing to do, as well as unfair to Jason himself. I haven't even met the guy or spent one ounce of time with him to know if he does that kind of thing, which most guests find annoying.

The guilt was there last night for a good chunk of the IMs I had with David, but I tried to not let it get in the way of the conversation. Guilty IMs haven't always been a good thing when talking with David and the others. In fact, they find it annoying.

I just hope I haven't screwed up something that was probably the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

DDR: Club Disney

While on Chip-and-Dale's House (WARNING: The site is entirely in Japanese!), I found a rather interesting event called Club Disney Super Dancin' Mania. Basically, over the course of the park's year in 2000, they had three different versions of the show showcasing several different musical genres, all of which you are encourage to dance to.

This reminded me of Dance Dance Revolution's Disney Rave that apparently flew under the radar with most DDR players. What reminded of it was the fact that the music they used pretty much was ripped from the game itself. However, I noticed that some of the mixes were better and longer than what is in the game. Well, at least the tracks I liked.

Unfortunately, I remember being told that DDR: Disney Rave sucks major ass compared to the rest of the DDR Series. The learning curve might as well be non-existent since it is impossible to fail. The only thing the game had going for it was Battle Mode, where you could cause your opponent's steps to get harder and harder depending on how well you did on your side.

I propose that Konami's Bemani division make a second version featuring the songs used in Tokyo Disneyland's Club Disney show, both in their full length and DDR's trademark one- to two-minute versions. I also suggest that they make the difficulty equal to that with the rest of the games in the series. I mean, just because it's a Disney game doesn't mean it has to be easy. Look at Kingdom Hearts!

Who am I fooling? I'm asking too much.

Oh well, at least I can watch videos of Chip and Dale dancing to YMCA whenever I want. There's something entertaining about seeing The Three Little Pigs dress up like The Village People.

When will I get a computer of my own?!

Just before starting this blog entry, I came down and saw my mom on this computer. Well, I made the mistake of whining about it saying that she will more than likely put spyware on here by accident. She got mad at me saying that she's very careful of that. I immediately told her differently.

Then she said that this computer was hers. Didn't she tell me several months ago that this computer was mine, or at least going to be mine? What? Did she take that back?

I need a new computer, and once I get one, I'm doing what my sister did with hers. She has a password that needs to be entered whenever the computer turns on. It is suppose to keep mom out of her computer.

Why didn't I do that on this computer? Well, because my mom is technically right. This isn't my own personal computer, even though I look up porn on it and download all these videos of Tokyo Disney Resort shows and rides. It should be my computer seeing how all my games are on here and I pretty much take up at least one-fucking-gigabyte of space. I bet she has yet to break one megabyte on here, but what do I know?

I hate being in college and not having a computer of my own. Time to add another item to my Christmas list... to the top of my list, that is.

Okay, that's enough of that for now. I think I ranted enough to make up for the last several weeks of one-paragraph posts.

Four Hour Naps?

This is the second day in my weekend so far where I have taken a four hour nap with the intention of napping for only two hours. Why? Am I becoming that sleep deprived as of late or am I becoming that stressed out over things?

Today, I found myself sweating over a drawing. Over a drawing! I don't remember ever doing that in my lifetime. I don't remember getting so worked up over a drawing before that, in its very creation, is nothing more than a test at an old idea.

Unfortunately, I cannot get that idea to work. At least in the background.

The other day, I told David about my pieces that I will be putting into the Student Gallery. I've been getting several "Good luck" wishes from everyone. It's going to be hard to impress the judges of professional artists from the local scene. That's the only way I'll ever get in.

Our conversations then suddenly took a rather unusual turn. David pretty much asked me out on a date. Well, not really a date, but a fun date. Something I qualify as a get-together. It was only yesterday that I found out that he intends on bringing me to him in Boston. Hey, if my English teacher can go to New York for a weekend, I don't see why I can't do something similar.

I need a vacation. I mean, really badly. It's mid-term, so from here on out, my classes are going to be all about making deadlines and the line. My World Mythology class teacher already is planning on pushing back a class one day because everyone is so burned out. Wish that was the case of the other classes. I could use a free weekend, preferable one that would nicely fall into when David is suppose to pick me up to go to Boston.

Crap. Just jynxed it by mentioning it. Oh well, I can still dream... during my four hour naps, no less.

Burn, Baby, Burn!

Well, I have nothing really immediate due for Monday. Unless you include finishing up my drawing of a cat boy for Drawing 3 and reading the rest of the Gospel of Mark for Work Myth, this weekend is going to be spent doing one thing.

Burning candles.

So help me, I'm going to be firing up and melting all of the candles I have bought over the week. I have three inches left on my current one that has been burning for 8 hours total. I have three more 12" candles that will take probably a good couple of days to melt. Then I have twelve 6" candles that, hopefully, will not take that long to melt, but will make just as big of a mess.

If I ever needed a blow torch, this weekend was it.

Sick of School (Finally)

I have about two pieces left to put on my clay pig, part of the skull and the snout. Why am I not doing them right now?

Because I am fucking burnt out. I'm dehydrated with no sign of any kind of refreshment within my grasp. I'm not in a good mood. My head hurts. My hands feel like they have been casted into cement.

I want to go home. I don't want to read my text for World Myth, but I know I'm going to have to anyway. I do not want to continue on my drawing for Drawing 3. I do not want to even touch up my mask for the student gallery. I want to go home, wait for BraviSEAmo! or Style! to play on the internet radio (seeing how I don't have either shows' CD or the MP3s of their audio), and just be a lazy ass that I am. Mix in some popcorn and a bottle of coke, and call me done.

I want to be lazy just for one week. Why can't Thanksgiving break come by any faster?

Whoopsie...

Damn me all to hell! I forgot today is my sister's birthday! I'm a bag big brother.

But I don't wanna!!

I don't want to go to Clay today. I don't want to put a head on my pig that I'm working on unless the clay will actually do what I want it to do today. I don't want to do any wedging of clay, I don't want to make any slip to help secure joints together. I don't wan to try to make something I should have never even considered making. I just want to pretend this class never even existed.

You know, just like my last blog, I'm finding it hard to complain while BraviSEAmo! is playing over the internet radio.

A Pig Made of Clay Makes No Pork

I told myself earlier in the weekend that I would spend the week after my classes were done working my pig for clay. I kept to it today, but unfortunately, I got nothing done.

See, for some reason, the clay didn't mold to the way I wanted the pig's head to form. No matter what I did, the pieces of clay I put down would just warp, crack, or just plain not cooperate with me. After an hour, the only thing I got up was the lower lip and tongue. Knowing my luck, that one piece would have warped itself when I come in tomorrow thanks to that little thing called gravity.

To think, earlier, I was complaining about how easy and stress-free this semester was starting to be. Well, mid-terms for me is just around the river's bend. So far, the only classes I have to worry about are English as far as anything due that counts towards mid-terms. I'm sure that will all change. Looks like I got that stress I was starting to miss.

I would complain more, but I've been cheered up rather quickly thanks to the soundtrack to Tokyo DisneySEA's parade Style!. It's a pity that the parade is going to end in a few weeks. At least I have the video from a member at MouseInfo, but what I wouldn't give to have the sountrack to that show. Such beautiful music. That show and BraviSEAmo! are the two Tokyo Disney shows I want to keep the music from for my future enjoyment.

Hey, I can dream.

Sleepless

Last night was the roughest and most restless night I have ever had.

I couldn't sleep. I kept turning and tossing in my bed as if I was looking for something. As if I wanted to find someone with me each time I shifted my body. I wanted someone to hold me and lull me back to sleep with a "Hey, what's wrong? It's okay. I'm here. Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

When I could go to sleep, I dreamt about friends that I saw from a distance. I saw comrades in battle stick together. I saw best friends hanging out doing nothing. I even saw several cartoon shows about friends replay in my mind as if I was watching them on television!

I need someone I can sleep with. Not sex, but just someone to sleep with. These kind of nights are killing me.

Busted Cap

Around noon, I had to literally slap myself to get any work done. I have this bad habit of telling myself I'll do something only to not do it in the end. It's so bad, that apparently it spread to my promise to Bill where I would take him to Disney World for the summer.

Turns out all the touch up work I had to do for the mask could be done in an hour. Who knew? Too bad I have homework to do, so my mystery story looks like it will still be on hold for a while.

I just hope my black paint tube doesn't seal shut. I broke the cap when I twisted it too hard. I have it sitting upside-down until it dries. (Yeah, the paint is expensive, but the tube it comes in is super cheat and expendable. Nice to know where the money is going towards.)