The one person I miss the most...

...doesn't miss me at all.

I talked to Bill for the first time in a long time after a brief but pleasent chat with David.

He didn't remember me at first. He had to ask David who I was. Then he remembered everything.

Over the course of catching up with each other, I expressed my feelings to Bill. I said that I missed him a lot. He said he can't say the same for me. He forgot about me for the most part. His steel-trap memory has become a selective one that pushes away things that he feels are not important and trivial in nature.

I guess that includes me.

This hurts. Not as much as it should, seeing how I'm apparently used to this, but it still hurts. I miss Bill. I missed him so much over the course of the semester. I think about him when I'm in the very heart of my work hoping against hope he would walk in and surprise me. But he's pretty much forgotten me. He barely remembers who I am.

Earlier, I posted a rather cryptic entry about how I can see that I've burned a bridge down that lead to an island of golden light. I never meantioned that this was a dream. Maybe, looking back on this, that dream was actually a vision. The moment I dreamt it was probably the moment that Bill forgot about me because of how he didn't feel the need to remember me for whatever reasons he may have.

So what do I do now? How do you recover from something like this? How does one live after being told the one person you can't help but think about from time to time has forgoten about you?

A better question is "why would you want to live?"