This is starting to scare me.

It's happening again.

Sometime between 23:00 and now, I came to the realization that nothing interests me anymore. I don't feel like producing art. I don't feel like playing games of any kind. I don't want to do much of anything short of sleep all the time and eat cheap fast food.

The remission is over. I'm back to where I was before I started college.

The one thing missing from my life is never going to come back. I'm never going to have a close friend who is so close to me that they would feel this shocking realization before I do! (Yes, some people are that close to each other. I've seen it before.) I'm never going to have that kind of person ever again in my life because I can't have that kind of person. I'm not socially capable nor am I likeable enough to warrant one.

I feel alone. Cold. It is as if there is nothing in the world right now that could make this better short of what I lost. Not my art, not any of my games, not even sleep can help me. It's a strange feeling, like being lost in a mall the size of one of the Walt Disney World theme parks. It's a new hurt that I didn't think could surpass the pain I feel right now in my heart. That feeling that there is a hole in there.

What's going to happen to me now? I'm very much afraid of what will happen to me.