Asexuality?

Something's been bothering me to the point where I can't sleep.

Today, we went to the mall in hopes of getting a belated Father's Day dinner at the new Aquarium restaurant. It is suppose to be an under-the-sea version of Rainforest Cafe. Mom couldn't wait an hour max for a table, so we went to the other side of the mall to eat at--you guess it--Rainforest Cafe.

On the way there, I couldn't help but notice that the mall was filled with the type of guy I am physically drawn to. There were no short supply of cute blond skater and preppie twinks today, as well as no short supply of the usual teenie bopper model girls that could get away with anything from the Old Navy outlet in the mall.

I then noticed something rather bizarre. While people watching, I found myself not acting like I normally do when I see a really hot twink. I wasn't feeling weird or silly. I didn't feel shy or acted like it. On top of it, I gave none of them a second glance or the look over.

I then realized that I was no longer attracted to these types of guys. In fact, before blogging this, I went to all the gay sites I could think of that are either linked or that happen to come up in Google, and I found not even Mr. Perfect on my blog attractive!

I then thought that maybe I really wasn't gay and that I was going through some kind of idiotic phase like my mother had hoped. While still people watching, I still found none of the girls attractive. (And, quite honestly, I still find the vagina a disgusting area, visually.) Like I said, most of these girls in the mall could model with little problem at all, but I found none physically attractive.

Before it went down for repairs, I started a thread about it in Gaia's Sociology and Psychology Chat Board. I was very blunt about it explaining my situation in no more than ten sentences. I got two replies. The first of which is that I need to see a doctor to check my hormones. Chances are I'm not getting enough testosterone, which to me doesn't make sense because women of both the straight and lesbian verity have very little of it as it is and have no trouble being attracted to what they like.

The second response I got was news to me. Apparently, some people think I've been blessed with being antisexual, or asexual. This confused me at first, because I thought being asexual means that if I break off my arm, there would be two of me thanks to the regeneration process that would soon happen afterwards. Apparently, when talking about sexuality, being asexual means you are not attracted to anyone or anything.

Now, why do people say that this is a blessing? Well, you don't have to deal with the pressures of trying to be in a relationship, sex, love, romance, trying to please the other person, the life-long compromise that is marriage (not that it is legal in the state of Tennessee), and all that which comes with being attracted to someone.

So what? Have I gone from thinking I was straight to gay to now nothing at all?

It would appear that the problems just keep stacking up no matter how I try to get over them.