The Man with the Steel Blue Eyes

I watched a DVD of my aunt's that I never saw before. It was the first movie that I couldn't finish all the way through because I could not handle it. I could not handle watching one of the actors.

Hearing his voice this time sent in me a sting in my ears. The kind of familiar sting you get when someone calls your name, someone you know but have not seen or heard from in a long time.

As I looked at him, my eyes began to scan his entire body. I saw things of beauty that made me sad. The kind of beauty that one knows is either temporary in nature or unobtainable.

But it was his eyes. Those steel-blue eyes. His eyes made my blood run cold, as if fear and death were right behind me. His eyes made my heart sting and hurt once again with the paint that I've grown familiar with. A pain so familiar that I hate it with every fiber of my being as I type this. His beautiful eyes. So gentle, so expressive.

I could not watch as his fellow actors began to tell him what they were going to do with him, practically giving away the rest of the movie. His eyes read fear, confusion, and all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him that the world would be alright. His voice was frail and innocent, and I fell in love again despite the fact that I did not want to!

Why?

Tell me. Why is it you affect me this way so much now? Why is it that I can no longer be a fan of your great talent knowing what I know about you and how I feel about you? Why does it hurt so much knowing that this will be the only way I will ever see you? Why did it have to be this way?

Why did I make it this way?

The pain is great, but I must swallow my pride and endure it. I have no choice but to try and get over this "Everest of Emotion"... or die in the torture from which my heart gives out.